All Comments on 'Premonitions: Senior Year Ch. 01'

Mrs. Franklin is his next mental lapse!

Your dialog is smooth and natural and I had no trouble mentally putting myself in his place. Did seem a little strange though that she seemed to know his mind so well after knowing each other for such a short time.

Constructive criticism, if you are going to self edit try doing so by reading your story out loud. Skim reading isn't as effective since you used your eye - mind connection when you were typing. About the middle of page two you used "began to moan loader and loader" rather than "louder and louder", the words look alike and when skim reading your eyes and mind most likely read what was intended to be typed rather than the actual words on the page. Editing out loud will also help catch missing, extra, and wrong words. Do not trust auto correct, sometimes it gives you the wrong word, spelled correctly.

Thanks for this one and I look forward to reading more of your stories.

A very yummy start! Thank you!

I just stumbled onto this series with your latest submission and decided to start at the beginning. Good work! I hope you do make this an extended series.

Just found your story. This chapter was excellent in setting up the Premise of the story. can't wait to see what comes next.

How lucky can a guy get?

He just happens to sit next to a voluptuous young woman in class, has lunch with her, drives her home, and then has sex with her--all in one day. He needs to buy a big lottery ticket because only a small fraction of one percent of guys are ever that lucky.

A good start to what appears an interesting series.

Excellent work, you have strong talents I have read 2 of your stories but thatsss only because I started at 200am will back when I'm awake enough to savor

Good premise.

But sex moves too fast. Needs more foreplay. Needs more of her playing with his cock, and slowly teasing it. If the idea is to have him ask for what he wants, then she can have him ask for different things as she's doing the playing. Would you like it faster? Ask me. Woud you like it slower? Ask me. Would you like to touch my pussy? Ask me. Do you want me to mke you cum? Ask me. Do you watch porn? What kind? What do you like best? Would you like me to do that to you? Ask me.

Progression is too rapid. Too matter-of-fact. Need slower pace. Need more details.

Four stars.

Amazing what you can get if you ask nicely! Great start to what promises to be a great series, I look forward to reading more. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.