Princess

"What next, what next?" Miss Aurelia pondered. "Makeup, perhaps. Every princess needs makeup."

"I'm not... a princess," Beck insisted, pausing awkwardly as she recalled Miss Aurelia's words and realized she couldn't even be sure of that.

Miss Aurelia chucked. "Of course not, princess," she said, her voice thick with condescension. Uncharacteristically, Beck blushed again. She felt like a child being reprimanded by an adult, even though as a kid she'd never really cared what adults had to say to her. She felt embarrassed disagreeing with Miss Aurelia, especially in her own home. "Now, let me get something for you."

Beck was left alone again, as Miss Aurelia left the room. This time, when she returned she was carrying a small bag in one hand and a damp beauty sponge in the other. She handed the sponge to Beck, who took it automatically, and then started rooting around in the bag for a case of foundation. She gave that to Beck too, who then found herself holding two things she'd never used in her entire life. Beck had never seen the need for makeup, and had always found the idea of it actively inconvenient. She'd never felt ashamed of that before, but she found herself cringing at her own lack of experience.

"I don't know how," she admitted quietly. Deep down, she didn't know shy she was so embarrassed. Deep down, a defiant little voice inside her was questioning why she felt so obliged to go along with Miss Aurelia's suggestions, but a further burst of static in her head silenced it.

"Oh, I'm sure you do," Miss Aurelia said, smiling maliciously. "It's only natural, for a princess."

Beck was about to ask her what she meant when she was hit by another dizzying burst of static, right on the heels of the first. This one was powerful enough that, for a moment, Beck went staggering completely off-balance. Up became down, down became up, and she would have fallen over if not for Miss Aurelia kindly reaching out a hand to steady her. Beck realized she wasn't sure when Miss Aurelia had restored her ability to move freely, and then realized that at some point she'd forgotten that Miss Aurelia had been keeping her paralyzed. But that thought was obliterated an instant later when her head filled itself with new data and new skills. All of a sudden, she knew exactly what to do with the objects in her hand, and with many more items of makeup too. She had all the knowledge of an expert. The breadth and depth of her new expertise was dazzling. How did she know all this? The possibility that it was Miss Aurelia's doing occurred to her, but it seemed somehow unconvincing. Instead, just like before, she started uncovering memories that supported a different story. She remembered watching old movies and admiring not just the characters' clothing, but their polished, elaborate makeup too. She remembered many hours spent in front of the mirror, painstakingly applying cheap makeup only to rub it off and start again, seeking to become better and better, until makeup routines became second-nature to her. Beck glanced at her reflection in the mirror Miss Aurelia was once again holding up for her. Suddenly, it bothered her. Her face was wrong. She wasn't wearing makeup. That wasn't right. She always wore makeup. Without it, it was like all the tiny little imperfections in her face were screaming at her. Beck felt naked, more naked than she had moments ago, when she'd been about to put on the emerald dress.

"Oh!" Beck blushed, and turned her face aside in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Miss Aurelia."

"That's OK, princess." Beck couldn't help but smile a little. She didn't like being called 'princess', but she was glad that Miss Aurelia was being so indulgent towards her foolishness. She knew she needed to return the kindness by making herself properly presentable. As quickly as she could without rushing, Beck dabbed the beauty sponge into the foundation to pick up some powder, and then started applying it to her face with practiced ease. "There, isn't that better?" Miss Aurelia asked.

Beck nodded.

"Of course." Miss Aurelia nodded along with her. "A princess must always look her best."

There was another burst of static, quickly forgotten. "A princess must always look her best," Beck echoed. She couldn't stop thinking about those words. They stuck in her head like a catchy song, or like a mantra. "A princess must always look her best," she repeated again, with religious reverence. She didn't know why that idea felt so important to her. She wasn't anybody's princess, was she?

"That's right," Miss Aurelia said encouragingly. "A princess must always look her best. Keep going."

"A princess must always look her best," Beck echoed, as she finished covering her face with powder, smoothing out all her small blemishes and scars.

"A princess must always look her best," Beck repeated, as she took the lipstick Miss Aurelia offered her, and used it to paint her lips, giving herself a pronounced, sultry Cupid's bow.

"A princess must always look her best," Beck intoned, as she deftly lined her eyes with shadow and liner, before touching up her lashes with mascara. The words were burned into her brain, and become more and more powerful with each repetition.

"Good girl," Miss Aurelia cooed. Again, her praise filled Beck's body with pleasure. "Take a look, princess. What do you think?"

Beck looked at herself in the mirror, and what she saw made her shiver. She didn't recognize herself, not even slightly. Her makeup was so perfectly smooth that she looked more like a mannequin or a doll than a person. Moreover, she looked beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. Beck almost didn't believe it was her in the mirror. She'd never known she could look that way, even though it was all she'd ever wanted. The hair, the dress, everything. The sight of herself looking so pretty made her chest swell with so much emotion she was brought to the brink of tears. Yet at the same time, she felt suddenly rootless and uncertain. Beck literally didn't recognize herself. She didn't know the doll-like girl staring back at her. She didn't know what to think about herself. Her memories were of little help. They offered nothing more than a confusing mess of different feelings about her current situation, and beyond that, a discordant clash of radically different memories. One set told her that she'd been a rough, tomboyish child. The other told her that she'd been girlish to a fault, constantly wishing she was more beautiful and that she had the kinds of nice, expensive things she only saw in memories. She didn't know which memories to believe. There wasn't much more she could be certain about than her own name. Her sense of existential anxiety grew and grew, and she felt angry with herself that she couldn't simply be happy that Miss Aurelia had given her such nice things.

"Oh princess, what's wrong?" Miss Aurelia asked, noticing her discomfort. Beck was touched by her concern.

For some reason, Beck latched on to the word 'princess'. Miss Aurelia calling her that was about the only constant she could remember. "Princess... is that me, Miss Aurelia?"

"Yes, princess," Miss Aurelia told her, grinning.

"Oh." Beck blinked again, to clear her head of static. She couldn't remember why that title had bothered her just a few moments before. The thought of it was starting to make her feel warm, safe and treasured. "But-"

"But what, princess?" Miss Aurelia asked. Beck couldn't help but smile a little, despite her anxiety.

"I'm sorry, Miss Aurelia. It just doesn't feel right," Beck admitted, eyes downcast. Once again, she felt embarrassed at her own rudeness.

"Well, we can't have that for you, can we, princess?" Miss Aurelia gently ran the back of her hand along Beck's cheek. "Would you like me to fix that for you?"

Beck looked up at Miss Aurelia hopefully. "How, Miss Aurelia?"

"I can take everything else away," Miss Aurelia said simply.

Beck's first reaction was a sense of gut revulsion, but it was quickly swept away by a great sense of gratitude and temptation. Miss Aurelia's generosity continued to astound her. She didn't understand why Miss Aurelia was being so kind, or how she could possibly repay her. Regardless of that, the idea of being rid of her anxiety and confusion was almost impossibly tempting. Somehow the idea of letting Miss Aurelia 'take everything else away' aroused some near-forgotten instinct warning her against danger, but Beck wasn't sure she cared anymore. She was so tired of having to keep asking herself who she was and what she wanted. She wanted it to end. She wanted all the difficult thinking to end.

"I... yes." Once she said that one word, it became easier. "Please, Miss Aurelia."

"Then it's done."

As Miss Aurelia spoke, Beck's head filled with such intense static that it became all she could see, think or feel. It was like she could feel the energy of it thrumming through her body. When the static cleared, she felt a sudden sense of tranquility. It was a like a fresh breeze had blown right through her, refreshing her and clearing away everything that didn't matter. She sighed in happy relief. Everything had become so simple. She no longer needed to doubt anything. She knew who she was. She was Princess.

"Is that better, Princess?" Miss Aurelia asked her.

"Yes, Miss Aurelia," Princess answered, bowing her head slightly as she spoke. Courtesy was vital for a princess, especially to her mistress.

"I'm so glad." Miss Aurelia reached out to her and used her hand to slightly tilt up her chin, looking her in the eyes. "You look even prettier than I'd expected."

"Thank you, Miss Aurelia," Princess replied, blushing faintly. Nothing could be more important to her than her mistress's praise.

"What do you remember?" Miss Aurelia asked her.

Princess searched her memory for a moment. "Nothing," she answered without hesitation. The thought didn't trouble her. She knew she didn't need to remember anything. A princess didn't need to remember anything. She had more important things to worry about. A princess must always look her best.

"Excellent." Miss Aurelia licked her lips, as if she was enjoying pondering what she might do next. "Now, princess, run along upstairs to my bedroom. I still have much more to do to you before you're perfect, but unfortunately I have a little business to take care of first."

"Of course, Miss Aurelia." Princess trembled at the thought, but she maintained her composure, just like a good princess. "I do hope it's nothing troublesome."

"Not really. A hacker came by here earlier, trying to get at some of my secrets."

"Oh." Princess felt faintly perturbed by the thought. "Are they gone now?"

Miss Aurelia's grin widened, becoming almost manic. "Oh yes. Completely."