All Comments on 'Professional'

Great story

Ok putting aside English as a second (or more) language, I liked it. It’s rough reading, but so what? Welcome to LE,

Abit of a struggle, welcome to the club

Chilleywilley

Oh my god that was tough to read.

There dumb, there's stupid, then there's whatever this is. Cuz you'd have to look pretty far and wide to meet anyone as dumb as lIona

Get an editor.

Very humorous. Your English is much better than my German (a guess on my oart)

Not a bad start.

Don't take me wrong... just about anything is OK that is not a "Willing Cuck Shit"

HOWEVER, taking on LW as a first try, you have done well!!!

I'll start you with 5 to encourage you ahead.

Thank you for your time.

Creative and innovative plotline. Writing no rougher than many frequent contributors to Literotica.

Good job. Keep writing.

MLJ

A bit of unique sense of humor, although ending was definitely not funny.

Very funny :)

Light and frothy, kind of like Ilona! Very funny, creative and well done - please write more.

.

Horch = Audi?

Most amusing, even though I only speak 2 languages fluently. Cinq etoiles!

very amusing a a good read for a first timer

Good first 2 pages, then it became very silly

So the wife is a brainless controlling manipulative bitch, who married a gutless simpering wimp. She spouts the most absurd meandering hypothesis to justify apparently becoming a prostitute, and we are supposed to be engaged in the story by that point? I just went immediately to the last page to find out if it just might be worth slogging through the weird alternate cultural humor and supposed wittiness? It wasn't.

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So the man married a beautiful but brainless whore, who became a prostitute, which apparently he condoned or enabled or at least didn't confront and resist. And he set her pimp up to get shot by the police, cause he lives in a country where only the criminals and the police have guns and the sheep just hope they don't get themselves hurt in the crossfire? Hey, if that works for you God bless you. I'm sure the criminals agree with you completely.

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You might want to reserve your writing and your attitude for the country where you came from. They probably understand and care what you think.

I like it! Thank you

Intermediate feedback from the author:

Thank you all for commenting! I appreciate it a lot.

In order to improve my next stories, can I ask for some more specific feed-back, please?

What made it so difficult to read for many of you? My vocabulary, grammar faults, too long sentences, too many hidden references ? A too long introduction into the story? Unrealistic dialogues? …?

And thanks a lot for the encouragement!

One of the worst story ever read in this platform. Just another example of absurd cuck feminist propaganda. No need to this kind of useless femdom babbling.

1 star - your wish is granted

Don't waste your time. You are not a writer.Find another thing to do

I applaud you for trying.

However, I had to stop about halfway through the first page. No, it wasn't the language that was the issue. Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable to read due to your lack of skill with the language, but it was the characters and story line that killed it. The characters were stupid, both in design and in demonstrated intelligence. The dialog was horrible, not because of how it was said but what they were saying. Looking at the end of the story as I scrolled down to comment, it looks like it might have had a decent ending, but there's no way I'm slogging through that mess just to see if it works.

I love your sense of humour! It was obvious early on what her going professional meant!

Needs some editing, but otherwise a good story given that English is not your first language.

Not too bad for a first effort. English as your third or forth language is obvious from your spelling, sentence structure and phrasing. You had some good ideas and some bad ideas. I was left with the question of why an intelligent man would marry such an obvious idiot in the first place? Spellcheck and Google might be your friend. Good luck!

Massive amount of verbiage descriptive of a conglomeration of “special” people.

Good balance between humor and plot. Well written and entertaining.

First story!

4

You get 4 stars for referencing Douglas Adam's! Good first story

I, too, had to stop reading about halfway through the first page. No one would act the husband did in a committed relationship. If a human being treated a date like the wife did, there would be no second date and hence no marriage. Perhaps your story got better on the following pages, but the dialogue was so farfetched initially that I found it not to be worth my time. Cheers!

That last line made it 5 stars for me. Yes, it could stand some editing, but overall, great job.

"Fortunately they were not American police" HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Not good.

The comment about American police is uncalled for. Try to shoot a moving target or a shoulder or leg and see how that works. You are clueless Good story by the way

That was a trip.

Look, there's only so much you can write off as ESL related. The sheer stupid in this story is just too overwhelming for me to give this more than a 2*.

I did like the eventual humor, but you took to long to get there.

I'm sorry, but there is only so much shit that I can put up with..

I reached my limit about half way through page three and didn't read any more..

Please PLEASE don't give up your day job, if you rely on your writing skills you will probably starve

Please please please instead of trying to improve just stop writing!!!

Thanks again for your comments!

I have decided to re-work my story a bit during the next days.

Main points:

-You are right, I did not use an editor. My native English friend who read over it refuses to be called an editor. The next story will get one. Any volunteers?

- I understand that police forces in some countries shoot first (and a lot), in others they don’t. I have my own preference, but should not in my story. And yes, I know how firearms work - including shooting and being shot at.

- I understand that I often use long sentences. I will try to reduce complexity a bit.

- I understand that many commentators have not understood my references to today’s fashionable societal movements. I will try to make those a bit clearer (but I still encourage readers to think).

- I had intended to show (in a very exaggerated way) how people can be influenced by their peers, their social bubbles and by fake news/information. I obviously failed doing this. Let’s see whether I can improve this issue, too.

- Cuckolding is a very sensitive issue here. I understand cuckolding as voluntary approval of the partner’s external sexual activities. That was not the case here. Instead I wanted to show a man who struggles to balance his love and his relationship including its benefits with a wife’s demands that increase and go over the top. This is something which I see - in a much milder form - a lot in mid-aged couples nowadays.

- My reference to the English language obviously spurred a lot of comments. Obviously, some commentators stopped reading after my initial lines and jumped to the comment side. I will erase this hint.

- I found that I had repeated words in the text. I will correct this. I even consider to have my eyes checked again.

What I can not understand is:

- I did a thorough spell check and posted the story only after it found no more errors (except: see above).

- I also did a grammar check. In some cases I still refuse to take the program’s advice (especially commas) because I think that the commas I use structure the text better. I promise to read my story again with this in mind, too.

- Although I explicitly asked for specific advice, I have not seen one yet. I know that it means more work, but it definitely helps the reader.

So, in a few days, I will have a slightly improved version online (although I don’t know how to inform you about it yet).

I love how hard commenters try to hurt a writer's feelings. It's not that serious.

Decent first attempt.

Did the secretary mean to call him, "Chief"?

This story is written in an unusual style that takes a bit of effort by the reader to get into. Reminds me of some Eastern European author whose name I can't recall. Once the reader realises this is a parody, it is great fun. Exaggerated, bizarre, and delivered in a deadpan style. Nicely done. I got a few chuckles and a good laugh from the ending.

Thank you for sharing and well done on your first story.

By the way, there are many commentators (mostly anonymous) who seem to like trashing authors' efforts. Please ignore them and carry on.

A joy to read, if a bit more demanding of the reader than other LW stories. It started off somewhat funny and progressed to hilarious by the close. A few missteps, but I'm confident you'll work those out as you publish more stories, which I urge you to do.

OK that was funny and yes engineers are suckers for domineering women. Very funny. Well done.

Read some of the comments. Stupid people don’t really get parody or tongue in cheek humor. So…their insults become comedy.

Thank you for boldly writing this gem, even though it wasn’t in your first language. Ok, your use of English was obviously marked with things that were obviously translated with effort, but it made your story charming. It was quite funny too, so bravo, and thanks for writing.

It didnt translate into English well. Had a hard time following. 3 stars.

Good story. Thank you.

I'm sure you have seen plenty of Hollywood movies, or listened to much propaganda, but I would like to add that you are grossly mistaken when it comes to "American police." The reality is that only specially trained snipers in life/death crisis situations would shoot through a window - and if they were to shoot 3 times that person would be dead 3 times over. Never would they shoot through a wall. I'm sorry the media has given you a distorted view of what "American police" behavior is like.

You have a better command of the English language than many native speakers on this site, especially concerning spelling and grammar.

The story would better fit in "Humour". What I did not like was the dumb (wife) and subservient (husband) characters. For "normal" people it's difficult to understand their actions. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Very good story, especially for your first effort. You wanted constructive criticism, here's mine: The main character (fem) was way too ditzy. She was manipulative without any poise or sophistication. Tone that down. A really strong point is the scientific thought processes of your MC. It shows his intelligence and some of his thought processes. But then he caves in when she refuses to answer his questions on matters about which he had a right to ask. You explain this in his thinking regarding not wanting to stir up more trouble. But as a reader, I find it just slightly hard to believe an intelligent man wouldn't either demand more information or go about getting it indirectly (having her followed, etc.). Don't worry about grammatical and other errors. There weren't that many and some of them will work themselves out as you continue to write (e.g. it's not 'the early worm gets caught by the bird'; the idiom is 'the early bird gets the worm'. Not enough to worry about and you will absorb all aspects of English, including slang, as you go along. I sometimes wonder what a native-speaking German, visiting the US, would think while in line at McDonald's and the guy in front of him says to the waitress, 'bring me a hamburger and step on it'. (I.e. 'step on it = a somewhat rude way of saying do it fast. Nobody learns all of those phrases at once; it comes over time. You did a fine job on the story. Keep writing.

Oh, one more thing: Break up the dialog. It's too long. Use the dialog exchange itself to emphasize a point, or to reveal character, or to reveal thought processes. It can also be especially effective in delineating your climax. Your long dialog was ok within the story. The long discussion was an effective part of your plot. But break it up more with short narratives summarizing the less important aspects of the discussion. (PS I know this because my editor got all over me when I gave her my first manuscript (now a published novel). She told me publishers call excessively long dialog an 'information dump', She was right and her advice greatly improved that aspect of my writing.)

Oh what a lovely surprise!

Thanks very much for the constructive remarks.

They are very helpful!

They even encourage me to finish some stories I had started, but then stopped due to some - from my point of view - unfair comments.

And yes, my experiences with american law enforcement were quite intimidating - comparable to those in Ukraine (when it was still part of the decaying USSR).

The „early worm“ was my - obviously failed - attempt to take a different view at the famous „early worm“ saying. Not everybody starts their day at 5 am…

Thanks again!

Witty indeed.