Promises Pt. 03

"Mmm, I really like holding you Peter," she murmurs in my ear.

"Likewise, Anna."

"You've got to realize that this isn't a normal thing for me. Back in college, when I was trying to see if I could develop a desire for guys, I danced like this with a quite a few of them. It always felt gross to me, probably because I knew they wanted to get in my pants."

"Well don't get me wrong," I say. "If you were willing, I'd love to get in your pants, but I know it's never going to happen, so I just completely put it out of my mind."

"And I think that's the difference. You treat me as a fellow human being who simply enjoys close physical contact, not as a potential sexual partner. Just the same way I treat you."

I consider that for a long moment. "I think you've nailed it, Anna."

But then she's looking past me. "Uh oh." I turn to look, but Anna has already disengaged and is heading that way.

Kira is still up on the coffee table, but René isn't nearly that much taller and has her face buried in Kira's chest, rubbing against her breasts in a clearly sexual manner. Kira is displaying a "what do I do now" look as Anna steps up to them. I'm on the way as well now, assuming that I'm going to snag Kira, but Anna deftly cuts in and begins dancing cheek to cheek with Kira, who gives me a quick wink.

René looks less cheerful about the switch. Too bad. Maybe she should tone down the aggressiveness toward a girl who has no interest in her in that way. Still, she's momentarily alone on the dance floor, so as she turns away from the dancing couple and in my direction, I'm right there with my hands under her arms, lifting her onto a chair. She's only a few inches taller than Kira, but probably weighs twice as much.

"Hey!" she protests softly, but I pull her close and resume dancing. She's stiff as a board and I can tell that she has about the same interest in being held by me as I would have in being held by Braden.

The top of René's head is about even with my shoulders, but we're close enough to converse. "I'm not comfortable with this," she protests.

"Neither was Kira," I say.

"But she looks like she's enjoying dancing with Anna," she protests. I look over there and sure enough, Anna and Kira are still pressed close together.

"I didn't say she doesn't like girls." I leave it out there that it's René personally that Kira doesn't like. She picks that up from context, as I of course intended.

"Okay, point taken. Now let me fucking go."

"Fine," I say, irritating her even more by picking her up again and placing her down on the floor. She marches over and rudely cuts in between Anna and Kira, taking Anna with her further out onto the floor. The taller girl looks a little put out by it, but goes with her. Seconds later, I have Kira back up on the taller table, clinging to me.

"Yikes," she mutters. "René's so rude. I don't know how Anna puts up with her, even for a minute."

"Must be a saint."

"Dammit Peter, why did I have to be this size?"

"Likewise."

"Would you hold me?"

"I am holding you."

"No, I mean pick me up again."

With her permission now, I lift her up and sit her tiny little bottom into the crook of my arm. She puts her arms around my neck and I sway, cheek-to-cheek with her. She's light as a feather and I feel like I could do this all night.

"That better?" I ask.

"Much. It's not terribly dignified, but I like it. No one's going to cut in on us this way either."

"I like it too," I say simply. We dance until the end of the song, then a faster tempo track comes on.

"Wanna call it a night?" I whisper in her ear.

"I thought you'd never ask." Kira waves to the gang as I carry her out into the warm Mexican evening air.

"Let me know when you want me to put you down," I say.

"You can put me down the instant you get tired of holding me."

So I carry her back to our hotel building at the other end of the resort, enjoying having her lithe body pressed against me. We duck through seven different doorways on the way up to our room. I manage to work the key card one-handed and carry her into the bathroom where I pull my toothbrush out of the stand. I sit it on the counter and fumble with the tube of toothpaste with my free hand.

"It would be easier with two hands," Kira says.

"But I'm not tired of holding you yet."

"Then hand them to me." She squeezes some onto my toothbrush, then onto hers and we brush together, rinsing from the same cup. I have to lean us way over to spit. I've had sex with girls where it didn't feel as intimate as brushing my teeth with Kira.

"Wow, I thought it was tough being short," she says, wiping her mouth, then mine, with a hand towel. "I guess it's a royal pain in the ass being super tall too."

"It has its moments," I say.

"Okay, well I guess it's time to get dressed for bed."

"Well, let me help you with that."

She doesn't protest as I reach behind her and unzip her dress, but when I start to bring my hand back up, intending to slip it off her shoulders, she finally says the words I was dreading.

"Okay, you can put me down now, Peter. Thanks for the lift, but I need to check for emails from my lawyer. I'll let you use the bathroom first."

"Okay," I mutter, sitting her on her feet on the vanity, then changing my grip and lowering her the rest of the way down to the floor.

"See you in a few," she says, flouncing away. I watch her cute little rear end in that amazing dress until it disappears around the corner. The unzipped back reveals that she's not wearing a bra. Wow.

I quickly do my evening ritual then go to pull on the boxers and T-shirt I wore the night before, but then I apply pure logic to the situation. Both Kira and I have expressed our preference for going without clothing around the house, and we've spent a couple of hours today in each other's company without them. It just makes sense that we can dispense with the bothersome things.

I head out into the room in the buff, feeling much more comfortable now. She's sitting at her laptop with her back to me, still wearing her dress. She looks over at me as I approach.

"Peter!" she gasps. The look of surprise on her face tells me that I've miscalculated badly. I'm back in the bathroom in three seconds flat, pulling on my sleeping attire.

"Kira, I'm so sorry," I say as I dress. "I guess I just thought that since we were naked together on the beach, you wouldn't mind. Honestly, I wasn't trying to come on to you."

There's a long pause. "Peter, your logic is impeccable, as far as it goes," she says, more calmly now, "but there are certain social conventions and expectations at play here. Our nudity earlier was okay because that beach is a venue where being unclothed together is socially acceptable. If you don't ask first, though, getting naked in our room when I'm here is no more acceptable than stripping down in the elevator in front of strangers you saw nude earlier at the beach. Does that make sense?"

Kira hasn't raised her voice since her first exclamation of surprise, and she doesn't sound upset or angry. Not like the girls I've known who have gone off on me for unknowingly violating social rules in the past.

"That does make sense, Kira. Now I know. Thank you for setting me straight."

"I'm just glad you're willing to listen without getting upset, and I apologize for yelling. You just surprised me, I guess."

"No problem. You've been more than decent about it."

"One more thing though," she says, the changing sound of her voice indicating that she's approaching. "Nudity in the room is fine if we both agree to it." With that, she comes around the corner with her dress and matching red panties in her hands.

"Wow," I say, for maybe the tenth time today, both because she's surprised me again, and because with her hair and makeup so perfect, she's even more beautiful while nude.

"I'm going to consider your actions to be a way of asking if we can ditch these stupid clothes," she says. "My answer to that request is to say that you have my permission to wear as much or as little in our room as you like from now on."

"And of course, you have my permission as well."

"Good," she says, tossing her panties into the hamper and carefully hanging her dress. In turn, I quickly strip my boxers and T-shirt back off. Ah, much more comfortable.

I realize that spending time with Kira could be a good thing for my learning of social mores. Getting royally chewed for every innocent mistake I've made along the way has been painful. Destinee had been particularly brutal about it, but Kira has been very understanding. I'm liking this girl more every minute.

"My turn in the bathroom now," she says. "I'll be just a few minutes."

I head back into the room, draw the curtains, dowse the lights and slip into bed. Immediately, I realize that I'm too restless for sleep. Rather than fight it, I get back up and open the curtains on the sliding glass door and stare out at the surf, seven floors below. I can see two different couples walking hand-in-hand along the beach. I envy them.

My mind ponders what exactly is going on between Kira and me. We're certainly not just platonic roommates anymore. Still, she's nothing like what I've always assumed "my type" to be. I like my women tall, large chested and blonde. Like Destinee or Anna. Kira doesn't fit that bill at all. Yet...

I hear the padding of small, bare feet on the tile behind me. Kira climbs up onto a chair, then up onto the table itself, stepping over her laptop to come over and stand next to me. We're at eye level this way. She turns to look out the window. We watch wordlessly for a minute or two, standing side-by-side with only our shoulders touching.

"It's romantic, isn't it?" Kira finally murmurs.

"Especially watching it with you."

"I feel that way too."

The depth of my feelings for her finally convinces me that this is right. And the moment couldn't be more perfect. I begin to turn to her, but then I see the look in her eyes.

"Kira, what's wrong?"

I can see her gathering her courage to talk about it. "There's something else about me that I think you need to know before... well, before anything happens. If it was going to happen."

My mind begins to race, thinking about all the different reasons she might come up with for why we shouldn't make love. "Sure Kira. You know I'm always ready to listen."

A long pause, then, "A big part of why I was so timid before I met you was because of something that happened to me back in high school." An even longer pause, which I don't interrupt. "I was kidnapped and held for nine days."

"Oh my God, Kira." Without even thinking about it for once, I instinctively wrap her into my arms to comfort her. She wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. We cling to each other.

"I was walking home from the store," she says, her small voice right next to my ear, "and I was only a couple of blocks from home. He was parked along the curb and had the back doors of his minivan open. It looked like he was about to unload a big wooden crate. Instead, as I walked by, he suddenly grabbed me and stuffed me into the crate. He did it so quickly, and I was so shocked, that I didn't even scream before he slammed it closed. He was wearing a mask, so I never saw his face. A few seconds later there was a hissing sound, then a sweet smell, and I passed out."

"Knockout gas?"

I feel her nod. "The doctors said it was probably Sevoflurane, a kind of ether. When I woke, I was tied down on a mattress, gagged and blindfolded."

She's reciting the experience woodenly, like she's giving a police report. My mind is trying to cope with what she's telling me.

"Was it a money thing?" I ask, hoping upon hope that it wasn't something worse.

"No. My parents weren't rich, and they never got a ransom note."

Shit. "Did he...?" I can't even say the words.

Kira takes a deep breath. "No, the only times he touched me were to put adult diapers on me and clean me when he changed them. He was very business-like about that. The rest of the time he was using a computer really close to the mattress. It sounded like he was mostly gaming, but he never said a word. The only times he left the room were to use the bathroom or to go downstairs and get food."

"So it was a multistory house?"

"Yeah, and he wheezed a lot coming up the stairs. Definitely not an athlete. He cracked open a lot of cans of soda and crunched a lot of chips, but he only let me drink some of that nasty meal-replacement stuff from a straw every now and then. When he'd take my gag off so I could drink, I'd beg him to let me go, but nothing I ever said got a response from him."

I let her talk without further comment, hoping that her telling me about it will help her somehow.

"There was another bed in the room. It had a squeaky frame and he snored really loud at night. I'm pretty sure my mattress was on the floor of his bedroom.

"As the days went by, I eventually lost track of time and started to think I was going to be his prisoner until I died, but he finally put a mask over my face and hit me with that same gas until I passed out. I woke up in the woods. He evidently intended for me to survive, because the tape he used to bind my hands and feet was only a couple of layers thick and there was a highway visible through the trees. I freed myself and flagged down a semi. I felt lucky to be alive."

"Oh God, Kira, I'm so sorry. Did they ever catch the bastard?"

She shakes her head. "The cops had no leads because I never saw his face, and there was no forensic evidence. Then he took me again a year later."

"What? He kidnapped you twice?"

I feel her nod. "After the first time, I was being more careful. I only left the house when I was with family or friends, but I made the mistake of going around to the outside restroom at the convenience store while my friends were shopping inside. The creep must have been shadowing me, because he grabbed me as I came out the restroom door. It was just like the first time, except it only went six days before he released me again. The cops still had no clue, so I became super careful never to be alone. Still..."

"Oh shit, not again."

Kira is near monotone now. "I was at a sleepover at a friend's house for the first time since my last abduction. We were celebrating our eighteenth birthdays -- she was three days younger than me. Her dad was a former Army Ranger who knew my history, so I figured I was safe. All we know is that I fell asleep on their family room couch and woke up chained to the creep's mattress again. They never figured out how he even knew I was there."

"I'm so sorry, Kira."

She nods. "Unfortunately, it was a lot worse that time. I don't know if he had some sort of warped morality that made things different for him because I was now technically an adult, but when I regained consciousness, I realized I was naked this time. As soon as I started testing my bonds, the creep held me down and tried to stick his dick into me. Of course, he found out that he couldn't."

"Well, I suppose if there had to be a bright side to having your particular condition, that would be it."

"Yes and no. What he ended up doing to me was probably worse. I would rather he had raped my body, because in the end, he raped my soul."

I know that whatever she means by that, it's not going to be pretty. "Kira, what did he do to you?"

She shudders. "He started lightly stroking me all over, caressing me, then touching me down, uh, there. No man had ever touched me in a sexual way before, but I knew that if I responded the way he obviously wanted me to, he would win. Still, my body betrayed me and eventually he made me orgasm. I felt like an abomination for having done that, and it didn't help that I felt his semen landing on my breasts a few seconds later. I'd obviously done exactly what the bastard wanted me to, and he got off on that."

"Oh Jesus!" I say, the catch in my throat obvious. "I'm sure you know that this was not your fault in any way. It's all on that fucking bastard."

"Yeah, I've been told that a million times. Intellectually, I agree. But still, I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for responding to him like that, not deep down inside."

I'm nearly shaking with a rage that has no outlet. I don't trust myself to speak.

"He did it to me several times," she says. "Every time I told myself that I wouldn't give him the satisfaction again. Yet every time, he was able to do it to me, then come on me afterwards."

"Oh Kira," I whisper, almost overcome by the depravity of it. The very idea that someone could do horrible things to the innocent girl in my arms is making my protective instincts kick into high gear. If the pervert were to magically appear in this room right now, I know I'd kill him with no remorse.

"I wasn't going to cooperate in any way this time," she says, "and I didn't care if it killed me. I screamed at the top of my lungs when he went to take my gag off to try and feed me.

"Unfortunately, without any liquids, I deteriorated quickly. After five days, I was so frail from dehydration that I could hardly move. He probably worried that if I died, he wouldn't be able to abduct me again, so he took me out and dumped me like the other times. Unfortunately, I was so weak and dejected by what had happened to me that I didn't even make the effort to get out of my bonds. I just laid there and waited to die."

I hug her a little tighter. "You obviously survived, though. Did someone find you?"

"I have no memories of what happened after that, but I was reportedly spotted on the shoulder of the road by a passing motorist. The police forensic unit said my tracks showed that I crawled about a quarter mile. I evidently gave the police a full account of what had happened, then I lapsed into a coma. My kidneys had failed, and it was considered something of a medical miracle that they eventually started working again. It was almost two weeks later that I finally regained consciousness.

"My body recovered, but it took me a long time before I was willing to leave the house again. And even then, it was only when I was surrounded by people I trusted. There's been no sign of the monster in the years since. I like to think that he's dead or serving a long stretch in prison for something else, but it's more likely that he just hasn't had another opportunity.

"The cops don't think he's ever taken anyone else. For some unfathomable reason, he just wanted me." She pauses. "It's also part of the reason I came with you to Mexico. I didn't feel safe, alone in my motel room in the same city with him."

I have no words for what I'm feeling. This poor girl has been through hell. I gently stroke her hair. "I've got to imagine that being treated like that would affect the way you look at men."

"It did. I managed to get past it enough to marry Angelo, but the idea of having sex still scares me." She sighs. "I know you've been attracted to me romantically, just like I'm attracted to you, but with all the crap I've dumped on you today I can't imagine how you could still want me."

She's making some good points. Between the doctor's malpractice that left her tiny, the birth defect that left her unable to have intercourse or bear children, a husband who's psychologically abused her, and a monster who's left her emotionally scarred, she's damaged goods. If I were thinking logically, like I usually do, I would put her down, retreat to my side of the bed, and just say goodnight to her.

But this isn't about logic. I know now that no matter how tiny she is, what body parts she might be missing, and the things that people have done to her in the past, holding her is exactly what I want to be doing. I care more for this woman than I've ever cared for anyone, except for -- no, I care for her even more than I was ever able to care for the cold, empty shell that was my mother.