Prototype Ch. 05

PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here

Rachel's face slowly broadened with a sultry smile as her tongue flicked out to wet her lips. "So, a good fuck it is then."

"No," I corrected her gently. "I want you to get some sleep. You're dead on your feet. There will be time enough for me to fuck you as much as I want."

For the second time in the last 24 hours I watched her deflate. At least this time it was in relief instead of fear.

"What am I going to do with you, Rachel," I wondered rhetorically as I tucked her in beneath my covers. "I've made a fucking mess of everything."

"Not yet, Master..." She mumbled as she quickly sank into sleep. "I'll take care of it. I won't let anything bad..."

"Really?" I asked what I assumed was her now comatose form. "Maggie hates me. What's her name- Desirae? She's could be a loose cannon. Not to mention whoever else you've told. Fuck, or whoever Maggie might have told." Of course, I was only just beginning to realize how sloppy I had been.

"I'll handle... Dez." Rachel mumbled softly. "Maggie... needs time. Trust me..."

I sat there and just watched her slowly breathing for a bit. It dawned on me that this was the first time I had seen her sleep. For some surely twisted reason it felt... meaningful.

I know, I know. I just warped her mind into a sex slave ready and willing to do whatever depraved thing I could think of- and the first thing I do with her is... nothing. Shake your head at me if you want, but that's how it happened. I like to think it meant I hadn't completely fallen to the dark side yet. Just, you know... mostly.

Please rate this story
The author would appreciate your feedback.
  • COMMENTS
Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous
18 Comments
Red8_2PlayRed8_2Playover 2 years ago

I really like mind control stories and your is very good. I wish you were still writing. I have no idea if you stil log in the site here anymore. But if you do, thank you for the good read and the nice fantasy.

LupusDeiLupusDeiover 4 years ago

I fully well understand and expected the fit of anger, and a slave had to be made, but I hoped, for a moment too short, that it would be Desirae who will be dragged and put on the machine with force if necessary. Rachel... was up for behavior correction, sure. Well, let's see how for it's got, and how she will twist out of it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

My problem with the mc ain't his lack of morals. It's all the self destroying lies he tells himself and his inability to control any part of his own mind. Truly one of the main chars i dislike the most from what I have read on this site. On the other hand I really liked the whore, very interesting to see their relationship. A bit unsure how she will be interesting now, is there even anything left?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
more!

I am absolutely loving this story. I must also say your quite the talented writer.

TheAvgJoeTheAvgJoeabout 7 years ago
Keep This Going!!

Yes!! I'm tired of seeing people get people get powers like these and want to save the world instead of just not giving a fuck anymore and doing what they want. This is awesome!!

Please keep this going!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Perfect

Great series! Can't wait for the next chapters!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
glad to see you continue story

Unlike other commentators, I like seeing the main character succumb to the corruption of power. I think his fall in ethics is a natural one and also provides the conflict.

I enjoyed him wanting to keep Maggie true, but already second guessing what effects his efforts are causing.

I loved his angry treatment of Rachel. It was hot and showing his corruption winning out. I wish it was longer.

Looking forward to more.

laad4e08laad4e08about 7 years ago
Agree with many of the comments

I am very glad to have the story going again. Also Rachel is easily the most likable character in this series. So I don't mind him using her a little, but is was fun when she was still kind of her but "in on it". Of course a part of her was a little jealous, he should have seen that coming. But with him getting angry making her a slave and sort of taking away the rest of what she had left of her own personality really makes him unlikable so I get with the other commenters are saying or trying to say.

I really enjoy the mind control stories it always seems to be the mind controller wants to be liked or loved for who he is or to foster a relationship that would be natural but the pickle is always it is impossible once you've change somebody else's thought process through the main control .

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago

Glad it is back. Great story

OnyxShadowOnyxShadowabout 7 years ago
The moment it all went wrong...

...was when after a moment of perceived rejection the MC's immediate reaction is to punish and enslave his lifelong friend who he is also supposedly in love with. The later rash decision to do what amounts to destroying Rachel was just cementing this bizarre change. This is upsetting because it takes a character who is mostly sympathetic and likable in the first four chapters and out of the blue makes him sort of a monster. I'm okay with a character who is fundamentally evil. I'm less interested in a character who half way into a story just massively changes without good reason.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Huzzah

Glad this is back. Keep up the gold work.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Glad the story's back.

I must admit I had all but given up hope that this story would be continued. Figured it would be yet another great unfinished work, something that has become more frequent here. Glad to say it was worth the wait. Really liked it and hope we don't have to wait as long for the next chapter. It's all been really good.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Quite the plot twist!

I was expecting maybe a beating or an act of humiliation as revenge, but for him to turn Rachel into his slave was not something I saw coming with the thought process you have so eloquently laid out in detail. Not a bad twist, but I definitely hope that this story has at least another 10-20 chapters and could get to the size of a short novel. You have all of the substance in materials that were laid out earlier, now is the time to really flesh everyone out to the point of near real life familiarity and possibly introduce new characters having to do with the origins of the device as well as improvements to it (mobile version, spycraft, etc.) Keep it up, you really have a lot of unbridled talent.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
What could have been...

I have to agree with Roger.

You aren't making your main character very likeable.

Oddly enough Rachel was the main reason I was reading this story, you did a very good job of fleshing her out as a character and developing the relationship between her and the main character as she succumbed to the programming and yet remained herself. The relationship between her and the MC actually seemed more "real" then the one between the MC and Maggie. Which is rather ironic considering she was his brainwashed submissive toy.

And yes I know you aren't expecting a paragon of moral virtue in a MC story on Literotica. But it was kind of heart breaking seeing him take his anger and rage out on Rachel in such a way.

It would of been so much more powerful and shown that there was at least some true affection and empathy there, if he had been able to overcome his rage enough to not use the machine on her in the heat of the moment.

But I guess we will have to see where it goes from here.

DominantwhisperDominantwhisperabout 7 years ago
Excellent writing, please keep going!

Love the story, and I look forward to seeing where it takes us!

Show More
Share this Story

READ MORE OF THIS SERIES

Prototype Ch. 04 Previous Part
Prototype Series Info

Similar Stories

Revenge of the Nerd: Bitch Sister Nerd uses formula to make his sister his submissive slut.in Mind Control
Font of Fertility Ch. 01 Jeremiah finds out about his magic dick.in Sci-Fi & Fantasy
Alan's Thoughts Ch. 01 Alan thoughts influence women he's attracted to.in Mind Control
A Gift From His Father Ch. 01 A young man receives a strange gift with unique powers.in Mind Control
Aphrodisia Ch. 01 Ancient glass relic changes Jamie Sloane's life forever.in Mind Control
More Stories