Providence Ch. 08

He'd had a good day at work today, all things considering. He'd just dropped the kids off to school after he spent the weekend with them, then he walked into his office and managed to zero his inbox before lunch. He'd been productive today and tied up the day's business before 3 P.M., so time on his hands meant he had time to think about other things.

In this case, "other things" meant Mari. They'd gotten to be better friends these past months, never progressing past an unspoken boundary, however. It was normal for them to exchange texts once a day, but Isaac surprised himself when he found himself looking forward to their conversations.

Especially on hard days, Mari would take a long time to reply, sometimes even a day later. He wanted to give her space, some room to breathe, but he'd get so impatient he'd go lift some weights to distract himself.

Now, he messed up. A part of him said it wasn't a big deal, it was a joke, right? But another part of him shook his head. Dude, she's a WIDOW. You can't just say shit like that! Way to stick your foot in your own ass. What are you gonna do now?

He looked at his watch. 4:58. If he left now, he could be home in an hour and some change with traffic.

Should I do it? He debated.

She sounded like she didn't want anything to do with me. He knew that if he just went straight home, he wouldn't be able to sleep knowing she was out there, this issue unresolved.

Fuck it, he thought.

He decided against reason and made an impromptu reservation at Zahav, his favorite restaurant. He hoped a Thursday night crowd wouldn't be as prolific as Friday's.

****

Mari pulled up to her driveway, surprised to see Isaac's car there. She got out the same time he did, and he closed the distance between them in three strides.

"Hey, Mari," he greeted her, then took her hand in his. "Listen... I'm sorry I made that dumb joke. I didn't mean it. I don't think you haven't got a life, I know you do. That was just stupid of me. Please forgive me," he apologized.

She pulled her hand away. The now-familiar burning in her ears started again.

"Isaac, you really don't get it, do you? You don't know how you actually affect people. You've been so careful with your words and the rest of what you don't say actually finishes your sentence.

Yeah, I know it was a joke, and yeah, you probably shouldn't have said such a stupid thing, but did you have to do this," she waved her arm around, "too? Calling me, offering dinner, making stupid apologies, looking like that?" she spat out, gesturing to his outfit.

Isaac looked confused. He looked down at his work clothes, not knowing what to say. "What... this?" he gestured to his button-down shirt and his chinos. "Mari, I-I don't under--"

"No, you DON'T! You don't! You're exactly right! Why do you have to be so... adorable?!"

That only earned Mari an even more confused look from him.

"You make it hard not to like you, Isaac," she said, softly now. "You make it hard to forget about you. You've been nothing but a complete gentleman and a sincere friend.

Hell... sometimes I think about what a damn fool your wife was, letting someone like you go. That makes me so mad, Isaac! Can't you see it?

When a woman has a husband who loves her, thinks the world of her, sacrifices for her... then she looks at him like shit, trashes him then buries him under the fucking ground?

For what? Because she's so selfish she can't see past her own nose? That makes me FURIOUS!" she said, her breathing becoming more staggered.

"I don't HAVE anyone. Not anymore. My husband who loved me and my kids who adored me -- fucking gone! You said what you said and you apologized, but you didn't let it lie there, you're coming to my house to say it personally. You make it hard to be angry at you!" Then the tears started.

Isaac hugged her. Tight. She sobbed, saying, "Stop being so nice to me! I can't stop liking you if you're so nice ALL. THE. TIME!"

His eyes widened. He gently extricated himself from the embrace, holding Mari at arm's length.

She sniffed, then swiped away her tears. "Ugh. There you have it. You said a stupid thing, I said a stupid thing... there. We're even now."

"Y-you like me?" he asked.

"Well, yeah," she answered.

"Like, like me or like like me?" he pressed, now with a growing smile on his face.

Mari laughed. "Like I like you as my friend, and I'm scared I'm starting to like you as more than that."

He just stared at her, the smile frozen to his face. He ran a hand through his hair, then asked, "Do you want to go to dinner? I made a reservation at my favorite restaurant."

She narrowed her eyes. "Hmm... are you asking me as a friend, or...?"

"I'm asking you to eat food with me, as my friend. We can talk about it at dinner," he said.

Mari looked down then up at him. "Do I need to change? Or is this okay?" she gestured to her jeans, tank top, cardigan and sneakers.

"No need. Let's go!" they jumped in and Isaac sped off.

On the ride there, she realized this was the second time she'd been alone with him in the car. The first time, Isaac asked Kenzo on New Year's Eve if he could take Mari on a ride with him. He'd heard her express to the dinner group she wanted to learn to drive a manual.

He didn't know why he'd asked, but he figured it was the neighborly thing to do. It was fun, but he could tell a palpable weight in the air between them. This time, they were more comfortable in that small space.

"So... um, I'm sorry I cussed back there... This isn't an excuse for it; I was just extremely frustrated." Mari apologized.

"Did you mean it?" he asked.

She sighed. "Isaac... I always mean what I say. Profanity or not."

"I like you too, Mari. I didn't know how to say it. I didn't even know what I felt. I guess I still don't. I love you and Kenzo as my friends. How about you?" he confessed.

"Honestly, I don't know, either. It feels strange even now, thinking I'm betraying somebody, but there's nobody here to betray. I don't know how I feel, and it's confusing because I don't even know if I'm supposed to like you like that. I don't want to be unfair to you, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you -- I want to make sure this isn't the grief or the loneliness talking," she explained.

"I'll tell you now... the grief and loneliness will be there. It's a constant, but some days are clearer than others," he warned.

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Finally, they pulled up to the restaurant, and Isaac hopped out to open the door for her.

They headed inside, and the usher led them to a booth farther away in the back. They sat down and looked at their menu while they waited for a waiter. "So... what do you recommend? I've never been here," asked Mari.

"Really anything, whatever you get will be great," said Isaac.

They settled on falafel for Mari and lamb for Isaac. While they waited, Isaac looked at her seriously.

"What is it?" asked Mari, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Why do you think you're not supposed to like me?" asked Isaac. He needed to know.

"Well," she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She suddenly got very shy and didn't meet his eyes.

"You're older than me. Like, twelve years older. That doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, but I don't know how you feel about that.

Second... what's the use of liking somebody when you're not even their type? When they're way out of your league? I guess that's what crushes are for," she shrugged on the last phrase.

He shook his head. "You're not out of my league, Mari. In fact, I think the opposite. I think you're out of my league. I mean, come on, look at you!" he gestured, making Mari blush.

"No really, look at you. You had a great marriage, you raised your kids well, you stayed at home, you've been generous as a friend and a hostess. Then you've picked up your life as best you could with what you were dealt.

You're still standing. That's incredible. And now you're here baring your heart to someone like me. Mari, I think you don't give yourself enough credit.

And listen... I'll be honest with you. I think you're beautiful. It's not just how you look, it's who you are. That makes you even more attractive than you'll know. I don't know why you decided on an old man like me. You are absolutely my type," he said.

Mari looked at him. "I thought you liked Latinas?"

Isaac looked at her incredulously. "Yeah, I guess I do like them, but forget that noise. I want a woman who loves me. I want a woman who loves her children. I want a woman who cares for me, really, not my money, and doesn't want anything in return for that, except for my love."

She chuckled. "Now I kind of wish you'd said this was a date."

He smiled and rested his hand on hers. "Do you want it to be?"

She thought a moment and nodded. "Yes."

"So... what about James and Jason? Do I need to start shoving guys away now?" he asked.

"Ha ha. We're friends. I don't think James and I would be the most compatible. From what he's told me, he's pretty committed to staying in Canada. I don't think I'd want to leave.

Jason, well... he's charming, funny, and he gets me out of my own head. You might have to shove him off.

Listen... I need to ask about Kate. How's that going? Are we even allowed to be talking like this?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No, Mari. I'm here, you're here. That's all that matters. I'm sorry I ignored you. You don't need to shove anyone off around me."

----------

Don looked around the congregation. Since he was on the security team, he made sure to do a visual sweep every fifteen minutes. He spotted Mari walking in, and she waved to him. She looks happy today, he observed.

"Hey Don! How are you?" she asked, giving him a hug.

"Hey girl! I'm good! How are you doing? You seem happy," he remarked.

Mari blushed and looked at her feet. "I am, Don. I'm a long way from where I used to be, but I'm okay right now. Anyway, it was nice to see you. Say hi to Liza for me!"

She turned and headed inside the sanctuary. She sat in her regular pew and thumbed through the service when she felt someone stand beside her. She looked up and met Isaac's eyes.

"Mind if I sat next to you?" he asked.

A million thoughts raced through her mind. She was acutely aware of people's eyes starting to notice the interaction. She'd been watched like a hawk by well-meaning friends, so she knew however she reacted would certainly start conversations, anyway.

"Sure, Isaac. Plenty of room here for ya."

Don saw the whole thing. He wasn't sure about it, but at initial reaction, he didn't like it. In his eyes, an older man was taking advantage of a young, grieving widow.

He got lonely, so here we are. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on him, he thought.