Punch and Judy

She was trapped and was going to refuse. "All the same, I'd like to meet my rival. As you say, I have a lot to thank him for."

"Are you sure you can handle it? He's a charming man but you might be upset."

He nodded, waiting to see what she would say.

"I think it's a good idea. What a thrill for me to have both my men together. I'll arrange it, but only if you're sure."

He grinned unconvincingly. "I'm sure."

Then she made clear that she'd been in control of the play from the start.

"Marcus has booked a hotel next week so that we can fuck in comfort. You can wait in the bar and we'll come down when we're done. And after you've said 'hi' to Marcus you can take me home. How about that?"

Howard tried hard to make sure his jaw didn't sag. He'd not been prepared for this. How could she produce her fantasy lover? "You really mean it?"

She shrugged. "Why not? But only if you behave. You must be nice to Marcus or I'll be angry with you."

"Of course. If he's half the gentleman you claim he is, it'll be a pleasure."

She grinned and took his hand. "Now I'm looking forward to it. You'll be excited knowing I've just had sex with my lover. And it will boost Marcus's sexual performance to know that he's keeping you waiting." She nudged his arm. "And Marcus can make love three times in an evening."

Howard went to the bathroom to be on his own. Nothing had prepared him for this and he tried to work out what Judy was up to. Of course she couldn't produce Marcus. She'd make him wait in the bar for ages, then turn up and announce that he'd been tricked, she'd been shopping or at the cinema or having her hair done. Maybe she'd tease him further and suggest it excited him imagining she was upstairs with her lover. She might even book a room and pretend she'd been there with Marcus. She'd encourage him to make love to her on the sheets supposedly rumpled by her lover. It would be a fitting end to her game of humiliation.

The diary added a twist.

***

Notebook entry:

So Howard doesn't believe that Marcus exists. I'm outraged. It's been fun all these weeks coming home to tell Howard the latest instalment in my affair. It gives us something to talk about. And it made me feel like a goddess. Now he's as good as said I don't have what it takes to catch a fine man like Marcus. I'll make him pay for that.

***

If he was intended to read this, it went too far. He'd always admired Judy's sense of fun, but this was beyond teasing. He re-read the passage and had a sudden thought, reminded of a madcap weekend six months before when they'd visited friends in the country. This was before Marcus intruded and Judy was driven to organise their social life. She loved meeting people and gossiping through the day. Howard mostly liked to take it easy, but social weekends he performed very much as a duty.

On this occasion they were staying with a friend of Judy's called Fiona, who was married to Ian. Fiona loved horse riding and had promised to get Judy a ride - Judy had been a keen rider as a schoolgirl. Neither Howard nor Ian was keen and they had arranged to watch football in a pub and meet the wives there for lunch when they were done with the horses.

The match hadn't started when the men got to the pub and without much to say to one another there was nothing to do but drink. Their attention wandered to the people round them and especially the women. Of course he was really looking out for Judy to arrive and none of the women he could see were competition. Ian expressed interest in a couple, but it seemed that as long as the girl was young and had long legs, he was impressed. They a raven-haired beauty came in and they both gave her their attention.

Ten minutes later, to his astonishment, he saw Judy and Fiona standing at the bar still in their riding gear and chatting to a couple of young men. Howard was struck by how good Judy looked in her tight black jacket and jodhpurs - by far the best looking woman in the bar. Then he realised that she was flirting outrageously with the young man, holding eye contact and patting his arm.

Howard's heart raced as he was hit by jealous anger and anxiety. What was she doing? He sprang to his feet and went to the bar.

"What's going on here? Why didn't you come over and say hello."

Judy turned to him with a sly look. "What's the matter Howard? We could see you only had eyes for the girl over there, so we thought we'd chat up these handsome boys."

"But why didn't you tell us you were here?"

Fiona was laughing at him. "Why Howard, what do you think we were doing? Tom and Ben are people I know from the riding centre. I gave them a lift."

"Oh. That's alright then."

"Howard, you're disappointed," said Judy, laughing. "You like the idea of me making up to strangers. You think I'm a loose woman."

"I didn't say that. In any case, I saw what you were doing."

"Admit you thought I was trying to pick up a couple of strangers in a bar. That's what you're thinking. You never thought I'd have the nerve. And so what if Fiona knows Tom. I don't and I think he's gorgeous."

Howard shrugged. "Now you're joking." Angry, he turned and went to sit with Ian. He was reassured that Ian had seen nothing amiss. After a bit the two girls joined them and Fiona told them about their morning.

"Talk about thrill-seeking. Judy's not ridden for three years and she was jumping two rails within half an hour. Mind she had a good mount. A very reliable gelding."

"You should have seen me. You'd have been proud," said Judy. "Then you wouldn't go chasing other women."

"I did nothing of the sort," said Howard, outraged.

That was the whole story and neither referred to it afterwards - unless Judy's specially loving cares when they got home were an unconscious reminder of her transgression with the young men. Now, as he recalled the event, he wondered whether this had been the inspiration for her game with the diary. She'd been thrilled to see his jealous reaction. The diary and the stories of her lover were ways to recreate the emotion.

The planned meeting with 'Marcus' produced an indescribable week of waiting. Howard arrived a little late for his assignment at the hotel. He was apprehensive, but told himself that he'd shortly be making love to Judy in her hotel room. Maybe they'd stay the night and she'd probably get him to pay the bill.

Rather than do as he was told and sit at the bar, Howard wandered round the little shop in the foyer and the displays of jewellery for sale. From there he could see if anyone came into the bar. He'd wait for Judy to arrive, then pounce on her from behind. This time he'd make sure he did the unexpected. Too many times in this game he'd left Judy the advantage of surprise.

He was examining some watercolours of local landmarks displayed for sale on the wall of a corridor when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Howard? I recognise you from Judy's description. I guess you were too nervous to stay in the bar. Don't blame you."

His insides convulsed in panic. Once more he was defenceless. Six inches taller than Howard, the big man blocked the corridor. Howard was conscious of shiny hair, a muscular body and a well-cut navy blue suit, a man more at home on the playing field than in the beauty salon. He felt faint and braced himself against the wall, ignoring the hand held out to be shaken. He tried to remember the description of Marcus in Judy's diary. This man was larger, fitter, more handsome and prosperous than anything he'd imagined. Though, of course, he didn't exist.

"Where's Judy?"

"She's on her way. Just smartening herself up. She thought it would be good if we get to know one another before she joins us." The man seemed amused by Howard's agitation and added, "You seem tense. Will you let me buy you a drink?"

The man led him to the bar. Before drinks could be ordered, Howard asked, "Are you really Judy's lover Marcus?"

The man gave a self-satisfied smile and nodded. "Judy said she's told you all about me and that you're into the whole crazy thing. You sent me a note."

"I did?"

Marcus pulled something from his pocket. It was the note telling him he could take Judy to dinner.

"That was a mistake. I didn't realise she meant what she was saying."

"I was surprised when you agreed. But I took it for what it said. That you knew about Judy seeing me and were happy for us to go ahead. If you've changed your mind it's too late because it's done now. We're very fond of one another."

In that instant Howard believed in the affair. Marcus displayed none of the charm Judy claimed for him, but he was well-groomed and muscular. It was easy to believe that Judy found him attractive. And his confident self-satisfied contented manner was just how Howard supposed a man would behave when meeting the husband he'd vanquished. But then his rational mind came to his rescue.

"I don't believe you're Marcus. You're an imposter. Judy's set me up."

The man repeated his irritating, superior smile. "Really? Why would she do that? And why would I agree to go along with it? Come on pal, maybe I'm not called Marcus but your wife and I fuck whenever we can, which is often."

Howard stared rudely, searching for anything that could explain why Judy would throw away a lifetime for this man. What he saw was a crude, ignorant, selfish piece of meat. He stepped forward crowding the man and instantly they were ready to fight. Then Judy arrived looking bright and eager to see how her two men were getting on. Both instantly forgot their hostility and turned to her with relief.

"Where are the drinks?" she demanded and immediately set 'Mark' to chase them up. Howard got a kiss and a caress. "Good boy for being polite to my lover."

Howard was struggling with his feelings, not sure whether to denounce the ridiculous comedy sketch in the most violent language he could produce or to bide his time. To stay silent would make him the complacent cuckold, which he guessed was what turned Judy on. Once more he needed to do the unexpected and this time he must get it right. His plan was high-risk, but he had little to lose.

He'd spotted a group of three women at a table on the far side of the bar. He guessed the meeting was something to do with work, although the women were drinking wine and chatting contentedly. Howard patted Judy's hand.

"Excuse me a moment dearest, there's someone over there I know and I must say hello."

He was gone before she could reply. Striding confidently across the bar, he took the free seat beside one of the women.

"Excuse me for butting in ladies but I had to come and say hello." Turning to the woman next to him, he said "It's good to see you again. Do you remember? It's Howard. Was it Ottawa last autumn where we met?"

He'd surprised her and she looked at him carefully. Instinct had made him choose the most handsome of the women to sit beside and he wanted to make a good impression.

"You must be mistaken," she said. "I've never been to Canada."

"Wasn't it at the marketing conference? No? Then maybe it was somewhere else."

She gave him a scornful look, so he changed his approach.

"If you look over there you'll see my wife with a flabby specimen of a man too big for his shirt collar and oozing swagger and sweat." She looked surprised and irritated, but she looked across the room. Judy, was gesturing impatiently for Howard to come back. Marcus had returned with drinks. "Would you mind if I sat here and join your conversation? Make it look as if we know one another."

"What's the matter with your wife?" she asked. "You've made her angry."

"Do you want to hear the story? Tell me your name and I'll explain what's going on."

This had her attention but she paused before she replied. The she said to her colleagues, "Did you hear that. Howard here has joined us for our presentation."

"It's a pickup," said one of the girls laughing loudly. "Hey Howard, Avril's taken. But you can come and sit by me."

"We're working here," said the third girl. "We've no time to chat."

"You can stay with me for now," said Avril, the pretty girl. "You've made me curious."

"Then let me join in. I know about marketing." There was a glossy folder on the table in front of her titled 'Extracting maximum value from our new priority market segments.' Give me your data and I'll produce some pearls of wisdom."

"Yes, give him the data to work on. Boring," said the second girl.

"So what's the story with your wife?" asked Avril.

"She came here to have an afternoon of sex with her lover Marcus, and had me come over to meet him when they were done. The thing is I don't know whether it's for real or an elaborate set up. She likes to play power games."

"Looks real enough to me. How can't it be real?"

"She could have got someone to play the part of her lover."

"Why bother when it would be so easy to find the real thing?"

"But that wouldn't be the same. How would that be teasing me?"

"You think it's about you. I think it's about her. Your wife is getting what she likes."

"But why would she invite me to meet him?"

"To humiliate you. That gives some women a thrill."

Before anything more was said they were interrupted by Judy, who came across and slapped Howard on the shoulder.

"Come back at once Howard and stop making a fool of yourself." She looked round table at the other women, expecting their support. "If I take my eyes off my husband for one moment he'll behave like an idiot and upset no end of people."

Much to Howard's surprise, Avril linked her arm through his. "Give the poor boy a break. He's doing fine. It's great to see Howard after so long. We got on so well at the conference in Innsbruck." She reached up to kiss his cheek. "He's a sweetie."

For a moment Judy was too astonished to speak and Howard began to feel better.

"Leave Howard alone. That's my husband."

"Fair's fair," said Avril. "You look as though you're fully occupied over there with that hunk of bedroom bait. We go for more refined pleasures here. We like Howard. And he's promised to analyse our sales' data and help us prepare our presentation. What more could a girl desire? It's time we got back to our conference room."

The women stood up and Howard followed suit. To Judy he said, "Why not see whether Marcus can amuse you while I'm busy."

"Don't you care if I'm with Marcus? You should be ashamed."

"This wasn't in your script? Avril's such a darling she changes the rules. I'll let you know when I'm free and you do the same."

Judy more or less stamped her foot. "But you don't understand. That's not how we play. You have to follow the rules. Otherwise you spoil everything."

"Your rules not mine. I never agreed to them."

He broke off and hurried after his new friends before he lost them.

Why had he done that with Avril? Because he couldn't cope with the humiliation of meeting Judy's supposed lover. Even if it was an act, it had been more than he could stomach. He decided to stay with his new friends as long as they let him. He looked at their data and produced some novel correlations. He went to their presentation and sat in the audience. And he had dinner with them afterwards.

Judy was at home when he returned six hours later. She'd regained her composure and they kissed.

"Had a good day?" he asked.

She nodded calmly. "Once I got over your attempt to humiliate me. Marcus and I had no end of fun. I hope you gave those dreadful girls the slip as soon as I left."

"They were charming. I stayed for their presentation and mingled with their clients adding a bit of class to the show. Afterwards we had dinner. Then I had a drink with Avril. She's a lovely girl. I told her all about your game. She thinks you're an evil woman."

Judy was angry. "This is just between us. I thought you could cope, but I understand that you found meeting Marcus difficult. I wanted you to see that Marcus is a good man. You shouldn't have spoiled things even if you felt the need to make a point."

"If you can bring along someone from work, I can pick up a few colleagues of my own."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know who 'Marcus' is, but he's not your lover. He's someone you talked into playing the part of your lover, and not very convincingly either. Most likely someone from your work."

He watched her carefully, intent on spotting the truth in her reaction. She looked blank, then confused, then angry. It was good acting.

"I'm outraged that you don't believe me. Why would I lie about something so important to me? I wanted you and Marcus to be friends and you spoiled it. It was my dream to have my husband and my lover together for a friendly drink. And meeting Marcus was your chance to ask him any question you wanted, finally stopping this tedious refusal to believe me. Can't you see how important he is to me?"

"Come on Judy, the game's over. Let's forget it."

"I decide when it's over." She was furious and after momentarily confronting him with a haughty stare she fled the room. He could hear her banging about upstairs, collecting washing and slamming cupboard doors. Half an hour later she came back and completed the argument.

"Okay, have it your way. It was a game. I made it all up and now it's over. See if I care? You've blown it. You lost your nerve. Now you'll never know what really happened and you can forget the supercharged sex."

He cooked a supper of egg and chips and by the time they sat down to eat Judy had calmed down. They ate companionably and Marcus wasn't mentioned. Afterwards, they went to bed and their lovemaking was calming and gentle.

"See how it is," she murmured after he rolled off her onto his side. "Now the game's over. Sex without fireworks."

"It was good," he replied. "How I like it. So you did it all just to create sexual tension? To spice up our life together?"

"Come on Howard, admit that you're a pretty dull kind of man. You like habit and routine. We had much more excitement with Marcus in our lives."

"Thanks for calling me dull. I think I handled your game pretty well in the circumstances. And you had no complaints about the sex we had."

"Because I was getting extra from Marcus."

"That's cheap. You're really done with Marcus?"

"You said he's a fantasy. Remember? So what does it matter." She paused. "But no, I'm not meeting him, even though I'll find it very hard to give up Marcus." There was a long pause. "That's if I'm telling the truth. You'll never know whether the game was for me to make up an affair so that jealousy would make you fuck like a pro, or whether the game was an actual affair, which had the same effect. But now it's over don't expect amazing, wonderful sex. You've ended all that."

"Well, which was it. I need to know."

"You don't. I've told you over and over again it was real and each time you've more or less accused me of lying. But I shan't forget Marcus and you'll never get him out of your head."

"Okay, we'll forget the game. We'll forget it ever happened. But I don't mind a bit of fantasy now and then."

She laughed. "You're missing the fiery sex. I warned you. Maybe you're not such a dullard. But you realise what you're saying. If you want the game to continue you have to ask me to have an affair."

"I can't do that. I want you for myself."

"Then let's forget the whole thing."

"Oaky."

"Dull, dull, dull. You disappoint me Howard. Don't you see? You never take me seriously or listen carefully to what I say. We both work hard and all we do together is eat and sleep. I want our marriage to be more exciting than that. Don't take it for granted. We have to engage more with one another's interests and I want you to fight for me. You must admit life has been more exciting lately."

"For you maybe. How can acting out these brutal farces bring us together?"