All Comments on 'Pursuit of Happiness 05'

i really enjoyed this chapter and i think the story is getting better each chapter. i can not wait ofr the next one

It might just be me, but the story seems to be wandering without any real purpose... Its like you are just telling us about their lives without any obvious buildup to a climax ... it makes the story somewhat boring

I really like your story, but it is hard to follow. You change topic a lot and there is no way of knowing when.

I'm sorry, I think I have to agree with the earlier comments. There's no indication of when the perspective changes, so it leaves the story feeling disjointed, and sometimes you run through a scene really fast, while at other times you slow down.

Also, there doesn't seem to be a plot line. Where's this story going? Where's the climax? What do we have to look forward to?

Other than that, you're writing style is fine, fluid enough to not interrupt the reader with a stiff writer's voice.

Different plot components include whether Lyssa can become pregnant, can she live up to the expectations of being a Beta (remember how weak she was, almost taken by Thomas when she first joined the pack), what will happen with Joanna at the meeting of the unmated ones---will the handsome Severn policeman catch her eye again, what's going to happen with the bereaved Alpha from the other pack...?

Lots to look forward to.

GE

love the story. Keep up the good work. The different story sub plots keep it interesting.

The first series was, necessarily, filled with action. I feel like this one is giving us more backstory of the characters, showing us their feelings, and simply showing the everyday aspects of pack life. As someone else said, there are plenty of plot threads weaving themselves in and out.

The one complaint that I would agree with is that you don't give us any sign that you are changing points of view. It's simple enough to put a short line of some kind of characters to show the transition. For example:

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Otherwise, I'm loving the story. Keep up the good work!