All Comments on 'Quaranteam - North West Ch. 09'

Hello, fantastic readers!

This is your regular reminder that there are FOUR chapters of QT:NW (and FoF) posted ahead over on my PATREON, which powers my erotica and allows me to write full-time! I publish about 100k words every month over there, and this is only possible because of the support of the community. Please consider checking it out at www.patreon.com/Breakthebar!

Cheers,

~Break.

Ok…WTF?!?!?!?

A fun read as always. I wonder if the little spy will settle in or just try to get info on what’s going on then leave before being overcome with the vaccine. Either way I’m looking forward to the next chapter.

You are crushing it with this story!!! I want to read as much as I can now. Just a little too steep for my pocket at the moment on the Patreon. Keep up the fantastic writing! I love all your stories.

Love the story as a sci fi epic. How about adding a woman to the team who is pissed at that terrible world and her position in it, but the sexual pull of the vaccination pulls her in and she's overcome with lust. These people are having way more sex than any normal person could take. That vaccination is controlling them in a sense.

a semi honest spy. that should make the next few pages quite interesting. loving the story line. please continue to expand it. I am guessing the tribe liberated the chicken farm, will we see the fighting women again, I fully expect to see the high school friend back in the near future Which of the ladies is going to come up with the idea to have free range chickens in or near the compound now that eggs are no longer available ? 5 stars again.

a semi honest spy. that should make the next few pages quite interesting. loving the story line. please continue to expand it. I am guessing the tribe liberated the chicken farm, will we see the fighting women again, I fully expect to see the high school friend back in the near future Which of the ladies is going to come up with the idea to have free range chickens in or near the compound now that eggs are no longer available ? 5 stars again.

Can’t wait for the next part.

Your story has thus far been far better than Corrupting Power's in my personal opinion, and there are several important reasons as to why. Some of it is a literary technique (I enjoy the way you create scenes and structure them), but others important ones are characters, the story itself, and world building. Mind you, I did first started reading your adaptation, and then rolled back to read the original, but the original couldn't hold me for barely the half of its story. Then your chapter 9 rolled out here, I read it, and I confirmed it for myself that I like your way of writing better.

Let me first start off with how your story flows.

The scenes are flowing like a movie or a TV show, and I love it. It's easy to visualize the people, the scenes, the area that they're in - honestly, it's like watching it on a screen - you make it that easy to visualize. The MC's first-person narration is delightfully kicking in at just the right moments to supply a bit of information or past history that draws the bigger picture, and he, Harrison, feels like he's narrating a story at times - just sitting on a porch in the setting sun, having a cold one, and talking to his friend. It's nice, and feels like it's done with great skill.

Now, as for your characters and their specific background setting - this is one major part where your story greatly differs from the original one. In the original, the MC meets all those girls for the first time and immediately jumps into 'doing his duty' shall we say. There is very little proper background on anyone, MC included, and what little of it is there does not allow us, the readers, to connect properly to those characters. It makes the story appear too simple - like it is an excuse for quick harem fantasy gratification with lots and lots of different girls. However, those girls are a too great of an unknown, and their personalities are not explored/developed well enough, and they seem... less interesting.

That doesn't happen in your adaptation of this story though. Your characters have a better developed background. For example, I care about Erica. She is interesting. She has history with Harrison. If you want to write a meaningful erotica, then this is what you absolutely must have. Her character especially comes to spotlight when she held a shotgun trained in government agent's faces while wearing some silly house clothes. I'm not too great of a tattoo fan in girls, but I like Erica despite that because her personality is so well made. All this tells a much better story about a female character in an erotic story than her body shape. The best story I read in this regard is Side Bet Bluff because you don't even get to have the main girl described physically, she's just awesome, and your Erica has that awesome quirky wild side. When you have that, then a 32DD is just an icing on top.

As for other girls, your adaptation also trumps the original because there exists a previous development of a relationship - like it was the case with Vanessa, and like what now seems to be the case with Miriam who is hinted will become another one of Harrison's girls. It's not just a sudden appearance and 'go, have sex!'. There exists a meaningful development here. Even Leo's girl, Dani, seems very interesting, and you actually make a lot of effort to make her an approachable kind of person, which isn't the case with the original.

... Which is why I am a bit less favorable toward Ivy. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate her, and I find the sex scenes very hot, but there is very little personal development with her and it doesn't make her as approachable as some others. I find myself caring less about her, whereas I care more about Vanessa, Miriam, and even Kara.

Now - Kara! She deserves a special mention, because that was an awesomely done piece of interpersonal history, baggage, emotions, everything! The original story has a girl who MC hates, but it's not even close to how well Kara's and Harrison's relationship is made. Their families' histories are like Romeo and Juliet without the tragic end, and with still something important remaining between them, even though both hate that fact. In my personal opinion, Kara is far more interesting than this new Filipino girl whose name I didn't memorize yet.

And the conflict with the Natives and the Black family's dark past is an amazing touch overall. It's a can of worms, but that exact scenario I bet exists in many places throughout America, and shouldn't be shied away from just because of that. Who's in the right and who's in the wrong? I don't care, I'm not American, but I'm a bit of a critic here and I say that it's okay for a writer to write about touchy subjects. That's how you get 1984.

And finally, as for Harrison, his personality as an MC is the kind I like - I certainly like him better than the MC in the original story. Being a Walking Tall frontiersman who doesn't stand for bullshit is what vibes with some of my ideals, so there's that... Even though I totally agree with the Tom Selleck agent Greerson that he made a bunch of very stupid career choices after he left the military!

So, yeah... your adaptation is better. I hope to read more.

My main criticisms and worries are: to not add too many girls, and to stay as much as possible with the girls who Harrison has spent a bit of time developing a relationship with *before* imprinting them.

Worry number 2 - and this is a BIG one - is that girls in harem stories are at a risk of becoming the same or extremely similar type of personality, just with a different proverbial skin or hair color. That didn't happen with your story as of yet, but, well... you obviously do love tattoos. And it always starts with the little things.

That's it for now. If I think of something else, I'll comment.

Cheers!

-NX

What a cliffhanger ending for this chapter, damn.

I'm really enjoying this story. BTB is a very talented writer!

Does the government really think that imprinting Kyla onto Harrison will keep her from spying, in the about-to-be target rich environment of the VIP enclave they're building on Harrison's land? Yes, she wouldn't be able to use sex as a tool any more, but would that really stop her? It doesn't (yet) make sense.

Leenysman, I honestly don't think the US government would care that much about Philipino spies during a plague. Consider the last two high profile female Russian spies that were dealt with publicly: Anna Chapman was deported. Maria Butina sentenced to 18 months, then deported.

Prisons are problematic in a pandemic world, and they don't have enough evidence to convict Kyla anyway, probably.

Also, knowing she's a spy, they are now going to be in a position to curate at least some of the information she gets.

very nice pitch at the end, her admitting she's a spy!! Keep this story moving!!!

Heck of a cliffhanger there!

Surprised they aren’t putting in more food infrastructure given how fast things seem to be falling apart… Maybe it’s planned for elsewhere?

Also, I wonder if Miss Sourpuss isn’t just grumpy after vaccination or something. Be a shame if she’s just a jerk at this point.

Always leave us wanting more. Great as always

Interesting, Kyla is upfront about her spying.

I think Vanessa may cause trouble, l think her imprinting is not complete.

Scores 5/5

Nicely developing plot lines

Thanks for another great chapter.

Sometimes I think MC is too much of a nice guy, that something severe will happen before he gets his wake-up call...

Anyway, keep up the good work.

Sourpuss doesn’t even understand why she has been demoted somewhat to taxi driver but she fully believes it is Harrison who caused it when in reality she had overstepped her bounds and authority while almost blowing the land deal because she wanted to play hardass and pulled a gun on Erica and had the soldiers follow her lead. You don’t show up at someone’s home with guns drawn on a singular woman when the house owner is someone you need something from. It is in Ms.Manners handbook on the top of page one. Then she starts to backtalk her superior who she is supposed to be assisting. She is lucky they need women or she would have been busted down at least one rank. I guess nobody else realizes how great she is and how important she is as well, ego never goes well in the armed services in fact that’s one of the things they drill out of you in boot camp, you are just another replaceable dog in a very large organization. I do love how Harrison wants to help everyone but keeps either forgetting or remembering too late that your family comes first.

I haven’t come across a bad chapter yet in fact they have all been five stars and then some. Thanks for your dedication to this story and make it the best possible.

I adore that you had Dani spend time with the MC and we got to interact with her. She’s hot, fun, and not sleeping with the pov character…. Most authors wouldn’t spend too much time with her but I’ve really been valuing those moments. It makes the world feel more real, more lived in, and like these are real lives.

Not sure what's up with V? I mean the easiest thing would be for her to fall in love after-all. But I'm hoping something else happens. In any case, I hope Harrison can somehow hurt her feelings a little as well. Maybe he can have her unlinked without telling her or something. I'd bet she'd back peddle then. If she kisses his ass he could always vaccinate her the right way this time.

Great.