All Comments on 'Rachel and Jeff Pt. 04'

Is she knocked up? That would be nice!

not going to lie we were both really upset with Jeff dicking off like that but we are very pleased that they are back together and hope that there is still more to come for this great duo

do authors spoil an otherwise excellent story with anal?

It would be extremely helpful should authors mention in the heading to the story all actions the characters would be enacting. Sure would spare the reader the time reading the story.

Absolutely loved it. Although I didn't like the time jumps in the story I can see why they were needed. The twins needed to mature enough to accept that they loved each other in more than a familial way. Being brought up by a mother like Genesis shows in their character and perhaps is why they weren't mature enough to accept that they were in love with each other earlier in their lives.

Might be interesting to do another story time jump and see where Miller and Morgans lives go whether they end up in a relationship like their parents? Just a thought.

Please continue with more chapters such as is Rachel pregnant and what happens to their lives if she is?

Your built-up and humor was really good in the story and Anal sex also brought certain naughtiness and sexiness to the story which was much appreciated.I hope that you continue this story and at the same time don't seprate the twin's again ,I think two times is enough and now you should work them on fighting their issues together with that ever present humor of yours.

Please continue this story line, I wanna know how their family grows.

I don’t understand why what he did was worse then what she did. He trusted someone he should not have. She didn’t take care of herself. Two babies and he was the bad person just doesn’t make sense. I guess it was for the drama. It seems to be the general theme in these stories for the men to be submissive and stupid.

please continue. also I see another series 18 years in the future with miller and morgan. keep writing

I’m going to miss these two. I love all the weirdness & humor between them. Thanks for making me laugh!

This is literally my favorite series on this site!!! You have an incredible gift for this and I can’t wait to read more of your work!! The mixture of humor into the story gives your writing it’s own unique flavor. Please don’t lose it! Also, the willingness to delve into details of the character’s lives that aren’t directly related to sex is a great change of pace! Amazing work!

Just wow. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading every bit of this! The characters (the mom was a hoot), the witty banter between Rach and Jeff...I laughed (a lot), i cried a little, and it was most definitely arousing!! Most of all it was just fun to read. One of my favorite short stories, ever! (And I've read alot) You definitely have a knack, and I can't wait to read more of your work! Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing. If this was your first attempt you have a lot of talent. I am a retired Engineer and wrote a lot of specifications over my 50 year career. Got pretty good at it after awhile. It takes practice. To write what you do I wouldn't have a clue. Love reading it but I will leave the creation up to you talented folks.

Please keep writing I am adding you to my follow list so I won't miss future posts.

Five stars and please keep writing and posting here on Literotica.

Hope your working on pt 5!!

The authors clearly gifted, brilliantly mixing light-hearted comedy with very likable characters that (s)he made come to life right off the page. That said, I'm disappointed that we spent the better part of the last 2 chapters reading about them being apart for years and years and fucking other people for what felt like not getting rewarded with with the chance to really revel in their happily ever after. I know they ended up together at the end, but no declarations of forever or being each other's true love etc. Not even in a light-hearted "don't be stupid, you're stuck with me for the rest of your life obviously" kind of dismissive way that would fit the story and these characters. MAYBE that was what the author was going for when they called the little girl the baby was her sister combined with the possible pregnancy at the end. But we've already seen with both of them having a child with someone doesn't mean they're going to stay with them forever. 4.75/5 but since that's not an option I clicked all 5.

Wow, Another great series. Maybe one of the Best. I sure liked reading and hope u continue this series.

Author has done a great job with this story which definitely needs to continue. So many possibilities, my kid and your kid, a pregnancy and a larger new family. Definitely needs a few more chapters. 5 Stars.

It started out as a lovely romance between twins and turned into a total cluster fuck!

To summarise:

The twins fall in love.

Rachel joins the military and wastes 5 years of her life.

Jeff is a talented musician, but his band sucks and goes nowhere.

Rachel dates a total idiot until she finally realises Duffey is gay.

Jeff starts fucking a total psycho, who beats him unconscious and rapes him.

The twins finally get back together...

Then psycho groupie turns up pregnant.

Rachel hears about Jeff being abused... and dumps him.

She goes off and accidentally gets knocked up by some douchebag.

The twins get back together and are now stuck raising two bastard kids, neither of which were planned or wanted.

What started as a sweet story turned into a fucking nightmare. Are you sure this is in the right category? Shouldn't this have been in "Erotic Horror"?

I really think this series needs to continue. Miller and Morgan are not related and are certain to fall in love. The twins might be having a baby together. Genesis, well who the fuck knows what happens with her. Please at least consider it.

Was there like a demon in backstage just trying to fuck up the siblings' lives unless they were with each other? Lord, this was traumatizing.

Glad your newer stories are better than this one, at least.

What a clusterfuck of a story. I skimmed Chapter 5 and I’m glad I did it was awful too.

I realise this was your first story, and I do see you learnt from this mess and produced a couple of really outstanding tales. So good luck to you.

I will forget this tale and concentrate on your better efforts and look forward to your next story.

The trainwreck and erotic comments have truth...and i'm really squeamish about pregnancy sex and lactation. But for some odd reason it really works and I just fucking loved it. Ditto for pink dragonfly. Great work!

are well done. (It is/was a 1st attempt, after all.) I have a suspicion the "cluster fuck", "awful", etc opinions stem from a newb writer feeling a need to create conflict for their characters because 'conflict and challenges are how writers develop depth in their characters, and suspense/tension in their stories'. Or, at least, that's what common wisdom states.

Common wisdom can be correct, and simultaneously very difficult to pull off. It is what separates writers from authors.

The challenge/goal of this Lit submitter is improvement over time. 'R and J is only a rewrite, or two, away from being a great work, and re-writes is what authors live by.

Thanks for sharing, and good luck with future work.

Really good story. Ups, down, twists... all making it a very interesting ready. I love how you've injected humour into your characters - makes the characters have a personality. Pretty full on comments on here, but I really did enjoy reading the story. Like there others say, hope there's a part 5 - but where to from here though? Good job!

I guess I've read so many train wrecks that this series seemed fairly well written for a newbie. Continue on.

you don't know about incest love. it doesn't make a whore out of your lover. Just don't write

Loved the beginning. Middle was okay, ending sucked! Sorry, you lost me throughout.

Great job!

Loved this series. All of your writing is great!

Absolutely stupid and contrived. The five year time skip I was willing to deal with. But his sister ditching his ass when he needed help the most? What a cunt! There is no way he would have been able to win any lawsuit with that women, Men don't have any reproduction rights! Only women do! Not to mention the courts would have racked the wealthy ( but a little stupid) man over hot coals to steal as much of his money as possible. And then she shows up 3 years later without helping him at all and expects what? For everything to be fine and go her way? Fuck off with that bullshit! If a women wont stand up for a man at his weakest she doesn't deserve him. WTF happend to being in love btw? Before the time jump she was like "IM in love!" But 5 years a gay BF and the brother she's supposedly in love with having to deal with a crazy bitch is all it takes for her to dump him like trash? Fuck that shit! Rachel is just as bad as the crazy Ex just in a different way. Also there is no way in hell that kid is actually his!

P.S. Why do so many writers ruin their own stories by taking nosedives into stupidity like this? (Rhetorical)

This rant is purely about the story and the characters and is in no way meant to be used as an opinion on the Authour themselves.

1. The story is fiction, so read it as such and quit trying to apply real life logic to it.

2. Courts don't always give kids to the mother, if she is declared as unfit. Especially since her own parents testified against her.

3. Rachel would have been no help in the custody hearings, and may have hurt Jeff's chances.

4. People who think sibling love is always true love, read too many fairytale incest stories. There are always doubts about the future, and siblings run more often than they stay together.

5. Read statement 1 again, and rate according to the quality of the writing, not on the perceived reality. 10/5

Over all I give the series a C+, Many myself included have given legitimate reasons on why, I'll also add this bit of advice that I never saw in comments but should have been. When you have side characters in a story and especially in a series it should be important to keep the names of these people straight not just the main characters. Many have this problem with main characters as well as with side characters. I as a reader kinda get wrapped up in the stories I read and if I have to stop to figure out whomever is being talked about or to or with or whatever it throw of the rhythm of the story and it's difficult to regain the rhythm. For example here who is Teddy, is he a band member, the manager, a father of a band member, lead singer, same person as Herbert, all of the above????? See where I'm going here?!?

Loved the story, all of the cluster fuck situations these two of them got into and yet they finally end up together. Apparently with her forgetting to use her diaphragm in the end what to be she will end up pregnant with a set of twins. At any rate I enjoyed the read and the story even had a happily ever after for Jeff and Rachel. 5/5

Awesome story series easy reading. Keep writing

Author clearly is badly confused about human anatomy, at least when it comes to females. Maybe if the author wasn't a virgin, he'd be able to write about these things with more credibility.

Almost stopped reading this series when Robyn was introduced. Glad I muddled thru it.

Fucked up writing from the start. The twins should have been together without a third party coming in between

I enjoyed part one and two, but there and four kinda hurt the story for me personally. I loved that it was an happy ending, but I hate the whole separation thing.