tagHumor & SatireRandom Wanderers Ch. 01

Random Wanderers Ch. 01


Random Wanderers

The fans all watched from the bleachers, as the lacrosse players warmed up before the game. Some were stretching while others practiced stick skills. All were a little edgy about the game coming up.

“Man, I hate this game. Why do I even bother playing it? I swear to god if I miss this shot one more time,” thought Grant as he wound up for a final attempt to get a shot in the net.

“Hey! Easy there cowboy!” shouted some stranger whose own defect in intelligence had placed him a “mere” few feet away from Grant’s shot.

Not in the mood for this kid’s crap Grant looked back at him filled with hate. So he just threw out some old phrase in the back of his mind.

“You know, its funny how genetics work, cause last night your mom couldn’t stop screaming that in my ear.”

(The retarded kid paused trying to get it then…) “You asshole, my mom has been dead for about five years!” he shouted back. Grant in a bit of a mess, and not fully knowing what he had just gotten himself into felt slightly sorry for the kid and produced a lie to help.

“Yeah, well my mom has been gone for sometime to…”

All of a sudden their conversation was interrupted by a scream of a woman.

“Hey Grant! What are you doing there just chit chatting, its time to play, lets get a move on!” shouted his real mom.

“I thought you just said your mom was dead you lying piece of shit.”

“Hey, I can explain. It’s actually very personal though. You see, I was conceived in a test tube. My egg donator is the one yelling at me, she’s… my sister/mother/... Since the other one died a few years ago,” he said trying to escape from the trap. But once again fate was cruel.

“Hey Grant, come on you heard your mother, get moving,” came the shout of a middle aged guy from the stands.

“Wait a second you have a dad and a mom, I thought you said…”

“Actually, its not what it looks like, he’s my… sperm giver’s brother. He was also adopted.

“Give it up dude, I know you are full of shit. Too bad, now I’m going to have to kick your ass for wasting my time and the mom joke, cause you don’t disrespect the dead.” Then a call came from another section from the stands…

“Hey Billy, what are you doing down there they are all waiting for you on the side-line, shouted “Billy’s” mom.

As Bill looked away from my eyes I just said, “Guess we are even now, and for the record I was kidding about the test tube conceiving thing.”

“Sure freak,” replied Billy as he walked away.

“Damn Hitler youths!”

“That is such bullshit. Why can’t you get over here before the show?” shouted Grant into the phone.

“Dude, you know if I could I would come over, but Invader Zim is on next. It’s the new one!” replied Sean back to his life long friend.

“But I got Amanda coming over. I’ve already had to change my underwear on several occasions today for numerous reasons. You know I have never had the balls to ask her over my house. And now that I did it I just wanted you to be a supporting guy while she’s here. Cause without another guy she outnumbers me 1 ½ to 1.”

“What the hell are you talking about, she outnumbers you?”

“Dude, have you ever seen the size of her tits? They definitely count as something. At least a ½ of a person, cause I know they have a mind of their own, by the way they move around and all.”

“You’re retarded, you know that right? But don’t worry I do pity your crappy existence. Too bad I can’t watch you blow it in front of the girl of your dreams. And I mean that statement literally.”

“Ha ha very funny. She can’t handle this boy. I am a sexy machine man.”

“That doesn’t even make sense, but hey whatever floats your boat Grant. Well, Zim is starting up now, peace.”

“Yeah, yeah stab me in the back then try to tell me peace. I’m surprised you’re not better friends with Saddam, I’ll give you peace…” But the phone was already buzzing the sound of a dial tone. He was really gone. Now what am I going to do thought Grant, she’ll be here in a few minutes.

“What am I going to do!” Grant shouted in hopelessness.

“Hey kid I got an idea,” came the weak voice from somewhere next to Grant.

“Who said that?” replied Grant in confusion.

“It’s the man downstairs fool. And I got some advice. When the bitch walks through that door don’t hesitate, don’t think twice. Release lust, fury, and vice. But first, for my sake, please check her pubes for lice.”

“Are you fucking kidding me,” whispered Grant as he stared into the eyes his dick possessed and talked to the mouth it had just spoken from.

“For now on, we are enemies, you and I,” slowly spoke the prick.

“What are you talking about, I need you!”

“I’m just playing with you kid, I’m just stuck on that song by Children of Bodom. You know it, you’re the one always playing it, “Warheart”, come on you…re…member... Okay, judging by that blank stare you’re giving me I’ll not use words containing hidden jokes and whatnot. I’ll even stop talking if you want.”

Just then the door knocks and both of them go silent as they stare at Amanda looking through the window. Both have the same ideas on their mind surprisingly or not.

“Holy shit! I better hide you back into your underwear palace. If she saw me like this it would either be the perfect porno movie, or the worst date ever!” shouted Grant.

“Hey! Easy with the elastic there kid, even the smallest cut and I could bleed to death in this state.” Shouted back his prick as the zippering of Grant’s jeans drowned him out.

The doorbell rang for the second time and not wanting to keep the girl of his dreams any longer Grant ran as fast as he could to the front door. His parents had gone out for the day, doing what they did best, making spending money. As he slowly opened the door his heart stopped when he saw what Amanda had worn to his house. She had on the shortest skirt he had ever been gifted enough to see, and with its death grip on her ass he just wanted to absorb the sight. Once the unconscious part of his brain finally had a chance to skip in past the lust and vice section, he instinctively began to look up. Her gorgeous tits gave what would normally have been a boring sweater a renewal on life. It was just as tight as her skirt and jutted out to snuggly grasp her plump tits. He couldn’t wait to put his arm around her tight waist and parade her around the mall for all the other guys and lesbians to drool at. Even though something inside him told him that those feelings were unchaste and wrong, he pushed them aside and welcomed her in.

“My god, are you looking amazing today Amanda, not that you have ever looked less then beautiful,” said Grant with a devious look in his eyes.

“Well Grant I live to impress. Besides I have to give the back to the world for my looks,” she replied with a hint of wickedness. (Bitchy response)

“Come on in Amanda, for I too live... to please that is.” (Damn)

He led her to the couch he had just been sitting on. There they both sat down. A moment of silence took place as they both feed their teenage brains with a portrait of each other. Each adding to the portrait more then there was to see, but where is the harm in this when there is some basing their lives off of exaggerations. And like art, the two saw beauty in each other, yet this beauty was of the unforeseen.

“So… What do you want to do Amanda? I’ve already planned on having a good time, now you just point me in a direction and we’ll go for it.”

“Grant, why do you want to hang out with me? Is it just for my amazing body? (Resist nodding like lost puppy) Or do you like me for who I am? Please I need to know.”

So the game begins. A series of strategic questions all leading up to the final trophy, unprotected sex. But in order to reach the goal at the end of the tunnel, you must first complete all questions in such a way that your lady friend believes everything you say. If at any time during the game you feel the urge to leave, remember you represent the whole male race. So good luck and begin whenever you have the sperm to do so.

“I love being around you Amanda. I know that might sound a little corny, but when I’m around you I become one again. Without you I’m a… lost puppy. I’m torn without you. But then you came into my life and I was happy for the first time. Just seeing your face brings a smile to mine. When your happy all my cares cease and all I want to do is feed off of your feelings.”

“That’s so sweet Grant. I really don’t know how to respond to that. I never realized you felt that strongly for me. I just thought you liked to be seen in public next to me. But now that I know that…

“What were you going to say?”

“Oh it was nothing. Another thing Grant, now that I know you like my personality what do you think of my body?” (This will be easy)

“Well, I really love your silky black hair and the way it curls off of your shoulders. When God made your face he was designing his most perfect work of art, because every aspect of it flows beautifully. Your tits, if you don’t mind me saying so, are just asking to get squeezed and nibbled on. They are so perfectly round and large. Your hips curve out just enough to give you a “to die for ass” and there is nothing I’d rather do then just stare at it all day. What else you’re hiding under those clothes I haven’t had the fortune of seeing yet.”

“After what you just said about me, you can be sure you’ll have the knowledge to describe every piece of my body the next time we have this discussion.”

“Oh sweet Jesus, I’ve been wanting to hear those words since the first time I laid my pathetic eyes on you.”

“But that sentence wouldn’t of had any meaning when we fist met. I don’t know what you are getting at Grant.”

“Please don’t ruin it Amanda.”

((Does Grant get some tight ass? Find out in the next drug influenced issue of Random Wanderers))

Report Story

byGonekrazed© 0 comments/ 23482 views/ 1 favorites

Share the love

Also in this series

Tags For This Story

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar: