Ransom Divorce

"No way. I only do that when I'm pretty sure my client will win, and the payout is in the millions. You are looking at a lot of expensive detective work and then you would have a lot of my hours to pay for. You're starting without any hard evidence. I doubt you would even find enough evidence to get a decision in your favor. What about hiring a private detective first to dig up some evidence?"

"I could hire one, but I can't afford one for very long."

"I'm sorry. I can't help you. If you are able to get some solid evidence, come back and see me. Good luck."

*****

AT A LOCAL DIVE

"Hey, Marty. How's it going?"

"Fine, Jorge. How about you?"

"I'll be doing better if you have my money."

"I've got it right here - $50,000." He slid him a padded envelope.

"The easiest money I ever made. Now maybe I can really take a singles cruise. Man, I thought I was dead meat when you confronted me about fucking your wife. I got to keep fucking her and I got paid to do it."

"What, is Selma not taking care of you now?"

"She's still too upset. We tried to have sex, but it was too weird. It's hard for her to fuck when she's so mad. I think I'm going to move on if the sex doesn't get better soon. She's not a good enough roommate for me to keep her without her providing sex. So, what about you? Do you have someone to trim your horns now?"

"I've just started to settle into my new job. I got to interview secretaries. They all basically had the same skills so, I hinted about how much I valued a secretary who would be willing to work with me, even if it meant working late or going on trips with me. I was pleasantly surprised when one of the married secretaries appeared to have understood what I meant. She unbuttoned two buttons on her blouse, leaned over and said, 'I'm willing to do anything to please my boss.' She's a little older than my soon to be ex-wife, but her body is out of this world."

"Marty, there's one thing I wanted to ask you. Where did you get the body parts you sent Selma?"

"A doctor intern. Most doctors before they finish their internship and become real doctors are in huge debt. It only took a small bribe to get a couple of extra body parts. I was really hoping to send her a penis. I may still do that just for kicks."

"You are one sick dude. I need to go. You need anything more for me to do for you, Marty?"

"Just keep an ear open for her saying she has a lawyer willing to take her case."

"Can I borrow the ear you sent her?" They chuckled. Thanks for the beer. See ya."

"Not if I can help it."