All Comments on 'Reality Check'

Awful. I thought was hallucinating when I read "what the hell are you doing turning your back on the women you love when she needs you the most." [sic] on the missing '?' at the end. He's obviously suffering from some degenerative mental disorder. If this is anywhere near as autobiographical as you claim in the intro, sink prompt medical help.

Good writing. I did not like the outcome but to each their own. Thanks

Story not to my taste at all. That's just me.

A likeable character is missing in the story.

The beginning lacked clarity as to identity of persons.

Paragraphs much too long, which makes reading difficult on line.

Husband seems fairly intelligent, so will probably check stats on marriage survival after entering swinging lifestyle.

Thanks for the story. Please get to work on more.

Piece of crap, first you're a cheater and you hate she might be cheating then you grew up being open about sex but forgot to tell her and now thinking she might be screwing around turns you on except you cant stand the thought of someone else fucking........make up your fucking mind pick a direction and go with it

Jen needs cosmetic surgery, therapy, and a weight loss? Mark can cheat, quit the gym, and control his wife’s life? Isn’t it amazing how our thoughts come through in our stories?

It is a good first story. You will get better as you pay more attention to correct words, (pronouns etc.)

If you thought this was a good way to introduce yourself you seriously missed the mark. What a pile of steaming shit.

I thought this was a very good effort for a first story. I have read much worse from more “established” writers on this hub. Not perfect by any means, but readable, clear, and interesting. All the things that the “anonymous” trolls hate (shades of grey, characters that aren’t simply “bad” or “good”), are the things I like. Kudos for avoiding a lot of the cheating wife tropes (not once does your main character whine “I loved you more than life itself”, or “you stomped on my heart”). Keep writing.

First things first, congrats on your first story.

Now for the downer, her first love gets in contact with her after eighteen years and wants to meet at a shabby diner next to a run down motel in the middle of nowhere. He pulls up in a pick-up truck and goes in acting friendlier than he should. He tells her, 'Never married, just couldn't find anybody like her. She set the bar too high. He sold his software company a few years ago for enough money that he's set for life; just looking for someone to help spend it. The last several years he's been traveling the world going on all kinds of adventures, even claiming he climbed Mt. Everest.'

First off, yes rich people can drive pick-ups, but would have picked a better location for a first meeting. If she believed his story, she had more wrong with her than self image issues.

The nice thing about a free website is you also get free advice. first re-read your story more than once before you do anything else with it, you can find a lot of mistakes that way. Next, if you can't find an editor, get some one else to read it before you do anything else with it. Last, learn about POV's, tenses, the difference between woman and women and finally when writing time, use : not ;.

Good luck on future stories.

He saves his marriage only to throw it away by swinging. That is a sure fire marriage killer. They are both cheaters, they should just call it a day and move on.

good story he got passed what happen but it if was me she would have been out on the street

You need to learn to use pronouns and contractions: there/their/they're; were/we're; and your/you're! You need a proofreader to catch them, because there are so damn many of these unforced errors, it comes close to ruining a damn good story! Loved the plot, the realism of MC's actions and reactions as well as the outcome. 4/5!

Just another piece of garbage. Nothing new in this category. To be expected. 90% of stories posted in LW are just garbage written for the sewer rats.

the shit suggestion of swinging ruined it 100%

Thank you for your input. Until I read your comment and looked around the website I didn’t realize free editing was available. Thanks again.

Really awful. Not a single likeable character. Terrible story line too. Sorry I read it, won't happen again.

I only read the first page or so before I posted this. (I will reread later.) You bounced around a LOT. You seriously needed an editor or at least a beta reader to give you some feedback and help with the re-write.You needed to clarify who was talking to whom and why.

You have an excellent story. It needs to be told well, NOT haphazardly. Let's get together, talk it out and re-submit this. send an email to my address, gamblnluck@yahoo.com if you are interested.

Jen was about to ruin her marriage by going behind John's back, and why does husbands always avoid halting such cheating events. Is it because they want the divorce but are too chicken to file (either way husbands are screwed, you weekend fathers know it.). Its easier to cuss and yell at your cheating spouse than to try and stop it.

If John and Jen communicate better instead of hiding their feelings, may be things would be better.

What if they try swinging, Mark and Lanette might be a good start, experiment first, if its something you don't like, quit. Again talk.

For me, it would interesting to read an sequel with the four. Its fictional, imaginary. Gosh people like to emotionally explode in here.

I can see why you did not want to take bonehead English. Too many errors and awkward dialogue.

Not sure what story the author was trying to tell, after going to all the trouble to save his marriage, he's now thinking of swinging, wtf, completely wrong ending

I had high hopes for this one but you lost me when it was revealed that he cheated at trade shows. After that the story just turned into two married cheaters. Then to really out do yourself you end it with swinging being next in the queue. Just no!!!

I hate to slam new authors so I will say your story was fairly well written but could use a little more polish. You have potential but I think you're going to find husbands like the one in your story aren't going to be well received by most of the LW readers. And you'll see that by the score of your story and the comments.

I can see why you took bonehead English so late. Too many mistakes, and awkward dialog. Story line is fine.

very entertaining

That really happening has as much chance at being true as claiming a MAGA't smarter than a can of soup.

Barely slogged through this meandering mess. No husband would just suddenly "Need to reboot by making love" right after lover leaves the house.

Patently ridiculous, that shit would go straight to marriage counselling, NOT the bed room.

You're a cuck author, probably a previously named cuck author and I can promise you were no better in your previous incarnation than you are/will be in this one.

Junk story. Nothing about this had any realism to any degree. But it will get a round of applause from the small dicked illumicuckie crowd.

Don't say it's true, nobody believes you.

Was this a joke?

Uhh. He seems to like his wife with other guys.

What a wimp duck.

Horrible story.

Was very interested when I started reading. I came to the paragraph where the hubby is going to clean up Jen so he could make love to her -- I stopped reading immediately. Call me judgemental but this is going to be a cuck story.

/

No no no.

I hate cuck stories.

He married a pure plain and simple. The husband's nature is enabling her so I guess he deserves the STDs she'll give him in the near future.

How could she do this?

We have a better marriage than anyone I know.

I've been cheating on her for several years

..

And just like that I no longer care about his indignation

/

/

Then I thru a PI report to both of them.

Jen was sobbing by the time she got to the end

..

First off - threw

Secondly, why is a cheating whore upset that her lover is also a cheat?

/

/

Still puzzled, she queried "You don't plan on leaving me?"

"Hell no! I feel at least partially responsible for what has happened

..

oh look, a cuck

when writing cuck stories USE the cuck tag

1 star - don't bother with the sequel.

There was some consistency. You used "your" for "you're" 100% of the time. So, congrats on that accomplishment. I don't believe it is a true story or based on a true story. At best it's a fanciful retelling of an incident that you heard about.

As for the story line itself, let's just say it stretches the imagination. The focus on keeping them from fucking and not focusing on the many deceptions is a message in itself. Penetration is the line to never cross and it trumps many, many lies of omission, lies in substance, and multiple adultery attempts. Seriously?

Hope swinging work out for you. It can be a very slippery slope that few can actually handle.

What a tucking train wreck of losers. Of course they end up being swingers and fucking others so they don’t have to deal with the REALITY of the fucked up mess their life together has been.

The storyline is okay. The characters are acceptable, but need more development. This is especially true of the mc upon his announcement that he is a cheater. Yes, you did the family background thing with the liberal outlook on sex, but cheating is not just sex no matter how many times you may assert that it is when you do it, but not when your wife does. If it was, then you would have no story at all: if both are equally cheaters, then no conflict; no conflict, then no tension. No tension, then no resolution, no story.

As an aside, I point out that the word "women" is plural. It is ALWAYS plural: it is NOT like "fish" or "deer". Think of it this way: "man" is singular, "wo(man)" is singular; "men" is plural, "wo(men)" is plural. No one on this site seems to be aware of this so this lesson is for them as well. Here endeth the lesson.

LWlurker

I have no idea why you felt the need to write this. That being said, I won't lose any sleep thinking about it.

Fun Fact: if your wife cheats on you with someone who has a smaller dick than you IT'S NOT CHEATING.

I believe it with some changes as he said it would be. I could never watch my wife suck a guy cock , swallow his load then the next time habit shot all over her face and hair. Later kiss her and fuck her ,no way . Pretty entertaining story

I would have been beating him up way earlier, then I would have kicked her out into a snowbank even if I had to drive 1000 miles to find one.

Wow, this guy will forgive anything

Differant

I will never understand guys sitting back and letting an affair happen and/or continue. I just don't see how a man can do that.

I love how stories like this one basically boil down to "I'm a cheating P.O.S, and my wife was on her way to being the same till I miraculously, barely saved our marriage. So, now we're going to be swingers!" Yeah, riiught, that'll work out Great. Might as well get the lawyers working on those divorce papers now. These two morons deserve each other. Please, no sequel.

Yet another load of crap,hope September is better.

No sequel please this one was more than enough.

That was awful. Worst husband in LW. Has cheated multiple times himself, then follows his wife around waiting for her to cheat. I have no words for how totally awful this story is.

I'm stunned at all the Usual Pukes who commented without reading the damn story. Yeah, lots of mistakes, and maybe MC didn't act, think and react like YOU wouldn't, but OP wrote a story his way. Hell, it's his first frigging story! One more than all you have! I look at most of your profiles, and you've written NOTHING. So, step up, have the courage of your convictions, and try your luck; you'll find it harder than you think.

It’s as if he has no idea that this is a stroke story site. He seems to expect that this is some kind of “religious morality” website, instead of a place to go to read about men and women fucking, sometimes MARRIED men and women. Oooohhh, the scandal!

“Loving Wives - Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more.”

That’s what the banner for this section advertises. “MARRIED EXTRA-MARITAL FUN!”

Not “Loving Wives - Where cheating wives are punished, destroyed or killed by completely moral men for your pleasure.”

Maybe some of us should go to your church and start fucking in the aisles.

It was novel, and yet held together well. I probably would have made different decisions than the characters did, but they still made sense in context.

Thanks for the read.