Really Should Go Ch. 01

Louis's bike crunched and scraped against the slush and ice. He had to beat his boot against the snow several times before he dared pull on the brake, and the bike gradually skidded to a stop next to an old ponderosa pine. The pine's rough bark dripped toward the snow with pale golden pitch.

Louis hopped off, but had to almost immediately grab hold of a tree branch as the ice nearly took his feet out from under him.

He pulled himself up straight and leaned the bike against the tree. His glove felt sticky with sap as he released the branch.

The bike immediately slid against the ice and fell crashing into the snow.

Louis stared at it for a moment, then burst out laughing.

This was such a bad idea.

Natalia was usually his ride to game night, but apparently her family had surprised her with a Christmas Eve visit. He should have seen that coming. He'd met Natalia through the church their two families shared, and bonded through the solidarity of shared suffocation. He knew how it went.

The winds raced through the branches above, and Louis swore as he turned to put his cap between his face and the rain of snow and pine needles. His coat, already doing very little, was going to be soaked within minutes.

He looked at a snowflake that had landed on his hand. It still hadn't melted.

He picked the bike back up, shivering, and stood it back up more carefully, ignoring the metallic cold gnawing at his gloved hands. He turned and moved as quickly as he dared from the front yard to the icy porch of the cottage.

The doorbell gave a distant chime as Louis pressed it. In the silence that followed, his ice-cold hands slid under his shirt for heat.

He hoped it would be Emma to open the door. Or Jeff, or Mike, or Mike's boyfriend whose name Louis never remembered because those two mumbled everything and never talked in the group chat.

It was belatedly occurring to him, though, that he hadn't seen their cars in the driveway, but maybe they'd parked in the car shed. They might have. He just hoped the one to answer the door wasn't...

The door swung open. Noelle smiled brightly. "Oh, hi, Louis!"

Louis desperately held in a groan.

He'd known he would have to see her. Obviously he'd have to see her.

Noelle was their hostess. She had to be. Louis lived with his sister and brother-in-law, who refused to let Mike's boyfriend stand in their driveway. Emma was still in student dorms. Natalia's mom didn't allow dice in the house. Mike and Mike's boyfriend had three long-haired cats, and Jeff was allergic. Jeff's apartment was the size of Noelle's car shed.

Noelle was their hostess. That was also probably why she was still in the group.

Noelle was... difficult.

Louis cracked a weak smile. "Hi, Noelle. Anyone else here yet?"

"Where's Nat?" Noelle leaned over, peering around his frame. She was a lot shorter than him, and he had hips, so she had to lean very dramatically--but maybe not that dramatically. "Wait, did you bike here?" She blinked up at him. Her lashes were thick over deep forest-green eyes, and her ruby-red lips were parted in a surprised 'o' shape.

Noelle loved that everyone knew she was pretty. She loved to show it off, loved to strike poses and overdress--like in that tight red sweater, those perfectly coiffed fiery locks tickling her bared left shoulder. She basically loved any kind of attention. It was why she could be such a nightmare player. It was why Natalia had gotten so damn parasitic.

"She had to cancel," he said, clearing his throat. "Her parents, uh, made plans, I guess."

"Ugh, that sucks." She pouted, straightening again. A spark entered her eyes, and she frowned up at him. "You biked all the way from town without a helmet?"

He smiled sheepishly. Actually, he was a little surprised she'd registered that. That was unusually thoughtful of her. "I couldn't find my bike helmet. I... yes. Yes, I did."

"Ugh." She rolled her eyes. "You're such a martyr, Louis. Why didn't you make Grace drive you?"

"My sister had other plans."

"She's lucky you're not like me." She sniffed. "I would have dragged her out to the car by the fucking ear. What a bitch! You could have broken your neck!"

There was care in her voice, which caught Louis off-guard, but he also saw that intensity, that self-certainty. Natalia had said very little about what exactly had gone wrong in her and Noelle's relationship. She'd dropped hints. Very sketchy hints. But she'd also said she was fine keeping Noelle in the group, and, well, without Noelle there was no group, so...

Louis rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, she's doing her best."

"Her best to keep her full-time live-in babysitter stuck at that Backrooms-ass suburban nightmare of a house with her spoiled kids." Her eyes narrowed. "God, you look fucking freezing."

Louis shivered. Her reminder didn't help. "A-Are the others here yet?"

"Oh." She bit her lip, the fire instantly leaving her eyes but a little heat filling her cheeks. "Jeff... actually canceled an hour ago. Guess he's still got some holiday shopping to do."

He waited for her to continue. When she didn't, he prompted, "And Emma? Mike?"

"Mike's showing symptoms. They wanted to play it safe." She folded her arms under her chest, idly pushing up her breasts. Louis struggled not to look, even though he knew she wanted him to. "And Emma has a 'big deadline coming up'. Seriously, if that girl was any flakier you'd serve her in a bowl with milk and raisins."

Louis swallowed. "Wait, so..."

"So it's just me and the Game Master tonight." She smiled brightly up at him. "You wanna come in?"

He did. He was freezing. But he bit back the urge to immediately accept. "So, wait, if everyone canceled..." He glanced at Noelle's car, biting his lip. "Maybe we should just call it a night."

"Oh, no, come on." Noelle reached out and took his hand, laughing. "You can't blueball me like that, Louis."

"I'm not--" Louis pulled his hand away, feeling his cheeks reddening for reasons other than the cold. He ducked his head, reluctant to meet her eyes. "I just don't know if there's any... point."

"Oh."

That single word hung in the air for a second. Louis waited. He waited for Noelle to lash out, or to argue.

But there was nothing except the wind at his back.

"Okay," she finally said. Louis looked back up. Noelle's own eyes were downcast, avoiding his, and her lips were pursed tightly. "Yeah. That's fair enough. Hey, uh, take care." She started to close the door.

"Wait," he cut in quickly. "Just a second."

He almost winced at how her eyes brightened. She stopped closing the door, staring up at him.

"I..." He'd just wanted to ask for a ride. He needed a ride back. He didn't want to bike back in this weather if he could help it. But now she was looking so... hopeful. "It's... I mean, it's not that... that I don't want to. But nobody's here except you and me, and... I dunno. I don't wanna make things weird for Natalia." He regretted the last words the second they were out. Oh, you bitch. You asshole. Throwing Nat under the bus first chance you get.

Noelle didn't seize on that like he expected, though. The way Nat had talked about her, he realized he'd expected her to immediately turn into a Disney villain at Natalia's name. Instead, she just smiled ruefully. "Yeah. That's fair. It's just..."

She trailed off. Her eyes traveled up and down his shivering body.

"It's cold outside, isn't it?" she asked softly.

He could tell she knew the answer. Her nipples were tenting the fabric.

"Come on inside," she said after a pause, clasping her hands behind her back and smiling up at him. "We'll figure it out when you're all warmed up, okay?"

Louis looked back at the icy road, then at Noelle.

His shoulders slumped. "Okay. Sure! Just... you know, just for a minute."

Noelle bounced to the side, holding the door open behind her. Her eyes sparkled with excitement as Louis shouldered past him. "Let me take your coat."

"It's fine," he said quickly, but it was about to be soaked with snow, so he took it off himself and hung it on the rack. He hesitated, then reached down to take off his boots, unfurled his scarf, and shoved all three in the corner.

All the while, he could sense Noelle waiting beside him. She was practically bouncing with excitement.

Come to think of it... had Noelle ever missed a session? Emma was a little flaky, even if it wasn't nice to say it. Jeff had his kids, Mike and his boyfriend only went together and so both missed fairly often. But Noelle?

She lived out in the country. An idyllic little snow-covered cottage in the foothills with some chickens and a pygmy goat named Glowbug in the back. Did she even have friends outside of the members of the group? The members that all, from what he'd inferred, kind of barely tolerated her?

Even with her family controlling her, Natalia had some close friends from high school. Noelle sure didn't share any of those friends anymore. She practically hid from Natalia even at the sessions. He'd never heard Noelle mention anyone outside the group, and that girl talked about everything that happened to her.

Was Noelle lonely?

He turned to face her. She smiled up at him, bobbing in place slightly. She was wearing a sweet minty perfume, and little golden leaf jewelry dangled from her ears, glittering in the warm light of her cozy living room.

She was making an effort to be nice today. She was thinking about other people.

Was she actually as bad as Natalia said?

Noelle gave her head a cute little tilt, and he realized he'd zoned out.

"I shouldn't stay long," he said quickly. "I just... you know, for a minute..."

She crooked a finger, smiling sweetly. "Let's get you warmed up, and then we'll decide what you'll do."

Her home was, as always, fully decked out for the holidays. A tree glittered in the corner with red and gold baubles, filling the room with silver light to contrast the orange-red glow pouring from the hearth. Lush trailing branches of fir were draped over the mantle, decorated with pinecones and red ribbons. A pair of Christmas chimes were placed strategically to light up wherever the firelight and tree lights didn't reach with soft candleglow, their gentle chiming in not-quite harmony with one another. Mellow, jazzy Christmas covers crackled from Noelle's extremely pretentious record player in the corner. The gaming table was covered with a deep gold-trimmed green tablecloth, a pink-lensed lamp--the only electric light left in the room--lighting up the two bright red potted poinsettias and bowls of chocolate-covered nuts.

And ribbon-wrapped sprigs of mistletoe hung from the ceiling.

Louis didn't like feeling paranoid, but he avoided stepping under those, just in case. And when Noelle tried to guide him to sit in the armchair by the fireplace--directly under one--he politely stepped clear to pull out a regular chair instead.

"Would you like a hot cocoa?" Noelle asked, leaning back against the mantle and looking down at him with a little smile.

Louis looked up at her and tried to avoid showing a reaction. Natalia's DMs about the incident echoed back to him, clear despite a year's distance, like a mountain on a cold sunny day.

I think

idk!

like I feel like Noelle sometimes didn't always... tell me a drink was alcoholic?? Or she forgot to? which is still super unacceptable! we did stuff together while i was drunk, like, a LOT, and she loved saying she was my 'designated driver' or 'designated caretaker' when I drank (edited)

and idk sometimes it seemed kind of. Idk.

idk if it *was* just alcohol all the time. it hit really hard sometimes, harder than alcohol usually does. like there was one time where. maybe it was just sleep paralysis or laziness or whatever but I couldn't. I *almost* lowkey felt like I couldn't move. and meanwhile she's totally sober and doing stuff. (edited)

But my memories are super vague! And like, I had a serious problem, wasnt just her fault.

And I didn't communicate so good on all that stuff either, i guess.

liek i don't wanna frame her as this Villain when I *know* i had this huge alcohol problem i dont even remember tellking her about, which I SHOULD have from the start, and when I *know* my memories are maybe not totally trustworthy (she's actually the one who started to notice that, and to her credit she *was* super good about trying to help me get that diagnosis), and when

*like

*telling dfgdfg can't tyope i am. so tired lmao. sorry this is kind of incoherent and i know it's 2am and you're gonna wake up to 200 messages, im still unpacking a lot and congrats i guess ur the defacto therapist as our GM? plz don't like, take all this super. seriously? like i dont want her to get kicked out for making some slipups tha tmayve been partially my fault i just. want u to know why we're not gonna be roleplaying our PCs' will-they-won't-they anymore, and why I might be super weird around her for a bit. again, sifting through. A lot.

esp with unpacking which parts are Noelle fucking up and which parts are uhh possible unmedicated/undiagnosed schizophrenic paranoia bc wheeee super glad mental illness is cured by my church praying for me to Stop It

idk

Things with her. It just felt kind of. sketchy sometimes.

maybe.

He licked cold, chapped lips. "I think I'm good for now. Thanks."

Noelle smiled. She pushed herself from the wall, bounced on her toes for a moment in front of him, then went to sit on the arm of the armchair next to him. Her sitting pushed her black knee-length skirt almost past those dark green thigh-highs.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you outside game nights," she remarked, playing with a lock of her hair. "I mean, you always seem so shy. It's interesting talking to you when I'm not, you know, in character."

"Yeah, I... I mean, I guess I don't get out much in general." He gave a sheepish laugh. "Kind of a homebody."

"Yeah. And Nat told me about your family." Her brow creased in concern as she leaned a little nearer. Her eyes were filled with sympathy. "You two are kind of alike in that way. It's no wonder you're such good friends."

"Yeah." Louis felt his guard rising slightly at Natty's mention. He knew it was complicated, he knew Natalia had rescinded a lot of what she'd sent him that night, but still... "I mean, I just... I have a lot to do at home. Not just unpaid babysitting."

"Well, sure." She smiled, and her tone was light, but there was worry in those eyes. "But you know, you're always so hard to get ahold of, you barely talk outside of the game... you could disappear from the face of the earth and the group wouldn't know until game night."

The words stung worse than Louis expected them to. He found his eyes dropping to the floor, just as Noelle's had earlier. He wasn't sure how to respond, but he managed a half-hearted laugh. Nothing she'd said had been very funny, though.

He didn't have other plans for Christmas Eve, he realized numbly. These had been them. Even Natty, his best friend, she had her own plans for the next week. He wasn't gonna see anyone else in the group before Near Year's.

Damn.

Was he lonely?

Noelle let the silence steep a moment. Maybe she didn't know what to say, either.

"Hey," she said after a moment. "So... I was gonna bake almond cookies. I got cookie cutters and premade dough and frosting and everything. And I have board games."

He looked up at her. She smiled down at him so sweetly, cherry-red lips glistening in the firelight.

He hesitated. Searched for the words to say no. He wanted to say no. Didn't he?

But Natalia and Noelle weren't enemies, he reminded himself. Noelle didn't have to be the villain. And sure, she could be grating, but...

Her pretty green eyes glimmered with welcome.

"Yeah," he said finally, and managed a genuine smile. "Yeah, sure. Just for an hour or two. Then I can get a ride back?"

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Of course!" she chirped. "And I will be mixing us both some of my trade-secret hot chocolate, baby." Her voice chimed with gleeful determination. "Not an option. You need a drink, and I need sugar."

"... sure."

But I'll be pouring.

She smiled down at him. Damn, she was just... gorgeous. Her red hair truly glowed in the firelight.

He smiled up at her.

Just in case.

In the background, a soft, crackly instrumental of Baby, It's Cold Outside rose from the silence.