All Comments on 'Rebirth'

That started badly and fell off the cliff. From stupidity to idiocy to weird stupid idiocy. You're a decent writer. Your love for melodrama just spoils everything you touch. Too bad you're a Gary Stu kind of writer.

I liked that it was a bit different than many yet still the screwed over husband in the end managed to find happiness (hey I like what I like). While I think surely no one in real life would be that insane as Gwen I am reminded that one should never under estimate the stupidity of mankind... Also cant see how anyone is going to order councilling if she has had a lover since before the marriage. Not a lawyer but almost seems like could be fraud. Personally I would have enjoyed maybe more details in the post divorce setting but that's just me. Hope you will continue to write more.

A most unusual and interesting story!!

3/4 of the way down the first page. Couldn't move passed the ridiculousness.

"I must have sat there for close to twenty minutes, nursing cigarette and beer before some dark, devilish part of me woke up."

And that evil, nefarious part of him pushed him out of his comfort zone and made him speak in a conversational tone and ask "how long". Wow. Terrifying. And soon after he actually had the temerity to yell at the man who was fucking his wife and then have a reasonably calm discussion with her. Absolutely brutal. This guy's a beast.

Too long, too much depressed dude, too much everything.

4 stars but I don't understand why we couldn't find out how life had treated the unbelievable wife. How could anyone not think that what she had been doing was wrong on so many levels? It sounds from the little we were told that she had often cried. How did her relationship with Joe fare after Jack left. I think it would have helped the story if we were told a little more about how her decisions affected her life. Did she have any remorse at all? Still a very good story and glad he eventually met someone that really loved him.

yours is more true to life in terms of the emotional turmoil - but geeez...did it have to be so dark for him (it was damned painful at times)?

I'm not sure what to make of this story. It's well written. The temperament of the story is a bummer which made it seemed to drag. I felt like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh or the 'We're Doomed' guy from the Gulliver's Travels cartoon was telling the story.

To me, the story didn't seem to move until Cindy came into the picture. Bringing the daughter was a nice touch. The problem for me was just when the story started to get going, it ended. I kind of wish less effort was put in the front of the story and reallocate the effort in fleshing out the relationship with the daughter.

That being said, the story did convey some emotion albeit mostly dreary. I just wish more of the story focus on the life after the 'rebirth' rather than the tragic circumstances that led up to it.

To the author, I appreciate your effort. There is definitely talent there. Maybe a little less bummer and more light and the end of the tunnel would make the story a little more enjoyable to read.

I really enjoyed this story... and I hated it too.

It was very well written and I liked the supporting cast a lot. Annabelle, Cindy, and Charity were all great characters...

But the protagonist was a pathetic sadsack. Gwen was an unbelievably selfish cunt and he should have been celebrating to get her out of his life. She lied and cheated on him the entire time he knew her! After a betrayal of that magnitude, I just can't believe he'd feel anything but hatred and resentment towards a woman that wasted 8 years of his life.

The worst part of the story though, was Jack letting the bitch destroy him after the divorce. You don't have to be rich or powerful to pick yourself up after life deals you a shitty hand, but he just threw away the next 14 years! Jack was a pitiful loser.

"I wrote something that I felt was a little truer to life."

A beautiful late-twenties stripper falls in love with an emaciated, crippled, debt-ridden 46 year old? Lol... no. Cindy's relationship with Jack was totally implausible. You can't criticise other writers for being unrealistic, then throw in a fantasy relationship to a depressathon like this.

He can't forget, he won't forgive. It's a choice; not one I would make but it is a valid choice and a very realistic one.

He was right she did love Joe more. Life deals you shit sometimes, you survive it but sometimes you do stupid shit along the way. So very well done. And I too have known bizarrely contradictory characters like the exotic dancer/children's clown. Whenever I meet interesting people I know they've had shit happen. Whenever I meet boring people I know that they've never had life throw shit their way.

I look for the exceptions to this but have yet to find one.

5 *s

True to life. Sad story, but interesting and well written.

Aren't you the guy who was just over in the author's hangout talking about how terrible the loving wives readers were, how they're a bunch of bitter stupid old men whose wives cheated on them? Yeah, I think you're that guy. Now here you are. One star just for talking shit.

so what happened when joe found out, he wasn't the father?

Gratefully, a story worth reading! Personally, this story ranks among the best on this site. It’s sober realistic portrayal puts a prospective on live that most of us choose to ignore. Thanks for a great read looking forward to your next posting.

Every story has kids who are different. So boring. So very woke. Made the story less. Which was a shame. In fact the end was trite and not equal to the other parts. The first part was good. Next time forgo the wrap the story up with a bow

Your story is super good, quality of writing SS+ tier.

You did good.

There are a lot of cliches that bother me in terms of storylines for LW. The team of black op friends, the karate black belt skills, the foolproof plans of revenge. I don't go for that, but I do believe in "the best revenge is living life to the fullest without the cheating spouse". While it may not be real life, as we all know that Life has a way of getting in the way of our lives, the story being written is not non-fiction. It's fiction. We write stories of dread, of heart break, of betrayal. And the darker stories show how the betrayal was the catalyst for all things to go to pot. However, the message that I like to write is one of hope, one of "there are other fish out in the sea". Yes, grass is always greenest wherever it's been fertilized, but as you said "I love her more on her worst days than the best days with my ex". That is the message with that particular trope.

Great story, very well written!!! Couldn’t put it down

In some ways ALMOST as bad/depressing as an MM story. But has a little more truth or believability to it. Maybe a few too many years in depression (which is what gives it the MM feel), but otherwise I can see someone living like this.

The Cotton story twist was really nice.

5-stars & Favorite.

. . . the guy who finds all sorts of women ready to bed him, but that’s exactly what you wrote. A divorced sad sack — that was Mr Sworder’s description— winds up with a twenty something stripper?

I thought the story very well done in a lot of ways. You went a bit overlong with your descriptions of how he was whining about how Gwen had betrayed him, saying the same thing too many times, but I accept the idea that the divorce destroyed him, including his job performance. That’s not usually the case with the cheated on husbands in LW, but I’m sure it is in real life.

This could have gone another way. As poorly as his life turned out after the divorce, he had to have at least wondered what it would have been like had he gone with Gwen’s idea of her keeping both her husband and Joe, maybe in the same house. After all, Gwen had made his married life so good that he never even suspected Joe was in there as well.

His final revenge on Joe, being the bio father of Joe’s daughter? Awfully trite, something for the BTB readers here. And these home DNA tests don’t really tell you your specific relatives, just that matrilineal DNA indicates general ancestry, English, Slavic, etc. You’ve got to get a lot more expensive to get the Jerry Springer tests.

Call me lazy, but I don't have the time to read long stories by authors that I don't know, and frankly, the comments have done nothing to abate that feeling.

Terrific work

Superb, started and couldn't put it down. Full marks!

Who cares about Joe?

Joe is completely irrelevant. Even more so than Gwen, who also is of no importance.

His feelings are so unimportant, to the grand scheme of it, that I am genuinely surprise than anyone would even bother wondering about them.

Jack finally has the love and support of a good woman, and now also has a daughter in his life. Anything related to the ones who destroyed his whole world, as I said before... completely irrelevant.

Seeing the wife sleeping with another guy, but talking about solutions with the fucker is not an option. After she was caught he spent the night with her. That required no discussion. Run, don't walk, to your lawyer!

Not really in sync with this website, but a great read just the same. So many hypocrites and delusional people in this forum and in the comments sections, even this one.

I cannot go any farther. I learned the whys, and while plausible for Gwen and even potentially her paramour, Jack on the other hand MUST leave. To imagine any other arrangement where Gwen does not gain the consequences of her actions so clearly outlined by all three removes every ounce of self-esteem and self-worth from Jack. I want to know what happens, like watching an apocalypse, but living a life of ignorance and willingly living in a one-sided polyamorous marriage is another. Personally, my personality and psyche could not allow me to stay and the knowledge that I would even consider staying would eat me up like a cancer inside.

Great. Throw it through an editor and rewrite it again; I’ll give you another 5

Three people, Jack, Joe and Gwen and not a single backbone between them.

It was a bit of a roller coaster story. At first, I couldn’t stand how Jack could even think to talk to Gwen, much less want to reconcile with her. I was ready to throw in the towel at that time. But the story of his life in hell after the divorce went through was quite compelling and gave a view of life after divorce from a much different perspective than normally found in these stories. I thought the end was a little contrived, with the stripper/cam girl falling for him. I think having a nurse or tech.....an average woman.....fall for him might make the ending a little more realistic.

A very good effort.

I appreciate your thoughts on the successful divorcee who becomes a millionaire and fucks a bunch of hotties after the wife dumps him. However for a guy to go as far deep as he did is almost as rare in my experience. I liked the shooting angle as a means to shake him up. And your secondary charectars were great. 4 stars and please keep writing

Jesus this was a boring little bitch story. Jack acted like a little bitch for years. I didn't understand him going back to the house to talk to the slut. I didn't understand the I still love her, who are you going to pick? Why was there even a discussion? Why was this dumb ass story 9 pages? I kept hoping he'd grow some ball's and leave the slut with her true love but no... he was just a little bitch. I definitely had to skip the last fuck with him and Gwen. It was just so bizarre. You find out the slut been sleeping with someone who claims to be your friend throughout the whole relationship. she has the audacity to beat you mad even though she's the whore thats been lying and cheating for YEAR'S! She has no intentions of giving him up, claims it's her body and he can't tell her what to do with it, she gets angry cause you leave, they plan on getting pregnant and passing the child off as yours and he's just there having a conversation.. there was NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT! Except divorce!.. he's there talking about he still loves her.. how? That wouldve killed every ounce of love I had for this person. The story was just boring and didn't make any sense. I don't care how long you've been with a person or how much you love this person, that type of betrayal isn't something that can be overlooked or forgiven. I thought he took way too long to get over her. I thought he took way too long to think divorce. I didn't care for gwens attitude. She didn't feel like she did anything's wrong. She probably saw Jack as a pussy like I did and figured he wouldn't mind sharing. She didnt love him! If she did she wouldn't if been sleeping with Joe the whole time they've been together. Even when caught, she refused to give him up, even had joe in the house the whole night when he left. Yeah I'd cheat on jacks bitch ass too. This whole story mad me mad. Jack was a pussy. 14 years to get over a cum slut? Really?! That's a pussy...

Great story and a good job presenting it. I agree totally with your last paragraph (author's notes). Thank you!

One question stands out though. Does Charity have any (half ) siblings?.

I don't know how many wives due what Gwen did, or how many best friends betray their friend like Joe did, but I do believe there are people who are unfit for monogamy. I agree with not every husband who is cheated on finds a new wife with a bigger chest and wins the lottery. Cheating and divorce is about loss and the destruction of self worth. You nailed it! You told the story well.

ReedRichards

you are right they dont show you familie connections but now a days they have programs and databases where you can put your own dna sample in it and finds the connections. Thats how most people find there lost reletives these days

Having read about the MC's fourteen dark years of depression we need a sequel about Gwen & Joe's shitty life - after Gwen's epiphany and her remorse about how she handled her life and treated her husband. According to Charity, it at least was not easy for Gwen...

5*, thanks for sharing.

Looking for your next submission, perhaps a follow-up about Gwen.

On a couple point,s in the comments: having s very close family member who is depressive, involved with R P games and who would "fall" for any woman that made it past his well-constructed defenses: Jack is much too real. And there's emotional pain in his close relationships. And he questions every action he takes; at best he would stumble to a divorce lawyer and probably make it after 3 tries.

Also from experience (but not in the biblical manner) around strippers and prostitutes it's surprised me through the years how many have chosen "stray dog" men as boyfriends and husbands (many with great relationships that I would not be able to maintain.)

Adding together many jarring life-changing incidents creates combinations in fiction stories that are unrealistic but thought-provoking. I remember reading the factual report of Audie Murphy's exploits and those were unbelievable! No one would ever have this happen to them seems a hollow statement.

Wow what a rollercoaster. A well fleshed out story that had interesting well rounded characters. It had a good ending that still left room for more chapters. You should be proud of your story

I was hoping this story would go where I thought it may go. I was pleasantly surprised when it went a total different way but still came back around to where he could get some closure about his ex. Definitely worth the read.

One of the stronger pieces of writing I have read in here. At times I was irritated with this story,couldn't understand why he would beat himself up about Gwen,how Gwen could be so cruel with Jack. However the author gives some deep insight into this,it is what a therapist I worked with called the lost child syndrome,where two emotionally battered people connect over their brokenness. Gwen had her past of abuse, and Jack had his depression and loneliness.To Gwen the worst thing in the world was loneliness and that underlied to me her relationship with Jack and also why she saw no problem being with Joe or being unintentionally cruel,she felt Jack needed her not to be alone and thus he 'owed' her having Joe,plus of course Jack was a good person.Joe in a sense is her father, making her father 'whole' in a sense,it is why she cannot see the hurt she is inflicting,she is making herself whole by filling two needs (just my gut instinct).Doesn't make what Gwen wanted right,she and Joe were horrible,though Joe was the real snake,he simply wanted to have Gwen and a family without any responsibility.

Jack wasn't a wimp,he was a person who was broken. Cindy on the other hand was a broken person who refused to be broken,unlike Gwen she saw the hurt in Jack but didn't use it to help herself,she instead loved him for who he was and helped him heal.Gwen for all her love of Jack not once tried to understand him or why her actions were bad,and never even attempted to find him later in,it was all about her.

A 5+++++

It's a great story really. I hope to read new Inkhorn stories soon.

I would have quietly beaten joe once a month for the rest of his life.

An average guy would have beaten the living shit out of Joe, sent the photos the minute the bitch started in on the idiotic feminist mantra ("you don't own my body"), and dumped the cunt immediately. Just another stupidly long story built around the stock LW weak/pussified male character. Authors need to stop using "soy boy" characters to mask their lack of creativity.

I have to agree with Danger09 on a lot of points

His returning to talk to Gwen makes no sense at all. I have experienced deep love for several people in my life. I can also say I experienced a thorough purge of love for the two women who fucked me over by cheating on me. I never loved them again, not for even a second. I do dwell on them however, not because I still loved them but because I had learned to hate them and what they did. I did punch (and hurt) one of the suiters. I avoided any jail time but he had the privilege of eating soup through a straw for a few months.

The protagonist found love again, and she was loyal, true and loving. Thats the way it is for most of us. I don’t understand a story like this... most of us end up angry then go find love elsewhere. Gwen’s insistence on fucking two men and expecting her husbund to be okay with it is unrealistic. I can’t imagine that happening in real life too often. I would have killed her and happily done the time in prison. At least I would have my dignity

just wanted to get that outta the way. i can see why the super successful stories bother you, author. but these are fantasy stories. and they're usually rooted in truth.

while the husband isn't always innocent, or a mma fighter, or some super smart lawyer....the kernel of truth in those stories is merely exaggerated. truth is, honesty might not...always... be best policy. but the man/woman that sticks to their good nature principles will do well for themselves eventually...with hard work and good support.

but sneaky men/women that cheat, lie to themselves and others, make excuses, are selfish/arrogant.....well....life has a funny way of getting them back. not always, but usually. and might not be as satisfying as people would like, but these people usually end up bitter and alone. gwen doesn't sound evil incarnate, but she's no saint. she's petty, lazy, selfish, and my guess is without her husband to vent at/abuse/use....she'll start to live in a hell of her own design. sorta like how your husband character hurt himself with his self imposed exile. with him though....it was a traumatic event. it'll fade. the ex wife however....that's her permanent personality....she's stuck with it.

In streetrod circles, a '32 Ford "highboy" roadster with a small block Chevy and 9" Ford rear is referred to as a "bellybutton." Because sometimes it seems like everybody has one. This story certainly isn't a "bellybutton."

Other than the classic "came home early and took pictures from the hallway with my cellphone", I don't think there was a single cliche in it. A couple of missing and/or misspelled words here and there but not enough of them to take too much away from what is IMHO a 5* story.

A bit long winded, but a good story. Normally I'd give it 3*, but it kept me immersed enough to read all 9 pages, so 4*.

that is what it is; a great read though; full marks on that; some of the dialogs were repetitive; the guys reaction to wive's proclamation was surreal; I am no fan of BTB, but still this one is over the top even if the author wanted to write something that is off the well-trodden path. The thing is , good or bad, the readers 'live' the story and there's an emotional connection, and eventually every sad movie has the proverbial silver lining, and how this story ended isn't one of them. No sense of closure; any story that doesn't let good prevail over the evil isn't going to be appreciated; rather its only intention is to hurt the reader with an off-beat ending. If entertaining is the purpose, this story, despite well-written, fails; rather it saddens and leaves the reader with a sense of despair. Closure happens only when the one who caused the hurt does something about it. Not possible for the love on the rebound and uniting with estranged daughters can do that. The daughter is the living reminder of the betrayal.

This one felt REAL with believable characters. Excellent dialog and character development. I did want Jack to slowly eviscerate the other guy and get away with it but you can't have everything'

Inkhorn, you have become a favorite author with me very quickly. Keep 'em coming!

I did feel badly for Jack. I am a Bipolar One ( Depression ) sufferer and know that psychiatric drugs can help a great deal with my condition and others. Too bad Jack didn't run into a psychiatrist. My name is Jack too, so you can see the affinity :))

Gwen was a horrible person and not worth losing one minute over. As soon as he knew the truth, he should have thrown her and that scumbag leach Joe out to the curb. Why would anyone lose 14 years over such garbage? The story after the shooting was good but before that was weak.

I thought, what else could go wrong. The ending was very good. More realistic than most stories. 5

My only thing would be that perhaps it may have been better split into 2, I know my initial reaction was eww 9 pages... but for some reason I started it and you had drawn me in by the end of the 1st page.

Thanks

Thanks for the great read. If you try sometime......you get what you need.

5*

this was an excellent read, loved the way you put things together, in a marriage when 1 spouse cheats eventually the other will find out in some way or another, and no matter 90% of the those innocent spouses they will still "Love" the not so innocent one, they will loose all , trust, respect, and many other things, but that LOVE will still be there in the heart of the innocent spouse no matter what Danger09 says

But, a couple of things kept me from giving it 5.

The main thing was parts just went on and on. I skimmed large sections of filler. 8 large... Could easily have been 5 and then I would have given it more score.

I like what you did and agree with the need for a more realistic outcome.

I also agree it got too dark for my taste.

KB

I think his descent into hell and abandoning his sister was really selfish of the character. probably more realistic than I would imagine.

Awesome read. Better than watching the Sunday talking head shows for sure. I thoroughly enjoyed your STORY. How about a sequel to tell us what happened to Gwen.? That's the only disappointment I had with your tale. I would have liked to have seen how you closed that loop. Good job though. Kudos.

I would love to see continued chapters in non-erotica of the father & daughter’s budding relationship

Just a quick note to say that I enjoyed your story though it brought up some very hurtful memories of my ex. She was carrying on an affair with my best friend and expected me to just go along with letting the two of them having their fun while I supported her and our kids. He wasn't the first one I had caught her with or been told of. Previously I kept taking her back because I loved her and because of our boys. This time I gave her an ultimatum she chose divorce, and she walked out saying she wanted our new Audi Quattro and all our antiques. I said, “So that means I get the house and kids?” Giving me this FU look as she walked out the door she snarled, ‘Sounds good to me,’ and slammed the door. After our separation, a lot of her girlfriends came forward and informed me of a lot of her infidelities that they had either seen or covered for her. I should write up some of her cheating tales for Literotica.

On a couple points in the comments: having a very close family member who is depressive, involved with R P games and who would "fall" for any woman that made it past his well-constructed defenses, Jack is much too real. And there's emotional pain in my relative's close relationships. And he questions every action he takes; at best he would stumble to a divorce lawyer and probably make it after 3 tries.

Also from experience (but not in the biblical manner) around strippers and prostitutes it's surprised me through the years how many have chosen "stray dog" men as boyfriends and husbands (many with great relationships that I would not be able to maintain given her profession.)

Adding together many jarring life-changing incidents creates combinations in fiction stories that are unrealistic but thought-provoking. I remember reading the factual report of Audie Murphy's exploits and those were unbelievable! No one would ever have this happen to them seems a hollow statement.

Thoroughly enjoyed this being different. Thanks!

I'm not sure I can comment as I'm kinda living the secluded jaded existence of the protagonist. Albeit, I would never have doubted the fidelity issue and "sharing" is what kids do with toys, not married people who supposedly "love" one another.

Monogamy is RIGHT! It is the tried and true way forward for humanity.

Smokepole

Helluva story. Sure it was the standard batshit crazy wife and a weak husband. But it wasn't normalized or celebrated like a Biguy33 or MM story. Dark story but very talented writer.

Like others, agree with your final comment. I enjoy those stories, because they are like little power fantasies. A wronged man ends up on top. Since most of the people who read these stories are men, I'd assume that if they were in a situation like that, they'd want to come out on top.

Stories like yours probably have a bit more semblance of realism, in where the MC suffers mentally for some time afterwards. We don't all get over it right away, or immediately go into Hulk mode and get our revenge. Despite how society has portrayed us forever, we do have emotions. And your story showed that.

14 years of depression might have been a bit excessive, though. And ending up with a hot webcam girl and stripper might be a bit unrealistic. But who cares. There aren't that many stories here that I would consider realistic. Doesn't make the story any less enjoyable. Thanks for sharing it.

5*

Boy does this hit home! Parts of the story are exactly happened in my life. Makes me feel i am not aloned and brought up emotions that i thought were gone but were just surpressed. Have never commented before ,but felt obligated to. Thanks, now maybe i can move ahead.

Minor flaws easy to overlook. But well written and believable. I hope Gwen spent the rest of her life with Joe in a miserable marriage.

I'd rate it up there with Unoriginalist's story (can't remember name, but its a 3 parter), Jezzaz's Words, best of Bob; in other words, in the magic circle.

Reed R is right—the more you try to escape the tropes the harder they pull you back in. I am willing to forgive this for the same scene that Bebop3 dislikes your story for— namely, the 20 minute “wimpy” response to finding out what had been going on. That is the character—that was his strong response; not much but for him, a passive depressive guy with self worth issues—ok then. The remorse for his anger and for hurting his wife’s feelings; felt true to his character. It would be nice that we can be action figure heroes at all points in our lives, but I appreciated someone who struggled and found some ease, not by his own hand, but because of the mysterious workings of grace. And that trope, as often used as it in the LW genre still reflects realities in life... right RR?

that why this story is a piece of shit

take your twisted view of being a man an die

so a rape victim is at fault

a nazi has the right to kill a jew kid

a world full of trump or your men :go trump

weak self respect, and piss poor christian views

Your more realistic look at divorce in real life is a refreshing change of pace from the rut most of the

LW Writers on LiteE have been in far too long.

Real life works more like this story than most people are comfortable admitting.

You spin a good story and show things that people either, don't believe really happens, or only happen to others.

Keep up the good work.

5*s

Flipping the expectation made this a good read, some people are damaged goods and everyone in this story is damaged in some way. Not everyone has the jedi skill to engineer a perfect divorce, financial ruin and castration of the ex wife and the man who takes her and in this story it's an exploration of the different roads you can take. While the voyeur in me wants to know about Gwen and Joe's life afterwards the few short glimpses at the end gave a little peek into Gwen and what her life with Joe had become.

But mostly I like the economic reality of the story, a woman likes two men, should probably marry one but realizes he will never be a good enough provider so allows herself to love a more stable reliable man. This is to give her the stability she needs because you can't pay for groceries with an orgasm. And also a reliable mate, someone who will share the work in raising offspring. And he fucks her good enough as well. She's kind of an Alpha female, she's in charge and isn't willing to give up the other hottie, an emotional scorched earth policy so to speak if ever found out.

Jack in his despair does the only thing he knows how to do, he folds into himself and makes himself invisible. The fact that he is shot three times and never recovers enough to pay off his medical bills makes him a economic prisoner as well, not in the same way as Emily but similar in terms of just wanting to get on with his simple life.

Cotton is the true Loving Wife of the story, she's found a creative way to survive and still stay true to herself. She dances and webcams for money with the only resource she has, her body. But instead of resenting it, resenting men she embraces the life and try to paint herself a bright future. She's the type of woman who will always take in that stray dog or cat, the broken man in the hospital was irresistible to her.

Finally Jacks daughter upon arriving is another broken person, expecting to be rejected by Jack when she reveals she is gay and instead is embraced. Jack probably could have found a better path after leaving Gwen but honestly we stick with what we are comfortable with, we do what we have always done until something explodes in our life to make us see a different path.

Good stuff. Maybe when I'm ready to publish to can proofread my nonsense!

as you said, its refreshing to read a story based in realism where the characters are regular average people. No 10 inch dicks, no rich beyond belief, no ridicously hot who everyone seems to be attracted to, just regular people. I'll admit I was hoping Gwen would get her just desserts but it doesn't always work like that in real life.

This story is so good, I'm now following you!

Well organized, the storyline flowed, the characters were wonderfully developed, and you kept me intrigued.

I must say, you drew me in. It broke my heart when his wife betrayed him, cheated on him, and with a friend. Her excuses were dreadful, you treated them with a great deal of maturity.

Cindy was a treat. He scored a stripper! She was his elixir.

I'm looking forward to your next story!p

If a man can't discern the vibes between his wife and her lover then he isn't paying attention or is too dense to care. She's been fucking Joe with love and passion for years, and this tuned out cuck has no clue? Not much of a marriage, and not much of a loss.

Wait till he finds out what Cindy really does for her customers.

Pathetic

Disgusting story!

any so call man act like the hubby did,should be shot.

Danger you must have been blessed with some VERY simple relationships in your life. Do yourself and favor and do not do a DNA test. I have been researching my family tree and found out some incredible things. People who I discovered were actually not married to the people whose children they fathered/mothered/raised. Brothers who swapped wives 5 years into their marriages but kept the children from the original arrangements. A man who seduced three successive sisters from their husbands leaving the husbands with the children, bred each sister each of whom died in child birth after giving him at least two children, finally burying the youngest sister after she gave him her forth with him. He died at 87 with 13 children by the sisters, 40 grand children and nearly 100 great grand children. None of the sisters firsts husbands ever remarried. We have discovered and incredible number of complex relationship any one of which would fit into Loving Wives just fine. No one was murdered, no on won the lottery, most just tried to go on with their lives trying to deal with the shit sandwich life gave them and be as happy as they could be.

Well done! luv that our heroine is a busty stripper clown... thats hot!!

I have been kinda interested in the inside story of the new millennials and their relationships - the "it's my body" thing was very much so, the Goth thing puts it later than when I was young but kinda old for the current set... but it seems to read true for me. The kids have a life style - and it changes rapidly it appears. Goth was before Emo, for example.

Gwen was an interesting character - she has bought into her prerogatives, has no particular self awareness but with empathy... "he is out there all alone"...

Joe is out there all over - the kids seem to have lost a masculine role model, and so a lot of guys drift. If you wish, you can see the same tendency in the protagonist. Joe was gregarious, and weak. Jack was serious, and weak. (Shrugs)

Cindy is a sex worker, in case you missed it. She is not the wonder woman savior of the protagonist - she has lots and lots and lots of issues of her own. They seem to have spent a lot of time as roomies and the wedding plans at the end seem a bit facile.

The complaints about deus ex machina in the protagonists later relationships seem to me a bit... simplistic.

Good early story - please keep writing.

Green-something

Ended just a little too soon.

Standing O. Bravo. A solid 5.

JimC

I had been dealing with a bout of insomnia, but thanks to this incredibly boring treatise on the benefits of fifth trimester abortions, I should be ok. So, thanks!

... of the usual denouement for these stories. Keeerist! If that were that many Navy Seals around, they wouldn't be the force they are!

Thank you for this exhibition of a different dynamic. While I can agree with some who've bagged on you for the wimpy daddy ( I would've taken a torch to her and that cunt she chose to fuck! ) I can understand, and appreciate that NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE THE SAME, and that really doesn't take a lot of imagination. I've a story in mind (though I doubt I'll ever write it... I'm lazy.) that would examine sides we don't ordinarily see.. Your story has done so well, that I'll probably resist trying to write and embarrassing myself for a year or two.

Thanks for that, too!

I've seen what I considered real trash get 5's. This is much better; full marks.

Yes. Absolutely a good, well written, fascinating story. Great depictions of emotional anguish, at least in the beginning. To be sure, I had doubts when you introduced the convenience store shooting and droned on with the hospital scene, but eventually you got back on track albeit with a slightly too saccharine ending. Easily a five.

Heartfelt, realistic, warm and filled with love.

Well done. Thank you.

This was about 8 1/2 pages too long. I've had root canals that are less painful than reading this.

I thought Ohio had created the biggest wimp on this site, until today. Sorry but the story made me cringe.

I too thought the first 6 pages read like a Matt Moreau story. What I don't understand is why he went for a divorce instead of an annulment. Her continuing affair both before and after the wedding for the entire period of the marriage plus her decision to have joe's spawn and have him raise them finally she wanted him because he supplied security (read money and support). All should have formed the basis for an annulment which would have saved him attorney fees counseling fees and court costs. An annulment would have embarrassed her as well

Nothing new here again. This story us not realistic. Aggravated assualt or even murder is closer to reality. Typical story with crying, vomiting, cowardly, weak husband who can't stand up like a man. Was this really written by Matt Moreau?

Someone made a pass at my fiancee at a night club despite a warning from her and me. He touched her breast and I went ballistic on him. Kick to the knee and my knee to his head equals knock out. And NO, I didnt go to jail.

I have not enjoyed a LW story so much for a long time. No ridiculous BtB and no instant recovery situations. Well done.

But not all people can be that pathetic and scared for that long. I suppose there are more people like this than the rest of us want to admit. And it's a problem in this country that we suddenly have so many mentally ill people. Where did we fail them? And while this story was well written it was WAY too long. You threw in so much extra garbage that you buried any chance the story had of being interesting or entertaining. Why didn't he sue, not for divorce, but for an annulment? He had the evidence in Joe. Why didn't he share the pictures with all their friends and family? That would have lessened the number of friends that deserted him and made Joe and Gwen pariahs in their community. Why didn't he seek counseling when he was employed and had the resources to get help? Why crawl away from his support system - read "sister"? I realize this was a fictional story and you intended this outcome. But the miracle Cotton was just over the top nonsense when you were seeking reality. Nothing real or believable about this train wreck. In the end you just couldn't resist the daughter. That was the final nail in the coffin that was this drivel.

2 stars

One reviewer an Anon said it best for me with the term "mixed feelings "… I felt the story was well written. Jack wasn't likeable but Gwen and joe were worse. Real life often isn't nice to us mortals but jack took an extreme course following his divorce especially in his treatment of his sister and her family.. Still this tale did hold my interest cause as a glass half full person I wanted jack to retake his life. Thanks for sharing your story. Keep writing

Ed

At least thats how i felt reading this, gwen reminds me, very much of my marraige. Lots a which ive only learned this year... after over 10 years of us.... 17 years for "them" for peeps that care. For the criticism... well folks, everyone is in a different place. In my reality theres kids in both households... they dont deserve to have the 'fat man' deopped into the living room. I habe my own kinks, my own shortcomings and ive been made to feel guilty, and came to realize it was HEAVILY compensatory in her part. A couple times, turned to 5, to no more than 8.... to at least 50... am i a pushover... by many definitions, yes.... but lets not forget that depression is a real thing, and is not a choice people make, and i very particularly related to himneaising his voice, and throwing the lamp, in that these werent normal things for him, they certainly arent for me. People usually see me as a very laid back, doormat, accept whatever kind of guy, what nobody realizes is that a lot of us quieter, laid back types, are doing everyone a favor, im a volitile SOB with a medical background, and a sadistic streak. I talk myself down, everyday over this crap. So i dont think danger, and the others need to be takem seriously. I read every word, i enjoyed it completely, even though it creeped me out a bit. Keep up the good work. 5*

At first I couldn't figure what possible way any of this situation was remotely based in reality, especially Jack's ability to even consider a future with Gwen AT ALL. However, once you made it clear he was mentally unstable, damaged goods and already coming from a place where he is naturally emotionally unbalanced, then I could see of being real. To your defense, I HAVE seen several people in real life who were not normal people and made decisions like this.

Isn't that what you foresaw in AH thread ?

Story at this moment is 4.49 ! My gawd all the one bombing and gnashing of teeth that your ilk swore that happens anytime anyone doesn't post a story according to BTB template , I'm looking around , can't seem to find it .

I'm sure there will now be a retraction of that statement , and a possible regret of branding 75% of readers in this genre as rabble raising Hooligans !

* crickets chirping *

Really Good story. I like the way you write. But I’m at the age now that I like the not too sad/happy stories. I’ve had enough reality in life I don’t need to read it. But you are a good!!! Writer. Hope your next story is a little less sad. Good job!

I got you mixed up with Grendelpuppy, my apologies.

You didn't savage people who read in LW like he or that Asshat SimonDoom and some others did .

Belay my last . 😧