Rebound Pt. 03

"Ok." Nate swallowed. "That's good."

"Think of some questions for him. Like- are there any training programmes you can sign up to, what the next steps in your career might be. You don't want to be stuck on coffee runs forever, make that clear." I stretched. "Deep breaths." I said as I looked at him. He smiled slowly.

"Jude." He said. "I.... can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. I really appreciate it. Thank you." I smiled at him.

"You're welcome. I'll always be here for advice." Nate nodded thoughtfully.

"Um... on that note." He sighed and folded his arms. "I actually... did want some advice."

"Go on." He stared at me.

"It's not about work." His eyes were darting back and forth between me and the floor. "It's a personal thing." I leant back in my chair.

"Well, sure Nate, shoot." He nodded slowly and committed to looking at the floor as he began to stammer through a clearly rehearsed sentence.

"So. I have this friend. And it's like... a little complicated the how and why but I have uh... a suspicion... he's being... cheated on." I felt my cheeks grow hot. "Do you think I should tell him?" Nate asked quietly, cradling himself. He's a lot of things but no one could ever accuse him of being subtle. I sighed. Why the fuck was Nate asking me this? Did he know? No, That was ridiculous. I glanced at him. He did look guilty as sin though. My heart almost stopped. Shit. No way. I frowned at him.

"That would depend on the guy." I said slowly. "I wouldn't rush into telling him. He might know. He might not want to know." Nate nodded thoughtfully.

"Would you want to know?" He asked quietly, staring intensely at the floor. I took a deep breath. Fuck. He really did mean me didn't he? I ran my eyes over him.

"Maybe." I sighed and stared at him, trying to get him to look at me. "I'd probably want to know a bit more about why you had the suspicion in the first place..." Nate closed his eyes briefly and glanced up at me. He seemed to shrink into himself. Really? Fucking hell. I guess I should have expected the worst from Levi.... But NATE?! He cleared his throat.

"You know like, on Grindr, sometimes you're both being kind of... I guess anonymous..." He started to say slowly. Oh. Grindr. I guess that was better than where mind had gone, to Nate fucking Levi in the bathrooms of a club or whatever. "And I sort of worked out it was.... This guy... um.... My friend's...." I cut Nate off. He was really struggling, and I couldn't stand keeping him in that state of misery. I smiled at him kindly.

"Ah that's a rough position to be in, Nate." Nate looked at me like he was in genuine pain. "Well, ok. First of all- it's not your fault, I can already see you're beating yourself up about that. And second, for what it's worth, I think saying something is the right thing to do." Nate blushed as I caught his eye. "But that doesn't mean it will be taken well, or listened to, and on the other end maybe your friend knows and is figuring it out..." Nate frowned as he tried to wade his way through my vague doublespeak. I was trying to tell him it was ok, without putting us both in the position of talking frankly- and yeah, I could hear myself. I wasn't doing a great job. But there isn't a handbook for this! "I'm trying to say- it would be brave and probably the right thing to tell him. But you can't control his reaction, and it's not your place to force him to a conclusion."

"Oh." Nate said. He glanced at me and quickly looked away again. "Would you be ok with it?"

"No." I said, looking firmly at Nate. Ooh. Jude. Growing some balls huh? "No I wouldn't." I said. That might be the first time I'd said that, actually. "I'd probably call my old friends from Uni and have a fucking night and work out what I was going to do about it." Nate swallowed and looked up at me. He held my gaze.

"Ok." He said. "That's... good. Maybe I'll leave it for a bit and ah... if it gets worse... I'll say something." He winced. "And maybe I'll... like. Vet headless torsos a bit more thoroughly." He smiled slightly and I laughed.

"I really hope you're not blaming yourself for this." Nate shrugged.

"Kinda." He said. "I feel.... Real shitty." I stopped myself from reaching for him.

"That's dumb." I said with a smile. "Come on, we both know you're not the one who should be feeling shitty. You ever give yourself a break, Nate?" He laughed awkwardly.

"Um. I dunno." He shook his head and turned back to his monitor, stretching out. "Anyway, I should hurry up, I gotta head soon.... D is...." I turned away from him as he started rambling about the movies, and dinner, and all the cute things he and 'D' apparently did these days. I stared at my computer screen, nodding at him, and I could hear the little angel on my shoulder praising me for saying my feelings out loud, and for not going off at Nate, and suggesting that I'd see my friends. Friends, huh? That was a good idea. I mean, they'd tell me to leave him, but I was there already, wasn't I? I caught my reflection on the screen and sat a little taller. Yeah. I was so fucking tired of being a doormat. I was over this. I was SO over this. I smiled at myself and caught sight of Nate behind me, still sort of talking to me as he packed his stuff away. And I caught sight of the bruise on his cheek, where the obscene makeup he'd put on was starting to wear off. The angel on my shoulder shut up and I could hear something else. Something from the other shoulder. Not a good idea. But also, fuck it.

"Nate." I said suddenly, turning around and cutting him off mid sentence. "Can I ask you for some advice?" He laughed.

"Well, first time for everything." he said. "Never been in this position before. Hold on, I need a minute." He was smiling, but it fell a little as he looked at my face. His frown came back and he steeled himself. I think he thought I was going to ask him about Levi. Well. No.

"I have a friend who's covering a bruise. I'm worried about him. Should I be?" Nate's face turned red.

"Um." He mumbled. "Uh... what were you just saying? Um... depends on the guy.... Maybe he's just like, kind of clumsy and gets random bruises all the time..."

"Maybe." I folded my arms. "Maybe he says that, but maybe he's always been a shitty liar. What do you think?"

"I think I'd mind my own business." He said, glaring at the floor.

"Do you?" He looked up at me. Oh man. That was a really conflicted face. I relented a bit and reached for him. He flinched. "Nate." I said quietly. "I'm worried." He sighed, and he slowly slumped in his chair. He groaned as he hung his head.

"Don't be." He said. "I know it's a cliche to say it's not what it looks like, but I swear it's not what it looks like."

"So it really was just a fall or whatever?" He shook his head slowly. "Tell me it wasn't Darius." I said, kneeling beside him. He sighed and looked at me. We sat in silence for a minute as he held my gaze and opened his mouth. Come on, Nate. Tell me I'm wrong. I'd love to be wrong. But he would have said something immediately if I was wrong, and as he looked at me his face slowly crumpled.

"Look." He looked away. "He was really, really drunk. We were winding each other up all night. He doesn't even know he did it." I opened my mouth but he shook his head to stop me. "I'm not stupid." He said. He smiled. "Well, I am stupid, but I promise I'm not gonna cover for him again. I won't need to. It was a one time thing and he'd kill himself if he knew. I swear I'm not like... you know. Like I don't think I'm gonna change him or anything. But he won't do it again." I bit my lip. Oh Jesus. He is stupid, he really truly is. But only about this.

"I don't believe that." I said, as slowly and kindly as I could. Nate smiled and took my hand. He squeezed it with a sigh.

"I wouldn't either." He said. "But I know D, and you don't." I swallowed. Sure. I don't know Darius. But I know Nate, and maybe they were winding each other up, and maybe Darius really wouldn't have if he were sober, and maybe a hundred other excuses that I'm sure Nate had primed, but... you know, most people don't hurt other people. I felt my gut twist with resentment, because Darius had to know who he had with Nate. He had to know he had the sweetest most trusting soul in the whole world. I knew, of course I knew that my reasons for hating Darius were primarily because he had what I could never have, I had to be honest with myself about that. If my own life wasn't falling apart, if I were single when I got to know Nate... well I would have fucking fought Darius myself. I would have smirked at him when Nate was high and wrapped all over me and placed my claim on Nate. But I couldn't. And I wouldn't. But if Nate was some guy who I'd never really clicked with I still would have told him to leave Darius.

"I don't know him." I said carefully. "All I know is he's apparently a real shitty drunk. Which I would have thought was enough. I don't think you should keep seeing him." Nate pulled his hand away.

"I know." He said. "I'm not in love with him or anything, Jude. But he... he really is..." He sighed. "I dunno. Different. Different to how everyone sees him. And if I just fucking... leave... well. He'll never..." He winced as he trailed off. He'll never what? Change? We both knew that was what Nate was trying not to say. He thought he was going to change Darius, no matter what he said. He thought he'd be the one to bring out all the good stuff, and hide the bad, forever. I couldn't blame him. Wasn't I, in my own way, desperately doing the same thing?

"Well. I'm here." I said with a sigh. "And I'm watching." He rolled his eyes.

"Great. Just what I need. Another possessive big brother." His eyes widened. "Oh. Don't tell Russ." He said grimly.

"I won't say anything..." I squeezed his knee. "But promise me you'll look after yourself. He's not worth it, no one's worth it." Nate sighed heavily.

"Yeah." He said. He leant back in his chair and looked at me. "It looks worse than it felt." He said lightheartedly. I glared at him and his mouth twitched. "Jude!" He said. "Don't! Agh, I know. I know." He shook his head. "Look. I'll tell him ok? And then at least he knows, and maybe we can work through it or whatever. It's the drinking, it's always been drinking for him. Maybe he can like, start AA or something."

"But why do you have to bear all of that?" I asked. Nate smiled at me.

"Because that's what I do." He said quietly. "I can't help it. I just like lost puppies." I couldn't stop myself from smiling, even as the pain in my gut got worse.

"God." I sighed. "You're an absolute fucking soppy bastard." I stood up and started to pack away my laptop. "Alright, I'm not winning this round. But if he ever fucking touches a hair on your head without your consent you fucking tell me and I'll sort that cunt out, ok?" Nate smiled at me.

"Deal." He said. He stood up. "Uh... thanks Jude." He frowned as we stood, packed up and facing each other. "Um." He said quietly. "I guess on that note. If you... need an ear about..." He twisted his mouth. "Ah... whatever you're going through...." I shook my head and started walking towards the lifts. "Oh, you not staying?" He asked. I smiled at him.

"Gonna go catch up with some friends from Uni." I said. Nate nodded slowly and caught my eye. "Oh." He said. "That's a really good idea." I nodded as we got into the lift together. He smiled at me and nudged my shoulder. "Don't get too trashed. School night." I smiled back, and we rode the elevator in silence, just smiling sadly at each other as we exited the building. I glanced at Daruis' Hilux and sighed as Nate waved to him.

"Hey Nate...." I said. He grinned at me. God, he can turn on a dazzling smile faster than anyone I've ever known. "Be careful." I said. He nodded.

"Thanks." He said. "I am."

-----

I walked towards Laundry, where I hadn't been in months, and paused briefly at the door. Maybe they wouldn't be there. I muted the group chat weeks ago, I don't even know if they still met up here. Oh well. Don't lose face now, Jude. You can always just get a drink and go home.

I walked in, and my eyes scanned the room. I smiled as I saw them. Same table as always. Same idiots with the same haircuts. I made my way across the room and sat in an empty seat. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows as I helped myself to the jug on the table without invitation.

"Oh hey, Jude." Rita said eventually. "You missed the first round but thank god that was just Geography, you're still gonna help with Media."

"Double points on...?"

"Music and Lit, duh."

"Good call." I smiled at them and settled in. We said nothing beyond answering questions for a bit, and I bought some more beer, and we loosened up a little, and eventually half time rolled around and I felt the collective eyes as the group turned on me. I rolled my eyes and raised my glass.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry." I said. "Next one hundred rounds are on me."

"Are you ok?" Rita asked.

"Where have you BEEN?" Abby almost shouted.

"What's going on?" Tama looked at me thoughtfully.

"Are you and Levi..." Ethan glanced at me. I sighed.

"No, avoiding you and... well.." I sighed. "He's... there's other guys, don't fucking tell me you know, because I know you know and I know too, and I was trying to pretend it wasn't happening but my fucking BARISTA just tried to tell me, and you know at that point you just have to admit you have to..." I sighed. "God, I dunno. Catch up with your old friends and beg them to hold your hand through the break up." I mumbled and slowly looked up to scan their faces. Yep. Relief.

"Thank god." Rita said.

"About time." Abby grinned.

"God, I knew he was an ass." Tama added. I glanced at Ethan. He started to laugh.

"Dammit." He said. "The love of my life is FINALLY on the market and I have a boyfriend!"

"Wait... you do?" I sighed. "Oh well, there's plan A out." Abby thumped me.

"Logan's way hotter than you." She said.

"Ew Logan?" I rolled my eyes. "Logan and Ethan, gross." I caught Ethan's eye and he grinned. Thank god. Because lord knows I probably would have. And that would have been awful to Levi and awful to Ethan. Abby smiled sadly at me and leant in.

"Aw, Judey." She sighed. "You've really been going through it huh?" I shrugged. And to my shame my eyes started to well up with tears.

I tearfully made it through the rest of the quiz and we somehow came in second. Despite bawling my eyes out I was still pretty on to it with the literature round. That meant we got a bar tab and despite it being a school night I happily embraced the wine that was pressed into my hands by my unflinchingly forgiving friends, who didn't mention once what a total dick I'd been by cutting them out. I told them how sad I'd been, how much I'd been falling out of love, how much he annoyed me because he refused to lift a finger, how hurt I was when he was out late...

"And he forgot my birthday!" I wailed. "Not that it's, like, important, but he forgot and I ended up eating pizza and smoking all night alone."

"Oh baby." Rita crooned. "Call us! It is important! You only turn 32 once!" I laughed.

"I should have." I said. "You would have told me he's a douchebag."

"We would have." Tama said. "Honestly, I can't believe you said you'd marry him." Our tongues were all loosening by now. "He never liked us, he always thought we were beneath you."

"Ugh, I know!" I started to laugh. "Oh my god- I haven't even told you the dumbest, most stupid funniest part... oh god. I'm falling for another guy."

"Oh my god." Abby widened her eyes. "We thought you were like literally blind to other guys."

"I was!" I relaxed into my chair. "Ugh, you'd love Nate. He's so kind and sweet and he'd just get us, you know? But he's with some abusive asshole, and he has no fucking clue I like him, and I'm still fucking engaged..." Rita edged closer to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Well. We can at least solve the you being engaged thing right?" I sighed and looked at them all blearily. I guess that was solvable.

----

Levi was at the kitchen table working when I stumbled in. He looked me over and rolled his eyes.

"You're drunk." He said.

"You're a cunt." I said. He sat up straight and folded his arms.

"Ok?" He said. "Go off, you always do when you're wasted." I sighed and sat opposite him. I did have a speech. I'd had it forming for months, actually. I'd refined it in the last few weeks. I'd really refined it in the last few minutes. But I looked at him with nothing, just absolutely nothing, no respect, no love, nothing.

"You and me." I said, which wasn't the speech at all, but fuck the speech. "Not working. Wanna break up."

"This again." He stood up. "Talk when you're sober or shut the fuck up, Jude. I've had enough."

And he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

"Me too." I said to an empty room.

-----

Tuesday

----

Jude

---

Nate glared at me as I entered Mojo. He was sitting up at the bar instead of behind the counter, hunched over. I smiled in spite of the face he was making, because he was wearing a suit. I'd honestly never considered him in a suit before- and it looked fan-fucking-tastic. He folded his arms and shook his head as I approached him.

"You said you'd come in early!" He said. "You were meant to calm me down before the interview." I laughed.

"Did it go ok? Sorry, I got caught in a meeting." Nate sighed and rested his chin on his hand as I sat beside him.

"Maybe." He said. "It was pretty short. Like 20 minutes." I shrugged.

"That's fine, it's not the kind of role they go through huge processes for anyway." Nate bit his lip.

"I swore." He turned red as he looked at me. I tried to hide my smile. I knew he would. He can't stop himself.

"In what context?"

"Does it matter?" I shrugged.

"Sort of. Don't stress. You'll be fine."

"Ugh." He banged his head on the counter. "I totally fucked it." See?

"I doubt that." I said. I nudged his knee with mine. "Are you off for the day then? Wanna tell me about it? And if it really was that bad I'll knock off early and we'll go for a drink." Nate smiled at me and slumped over the counter.

"I was gonna get back." I glanced up as Russell cleared his throat. He squeezed Nate's shoulder.

"It's slow dude." He said. "We probably have this. You're owed like three weeks holiday, the company would probably appreciate it if you take some of that." Nate's shoulders slumped forwards.

"Thanks." He muttered. I pulled him over to a quiet corner after getting some coffee on the way for us.

"So... go on."I said. "How'd it go really?" He sighed.

-----

Nate

----

"No more coffee." Russell pulled the cup out of my hand and poured it down the sink as I reached for it. Asshole. I'd opened the cafe, and clocked out like ten minutes ago to get changed because I was pretty sure you're not meant to interview in the apron from your current job. Not that I really had any idea what to interview in. I should have asked Jude. I had a few like... real shirts somewhere in the back of my wardrobe which never saw the light of day and I'd inspected them last night. Shirt and jeans? Too casual? What's a dress code even like these days? What do they say? Dress for the job you want? Well the job I want is walking dogs all day, but ok, that wasn't helping.

I went for a suit. Maybe it was overkill but fuck it, it looked nice. And it had been worn once so the cost to wear ratio really needed a bit of help.

"You look really professional." Russell said seriously. "Didn't think you had it in you. Nice." I smiled at him.

"Thanks. I need another coffee though. Still got 20 minutes to go." He shook his head firmly.

"You're shaking." He said. "Did you eat this morning?"

"Yes." I lied.

"Go out for a cigarette then."

"I quit!"