Rebound Pt. 03

"Oh...kay." Ryan gently pushed me off him.

"Sorry." Ethan said. "We were meant to be babysitting but we looked away and he's uh... had one or two too many."

"Aw." Ryan said. "Man, I did not take you for a drunk clubbing kind of guy Jude."

"I'm not." I sighed and sat down, clutching at Ryan's shirt. "Levi and I broke up. I mean, we already were, but like this time it's proper... anyway I'm having a real quick breakdown."

"Oh shit." Ryan sat next to me. "Fuck, are you ok? Ok, well, obviously not, you're an absolute mess...." I glanced to my side as Sam moved to the other side of me and stroked soothing circles on my shoulder. Man, Ryan was so lucky. Sam was so pretty. I reached out absentmindedly and touched his hair and he flinched away.

"Sorry." I jerked my hand away as I woke up a bit. "Uhhh.... Long night. Long hair..." I gestured at Sam and he glanced at Ryan with a shit eating grin. "Long hair winds me up." I said. "Sorry Sam." Sam shrugged.

"Apologise to my husband." He said grimly. I glanced at Ryan and swallowed, but he shook his head.

"Eh. We've all been drunk and horny." He said. I sighed.

"Very very guilty on both counts." I sighed and flopped over the seat outside and sort of onto Ryan. "Sorry." I mumbled to Sam. "But he's not my type so don't worry." Sam laughed and looked at Ethan and Logan.

"We were sort of wrapping up our night anyway." He said. "If you guys want to stay here we'll take Jude to get a kebab and get him home?" Ethan and Logan gave each other a look.

"Oh... na..." Ethan said. "We... this is our fault. We can get him home."

"It's all cool." Ryan said. "You guys should enjoy your night." Logan and Ethan debated that and I sighed.

"It's ok guys, you did your best." I consoled them. "You kept me from having raw sex with at least two guys, that's like a silver medal. And Ry and Sam get gold if I get home." Ethan laughed.

"Well... if you're sure that's ok...." He mumbled, but Logan was already dragging him back inside. Ryan sighed as he put his arm around me.

"It was the right thing to do." He said, squeezing my shoulder. "Proud of you."

"Huh?" I glanced at him. He sighed and pulled me up.

"Levi." He said. "Sam, help me with this? He's heavier than he looks."

"He looks plenty heavy." Sam eyed me up with a frown, but he sighed and helped Ryan, wrapping his hand around my waist and helping me get down the street. I squeezed them tight.

They sat me down outside a hole in the wall pizza place and bought me a massive slice of pizza which I devoured in between cigarettes.

"Didn't know you smoked." Ryan wrinkled his nose. "You never smell like cigarettes." I sighed.

"I'm mostly reformed." I said. "When I'm drunk I'm... the worst." Sam laughed.

"Hmmm. I can think of worse drunks." He raised his eyebrow as Ryan and Ryan's face fell. Sam reached for him. "Oh." He said quietly. "I didn't mean that." I looked between the two of them. Ugh. So soft and lovely. Soooooo perfect for each other. Even if, by the sounds of it, Ryan was a mean drunk.

"Nate's ex was like that." I said, completely oblivious to social conduct. "Asshole. I was gonna hunt him down and beat him up myself." Sam looked at me, confused.

"You following that at all?" He asked Ryan. Ryan sighed.

"Nate." He said. "Our new intern. Black eye."

"Oh." Sam said. "Still not following...."

"So pretty." I said. I was staring at Sam's hair again and I could see him and Ryan exchange a look.

"You might want to stop hitting on my husband, Jude." Ryan said, sort of lightheartedly. I frowned at him as I saw the glint of annoyance in his eye.

"Huh?" I looked at Sam and laughed. "Oh... no...." I couldn't stop giggling. "Just his hair." I gestured at Sam and shook my head with a grin. "I'm thinking about Nate. He's nothing like you, Sammy, he's very... bubbly." I sighed. "He likes dogs. Actually he likes all animals but he thinks dogs are the best, he'd give up men for them, but he doesn't need to because I like dogs too...." Sam and Ryan looked at each other.

"Oh dear." Ryan said. "Oh that's not good." I sighed and lit another cigarette.

"I think it's fine." I said quietly. I blinked and tried to sit up straight. "He's... incredible, but usually I'm kind of an adult. I'm sure there are other pretty men who like dogs and have long hair I can fuck.... You've caught me on a very off night." I sighed. "Sorry." Ryan sighed and put his arm around me.

"You're alright Judey." He said. "It's been a week huh?"

-----

Sunday

---

Nate

----

"We start with my job right?" I said to Russell as we walked up the path. "She can't be mad at us if you and I are both about to be in real jobs." Russell laughed.

"Yeah, that will distract her for as long as she's not looking at us." He sighed. "Christ. I hate it when Mum's mad." I swallowed and took his hand.

"I know." I said. "She's the best mum in the whole world. Fucking rotten luck, both of our dad's being assholes, and then both of us being total fuck-ups."

"Speak for yourself!" Russell laughed. "I'm only a minor fuck up, I was doing pretty well until this week."

"Actually, true." I grinned. "I get to be the golden child! This is gonna be awesome!" Russell squeezed my hand.

"Enjoy it." He said. "Won't last." I laughed and we paused on the doorstep. He swallowed. "Here goes." He muttered, and reached for the door- but Mum was already there. She swung it open and her smile dropped as she looked at us.

"Oh Jesus, really?" She folded her arms. "Well, come in anyway. I can't eat all this by myself."

We trailed in behind her and she set us up in the living room as she fussed around the kitchen and brought us out chips and cheese to nibble on.

"Beer?" She asked us.

"Thank you." Russell said.

"It's in the fridge." She directed and I went to get it, giving her a hug as I passed her.

"Missed you mama." I squeezed her and she held me back.

"Nate, you're getting tall?" She said, "Are you having a growth spurt?" I laughed.

"Short as ever." I sighed. "How come I didn't get ANY of your height?" She and Russell were both tall. Mum apparently came from a long line of tall people. I guess my waste of a father managed to give me the only thing I really didn't want, which was his stupid short genes. He was Tongan! There was no excuse for it, honestly. Maybe short genes are dominant. Which is so unfair. I grabbed the beer and handed one to Russell and he looked at me. Yeah. like 5 more minutes of this and then we were in for the third degree. Mum hummed as she finished up in the kitchen and took her apron off, coming to sit with us.

"So who started it." She looked at both of us. "Not that it really matters, you're both far too old to be fighting each other." Russell sighed.

"I started it." he said. My head jerked up.

"Liar!" I winced as I looked at mum. "A um... a guy I was seeing started it." I mumbled. "And I guess Russ took it upon himself to finish it..."

"Oh Nate." Her face fell as she looked at me. She stood up and wrapped me in her arms. "Oh you poor baby."

"Mum!" I protested, but I let my head fall to her shoulder.

"I hope he looks at least as bad as you do." She glared at Russell.

"Worse actually." He blinked.

"Well that's something." She sighed. "Russell, you have to take better care of Nate! You KNOW he has bad taste in men!" Russell choked on his beer.

"I told him not to see him! I can't control Nate, he's a grown ass man!" I laughed and pulled away from Mum.

"Mummm! Russell doesn't have to take care of me! Anyway, you're one to talk about bad taste in men!" Mum glared at me.

"Exactly why I worry." She said, sitting opposite me again. "Of all the things to pass on to you I have no idea how you ended up with the stupid about boys gene. I thought I raised you better." Russell sighed.

"Don't be mad at Nate." He said. "It's not his fault."

"I know." Mum said. "And YOU Russ! Fighting is not a way to solve your little brother's problems!" He sighed and put his head in his hands.

"I have learnt that lesson." He said quietly. "Albeit the hard way." He swallowed and looked at me. "I have a court date." He mumbled.

"A WHAT?!" Mum stood up and looked like she was about to box Russell's ears, but she must have changed her mind when she saw his face. She sighed and sat down again.

"He pressed charges?"

"Na, the police got involved though." He swallowed. "I talked to a lawyer. First offence, mitigating circumstances... kind of... I'm pleading guilty. 100 hours community service, probably. So that's ok, I'll just hang with Nate at the shelter." I grunted. We hadn't discussed that. But fair's fair.

"You should think about working with Briony." Mum said. Russell looked up at her. He winced.

"Aw... mama.... I told you I don't like being involved in that kind of thing."

"Your brother always does." She folded her arms. "I don't see why you're so hateful about it. Nate's always put up his hand for trans activism." Russell sighed. He looked at me and I shrugged. We'd had our own fights about that. Russell never wanted anything to do with pride, or trans or gay rights, or anything like that. I let him be because... well. He's stealth. Sure, I think it's his fight but I respected his right to disengage with the community. You don't owe anyone shit- straight, gay, trans, whatever.

"People will look at me different." He muttered.

"You don't have to come out." Mum said. "There's nothing to come out about anyway, except to anyone you want to sleep with." Russell winced and I contained my snort of laughter. "You had me and Nate." She said firmly. "We were always there for you. And I got you counsellors, and tried to get you into community groups. You had all the support in the world and there are a thousand little boys out there with none of that. They need a big brother, Russell."

"So they can have Nate!"

"But they need you." Mum said. "Remember when you met Rich?" Russell sighed.

"God, the fucking guilt tripping, mum." He groaned. "Rich WANTED to help me. I don't want to help anyone." Mum raised her eyebrows and glared at Russell.

"Of all the damn things to come out of your mouth Russell Novak. You don't want to help anyone? Fine." She said coldly and stood up again to drift to the kitchen. Russell groaned and sat back on the couch.

"Ughhhhhh." He said to me. "Fuck."

"You don't have to." I said. "Mum doesn't really get it." Russell sighed and shook his head.

"She does." He said quietly. "Actually, she really does. I really lucked out." He groaned. "She's right. I am selfish."

"You're on your own journey." I said. "You're not selfish. You're lucky. You pass. No one knows. I can see why you wouldn't want to fuck that up." He moaned.

"You're making me feel worse." He said. "You know Ange?" I shrugged. Vaguely. A friend of Russell's from high school who transitioned a couple of years back. "She went through hell. All the guys stopped talking to her. None of them got it. They made fun of her. And the whole time I just... sat there. And nodded. I wish I'd reached out." I bit my lip.

"It's not too late." I said.

"She's happy. I don't want to dredge up bad things from the past for her."

"She might appreciate the chance to go off at you." I smiled. "Anyway, Mum always guilt trips, you're right. Don't let it get to you. Do whatever you want to do." Russell shook his head.

"So..." He called out to Mum. "What exactly would working with Briony entail?" Mum poked her head around the corner and smiled at Russell.

"Helping and distributing gender affirming clothes to people who can't afford it." She said. "Not too bad is it?"

"I guess." Russell said. "So no group therapy?"

"No." Mum said. "But if you did meet someone who wanted to talk... that option might be there." Russell sighed.

"Fine." He said. "Ok, put me in touch. I'll think about it."

----

We sat around the table and Mum asked us about work. Russell had managed to save his job- he'd gone in for a meeting with HR and they were a little concerned at first, and a lot of it hung on what he ended up sentenced with, but they seemed to be understanding, and they wanted him, so it looked like he'd be ok. I sat there almost bursting at the seams as they talked about it, dying to show off to mum for the first time in my life that I, too, was finally doing something with my degree. Russell rolled his eyes as he looked at me bouncing in my seat.

"Nate has news." He said. Mum looked at me.

"Oh?" She didn't sound very excited.

"I got a real job!" I said. "I'm working in an office! In MBIE! It's a really small team, really specific stuff about environmental impacts on indigenous communities. I'll just be doing the real boring stuff for a bit but they seem to think I can move forward at some point, you know I'll be, like, working on mitigating economic impacts on marginalised communities with environmental reforms..." Russell rolled his eyes.

"So boring." He moaned.

"It's not!"

"I'm so proud of you!" Mum said, welling up a bit. "I thought you were going to tell me you'd adopted a dog." I laughed.

"I don't have room for my own dog, I have all the others." I grinned. "Isn't it great?!"

"Oh baby, I'm so happy." She smiled as she looked at us. "When did all that happen, Nate?" Russell snorted.

"His boyfriend needed some help and Nate practically creamed himself offering it."

"Russell." Mum chided.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"Your boyfriend?" Mum frowned. "Not..." She looked at me and I sighed.

"NOT my boyfriend." I rolled my eyes at Russell. "And not the guy who.... No, just a customer, Jude. He helped me out a lot, I mean, he got me the job for sure."

"And Nate's in love with him."

"AM NOT!" I glared at him. "Anyway, he's married... oh, engaged actually I guess... so shut up." Russell shrugged.

"Doesn't stop you from flirting with him literally every day." Mum sighed.

"Russell, stop teasing you brother. Nate, stop flirting with married men." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not!"

"You soooo are." Russell said. He looked at mum. "The annoying thing is he's the only decent person Nate's ever been into. Life's shit like that huh?" I sighed.

"Russell's seeing someone." I said to take the heat off me. "They're probably getting married."

"Oh?" Mum's steely gaze immediately turned to Russell, who blushed furiously. "Why isn't she here?" Russell sighed.

"Well she's not here because we knew you'd have something to say about turning up with black eyes." He said pointedly. "Shona." He mumbled. "I guess she could come round next time."

"Good." Mum said. "We need someone to help with the lamb. You sure you don't want any, Nate? I spent a lot of time on that."

"Mummmm!" I whined. "I've been vegetarian for years now!"

"Thought you were vegan." Russell teased.

"Uhhh... plant based but sometimes kind of bad at it." I mumbled, looking at the pile of potatoes on my plate drenched in butter. Russell laughed. Mum sighed and smiled at us.

"I forget how LOUD you two are." She said. "Thank God we only have to do this once every couple of weeks." I laughed.

"We could go weekly." I said. Russell kicked me under the table and I grinned at him. He sighed.

"We could." He said. "If you want, mum." Her eyes welled up again and I looked down at my plate. God, what a soppy family. I'm so lucky.

----

Jude

----

I woke up in a house I didn't recognise and almost shat myself before I saw Ryan coming around the corner with a pot of coffee. He nodded at me.

"Morning." He said. "You were very vague about where you live, so you're at ours."

"Fuck." I mumbled. "Oh god, how bad was I?" Ryan laughed.

"Not so bad." He said. "Although you owe Sam an apology." I winced. I remembered getting pizza... and I remembered yarning on and on about Sam's hair... I remembered vomiting on a tree... and vaguely being in a taxi...

"Oh no." I said. I sat up. "Did I hit on him? I wasn't thinking straight." Ryan shook his head and sat beside me.

"Nooo...." He said with a yawn. "You made it very clear you weren't hitting on Sam... but you did insist on..." We glanced up as Sam himself entered the room. I looked at his head, which was done up in a thousand braids, piled on his head. He grinned at me.

"Morning Jude." He stretched out and went to sit beside Ryan. "How's your head?"

"Ok actually." I winced. "Um... I... shit. I'm sorry for last night." Sam and Ryan grinned at each other.

"You're ok." Sam said. "Look at your masterpiece!" He gestured to his head and I winced.

"Did I do that?" Sam laughed.

"Yep. We got you home, got you a nightcap and you decided that playing with my hair was the best idea in the world and we couldn't talk you out of it." I winced.

"Ok, that's kind of a new one." I felt myself laughing. "Christ. That's very patient of you. Sorry Sam." He looked slyly at Ryan.

"Do we tell him?" He asked. Ryan sighed.

"What, that he was calling you Nate all night?" I blushed.

"Oh god." I moaned, putting my head in my arms. "I wasn't?" Sam shrugged.

"Yeah." He said. "Well, Nate's a lucky guy. You're a talented hair stylist." I moaned and looked at Ryan. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Crap." I said. "Well. I guess secrets out that I have a bit of a thing for Nate."

"Secret was never IN that you have a thing for Nate." Ryan said with a sigh. "But... Jude... just... as a friend... maybe rebounding from a pretty serious relationship with our intern isn't the smartest idea in the world." I looked at him and swallowed.

"I had no intentions of actually...." I sighed. "Yeah, you're totally right. I didn't realise I was so hung up on him actually.... Well, you've taken over his mentorship, maybe we keep it that way? I'll tell Adrian I don't have the time and you're willing to help out. We'll put some distance between us, and I'll call Thomas from last night and rebound properly, with an awful one night stand." Sam laughed.

"That's a really smart idea." Ryan smiled at me. "Although I am sorry. Nate is really nice. I can see why you like him so much." I sighed and wrapped my hands around my knees.

"Eh, maybe it'll fade." I said. "He was the first person I talked to on my first day, and I was so sad about Levi at the time. I think he was easy to become infatuated with. Everything Levi wasn't. Open, and naive, and sweet and young..." I laughed. "And you know. Long hair." Sam laughed as Ryan put his arm possessively around him.

"Well you made that kink pretty clear." He teased. "You need to come to some gigs with us." He grinned. "We're into metal- not a hell of a lot of gay men there, but the ones who are all have long hair." I smiled at them.

"Thanks for last night." I said. Ryan sighed and stood up to pour us each some coffee.

"It's what friends are for." He squeezed my shoulder. "But you only have three months of falling apart and then I'm afraid we'll have to stop being kind and understanding and start staging interventions." I laughed.

"Actually, it's out of my system." I said. "Definitely ready to be level headed again. But... you know. Still. Thanks." I swallowed as we talked about work, and what my plans were for the next week, and they slowly helped me plot out a schedule that didn't leave a lot of time for drinking and wallowing, which was kind of them. They were so nice. I'd never really had work friends before. It was a different vibe from my old friends from Uni. These two met me at a different stage- I could tell they didn't really feel like they needed to watch out for me the way my other mates did. I could tell they liked my work anecdotes, and our conversations were fewer arguments about pop culture and more politics. It wasn't better... It was just different. It was nice to have the balance.

Eventually Ryan started going on at Sam to hit the gym together and I winced.