Rebound Pt. 03

"I know, I thought it might help calm you down."

"Maybe..." I shook my head at myself. "No! Besides, I don't want to go in reeking of tobacco." Russell sighed.

"Good point. Have a mint."

"Ah crap do I need one?!" Russell laughed.

"Calm down! I'm just trying to think of something to distract you, and if you drink anymore water you'll piss yourself mid interview." I laughed and reached for the crossword. That was always a pretty good distraction.

---

I knew the 5th floor pretty well by now, but I didn't like Adrian's office, because it was in a gloomy corner and the door was always closed. I was propped up on a cheap fake ergonomically designed chair outside and the people working all smiled at me warmly as I tried not to sweat so much I left a puddle on the seat. I knew most of them... not their names mostly, just Mr. Trim Flat White One Sugar, and Ms. Soy Hot Chocolate No Marshmallow, and one of my favourites, who waved at me... Ms. When Does The Cute One Start Again? She meant Frank, and she seemed to always miss him by minutes.

Eventually, when I was seconds from bolting, Adrian opened the door to his office and smiled at me and welcomed me in. I perched on the chair opposite him, unsure how to sit.

"This is just an informal get to know you, Nate." He peered at me over his glasses, "Your work with Mr Awatere speaks for itself." My hands were clammy and my head felt cloudy. Mr Awatere? Oh. Jude. Duh. I smiled at myself and glanced at Adrian.

"Thanks." I said. "I've been really enjoying it. I wasn't sure I could actually, it's been so long since Uni..." I wrinkled my nose and shut myself up mid sentence. Maybe I should really try and keep my answers short. Adrian pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"You have a lot of heart." He said. I glanced up at him. That's not exactly on my CV. "So much volunteer work, I like that a lot. This role is with a group that has to wrangle with a tiny budget and justify its existence at least once a week." He sighed. "Would you like to speak a bit to your experience with some of the organisations you've worked with?" I swallowed. I hadn't prepared for that. I'd been prepared to try and explain why on earth I wanted to work in an office in spite of that actually. But I sat up straight and did my best. I told him I'd started volunteering in high school because I didn't have a lot of friends and wanted to connect with other people like me, and as I got older I could see the value in my work- helping out with younger people, and supporting shelters through fundraising and whatever else I could do. I said that I just felt like I owed the world a little bit. I got pretty passionate, because I mean, he was asking me to talk about the things I'm passionate about, and I heard myself stupidly say that money had never really mattered to me. I cursed myself silently as he smirked, such a fucking idiotic thing to say to the guy who was in charge of my paycheque. Dammit. I was going to end up paid as little as possible for the rest of my time here, wasn't I? Although I wasn't lying, I sort of didn't care about that at all. Adrian smiled and asked where my interest in economics had come from and again, I put my foot in my mouth and said I didn't actually believe in economics but the only way to dismantle something is to understand it, and I kind of liked numbers. I blushed and he laughed.

"I'm somewhat of a Socialist too." He said, settling in comfortably opposite me. "You think you can work happily under a National or Labour led team then, Nate?"

"I can keep my mouth shut about politics." I laughed. "I've worked in the cafe downstairs for years, I've learned how to be professional regarding government departments." Adrian grinned.

"The only thing I'm really worried about..." He said seriously, peering at me over the desk. "Is that I'll never find a decent replacement for my barista." I laughed.

"Russell's pretty good." I said. "But you're right. I am better." I smiled at him widely and he smiled back, catching every inch of the generous rays of sunshine I was trying to shower him with.

So it wasn't a total shitshow. Until, on the way out, he was shaking my hand and made an idle comment about my tattoos that I think was actually meant to be reassuring.... and then I naturally had a pure Nate moment and swore loudly as my phone began to ring. I blush a lot, but I'm pretty sure that was a new shade on me. It probably matched the still fading bruise near my eye. I hastily apologised and said I thought I'd turned my phone off and Adrian dismissed me with a smile and I spent the morning kicking myself.

----

"Oh, you're fine." Jude said airily. "One of the Uni kids showed up in a t-shirt that said 'Problem Child' and another one said they hoped they'd be earning $85000 by next year which is big talk for someone who's father had to beg us to interview her." He smiled at me. "Even if you didn't deserve it, I'll be honest, your competition kinda sucks." I sighed.

"Well, being the least worst is something." I said glumly.

----

Wednesday

-----

Jude

----

It was weird living by myself. I hadn't ever lived by myself. When I was growing up I lived with a rotating cast of foster parents and kids smaller than me I had to take care of, and then I flatted all through Uni, and I moved in with Levi after that.

But Levi wasn't around these days. I think he thought if I never saw him then I couldn't break up with him. And he was right about that- I didn't want to do it over the phone. I didn't want to just move out and have him come home to no one. Knowing Lee the way I did... maybe his absence was designed to trick me into remembering the nicer things about him. His smile, his wicked sense of humour, the way he could discuss any subject and somehow always have a disarmingly witty joke lined up.... And his soft lips... which I think I felt brush against me late at night and early in the morning when I was half asleep...

But he was causing me more pain than he knew. And I couldn't let him do that to me anymore. He could play whatever game he wanted.... But it was the end of the month and I still wanted a break. Like a really big, move out, get a dog, find someone else break.

I just had to figure out how the fuck to tell him that.

-----

Nate

-----

"Want a lift home?" I asked Russell. "I think we're heading to the same place." He sighed.

"Of all the guys you've ever dated I'm genuinely confused that you're sticking with Darius." He said. I bit my lip and turned away. Yeah dude. Me too. "But I guess a lift home would be sweet, thanks Nate." He tucked his arm into mine as we trudged to the car. "Lucky for you I have a date." He said flatly. "Flat's all yours." I glanced at him.

"You don't sound super enthused about that." Russell muttered something grimly as he loaded his bags in the back. "Everything ok?" I asked him. He sighed and stared out the window.

"I don't think I'll ever love again." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Calm down Bella Swan." Russell glanced at me.

"Huh?"

"Jesus, are you so straight you've never seen Twilight?" I nudged his knee. "You're a walking stereotype." Russell sighed and stared out the window again. "Well, it's not that bad Russ. I don't do love but sex is pretty good too." I said. Russell sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, well it's easier for you." He muttered. I shrugged.

"I dunno. If my boyfriend took me to a sex store and said 'hey baby, pick out a dick and it's all yours' that would be pretty hot." Russell snorted. Yess. Progress. "And anyway, I know you, and whoever this date is, she'll fall for you by dessert, so don't even worry about it. And I bet she's prettier than Shona."

"No ones prettier than Shona." I laughed and caught his eyes, and to my relief he started laughing too. "God I'm pathetic." He said.

"Yep." I agreed. "But I think girls find that kinda sweet."

----

Yet again, D insisted on making me help him cook dinner, despite my protests that I would truly rather starve. We made little spinach and fake feta pie things and he said they needed to sit for a bit, so I curled up on the couch with him and we tried to find a show on Netflix that we could both stand.... A bit limiting because he didn't watch reality TV or Star Trek and that's kind of all I do watch. Eventually he sighed and let me choose, and mumbled about how I was rotting my brain blah blah blah, and I put my head on his lap.

I blinked and realised I'd fallen asleep and his arms were wrapped around me. Aw D. Why was he so warm? Why couldn't he just be like this all the time? He smiled at me and wrapped a blanket around me.

"Here." He rustled around in the cupboard and I swallowed as he pulled out a bottle of wine. Oh.

"You sure we should..." I sighed. Ok. Time to say it. "Look, D. No wine ok? I can't be around you when you drink." I said quietly. He turned to me and frowned.

"What?" he said. I looked at him and tried to meet his eye.

"You're.... Not you, D. When you're drunk. And you....look, can we just... hang out?" Darius glared at me.

"Get. Bent." He said. "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

"Nate." I said. I stood up and I clasped his hands. "I'm Nate. You really like me. You like me so much you keep making me dinner and taking me out, and inviting me over. And as much as I really- god D, I really tried not to like you, I like you too. And if you want to be boyfriends then I can do that." He smiled at me and gently stroked my face... but I stopped him. I took a deep breath. "But when you're drunk you hit people." I moved my cheek, and his eyes went to the bruise. After a day of sweat and hard work, the makeup had melted off. "You hit me." I whispered. "And it's one or the other. Me or alcohol. Because really, truly, fuck you if you ever hit me again." Darius' eyes were glued to the faded bruise on my cheek and his face fell. He slumped over, his body going limbless, and he fell into his chair silently.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He said.

"I..." I swallowed. "Well. Uh. I guess. I didn't want to be dating that guy." I said slowly. "So I thought if we both pretended it never happened well.. It never happened. Maybe." Darius closed his eyes.

"I thought I was better than that." He whispered. "I know... with Harold... but I thought... I thought I'd changed."

"You have." I said. "D, you're so... soft... under everything. You just have a problem with drinking. That's ok, we can still have fun. You're still fun." He shook his head.

"I think you should go." He said. "I need... I need space Nate." I swallowed.

"Really? We can talk, D...?"

"Please." He opened his eyes and looked at me, his mouth tight. "Please Nate. I really need some space."

"Ok." I said quietly. "Call me ok?"

"Ok." He muttered.

-----

I really, really want to say that was it.

I want to say he changed. I want to say he called me, and he broke down crying, and we made love and I dated him and we went dancing, and everything was fine.

Or even that he never called me again. That he went his way and I went mine. And maybe he got better, and maybe he didn't. And either way, it didn't affect me.

But Darius got really, really drunk that night.

And he called me.

And we met up.

---

Thursday

---

Nate

---

I was early to work, but I didn't want to go in.

There wasn't enough makeup in the world to convince Russell I looked normal.

I paced back and forth outside and debated what to do. Eventually I had to just cave. I sighed and called Russell. He picked up.

"Why are you calling? You locked out?"

"No." I stood on the other side of the door and watched him unstacking chairs one handed. "I'm outside. I just have to talk to you before I come in."

"K, what's up?" I sighed and fiddled with a loose thread on my t-shirt.

"You have to promise me." I said slowly.

"What?"

"No lecture and no murder." I said.

"Huh?"

"No lecture. No murder." I said firmly. "No fights. You can move out or kick him out, I don't care..." I watched as Russell stood up straight and glanced towards the door. I waved to him half-heartedly as he dropped his phone and practically ran towards me. I flinched as he opened the door and took me in. A vein popped on the side of his forehead. His jaw clenched.

"No murder!" I squeaked. He growled.

"That fucking cunt." I flinched as he reached for me- but it was only to embrace me. "Oh Nate, fuck dude. Come here. Shit shit shit." He pulled me into the cafe and inspected me. "Oh Christ." He said. "You can't work like this Nate."

"I feel fine."

"Well you look like you've been run over by a semi." He sighed. "Jesus Christ." He rubbed his forehead and winced as he looked at me again. "Oh Jesus H Christ. I am going to strangle that little shit..."

"You promised no murder!"

"I didn't agree to anything!" He stood up, and I winced as he punched a table. "Ow." he mumbled, nursing his hand.

"Dummy." I said. "Come here." I held his hand and checked that he hadn't done himself any damage as he swore under his breath. "Anyway, D would take you in a fight." I said.

"You reckon?"

"You just lost a fight with a table so yeah, I reckon." Russell laughed.

"Christ, Nate." He said. "You... it's over right?"

"Na, once this heals up I think I'll marry him." We laughed. I squeezed his hand. "Yeah." I mumbled. "It's over. I'm a big dumb idiot and I ended up beaten up just like all the fucking dumb idiots who think they're different and D loves them or whatever."

"You're not dumb." Russell said. "You're the smartest guy I know. And we all knew D has a drinking problem, and we all knew why Harold left him, and if anyones the dumb one it was me for thinking he'd changed with you."

"You would never have gotten yourself into this situation." Russell sighed.

"No." He said. "But I have done a million dumber things regarding girls so you know."

"Oh like what, Romeo? You're always the picture perfect couple." Russell raised his eyebrows at me.

"Well." He said slowly. "Almost all my relationships start off on a lie, so there's that."

"It's not a lie." I said. He put his arm around me. He sighed.

"Most people don't see it that way."

"Most people suck."

"They do. But you know. I could meet them halfway. I just wish I didn't have to." I tucked myself into his arm.

"I wish you didn't either." I said. "But Ms Right is out there. She's hot, and not only does she not care she's kind of into it, but not in a fetish way, just in a she loves you for who you are and wouldn't change a hair on your receding hairline..." Russell laughed. He took a deep breath.

"Actually, not the best time to bring it up... but Shona ended up calling." He said. He glanced at me and swallowed. "I was gonna ask you for some advice..." I snorted.

"Yep, real smart call Russ, ask the gay idiot with a black eye for some advice about women." He laughed.

"Gay, yes. Idiot, absolutely. Black eye, well. Regretfully. But you're the only one I trust. The guys just... You know they don't even know, most of them. I told them she wouldn't put out." I laughed. "Which is true, actually." Russell said, staring out over the cafe. "Only I didn't mention that was because we were moving so fast she had her hands down my pants before I could come clean..." He winced. "God, Nate. You should have seen her face. I've never seen someone go from horny to confused to fucking disgusted so fast." I put my hand on his knee.

"She'd stayed over..." I said slowly. "You really waited for weeks to get to second base?" Russell sighed.

"I really liked her." He said. "And uh... you know. It's not like she was um... unsatisfied..." I tried not to gag. Russell noticed and punched me in the shoulder. "Oh come on, you must have heard our rep." He said.

"Huh?"

"They say the Novak bro's don't have a lot in common." He grinned at me. "Except we're both really good at oral." I closed my eyes in disgust.

"Ergh." I said. "I did not know we had that reputation." Russell grinned.

"Oh, everyone knows we have that reputation." He stretched out. "Anyway. So Shona called me. She said... she said some really nice things actually. She said she was really sorry. She said she freaked out, which she did. Actually you aren't the only one who ended up with a fist in their face..." He winced. "Sorry, I shouldn't joke."

"Ugh." I shrugged. "If you can't laugh you cry."

"Mum always said that." He smiled at me. "But anyway, Sho told me she'd been thinking about me, all the time. And she said she liked me more than anyone and she was terrified she'd fucked it up forever, and she wasn't asking for forgiveness, but maybe a second chance..." Russell slumped over and looked at me with wide eyes.

"So?" I prompted. "What did you say?" Russell winced.

"I um. I actually... called her a TERF and blocked her." He said quietly. I laughed. "But then I couldn't stop thinking about her. She seemed really sincere." I squeezed him.

"Yeah." I said. "I think she probably was. She must have felt like an asshole." Russell nodded.

"I was the asshole." He said. "I shouldn't have put her in that position." We sat in silence for a second as I debated what to say. I mean. He probably shouldn't have. But who am I to say that?

"Well." I said. "I guess we can look at it like this. You made a choice, and she reacted to that, and neither of you are particularly proud of what you did, and it sounds like you'd both like a chance to rectify that." Russell blinked at me with his arms wrapped around his torso defensively. He bit his lip.

"If she... can't.... Deal with it." He said slowly. "Then I think... I think she might break my heart. And she already did that once. I don't think it will hurt any less the second time around." I nodded.

"Ok. Broken hearts hurt. I think. I've never had one. Only a broken face." Russell smiled slightly in spite of himself. "She might be worth it?" I said quietly. "I can't really answer that for you Russ. But I guess I'd say... I like her a hell of a lot more than Becky, or Samantha."

"Or Isobel."

"That goes without saying." Russell smiled.

"I don't know." He reached out and put his arm around me. "What would you do?"

"Me? I'd... ask myself.... if she has an unfortunate relationship with alcohol?" Russell snorted

"Nah."

"Is she secretly engaged to your boss?"

"Well, you're my boss, and that would be one hell of a curve ball..."

"Is she a liar, a cheat, a misandrist, a homophobe, or an axe murderer?"

"No! She's soft, and warm, and she listens to Iron Maiden with me." I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Ok... last question, and it's really the most important one. A lot hinges on this because it can really take someone from ok to absolutely unacceptable." Russell looked at me and nodded seriously. "Is she... allergic to dogs?" Russell's face split into a smile.

"Ah shit." He said. "She's perfect. I need to call her." I stood up and glanced around the cafe, which was in complete disarray.

"Save it for your break, Casanova. We're already late opening." Russell grinned at me and started to unstack the chairs in record speed.

"On that note." He said, glancing at my face. "Cover story? You're gonna scare away customers." I nodded and began to prep the coffee machine

"Well. You know me." I said with a sigh. "I was walking Brioche..."

"Brioche?"

"That cute little Bichon-Frise?" I explained. Russell rolled his eyes.

"So I was filming a video and I didn't look where I was going and walked into a pole." Russell laughed.

"Even for you that's verging on unbelievable." He said. I pulled out my phone.

"Is it?" I showed him the evidence. He laughed as he watched the video.

"Who on earth lets YOU walk dogs?" He grinned. "You're the one who needs to be kept on a leash, Jesus." I grinned.

"You know, it's normally hotter when guys say that to me." He gagged. "Anyway, no one will ask questions, no one wants to know why their Barista looks like he's been punched in the face. Life will just go on as usual." Russell made a non committal nose as he turned on the lights and the music and unlocked the front door again, just in time for the morning rush.