Reconciliation or BTB?

RECONCILIATION OR BTB?

"Well, Kim, did you and Kyle do it?" Connie asked expectantly.

Unenthusiastically Kim replied, "Yeah, we did it."

"Come on, girlfriend. Spill all the juicy details."

"It was the worst sex ever. I feel like killing you for talking me into it."

"What? I thought Kyle was supposed to be terrific in the sack."

"Maybe according to him. The only sack he deserves is a burlap one he is placed in before being thrown into the river."

"Oh my gosh. That sounds horrible. Tell me what happened."

"It was the last night at the conference. Kyle had been hitting on me the entire time. I finally decided to follow your advice to do it. I think he almost came in his pants when I invited him to my room. He started taking off clothes right away. Before I knew it, we were in bed and he was inside me. Thank goodness, I had gotten wet from anticipation. After a few strokes, he shoots his wad. Immediately, he started apologizing and blaming me for being so damn hot he couldn't hold back. He promised a better performance the second time.

"He recovered fairly quickly, and we had sex again. Well, he went from a 1.0 on a five-point scale to a 1.1 the second time. He lasted a bit longer, but I never came close to feeling an orgasm build up. To top it all, he bragged, 'I hope your experience with me doesn't spoil you for your husband.' I almost laughed in his face. My experience with him wouldn't even spoil me for a three-inch dildo."

"What are you doing to do?"

"First off, I'm not listening to you anymore about men. Secondly, I'm still trying to figure out if I should tell Martin or not."

"Surely, you're not going to tell him. I mean, you two were careful not to be seen, weren't you? No one else from the office went to the conference, so no one else knows except me and him."

"The problem is that I think I would have a chance for forgiveness by confessing to Martin if I portray it as a one-time mistake that will never happen again. If I try to hide it and he finds out later, I think he might be angry enough to divorce me. Even if he never finds out, I would still have to live with a secret hanging over my head the rest of our lives. It's a hard decision."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to wait a while and think about it. Maybe my choice will be clearer later."

Connie joked, "Well, if you do tell him and he divorces you, can I have first dibs at Marty?"

"You bitch!" They both chuckled.

*****

KYLE'S THREAT

Kim was working at her desk when Kyle walked in her office like he owned the place. He locked the door behind him and looked at Kim with a smirk on his face. "Hey sweet cheeks, you got time for a quickie?"

"You mean like a quickie kick to your balls? Yeah, I have time for that."

"Come on Kim. Don't try to play hard-to-get now. We both know you want another treatment from the Luuuhve Doctor."

"You egotistical, pencil-dick asshole. I wouldn't touch your penis again with anything except a pair of pliers that I was squeezing as hard as I could."

"Oh, now I get it. You're into BSDM or is it BDSM? Anyway, I can go for that as long as you don't leave any bite marks or scars my wife might see."

"You can go for that? You Dipshit. See the door. That's what you can go for."

"Kim, I detect a little hesitancy in your willingness to be with me again. Need I remind you that I know what we did and how the spread of that knowledge might cause you marital problems?"

"Oh, really? Do you know what my husband does for a living?"

"I heard he's some wimpy college professor."

"Yes, he does teach college during the week. On the weekend, however, he teaches martial arts to the police and sheriff's department. He was an MP officer in the Army. It wouldn't take him more than five seconds to put you on the ground. Squirrels wouldn't even touch your nuts when he was through with you."

Kyle looked less secure. "Kim, do you really want to take the chance and risk your marriage? How about one last time together? Third time's the charm, you know."

"I doubt my marriage is in danger when I explain how you got me drunk and raped me. My profound desire was only to prevent the shame that would fall on my poor husband that kept me from reporting the rape. He will not only excuse my behavior he will take out his wrath on you. The question is, 'Do you want that encounter to be the last thing you ever do?'"

Kyle was almost stuttering now. "It seems I've caught you in a bad mood. I guess it's that time of the month for you. I'll go back to my office now. Let me know when you're ready for a rematch. Ciao."

As soon as Kyle left her office, Kim was yelling at herself, "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID." She called Connie to meet her after work.

*****

"Kim, you look upset. Martin didn't find out, did he?"

"No, not yet anyway. Kyle threatened to tell if I didn't keep fucking him."

"Oh my gosh. Are you going to give in and do it with him again?"

"Hell, no. I threatened him right back. Told him my husband taught martial arts to the police." Both women laughed.

"I think my threat worked, but it has brought up the urgency of deciding to tell Martin or not."

"Kim, have you ever heard of Literotica stories on the internet?"

"I've heard some comments about some of the stories from the site. Why are you asking?"

"Well, they have the stories broken down into categories. In the Loving Wives section, they have a Cheating Wives sub-section that includes some stories about women who were given a second chance by their husbands."

"So?"

"You should read a bunch of those stories. Find out all the excuses, explanations, and promises those women made to get forgiven. Then you can have a list of things to tell Martin when you tell him about your tryst with Kyle. That should greatly improve your chances of forgiveness."

"You were sure wrong about Kyle, but what you've just told me makes sense. What's the website address?"

*****

KIM'S SEARCH

Kim read, or at least started to read, hundreds of Loving Wives' stories. If she ran into a revenge story, she moved on. After a while, she had made a list of potential discussion points she could use on Martin. It bolstered her courage to tell him.

One Friday night, Kim cooked Martin's favorite meal and served wine with it. After the meal was eaten, they took their glasses of wine and went into the living room. Soon they were snuggling on the couch. When Martin looked good and mellow, Kim carefully approached the subject.

"Marty, I have been so happy being married to you. I feel I'm the luckiest woman alive. You're so attentive, caring, patient, and forgiving; sometimes I don't think I deserve you."

"Kim, you deserve me and every bit of my love and more. I swear I fall more in love with you every day." They kissed deeply.

"You know what caused me to fall deeper in love with you a few months ago?"

"No, what?"

"That was the day I had a fender-bender and it was my fault. I was so sure you would be mad at me. I worried an awful lot about it. I even considered not telling you and having it fixed without you knowing. But I realized I couldn't do that to you. I'm glad I trusted your love for me and told you. You were so kind and loving to forgive me. I was so relieved. That's when my love grew deeper. Honey, I love you so much." More kissing.

"Kim, I'm really glad you feel that way. I want you to be able to feel safe and tell me anytime you think you may have done something wrong. I promise you the same. I can't think of anything you could do that would cause me to love you less. I love you too."

Kim thought: "It's now or never."

"Kyle, I do have something else to confess, but have been too scared to tell you. Please promise you won't get angry and yell at me."

"Kim, I would never do that. What do you need to tell me? It can't possibly be that bad."

"Well, do you remember when I went to that conference in Dayton a few weeks back?"

"Yes, I missed you a lot. I think I masturbated three times every day you were gone." He chuckled.

"On the last night of the conference, there were a bunch of us in my room drinking and talking and just letting off some steam from sitting through boring lectures for three days. Since it was my room, I didn't worry about how much I drank. After a couple of hours and more than a few more drinks, the people started gradually leaving until it was down to me and this younger guy from California.

"He was a typical surfer dude kind of a guy, ruggedly handsome, rather buff and he had a nice tan. Anyway, he brought a joint out of his pocket and asked me if I wanted a toke. I hadn't had one since college and the last one I had was not that strong. I didn't think it was any big deal. We went out on the balcony to smoke it. Again, I felt safe in my room and since I was feeling no pain already, I agreed to try it.

"It turned out to be considerably stronger than any other grass I had ever smoked. Before I knew it, he was nibbling on my ear lobes. You know how much that turns me on. Well, I'm afraid to say that soon after that he began to nibble me everywhere. I swear I don't remember if he took my clothes got off or I did it." Kim took a second to stifle the tears.

"Oh Martin, I had sex with him that night. Well, I guess I did. I don't remember too much after he started touching me all over. I woke up the next morning and was horrified to see I had cum running down my leg. I cried for one hour straight until I had to pack to leave on time. I managed to clean up and look presentable before I got back home.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I made a big mistake. I have no excuse good. It was all my fault. There was absolutely nothing in the way that you have treated me that caused me to be weak that night. I will absolutely, positively never, ever let that happen to me again. I won't touch hard liquor or weed ever again. I will never be in a hotel room with any man other than you, ever again." She sobbed for a time.

"Marty, I'll get down on my knees to beg you if necessary. Please forgive me this one and only time I have strayed?" Crocodile tears flowed. She looked u to see Martin's reaction.

Martin was stunned. His wife admitting an affair was the last thing he would have thought of. He stayed stone-faced silent. That was Kim's clue to move on to the next arrow in her quill.

"Actually, what I did barely qualifies as cheating. I didn't even hardly know the man. It was just sex one time and I don't even hardly remember it. There is only one man I have loved, and I still love him. I will spend the rest of my life making this one indiscretion up to you. I will go to counseling to find out what in my psychological makeup may have influenced me to do such a horrible thing. Although I think it was mostly the alcohol and the pot, I need to be sure that there isn't something else I need to have looked at in my brain to make sure I will never do anything like that again. I owe you that much."

"Kim, I certainly agree YOU need some counseling. I hope you don't believe I need to go with you though. I really don't want to hear any more of the details of how you were able to be seduced so easily."

"Marty, I don't see it as me having been easily seduced. It was more like a perfect storm of alcohol, marijuana and the setting. I felt secure in my room but that just made me more susceptible to seduction. I can avoid that circumstance from ever happening again. I know I can. Don't you see that?"

"My mind is too fogged. I can't see anything clearly right now." This was Kim's clue to move on to the next trial balloon.

"Martin, maybe I can make it clearer for you honey. Let's say the shoe was on the other foot. Let's say you were coming to me and confessing a tryst with another woman. Would you want me to give up on you so quickly? Yes, I would be hurt, but I honestly believe I would agree to forgive you. Our marriage means too much to me to end it for such a small glitch. I imagine you think that's easy for me to say since the shoe isn't on the other foot. But I can prove it. I will let you go out and find yourself another woman to have sex with. I will not hold you at fault for doing so. Once that is over, we will be even, forgive each other, and neither of us will stray again."

"Kim, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You want us to heal a marriage by breaking the same vow twice. That makes as much sense as you trying to heal my broken leg by you breaking your leg. That would mean neither of us would be healed and we both would have broken legs." Ouch, that didn't work. Move along Kim.

"Martin, there is someone else we must consider."

"Who, your new boyfriend?"

"No, of course not. I don't even know his name or how to contact him. Nor do I want to know. Who I'm talking about is our future children. Part of the reason I married you, and I think you married me, is that we wanted each other to share being a parent. What if the pills I have been taking the last couple of weeks failed and I became pregnant? Would you walk away from me or the future Martin or Martina? Would you be happy that the first of the children we have planned for is on his or her way right now? I want to be able to count on you being here to help raise our child."

"Are you saying you are pregnant?"

"I don't think I am, but I would truly love to be. Darling, we could start tonight. I'll throw away my pills and we could practice making babies."

"Kim, I don't know if I want to bring a new child into this marriage at this time. I certainly don't feel like practicing while I'm imagining someone else enjoying what used to be just mine. In fact, you just added the possibility that you could be carrying your lover's child right now!" NEXT idea Kim! Quickly.

"It's still yours and only yours. I've had my period since the conference so I am not carrying anyone else's child. Let's get back to my mistake. I was not alert, and I allowed a thief to come and steal a small part of what belongs to you. I have installed a better security and protection system within my brain. You will be the only one with access to my body from now on. To show you how sure I am, I will sign a post-nupt that will say I agree to leave the marriage with nothing if I ever have sexual relations with another man. That includes custody of any future children. You know how much having children means to me. I cannot give you any better proof than that." Tears flowed again. Real tears.

"But I thought I already had your promise of exclusivity. You know, the one you made at our wedding. It was the vow you broke when you put yourself in a compromising situation with alcohol and marijuana. It was the vow you broke when you let him kiss and fondle you. It was the vow you broke when you realized you had no clothes on. It was the vow you broke when you let him enter you. It was the vow you broke that may have broken our marriage beyond repair."

"Please, don't say you mean that. Our marriage is repairable. It must be."

"Why? Because you say so?" Okay Kim, last resort time.

"No, because the alternative is too costly. If you divorce me, I will fight you all the way, not because I hate you, but because I know that us staying married is the best thing for both of us despite what you may think at this moment. I would hate to do it, but I will go after every dollar, every photo, every cup, every pillowcase in the house if it would slow down the process. The more time you have to think about it, the more likely I believe you will understand the small significance it should have on our marriage. Her words seemed to have little effect. Time for the bomb.

"Martin, I might even have to claim mental abuse and neglect. Do you want your good name to be smeared. When people find out what the problem was, you will be ridiculed for not forgiving my one mistake. Don't lose the rest of your treasure because one little piece was stolen. Martin, I'm trying to get you to see that not forgiving me isn't worth it. Put aside your wounded male pride just this once. There will never be a second time. Forgive me this time, this one mistake of mine and let's move on together. Our dreams of having a family, living together and playing with our children and grandchildren can still be achieved if you only just give a little." Her arsenal was empty.

"Kim, after hearing your concerns, I have to concede that this is not a decision to take lightly or make quickly. I need some time to think. I believe it's best that I leave for a while to be able to do that." He went upstairs to pack.

When Martin came down with his bag, Kim asked, "Martin, how long will you be gone?"

"Until I know what to do."

"Will I see you or talk to you during that time?"

"Maybe, if I need to run something by you or you need something to keep the household functioning while I'm gone."

"Marty, I love you. Please don't forget that."

"I know. I love you, too Kim. That's what makes this so damn hard."

*****

Kim was on her best behavior during the timeout from marriage that Martin took. She was determined to win him back. She went to work and even went back to church. For friends who asked about her husband's absence, Martin was taking a short sabbatical from the college.

Kim stayed home nights although Connie and others urged her to get out some even if no men were involved. It was weeks before Kim was tempted, but as far as she knew, Martin might return home any minute, so she sat at home.

It was over a month before Martin called and asked Kim if he could come over that night. He would not even hint as to what his decision was. She prepared wine and coffee both in case he wanted either.

They sat at the kitchen table with coffee cups in hand. Two pair of sad eyes met. Kim started the dialogue. "What have you decided, Marty? Are you going to divorce me?"

"No. I'm not going to divorce you."

Kim's eyes were filled with tears of joy. "Oh, Marty. I am so happy. I promise you I'll be the best . . . "

"Hold on. You may not be so happy when I tell you what all I've decided."

Kim's joy quickly disappeared. "But you said we weren't going to divorce."

"That's correct for the most part. Let me explain. I thought a long time about giving you a second chance, but I couldn't get your betrayal out of my mind. I didn't know how to forgive without being able to forget. Whenever I thought I was ready to forgive you, the memory of your confession of cheating would come back, and my forgiveness would leave. I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn't continue our marriage unless I was able to punish you somehow. I thought I could deal with your infidelity if I got some measure of revenge. The question became what punishment was the right one for the sin you committed. I went to a friend to get help.

"I was advised by that friend to go to a website called Literotica.com. There are stories there under the name Loving Wives. In the cheating wives' section, there are reconciliation stories and burn the bitch stories. I was advised to ignore the reconciliation stories and concentrate on what are called the BTB stories. I have to admit that the ways of getting revenge on cheating wives vary greatly in type and severity. It was very enlightening.

"After reading several hundred BTB stories, I decided that even one betrayal of wedding vows is unforgiveable. A wedding vow is supposed to be FOREVER. A broken wedding vow, therefore, makes it a broken marriage FOREVER. When I remembered your threat about how you would fight a divorce, the way for me became clear. Kim I am leaving you. I have a teaching position at another college, and I am leaving tonight. I will not file for divorce, but you are welcome to anything that I leave behind. I have only taken half our liquid assets. It may be hard on you to not sell the house unless your lover is willing to help or you find a replacement for me soon. You certainly have the looks to attract a lot of men, as you already know.