Redemption of an Idiot

I laughed. "You? I can't see it!"

"I know, right?"

She handed the phone back to me and said seriously, "I know it's been a rough time for both of you lately, but I see Jamie a lot at our house, and he seems to really be doing okay..."

I nodded in agreement. "So okay that it scares me. I'm worried about next week. The first Thanksgiving without his mom is going to be brutal!"

Her voice was soft with concern, "What are you guys doing? Do you have family you're going to be with?"

I shook my head. "No family. Jamie and I are it." I exhaled, trying to stay positive as the memories of past Thanksgivings in Kansas City surfaced. It was the one time a year I always went home -- to my mom's for many years, and after she passed away, to Shari's. It was a big deal in my family, and I wasn't quite sure how to keep that tradition going now that it was just Jamie and me.

Somehow, I kept his voice steady as I continued, "I was kicking around the idea of flying up to Canada with him -- there's some great skiing in Banff, and maybe we could forget that it's a holiday..."

"Sure..." she replied slowly, reaching her hand out to squeeze mine. "That sounds like fun... but, if you decide to stay in town, you are both welcome to come to our place. My brother and his family will be with us, but that's all, so a pretty small group. You know, if you feel like it..."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my palm, allowing her to thread her fingers through mine in a silent gesture of support. "Thank you..."

She didn't respond for a moment, then declared, "You're doing fine, John. You're doing fine..."

My laugh felt raw and I squeezed her hand, perhaps a little too tightly. "A lot of times it really doesn't feel like it!"

"We're always our own worst critic." She released my fingers and patted my cheek gently, "You, my friend, are doing a far better job than a lot of dads out there. Cut yourself some slack, okay?"

I wanted to hug her in the worst way - wanted to drag her into my arms and hold her tight against me as I buried my face in her hair. The comfort of her words, I was sure, was nothing to the comfort her body could provide.

But that's not what she was offering me, and I needed to remember that.

*****

Later that night, when I presented the options for Thanksgiving week to Jamie, there was really no contest. Skiing with strangers couldn't hold a candle to spending time with people who already liked him and welcomed him into their home as part of the family. I couldn't say that I was surprised, or even disappointed -- I felt much the same way the few times I had been at the Russos'.

Jamie was determined that he was going to make Shari's famous sweet potato pie -- from scratch, without any help. He said he had made it with his mom every year growing up -- that it was one of their traditions, so what could I say to that? I bought a pie pan and rolling pin, and everything else Jamie said he'd need, and then got the hell out of the way.

Thanksgiving Day dawned sunny and crisp, and we showed up at the Russos' bearing an amazing looking pie (2nd attempt,) some multi-grain rolls from my favorite bakery, and four bottles of wine. Maybe it was too much wine, but better too many bottles than too few, I figured.

Dominic met us at the doorway and ushered us inside, telling Jamie to take the pie to the dining room directing me towards the kitchen. On my way, I met Tony Giordano, Elena's brother, who had a tiny infant tucked against him in a football hold.

"Hey, you must be John," the man held out his free hand. "I'm Tony -- good to meet you!"

His grip was strong, and his smile genuine, and I relaxed a little. "Good to meet you too. And who's this little one?"

Tony adjusted his hold on the baby and flipped him over so I could see the cherubic face. "This is Danny. He's a sadistic little thing...only sleeps when mom and dad have to be awake..."

I laughed, "Sorry, man! Good thing he's a cute kid then, huh?"

"Hey..." Elena emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel before coming forward to give me a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I see you've met my little brother..."

"Little...?" Tony scoffed, standing up straighter. He was maybe two or three inches taller than his sister -- probably a bit over six feet. No, Tony was hardly little.

"Younger then," she amended, lightly elbowing him in the gut.

God, she looked good today! Her cheeks were rosy, her dark eyes sparkling, and her smile magnetic. I had never been one at a loss for words around women, but somehow, I couldn't find my voice with Elena -- could never manage to say what I really wanted to. Then again, with Tony standing right there, it was probably a good thing.

Elena relieved me of the two bottles of white wine in the bag, angling the labels so she could read them. "Oooh...this is the good stuff! Angel and I MIGHT save some for the meal..."

At the sound of her name, a petite brunette poked her head out of the kitchen, "Hi John -- I'm Angel!"

I smiled and nodded, "Hi," as she looped her arm through her sister-in-law's.

"Hmmm..." Angel playfully raked her eyes over my form from top to bottom. "You were not kidding, Elena. He is some first-rate eye candy..."

"Ahem..." Tony interrupted, smacking his wayward wife on the butt. Then to me, "Can't take this woman anywhere..."

"Okay, okay," Elena interrupted, her face flaming. "We're about half an hour away from eating. Can you guys check on the kids and make sure everything's good? Angel and I have everything under control in the kitchen..."

We found Jamie and Dominic in the back yard, giving piggy back rides to two dark-haired little girls. "Three-year-old twins..." Tony explained. "And boy, are they crazy about Dominic..."

The girls shrieked with laughter as the teens decided to race one another over to where we stood on the patio. Tony issued orders like Elena, I observed. "We're gonna eat in about 30 minutes -- around noon -- so make sure you and the girls get all washed up before then, okay?"

"You got it, Uncle Tony," Dominic replied, before taking off across the yard once more.

I watched a moment more -- watched as Jamie laughed, flipping his rider over his shoulder in a death-defying move before tickling the child and releasing her.

Yeah, this was way better than skiing.

*****

When we all sat down together to eat, it got a bit crazy. Angel was a little firecracker who kept the boys completely entertained, simultaneously managing to keep her daughters corralled and eating their dinner. At the other end of the table, Elena and Tony kept up a lively banter, telling old stories and trading half-hearted insults as only siblings can do.

I could see it in Jamie's eyes -- he wished he was part of this family. I didn't blame him. The food was delicious, the wine mellow, and the company memorable. I couldn't recall the last time I'd enjoyed a meal more.

The Giordano family, Elena included, felt that watching football on Thanksgiving was almost sacrilegious. It was a holiday for spending time with family and friends, not watching TV. I had never heard of such a thing, but couldn't fault the reasoning.

And when small children were around, family time was understandably interrupted by nap time. By two-thirty, the house was silent. Tony and Angel were putting the girls down for naps -- and supposedly taking one themselves, Elena was rocking Danny in the living room, and the teens had gone to meet up with some friends at a nearby park. It left me alone for the moment, in the kitchen, finishing up the last of the pots and pans.

I didn't mind. It was peaceful and gave me a chance to think. As usual these days, my mind drifted to Elena.

She liked me -- I was almost positive. And I sure as hell thought a lot of her -- and not just her long legs and bone-melting smile. Something about her spoke to me -- made me feel like I could do this thing with Jamie, that I was an essential part of this kid's future and not just a temporary one.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, that I didn't notice Elena's presence until she touched my back.

"Thanks for doing the dishes..." she smiled, picking up a dish towel to help. "There is nothing sexier than a man who does housework..."

I laughed, "Why am I just now hearing about this?" I set the last pot on the drying rack and started feeling around in the dishwater for any stray utensils.

"I don't know..." she grinned.

"So, all those hours in the gym, working on the six-pack abs, totally wasted...?"

She raised an interested eyebrow, "You have six-pack abs?"

"Not quite," I admitted. "I can never seem to cut out enough carbs."

Shaking her head, she commiserated, "Me either... Like Jamie's pie? I could not resist!"

"My mom's recipe," I explained. "Passed down to Shari, and then to Jamie. The kid is a freakin' perfectionist though. Threw away the first one because the crust wasn't flaky enough..."

"Well, it was delicious! Shari -- and your mom -- would both be very proud," she declared.

"I am sure they would be..." I replied, pulling the plug to let out the water in the sink. Determined not to let my thoughts turn gloomy, I dried my hands on the nearest towel and turned to her, "Now, enough about Jamie...what did you think of the rolls I slaved over?"

And there it was, that beatific smile that lit up her face. "Ah-maze-ing..."

"That good, huh?"

"Yep..." she replied as she finished putting a platter in the cupboard. "It's almost like you're a professional baker..."

"Pretty hot, right?" I teased. "Right up there with doing dishes?"

Her grin spread even wider as she turned to me and patted my stomach, "And six-pack abs..."

My fingers closed over one of her elbows, "Ah, I knew it! You women are all the same..."

"Yes, we are..." her hand moved to pinch my cheek affectionately, "We want a guy who looks good on our arm, but knows his real place is in the kitchen..."

Part of me wanted to laugh -- wanted to keep joking and flirting with her -- but the other part was tired of playing games. So there we stood for a moment, our bodies almost touching, electricity all but crackling around us. Her cheek was like satin beneath my fingers, and I murmured, "Okay then, as long as you admit it..."

I'd half expected her to push me away before my mouth brushed hers, but she did not. Her lips were sweet, and intoxicating, and I felt myself drawn in deeper than I'd have thought possible. The kiss stretched on, tenderness morphing into heat and urgency as I wrapped one arm around her, holding her tightly against me.

And then, with her hands cupping my face, she pulled away, but just barely. "John," she murmured breathlessly, her dark eyes meeting my blue ones, "This is probably a bad idea..."

"I don't think so..." I asserted, hoping that I was right and relaxing my hold on her ever so slightly. "I am pretty sure this is the best damn idea I have had in years..."

Elena pressed her lips to mine again, fleetingly, still not stepping back out of my embrace. "You are forgetting about our boys..."

No, I wasn't. In fact, I'd repeatedly used them as an excuse to keep my distance.

"And..." she kissed me again, softer and longer this time. "I can't forget about Dominic, as tempting as you are..." she finished, a touch of regret in her voice.

So, she was tempted. That was a good sign. "Just pretend, for the next little bit," I coaxed, "That you're no one's mom...or sister...or aunt..."

She snickered at that, "Right..."

I tilted her head to one side and kissed her just below her ear, "And just be Elena..."

She sighed, sagging against me. "What are you doing?"

I didn't answer, my tongue otherwise occupied as it traced the shell of her ear, eliciting a shiver of delight. "God..."

Another good sign. Her earlobe was next, and when I drew it into my mouth, I palmed her breast at the same time. She was so soft and so responsive that I thought I was going to come unglued when she gasped in pleasure, arching against me.

"You are the devil..." she whispered, when I stroked her aching nipple with the pad of my thumb, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's a little sin among friends?" I deliberately plucked that tortured peak, noting the flare of desire in her eyes.

"I can't decide whether I love you or hate you right now..." she groaned. Then, as if realizing how that might be interpreted, she opened her mouth to clarify and was silenced by another kiss.

This one was hotter, wetter, and a good deal more serious than the first one. Elena tasted of wine, and spice, and I set about the delicious task of devouring her lips. I wanted far more than I could reasonably expect in a kitchen where anyone could walk in at any time, but I satisfied myself with a handful of her lovely ass and some very promising grinding.

"Jesus, John!" she gasped, coming up for air and wrapping her legs around my hips as I backed her into the fridge door. "You...Lord..." her voice trailed off as I rocked my hips against her.

God, it felt good. She felt good -- so right -- and my befuddled mind started scrambling to work out logistics. Could we? Where? Would she?

And then the sound of the front door opening had us flying apart.

"Hey mom!" Dominic's voice drifted into the kitchen as Elena hurriedly straightened her blouse and combed her fingers through her hair.

"Yeah?" her voice was amazingly calm as she replied, stepping into the dining room where she could see the front door. I, wisely, stayed in the kitchen.

Along with Dominic and Jamie, there were three teens standing in the entry, and Dominic wanted to know if it was okay for them to come inside and play some games. Her mom hat firmly back in place, Elena smiled graciously, "Of course! As long as you can keep the noise to a minimum, because it's still nap time."

Willing my body to relax, I busied myself with putting the rest of the silverware away while Elena chatted with the kids, asking how each of the newcomers' Thanksgiving had been so far. Jamie came in to get some sodas from the fridge and grinned at me.

"Still working?"

I nodded, "You act like you've never seen me do dishes before..."

Jamie's smile was genuine, "Seems like you usually make me do them."

It was true -- dishes were one of the chores assigned to the teen. "Well, I hope you're enjoying your day off."

"I am." The kid clapped one hand my shoulder, "I am glad we didn't go skiing..."

I smiled, meeting my nephew's eyes. "Me too."

Just then, I remembered Shari. Except for fleeting moments here and there, I hadn't thought of her all day. I hoped Jamie was managing to do the same. Not that I wanted either of us to forget, but I was finally ready for the ache to go away.

That was progress, right?

By the time I was done putting away everything I could find a place for, Tony had surfaced. "Hey man, you play any basketball?"

"Yeah..."

"Wanna shoot some hoops out back?"

God, yes! A little physical exertion was exactly what I needed to fully divert my attention from the fact that Elena was so close, yet so unavailable.

Tony found a ball in the garage, and soon we were working hard enough in the driveway to forget the chill in the air. He was good, and I had to really hustle to keep up.

After we'd been at it awhile, he tossed out a nonchalant, "So...you have a thing for my sister..." as he began a drive for the basket.

The question took me off guard, and I stumbled backward a bit as the younger man made contact with my shoulder. "Is it that obvious?" I asked, retrieving the sunk shot and tossing the ball back to my opponent.

"Well, to Angel and me, yeah. The kids -- probably not," Tony conceded. "You know how most teens are...too wrapped up in their own worlds to notice what's going on in the lives of adults."

Well, that was a small mercy. "I guess I need to work on my game face..."

Tony laughed, "Or you could just ask her out."

I didn't say anything to that, and focused on trying to steal the ball, certain that whatever I might say would reveal a little too much. Out-maneuvered once again, I settled on, "Think she'd go?"

"Maybe..." Tony huffed, out of breath. "I mean, she doesn't fuck around, so if that's all you're after you'd better move right along..."

That's not all I was after, but before I had a chance to reassure him, we heard the back door opening and we shut down that line of conversation. Elena's voice drifted over the fence, informing her brother that Angel needed him. With a sardonic eyebrow lift, Tony flipped the ball to me, "Duty calls, man..."

I stayed out on the driveway a few minutes longer, shooting some baskets and trying to sort some things out in my head. What did I want? I wasn't entirely sure...

Jamie and I left the Russos' around six with Dominic in tow. I had tried, more than once, to get Elena alone, but she was having none of it. The closest I got to having a conversation with her was when we were leaving and she said, "We should talk. I'll call you tomorrow."

As impersonally as it was delivered, it still sounded ominous.

I had been dreading going home this early with just Jamie. I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't going to want to sit around and shoot the breeze with me, and he certainly wasn't going to want to talk about his mom -- although we probably needed to. After all of the day's activity, you would think I'd look forward to a little peace and quiet. Instead, I could see the evening stretching before us -- uncomfortable and endless. So, it was a huge relief when the boys approached me with their plan to have Dominic spend the night.

My living room sported a 65" TV, and it wasn't long before the kids were in front of it, playing video games, laughing and generally making a lot of noise. I puttered around in the kitchen a little bit before settling down at the dining room table with my laptop to do some work.

I needed to focus on something other than Elena, or Shari, or the fact that I was once again lonely, without ever being alone.

*****

Black Friday dawned, cool and rainy. That was fine with me, because the last thing I intended to do was brave the crowds in search of the best deals. Instead, I was planning to go to the gym, pay some bills, and catch up on work.

I had known that kissing Elena was risky, and I was second-guessing the hell out of that decision as I put some miles on the treadmill. There was every possibility that I would be held at arms' length from this point forward, every possibility that I had fucked it all up beyond repair.

But I didn't think that I had imagined her response to me. If she didn't feel something towards me, she wouldn't have kissed me back like that. Right?

The boys were just getting up when I returned to the apartment and by the time I'd showered and set up camp at the dining room table, they were starting to fix some breakfast. Dominic, definitely the more talkative of the two, brought up the subject of Christmas.

"So, when are you guys going to put up your tree?"

"I don't know..." replied Jamie and looked over at me. "What do you think, Uncle John?"

To be honest, it wasn't even on my radar. It had been more than fifteen years since I'd had a Christmas tree, never having seen the need for one when I lived alone. And the few times I'd co-habited with a woman were so short-lived they never spanned the holidays. A sad commentary on my life, to be sure.

"I don't know..." I hedged. "What's typical?"

At the same time, Dominic and Jamie both said, "This weekend..."

Of course it was this weekend! Well, I couldn't pretend that I just had to get it all out of storage -- time to come clean. "We're going to have to buy a tree -- well, everything really. I haven't had a tree in years."

"Call my mom," Dominic advised. "She can hook you up. She knows where to buy everything..."