Redemption of an Idiot

I smiled at the faith the boy had in his mother, although in this case, even I could figure out where to buy a Christmas Tree and decorations. My mailbox was filled with flyers from retailers selling those very items.

When I asked if the boys wanted to come shopping with me, they looked at each other and then at me like I was insane. Before I could stop him, Dominic was on the phone with Elena, informing her of my plan. Then he handed the phone to me.

"Hey..."

"Hey yourself," she greeted. "So...you're going out to find a tree?"

"Yep. Apparently, I need to have one this weekend..." The mock-glare that I tossed in the boys' direction was totally lost on them.

"Want some company?"

Despite the fact that I really did not need help, the idea of spending time with Elena was enough to make me swallow my pride and say, "Yes."

When I showed up at her house an hour later, she asked me in so we could make a game plan. She looked really good, and when I told her as much, her color rose and she pushed at my shoulder, "Seriously John -- I'm wearing a T-shirt and jeans..."

I leaned forward with one hand on her waist and pressed a kiss to her cheek, murmuring, "Ah, but it's the way you fill them out..."

Her laugh was shaky as she leaned into me slightly, "You are distracting me... Quit it..."

And so I did, for the time being. We focused on the flyers spread out on her dining room table and discussed what I'd need and the best places to shop. Fifteen minutes later, we were on our way.

Elena knew of a home decor store that, with any luck, would be one-stop shopping. It was a fifteen-minute drive from her place, and in the car, she kept the conversation going.

"So, Tony asked me for your number... It seems he liked playing basketball with you and wanted to reach out," she explained.

That was surprising, "Really? Huh..."

"At first I thought it was a ploy -- that he'd want to act like a protective brother and everything -- but I didn't get that vibe from him," she assured me.

She probably didn't want to hear that Tony had encouraged me to ask her out. "No, that's cool. I liked playing ball with him too. Feel free to give him my number, if you want."

"Thanks. I think Tony could use a friend, actually. He and Angel moved down here from Chicago last year, and since then it's mostly been about getting settled in the new job, the new house and the babies. Not a lot of time to make friends." Then, as if she realized how she might sound, she clarified, "No pressure though -- you guys don't ever even have to get together, let alone be friends..."

I laughed, and reached over to squeeze her hand, "Got it, no pressure."

She seemed to relax then, and leaned her head back against the seat, "Thanks."

When we got to the store, I almost turned around. The parking lot was a madhouse, and I could only imagine that inside would be worse. But Elena smiled reassuringly as we entered the doors and took my hand, "Don't worry, it'll be fine. Just stick with me."

And it was fine -- sort of. She snagged us a cart and maneuvered through the crowded aisles like a seasoned professional. Before too long, I had chosen a pre-lit tree and a tree skirt. When it came to the ornaments, I hesitated.

I knew that somewhere in storage there was a container with all of Shari's ornaments -- most likely several with sentimental value to Jamie. We had never gone through it -- in fact, we hadn't touched anything in storage since I'd moved him to Dallas. I wasn't sure if I should even bring it up this year, or just pretend that container didn't exist, and I asked Elena her opinion.

Her eyes softened, and she slid a supportive arm around my waist right there in the store. "Hon -- you guys need to talk about it, and soon. Holidays can be hard enough after you lose someone close, and I'll bet it will make him feel more at home to have some of those ornaments hanging on the tree."

She was right, of course. If I asked Jamie's therapist, he would undoubtedly agree. I rested my chin against her temple for a moment, and then exhaled, "Okay, then this should be easy. Let's just grab a couple of these basic ornament packs, and that should do it..."

"You sure?"

"Yep," I replied, ruthlessly shoving all emotion aside, and reaching for a 24-pack of assorted balls.

Elena looked wistfully at the huge display of individual ornaments before us, and asked, "Do you think you could go get in line to check out? I just want to look for a little bit."

She didn't have to ask me twice. I somehow found the front of the store and queued up at the end of an extremely long line. With nothing to do but wait, I pulled out my phone and opened up Facebook. I hardly ever went on there, but I had a bunch of notifications so I thought I'd better check them out.

Lakeview Orchestra posts. Lakeview PTA posts. Lakeview junior class posts. DISD posts. Hmmm...Elena's work from last week, no doubt. But it was interesting to see what was going on, especially since Jamie was reluctant to share -- although, in his defense, he probably wasn't aware of half of this stuff.

And then, there was Elena's name on my feed. Somehow, we were already friends -- she must have done that too. I smiled and clicked into her profile. God, she was gorgeous...

I was still snooping through her page when she nudged my elbow with hers. "Hey..."

From each one of her fingers dangled an ornament, and her expression was an interesting mix of triumph and guilt. "I just found a few more things for my tree -- sorry it took so long."

Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I reached out to help her place her items in the cart. It hadn't taken that long, but the line had moved quite a bit. When I said as much, she smiled, "They have all fifteen check out stations open. I'll bet we're out of here in twenty minutes."

"What's that saying?" I asked, taking her hand in mine. "From your lips to God's ears?"

*****

My earlier fears that I had messed everything up with Elena seemed to be unfounded. Of course, today I had done nothing more scandalous than hold her hand, but I was feeling hopeful all the same. Why else would she go above and beyond -- not just helping with the shopping, but also offering to help set up and decorate -- if she didn't want to spend time with me?

It was going on four p.m. when Elena and I got back to my place. Jamie and Dominic had texted a bit earlier to say they were meeting some friends at the mall and then going out to the movies later. I had no problem with that -- not if it meant I was actually alone with the object of my desire.

And she was definitely that. As I watched her hip-check my sofa to move it over a few inches to make more room for the tree, I was amazed that I had ever found her less than breathtaking. Unlike pretty much every woman I'd dated in the past ten years, I didn't feel like she had an agenda. She was genuine and kind, two characteristics I hadn't thought of as essential -- until now. Was she perfect? No, but probably about as close as I was likely to find.

With some Christmas tunes playing in the background, and in between sips of hot chocolate (liberally laced with Bailey's), I found myself laughing more than I had in ages. Elena was full of stories as we worked, including one about the Christmas Eve when Tony had proposed to Angel in front of the whole family.

"I've never understood public proposals," I declared, reaching down from my perch on a stepstool to take an ornament from her. "I would think that would be something you'd want to do in private..."

"Well, it wasn't too much of a risk -- they'd been together four years already and he was pretty sure she was going to say yes," she explained.

"It's not just that. I mean, it's kind of a personal thing...doing it in public totally cuts out the possibility of, you know...immediate celebration..." I raised one eyebrow suggestively.

Elena backhanded me on the thigh, laughing. "Of course you'd think about sex -- you're a guy, after all!"

"No, seriously, think about it. The man of your dreams has just asked you to marry him. You say yes, and you kiss him...and you want to stop there?"

I loved the way, when she tried not to smile, her eyes still crinkled up at the corners. "You have a point, although it's a moot one -- with regards to me anyway."

"Really, why's that?"

Her fingers brushed mine as she handed me another ball. "Because I don't plan to ever get married again."

Now this was news -- and completely at odds with my previous take on her. "Huh..." I desperately wanted to know why, but wasn't about to ask. I knew little about her ex-husband, except that she was well rid of him. Fortunately, she took my silence as an invitation to explain.

"I just don't want to give up control of my life, you know? Right now, I have the freedom to do whatever I want, and I don't have to answer to anyone. It's... amazing, in so many ways..."

Sure, yeah, I knew. I'd been exercising that freedom for a few decades now, and it was pretty great. Sometimes. "So, you'll just kick back, play the field..." I deduced, hoping for a little more detail.

"Ha! No, probably not," she replied as I stepped down off the stool. "I'm not very good at 'casual.' I'm good at 'friends.'"

I was not stupid -- I understood what she was ever so subtly trying to communicate, but that didn't stop me from pressing my luck. Moving toward her, I took one of her hands in mine and said, with more confidence than I felt, "I'm good at 'friends' too..." and dipped my head to kiss her.

That she didn't push me away said something. Instead, she softened against me, her free hand sliding up my arm and across my shoulder before coming to rest against my jaw. The kiss was tender, and sweet -- as undemanding as I could make it -- and she was the one that turned it into something else. She was the one to increase the pressure, to involve tongues and to plaster her body against mine.

Not that I was complaining. No, she was undeniably delicious.

When she came up for air, she breathed, "Why do I like you so much?" as I began nibbling on her neck. "It is really...ahhh...annoying..."

"My insane good looks?" I suggested helpfully, stroking one hand down her back and over her hip.

She choked on her laughter, "Uh -- no..."

"My magnetic personality?" That same hand traveled back up her side, my thumb following the curve of her breast.

"Oh God..."

I wasn't sure if her reaction was a result of my words, or my errant thumb. "Is that a no?" I pulled back to look in her eyes, toying gently with her enticingly erect nipple.

Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, before meeting my gaze, and I knew she liked this. "Yes..."

"Yes, that's a no, or yes, that's a yes?" I teased, tightening the arm that was around her, my hand sliding lower to palm her ass.

"Uh...what was the question again?" she asked, pressing against me, her lips brushing mine.

Elena was a study in contradictions. A dedicated mother, pre-school director and parent volunteer on the one hand, and, on the other, the porn-watching seductress currently climbing all over me. Okay, technically Outlander is not porn, but as to the rest of it? Yeah...

Suddenly, she was pulling away from me, and reaching for her phone as it vibrated on the coffee table. Her cheeks were flushed and her voice was breathless as she answered, "Hey Dominic. What's up?"

I was really beginning to hate the fact that Elena made her son call and check in with her so often. Jesus H. Christ! Give the kid some fucking room!

*****

By the time she had hung up, I had composed myself, forgiven Dominic for calling and Elena for answering, gathered up all the empty boxes on the couch and taken them to the trash can. I was never really mad -- just horny and frustrated as hell.

I say I forgave them, but I knew there was nothing for me to forgive. I'd been Jamie's guardian long enough to know that if he called, I needed to answer. What if his car had broken down, or he'd been in a wreck or was otherwise in trouble?

"I'm sorry about that..." she grimaced, joining me in the kitchen where I was just about to pour myself a real drink. She took the bottle from my hand and examined the label, "Huh...hitting the hard stuff already." Then, smiling ruefully, she admitted, "I have been known to drive a man to drink before."

"I don't doubt it," I chuckled, taking the whiskey bottle back from her and proceeding with my original intention. "Do you want one?"

"No...I need to go home soon. Although I just remembered that you are my wheels..." her voice trailed off as she watched me drain my glass. "You know what, I can just call an Uber."

I reached for her elbow, but she scooted out of the way, holding up one hand defensively. "Don't, okay..." Then, at the surprised look on my face, she clarified, "Not that I don't really like you having your hands on me, but it makes it impossible for me to think..."

I could relate. The minute I started touching her -- kissing her -- the only thing I was thinking with was my dick. Not very rational...

"So, if you could just stay a few feet away from me," she continued, "I think we might actually be able to have a conversation."

I laughed at that, but hollowly. "Okay, I can do that."

"Earlier, before...you know..." she began, waving her arm in the vague direction of the living room, "I had started to say that I think we should just stay friends, but now I'm not too sure that's realistic."

She was probably right about that.

"The thing is, I like you -- more than I've liked anyone in a long time. But I don't really see any point in us dating because I'm not looking for a serious relationship," she ended, her voice laced with regret.

She had no idea what a master I was at the non-serious relationship, but I really didn't want us to just be 'friends with benefits.' And her all-or-nothing approach to this whole thing had to be addressed.

"Elena, I think you're jumping way ahead here. I'm not asking you to marry me, or move in with me, or even date me exclusively. Can't we just spend some time together and see what happens?"

Shaking her head, she replied, "But I am pretty sure I know what's going to happen -- one of us, or maybe both, is going to end up with a broken heart. I don't want to do that to you, and I definitely don't want you to do that to me..."

So she was scared... I could deal with that.

"And then there are the boys. You and Jamie are still figuring things out, and there's still so much to do to help Dominic prepare for college. I just don't know that the timing is right..."

I could speak to that objection too, though in retrospect, I should have kept my mouth shut. "You know, I've been thinking about that. The kids are pretty damn smart -- and focused. I'll bet they'd rise to the challenge if we just gave them a little more space."

She didn't take that quite as well as I'd hoped and her back stiffened. "What do you mean? Dominic has plenty of space. I'm hardly a helicopter mom."

Instead of clarifying my comment, I did something colossally idiotic -- I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "How many times have you been in touch with him since he came over here last night -- less than 24 hours ago?"

Her jaw clenched, she shook her head. "Fuck you, John. Seriously. I have been doing this a hell of a lot longer than you have..."

*****

Elena was still avoiding me when I saw her the following Saturday at the Region Orchestra concert. I had made several attempts to apologize -- both immediately after I acted like a dumbass and in the days following, but to no avail.

Tony and Angel were there, sans children, to support their nephew, and the former took me aside almost as soon as he saw me. "Dude, you fucked up..."

My shoulders sagged in defeat, "I know..."

"You called her a helicopter parent?" he asked incredulously.

I shook my head, "Her words, not mine."

I had expected Elena's family to rally behind her, but Tony was apparently in my corner, "I told her you were right and she needs to relax, and then she got mad at me too. So, we're both in the doghouse."

That made me smile, for some reason, "I appreciate it, man. But you didn't have to do that..."

"Well, it's something that's been on my mind for a while now -- this just gave me an opportunity to say it." He put an arm around Angel, who had come up beside him. "One good thing about Elena is that she doesn't stay mad for long. She's gonna forgive me pretty soon. You -- I'm not so sure about..."

"Gee, thanks..."

Angel smile sympathetically and reached out to pat my arm, "You obviously haven't dated many mothers. The cardinal rule is 'Don't poke the mama bear.' Like, seriously..."

She wasn't joking, I could see that in her eyes. I nodded grimly, "Got it. I just wish you'd told me that on Thanksgiving..."

"Well, I didn't think you were that stupid..." she smiled sweetly.

Tony told me they'd saved me a seat, but I was worried about hacking Elena off even more than she already was. He shook his head, "Don't be a pussy, man. You gotta get back in there..."

The dimming of the house lights put an end to the conversation, and I gave in, following the Giordanos to their seats. Angel told me where to sit, and I obeyed, more than a little nervous that the only empty seat in the row was the one at the end, right beside me. But it wasn't empty long, and when the students began filing on stage, Elena quietly slid in beside me.

"Hey," I whispered a greeting, trying to act like nothing was amiss, but knowing I was failing miserably.

At first her eyes were cool, but I could see them soften slightly as they searched my face, "Hey..."

And then, the music began. I'll admit that I'm no classical music expert, but I was blown away. I had heard that the Dallas area was strong for fine arts, and I knew these were the most talented students in the region, but I hadn't expected this level of playing. These kids, who had started rehearsing together less than 24 hours ago, sounded incredible!

I pushed all thoughts of the Elena drama to the side and focused on enjoying the performance and watching Jamie. He was ninth chair -- right on the edge of the stage -- and played with passion and focus. I had no illusions that any of this was my doing. I could only imagine how much Shari had sacrificed over the years to get Jamie to where he was now. The same kind of sacrifices that Elena was making every day with Dominic.

Would my sister have been all over her son to make sure that he did what he was supposed to do and stayed out of trouble? Would she make him check in with her, like Elena did? Damn right she would.

Before Shari's death, I'd never really given much thought to what it took to raise a child. I guess I'd had this vague idea that one day I'd probably get married and have some kids, but I wasn't too worried about it. After all, raising kids was primarily the woman's job anyway, right? All I'd need to do was bring in the bucks, occasionally be the bad guy, and everything would work out.

Yeah, whatever. I'm an idiot. It's not 1955 anymore.

I glanced over at Elena and caught her brushing a tear away, then wiping the moisture onto her pants. Maybe it was because I had a death wish, or perhaps because I had an idea of what she must be feeling, but I reached over to take her hand. She didn't look at me, but threaded her fingers through mine without hesitation, and squeezed.

When the performance ended and we all rose to give the kids a well-deserved standing ovation, I reluctantly released her hand. But my heart soared when she leaned close to me and murmured in my ear, "I'm sorry, John..."

I shook my head, knowing she had nothing to apologize for, and wrapped my arm around her shoulder to hold her close to my side. "Me too..."

The moment was short lived as the house lights came up, and Angel pushed past me to give Elena a hug. "Oh my gosh, Dominic was AMAZING! Best one out there, by far!" Then, remembering that I, too, had one out there, she tossed a, "No offense," in my direction.