Reflections

As darkness fell, I stumbled in a heap. The cold became unbearable and what energy I had was now draining away quickly in shivers. I began to pray that someone would find me. I could not go any further. Not even the strength to pick myself up. And that nagging thirst gripped me. If only I could find water. If only…

"Miss? Miss, can you hear me?" The voice awoke me and I opened my eyes slowly. A face peered into mine as I focused. "You are safe now. Can you hear what I'm saying Miss?" I nodded my reply. My mouth was so dry. The face became clearer. I could see clearly the nurses' features. "Rest. You must have plenty of rest." I wanted so much to ask questions, but I was weak. I needed to feel water on my drying lips and my swollen tongue. Without, I could not utter a sound apart from faint moans. I wanted to tell someone who I was and what had happened.

Later. Not now.

"We did thorough checks Miss. It seems you don't exist." I listened to the Inspector telling me as I sat up in my hospital bed. "Nobody reported missing by that name. Are you absolutely certain the name you have given us is yours?"

"Definitely." I replied. I was Me. I knew exactly who I was.

"We'll keep checking. Maybe come up with something soon. But in the meantime, if you remember anything, let me know right away." He glanced at the medical stats pinned to a clipboard. "Glad to hear that the child your carrying is ok." I looked back at him. "Something to look forwards to. We thank the lord for these mercies I suppose." He nodded politely as he left my room.

I had been there three days, recovering from my ordeal. The thorough medical examination left me with one surprise to think about. I was eight weeks pregnant and in a way I wasn't really surprised. Not after what I had just experienced. And my story? I told several people so far and not one of them was convinced that I am telling the truth. I don't even exist by name. My relatives and friends don't exist either.

That night I drifted off into a light sleep. The nurse entered telling me I had an important visitor. I sat up and looked at the figure that entered behind her. It was Steve, the virgin Romeo. I was shocked. She left us alone as he picked up a chair and set it down beside the bed.

"Surprised?" he asked with a grin. I nodded. "Good, because you should be." He threw a plain brown envelope on my cover. "You need these I think. Interesting documents." I picked it up and unsealed, taking the wad of A4 sheets from inside. I looked at them, the first, and second and third pages respectively. They were Photostat copies of the what was written on the data block in the spaceship.

"Where did you get these? Why are you here?"

"You sent them to me, remember? The day before you went missing. It's ok, I told the police."

"What?"

"I met up with a very nice detective this afternoon. The one that is investigating your mysterious circumstances. Found naked lost in the woods I was told." He removed his gloves and lay them neatly on the bed cover. I looked and listened. Something was so wrong about everything.

"No, don't look so innocent my love. I know the game you're playing. But let me just say this…I will take full responsibility for the child. They will be provided for."

"What are you talking about?"

"Seems that this whole fiasco you intend stringing out will never end, will it? Karen. Nobody will believe you, ever. I told the detective who you are. And I will make arrangements for our divorce as soon as possible. No need to worry. This was a very cruel thing. I can't forgive you for what you did to me. And those documents?"

"I don't know what you are talking about. This isn't right. Something isn't right." I replied. He was telling me things that made no sense. I was not married to him or anyone. I gazed at those copies once more. The last sheet ended where I had finished, before I challenged Dalkis. Then I looked across at Steve. "Who gave you these?" He began to laugh out loud…

"You did. You sent them to me with a note. I have it right here." He reached into his jacket pocket and produced the pale blue letter. I took it and read it. I recognised it as my handwriting. "Keep these safe, you will need them to help me." I had signed it. "With love, Karen."

"I read them and replaced them. They made no sense to me. Then you went missing. I was about to read them again and hand them to the police, to see if there were any clues. I was just so pleased you had turned up alive. When I got here, after seeing the nice detective to explain that I knew you, he conveyed his best wishes. Not on you being found, but on our impending bundle of fun to come. The nurse has just confirmed it."

Looking at the letter, the logs and hearing Steve, I was beginning to fit things together. Whoever my captors were they had changed things in my life. But there were gaps. Events that happened I knew nothing about.

"Whoever the father is, I hope you find him." Steve said, picking up his gloves. "I'm sure you will. But the child is innocent in all of this. It's the least I can do. I hope it helps you both raise him, should you wish to live together that is."

It was pointless challenging Steve. I needed to see what unfolded in order to make further sense of things. Just like it was in the spaceship, I had to reflect on the outcome and this time I had to find some missing pieces. I was certainly lost in time.

Steve walked to the door. Before leaving he turned and looked at me. "Don't bother getting in touch. The next you'll hear from me is when our divorce is complete. I wish you both well. Goodbye." He closed the door behind him. At that moment in time, I didn't even know what my surname was supposed to be.

*****

Chapter Eight

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Steven Jacobsen made me his wife on a date that was supposed to be two weeks exactly after I was abducted. The divorce papers arrived at my new apartment and delivered with it in a separate mail, a letter from my sister in Valencia confirming that she attended my wedding in Paris. There was a photograph attached of Steve and I posing in our wedding regalia. My white dress was beautiful. Exactly the style I would have picked for an important day. But, I had no recollection of it at all.

Two days before Steve had sent me a letter explaining his disappointment and grief. He claimed that he still loved me still in so many words and then followed by condemning me for what I did with the father of my child. I suppose we never did make love during the short time of our marriage. I wondered why? Maybe my other self, in the other time line did not want to. It was now obvious to me that was what happened. My alien captors covered everything over, using their abilities to change my life for a while.

I just wondered how many lives I had lived. Was there just this, or other times too? I was yet to piece things together. When I was abducted, marriage was the last thing on my mind. I didn't love Steve enough to want it either. And what about his death threat? Who was that mysterious cabby that delivered me to the spaceship? So many things. I was now determined to find out. And my child? The alien child inside of me. What would it look like? Is it what they, the masters wanted?

I found a psychiatrist who I thought would help me. For weeks I had told her about my experiences. But somehow I got that feeling she didn't believe me. Those three one-hour sessions just allowed me to talk it through…

"Tell me Karen. Do you remember having nightmares as a child?" she asked. I looked at her and knew exactly where she was leading. "Were you ever locked up somewhere? Held against your will?"

"No."

She made notes and then looked at the clock on the wall. "Shall we make another appointment for next Wednesday?"

"No." I stood and slipped my coat on, taking my purse that hung around the backrest of the chair. "I think we should forget it." I replied. "I don't think this is helping much."

"But I do. Eventually we will find out why you believe you were abducted. You are rational. There is a perfectly logical reason why you have these delusions."

"Delusions? You think I'm having delusions? I don't think so." I slung my purse strap over my shoulder and headed for the door. I looked back before leaving. "Thankyou for all you have done. And, yes I am rational. I'm not mad either. I was abducted. Silly of me to think I could turn to you for help. I know what you are thinking Doctor Farrow. Goodbye."

I left the building walking down the crowded street. I realised that this was something I had to keep to myself or find someone who had similar experiences. And that seemed so unlikely. Those who claim to have been abducted as I was would probably keep things quiet. Those who openly claimed they were are probably mad anyway and are definitely having delusions and fantasies. I was sane and I knew that this was real.

That evening I read the city newspaper and found an ad by accident. It was asking for people to write down their unusual unexplained experiences and send them in to some scientist who dealt with the paranormal. The heading of the ad was obvious. "Have you seen a ghost recently?" I smiled to myself, thinking about ghosts and my own circumstances. Then I decided to follow it up to see what happened. Afterall, what harm could it do?

A week passed and I received a reply from Jerry Blackwell, a university research scientist. He wrote telling me that my story was familiar. Right away before reading further I thought that this was going to be one of those patronising replies. But I was so wrong. He continued explaining that he had others telling him the same things and they were genuine in his humble opinion. There was a private telephone number to contact him and I did.

He sounded rational too. He listened to what I told him with interest for almost a hour. "You still there?" I asked. He seemed to have gone silent on me. "Jerry?"

"Yes I'm here. I need to meet you. I really do." He replied. "Don't say you can't. This is very important, ok?" I wanted to meet him. This was my goal in life, to be able to talk to someone who would listen and believe.

"Jerry, can I ask you something. Please be honest with me."

"Of course. What is it?"

"Tell me you believe me? Please?"

"Miss, I do believe you. I have been looking for another like you. Already, I am in contact with two others who have told me exactly the same things. Unfortunately…"

"What?"

"I'll explain when I see you. Tomorrow at 10am? Here at the city university?"

I was delighted, but still felt unsure. The baby began to kick for the first time as I clicked off the phone. I sat in silence waiting, with my hand resting on my navel. Another kick, then another… I knew then that even if nobody else believed me, there was someone else that was living testimony to what had really happened.

*****

Chapter Nine

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Jerry Blackwell was not the type of person I expected. From his voice and perceived intellect he looked older. Instead, I found a really handsome guy. He was tall, dark and young. His eyes were devastatingly hypnotic and soothing. A kind of greeny blue. The tiny study I found him in was far to cluttered and he began to move folders and files from the chair so that I could sit. He offered me coffee from his thermos flask and I accepted. Somehow I felt very comfortable with him as he sat at his desk, looked at me over his reading spectacles and read his notes.

"Karen Lee? Right?" he asked. I nodded my reply with a smile. "Good. I need to get the name right first. It does help to get things in order, especially the name thing first." I began to laugh, finding his nervousness quite funny. He had nothing to fear from me. I wasn't going to eat hi. Well, not yet atleast. He coughed and concentrated on his notes. Every so often he looked over the folder at me and then away again quickly. This indicated to me the reason for him being nervous. It was simple. He was really shy around women.

"Ok, lets get down to business Miss…"

"Karen."

"Sure." He smiled. "Karen. Call me Jerry, ok?" He decided there and then to shake my hand across the desk. "Welcome. I'm sorry I'm a little disorganised at the moment. Is the coffee ok?" I nodded my reply. Infact the coffee was just right. Not too much sugar and plenty of cream. "Good. I read the notes. Your story is classic. I mean it is intriguing. No, better, its fantastic."

"So pleased you think so. Right now I find it very confusing."

"You must be really frustrated. I mean this is exactly like the others."

"Yes. The others? You know two others like this?"

"Two men, yes. They committed suicide." He was very matter-of-fact.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I sympathised with them. They had both suffered really badly. What happened to them before I got to them was too much for anyone to take. The number of times their lives changed course until eventually…"

"Changed course?"

"Yes. Just as you described. These men were sort of trapped in a crazy time warp thing. They had lived numerous outcomes of their lives from different stages. Very complicated. All this following their abduction by aliens who took samples of their…" He pointed towards his groin.

"Sperm?"

"Exactly. But you tell me more than they ever experienced." He looked at his notes to find a significant part. "Quote, you said you actually made love to an alien?" He pulled away his specs and looked at me. "An actual alien?" I nodded seriously in reply. "That is so…" He coughed and continued scanning his notes again. I detected a kind of blush on his face.

"It was a kind of human type alien. Everything worked. His name was Dalkis." I explained. "He was quite nice. We built up a trust between us. Oh, and he was much older than I. Reminded me of a sweet teacher I once knew in high school. I sort of fancied his pants off to tell you the truth."

"I'm sure." He stood and looked out of the window. "The same abduction details as both men. Same descriptions of their environments exactly, only you lived aboard their ship for one hundred and twenty one days. The stasis, exactly the same. One of them was also told about the time thing by some female alien who was not quite as human as your… partner."

"I never saw any others, apart from the two big ones that grabbed me and the cabby of course."

"The cab driver that took you to the ship?"

"Yes. He looked very human."

"That fits too with both these guys stories." He leaned on his desk with both arms and looked at me. "You three were taken in this city and the last thing that happened to them prior to abduction was a cab ride. The same description of the cabby. Only you had a conversation with him." A moment of silence followed as we both stared at each other. And in that moment I was able to look at Jerry closer. Clean-shaven with a perfect masculine jaw line for his tall thin stature. Medium cut hair and very tidy.

He pointed a finger at me then shuck it. "Yes." He looked away quickly.

"What?"

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking." He sat down and checked his notes once more, saying to himself under his breath… "Incredible, really incredible" I finished the coffee and sat back into the chair watching him ponder. He was a deep thinker and almost went into a trance while he thought things through, tapping the side of his head with his finger. "I need to see you again, if that's ok?"

"Sure. I don't mind."

"You and I could go far with this. This is so incredible. I think you are genuine, I really do."

"Good." I smiled. He replied like-wise. "Then…"

"Yes?"

He stared up at me with those gorgeous eyes. "Shall we meet later for coffee somewhere?"

"Fantastic idea Miss Lee…I mean Karen, sorry."

"That's fine, no problem. In town maybe?"

"Definitely. You know the coffee shop on the corner of Grime Street and Main Street?"

"I do."

"Eight o clock tonight. I'll be there. Then we can talk some more?"

"Delighted. Maybe a little more relaxed than in here." I looked around his study. "It's so claustrophobic. I think we need to get more acquainted so we can…" I stopped and looked at him.

"What?"

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking aloud."

That evening I made an effort to dress up a little and make myself more presentable. I felt comfortable with Jerry in his study and so I expected to feel even more comfortable with him in more leisurely circumstances. I didn't even ask if he was single. But guys like him usually are. I would find out soon enough. The important thing was, he was willing to listen and possibly help. He was clever and seemed to understand me and what I had been through. And he was very sweet too. I liked him.

Jerry sat in one of the dim lit cubicles alone when I arrived at the coffee shop. He looked up at me and stood until I slipped into the seat opposite him. He ordered two more cappuccinos and sat. His eyes settled were I expected, on my tiny cleavage and then he looked me in the eye and smiled. "I'm so glad you came. This is much more my style."

"Thankyou. I feel much better too. That study of yours was so intimidating. Are you married?"

"Me? No. I'm too busy for that kind of stuff." He said. His hands pulled at his collar nervously. "I spend most of my time in research. I am a psychic investigator technically. I lecture physics sometimes in the university. Infact I'm the only scientist in around two hundred miles who actually gets paid to do this. What I'm doing now."

"Chasing aliens?"

"Well…kind of I suppose."

"Do you believe they exist?" I asked.

"Personally? I…"

"Go ahead, say it. I can understand."

"Well, I never actually met one. Not yet. But I believe you have."

"I knew you were going to say that." I replied, with a smile. He nodded. "I don't blame you for saying you didn't believe them. But atleast you believe I do which is a start. That is all that matters at this point."

"Very well put Miss…I mean Karen, sorry."

"You know it's so hard to believe that you are single." I leaned forward on the table. I could see him watching my body language. "You seem to be quite…nice, if you know what I mean. And working with you on this is going to be very interesting indeed." I laid it on thick and smooth. I was flirting with him profusely and like all men in his ilk, he was taking it, hook line and sinker. Or, atleast I thought he was.

"I'm sure it is. You are very nice too."

"Why thankyou, Jerry." I sat back as the waiter delivered our coffees. "Let me get these." I produced a note from my purse and paid the Latino waiter. "Two more later and please keep the change." He nodded and walked away.

"You like taking the lead?" Jerry asked.

"Always. It's the way I like to be. In control."

"I see. And you like flirting too?" He asked. For a shy guy he knew exactly what I was doing. I was impressed. "I bet you think I'm a dork, don't you?"

"Not at all." I replied with a grin that could have meant anything. But, yes inside I knew he was kind of dorkish. But he was so nice and seemed to know what I was doing, that made him a kind of 'special' dork. One I could very easily relate to.

That evening followed a kind of ritual courtship rather than an in-depth interview. We got to know about each other very well and soon felt so relaxed with each others company we began to swap funny stories of our respective childhoods, teenage catastrophes and our aspirations for the future. And again his talents impressed me. He was a very keen scientist, devoted to strange phenomenon and hell bent on proving some truth behind them convincingly. But having said that, he was still sceptical about my abduction experience.

"Who do you live with Jerry?" I asked.

"By myself. I have a very expensive apartment. I need someone to share it with me. It's far too big."