Reflections

"Tell me. What was the last thing you did before you left that line? The one named Dalkis?"

"He went into a fit. I think he died. Then I was taken by two creature things and then woke up in this dark room being scanned. The next thing I knew I was on earth, naked and dumped in a woods somewhere."

Pamela thought again. "You don't remember us rescuing you from that chamber? The scanning room?"

"Nothing. And who is us?" I was curious. There was something missing I needed to know about.

"It doesn't matter. You must have leaped onto another line as we got to you."

"No wait. Tell me what happened. It matters to me, ok?"

Pamela asked for coffee. I made us both coffee and watched her thinking from the kitchenette as she sat in my living room. She clutched the time device in her hands and stared at it as I put the tray of coffee and biscuits onto the low table. "I think I'd better tell you about our escape. Even though you are not the Karen who was with us."

"Then I'm not the one you are looking for?" I replied, pouring our coffees. I wasn't disappointed. I was face to face with someone who had a plan in all of this. She had a device that could end this confusion perhaps. Things began to make sense and there was now an explanation. She looked at me and then at the device again. "What is it?" I asked handing over her coffee.

"Nothing. I am confused myself. I was hoping I would…"

"Find the other me?"

"Yes. I mean…no. You are the one like us. Only you leaped. Do you get my drift?" I nodded my reply and watched her as she put down the device onto the table to take the coffee cup. I wasn't sure if I should snatch it or just leave things as they were meant to be. I was tempted to take control knowing that the device could help me and escape this time trap I was in. But then, she was trapped too, in search of another 'me' she knew. Another me who had lived my time with Dalkis and everything in my life up to that point. Another 'me' who was now also trapped in this fourth dimensional chaos.

I sipped my coffee. "It gets complicated doesn't it?" I sat back into the chair and lifted my knees up to snuggle. "I don't think there is any escape from all of this." I began to explain things the way I saw it. "Lets face it. No matter what, we are both trapped. You have some control because of the device, but think about it." She looked at me, listening. "Even with that, you don't have total control."

"No wait! I have a plan. We can go back to a time when we were born. Live a clean start. We can escape from all this confusion. You understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes I know what you are saying. But, think of those others. The other 'selves' we interacted with and even changed. It goes much deeper than finding a new start. And what of our conscience? The person we know as ourselves? How would that effect the child we would become at birth? I think we are trapped no matter what solution you think up or plan. Does what I say make sense?"

She listened. After a while she picked up the device, looked at me and then pressed one of the buttons. I was left sitting in my living room looking at an empty chair where she sat moments before. Pamela had vanished. My visitor had moved on, leaving me trapped on this time-line of another one of my lives and a life I may have ruined.

That evening I began to think. What if I was to end this life completely? Create a suicidal end. What would happen to 'me' the time traveller? Would I suddenly find myself in another one of my lives at another point in time?

I picked up the bottle of tranquillisers and hesitated. What if I ended it all together, including my own drifting life? The thought of life and death was far too daunting. I was not that desperate to end everything. Not yet atleast. I was beginning to get curious and also sad, thinking of my daughter on another time-line. Knowing that the other person that took over after I leapt was atleast happy raising 'our' child?

I felt dizzy. Something was happening to me. I clutched the bottle of tranquillizers in my hand.

"Karen, you know that me and your mother won't allow that?"

I was looking at my father. We were stood in our living room and I remembered the exact moment in my past. Only this time, I didn't faint. I was actually staring back at him at that point in time I remember blacking out and then finding myself on my bed with my mother slapping my face to bring me around. This time, I was conscious looking back at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Why are you staring at me like that? Did you hear what I said? It's not because we don't care about you. Infact, it's because we do. We don't even know these friends of yours."

I had drifted onto another time-line. This time to another part of my past, only in this drift I didn't faint. I was living what would have been had I not passed out. "It's ok Daddy, I understand." I said. He looked at me and held me in his arms tightly, hugging me. I was thirteen years old.

I dashed into the kitchen and hugged my mum. "I'm sorry Mum. I understand you and Dad." I told her. She was confused by my change of attitude. A few minutes before I was adamant that I was going on that camping trip with my friends. Nothing could stop me, no matter what. But in the past I remembered as 'me' when I fainted, it took a different course of events. I eventually convinced them and won. And what happened was disastrous. The camping trip resulted in my best friend drowning as we watched from the rowboat, after she dived in for a swim.

I could change things. Atleast, I thought I could. That night I lay in bed thinking of the adult 'me' suddenly taken back to my late childhood. This was now a new string as Jerry Blackwell called it. And I would probably move on soon, drift again, leaving 'someone' to continue. But who would that person, that other me be? Someone who remembers my experiences of who I was now? Who would I become?

So many questions unanswered. I remembered that my fainting was brought on by my periods starting. Suddenly I was aware of it as I lay in my bed, throwing the duvet cover back. The red stain on the bed sheet spreading out beneath me. I was brought back to that day in my life I had become a woman, and I wondered for a moment if Pamela had anything to do with it.

The next morning at breakfast my mum served the usual coffee. Things were exactly as they were when I remembered. Dad had gone to work in the paper mills that kept our community in employment. My brothers joined me at the breakfast table telling their usual jokes and teasing. My older sister was away at university in Madrid, where she would settle down after graduating and fall madly in love with her husband eventually.

"You look very placid this morning my love." Mum said. "Probably the visitors I expect." She smiled and I returned it. Danny, the eldest and my younger brother looked at me grinning. And just as I did in the past, I tried to keep my personality as it was then and pulled a tongue in reply.

That day at school I had to announce to Stephanie that I would not be going on the camping trip with her. And I had to work out a way to save her life by encouraging her not to go either. It wasn't easy. She was my best friend and I realised even more now how stubborn she could be. At the time I was just as stubborn as she was, but not the 'me' I was now. I was older in mind and wiser.

*****

Chapter Thirteen

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Seeing Stephanie again was strange. This person met her death tragically. And here I was again, talking and joking with her knowing her fate. It wasn't easy. I was back at high school doing the same lessons, only this time I knew more than I did then. I had to act dumb in order not to show everyone that I had changed. Then confronting Stephanie, my best friend, the gang leader, unpredictable, moody and very decisive in her attitude. She bullied me quite a lot in those days and now I could hold my own. But again, I had to act weak and somehow manipulate her, having the chance to save her life.

It was the same old routines day after day leading up to the time close to the camping trip. She was adamant that I should go along. I did go along in the other life and witnessed the tragedy. This time I wanted to see if I could persuade Stephanie not to go. Change the whole scenario completely. But something told me that I was playing with fate. It made me realise that if I had different time-lines, then so did she and everyone else. And I was only saving her life perhaps on one of them, atleast giving her a chance to live it out longer.

"I'm not going on the camping trip." I said. We sat in the school canteen at lunchtime. She calmly opened her lunchbox and stared back at me. This time I wasn't weak, but stronger. "My father said no and that is that."

"Don't do this Karen. It's going to be fun I swear. You can't let me down." Her piercing blue eyes complimented her slightly mischievous grin. The brace along her upper front jaw was her signature when she smiled at you threateningly. "Sneak out and leave a note. I do that all the time. Besides, it's cool gaining one step ahead all the time. If you did everything they told you, you would never get away."

"No Steph." I was firm. And that upset her. I actually dared to step over the line. I thought back over the circumstances when she drowned on that trip. Her parents were unaware until the police made that dreaded call. "And you can't go either. Your parents won't let you." I was serious.

"What are you telling me Karen?" She stood up in a rage. "Fuck you! I'm going. Is that clear?" I stood meeting her reply. The whole canteen heard her and they gave some silence to watch and listen. "Nobody stops me from doing anything. You hear what I'm saying?"

"I hear you Steph. But, believe me, something will happen to you. Please do as I say."

"No way! And if you tell my parents where I'm going, I swear I will kill you. Is that clear?" Her face turned evil as she quietly threatened. "I thought you was my best friend. You stay if you have to, but don't stop me or try. And consider our friendship finished from now on."

She stormed out of the canteen and I followed. In the main corridor I grabbed her shoulder from behind and she turned quickly with her fist clenched, hitting me hard on my nose. I heard it crack and everything began to spin around me in a daze, but there was no pain. Not yet. But this time the bully needed teaching a lesson. I grabbed her hair, pulling her towards me and down. Raising my right knee I forced her nose to make contact with it. She raised her head and looked back at me as I let go. Her nose streaming in blood. Stephanie dropped to her knees and the pain hit me.

There was a crowd gathering around us. They looked on in shocked silence. I dropped to my knees facing her. "You can't go on that trip." I gasped. "For once in your life Steph…listen to me." She was tough and determined as she muttered her reply amidst a face full of blood and tears…

"Fuck you…"

The pain began to make me feel sick and suddenly everything blurred. The last thing I saw was Stephanie's bloodied face and then…

My arm was being shaken and then I saw a face looking down at me from the darkness. "Quick! We have to get out of here!" Pamela's grip was determined. I sat up and looked back at her, catching my breath. "Come on!" I was naked, but she wore a blue thong and I noticed the device hanging on her hip strap. She tugged at me, helping me on my feet and we ran through the darkness until a portal opened up in the wall. The corridor was grey and bland. Pamela looked in both directions. "It's clear. Follow me." She demanded, still tugging at my wrist. "They have opened the hatches so that we can get away…follow me…I'm taking you with me."

I felt weak from the leap. It was obvious that I was aboard the alien spaceship again and I followed her closely. We came to a junction and she looked in both directions again before dragging me left. Down the corridor was a bright light. Daylight. I covered my eyes and I could feel the rush of air on my skin, as we got closer. "We are going to jump, ok? I'm not sure how far it is so we have to take a chance."

Together we jumped the short distance to the dusty ground. We both landed on all fours and I looked back up at the dark portal in the underside of the huge silver metallic craft. "Quick, we have to move!" Pamela's voice was giving me instructions and I followed them explicitly. We ran, as if running for our lives out into the open desert and the sound of loud heavy gunfire became clearer. We dived behind a ridge and there were three dark blue uniformed men firing weapons in the direction of the ship. I suddenly realised I was naked and tried to cover my intimate parts where possible with my hands.

"Stay down Miss!" one of the men ordered. I looked at Pamela squatting beside me and did the same. The ground began to shake violently and I my ears began to pound with a deafening rumble. I found it hard to breathe as if all the air around us was being sucked away. Then things gradually went quieter, followed by a warm blast of air pressing us down closer to the ground.

Silence followed. I raised my head slowly. Pamela and the three men did the same. "It's gone!" Pamela called out. Above I saw an empty blue cloudless sky as my senses fully recovered. The three men looked at both of us, checking their guns. I looked back, realising once again my situation. They were either cops or somekind of swat team. Then the vehicles began to roll up from nowhere.

Pamela and I were given blankets to cover ourselves after two zoot-suited people with Geiger counters checked us out. Pamela refused to give up the device as one of them tried to take it. Then we were escorted to a waiting vehicle, a green windowless van, locked in, and we sat facing each other in silence as the vehicle began to move.

"Have we been rescued from the aliens?" I asked. She nodded her reply and looked back at me. "How did you know I was there? What happened?"

"I was told to leave immediately. But I wasn't leaving without you. I jumped one of them, taking this." She took the device in her hand and stared at it. "It must be a weapon. I'm not parting with it. It's mine now."

I reached out to take a closer look at it and she hid it behind her back quickly. "Wait. Do you know what that is?" I asked. She shuck her head. "Don't touch any buttons, whatever you do."

"Why not?"

"It could be dangerous."

It became clear to me that Pamela was just as confused as I was. When we both met on the other time-line she seemed to know about the device. Used it with confidence. This time, she seemed different. I held my head in my hands. Tried to make sense of everything. It was useless. All I could do was wait to see what unfolded next.

"I saw you in that room as I ran away." She began to explain. "I went in to get you. I didn't know how many of us were in there. They just told me to leave, in my head. That's how they spoke to me. Voices in my head."

"What did they do to you? Do you know?"

"I was forced to mate with this guy. Kept me in this room place with him for weeks. I refused. I wouldn't let him touch me."

"Half human?" I asked.

"Yes. Like an ordinary guy with weird hands."

"Same here." I didn't go into any of the details. I had learned by now to say anything unless I was sure. I closed the blanket tighter around me and waited. I wondered whether or not I had managed to save Stephanie's life. It was clear to me that this strange life I was now leading was far too complex to fathom out. Atleast, not yet.

The vehicle came to a stop eventually after what seemed like hours. When they let us out, we were inside a huge warehouse type building with more zoot-suited people around. We were led into a room and the blankets taken from us. I was asked through silent gestures to enter a separate cubicle. I heard Pamela resisting, she was asking them to leave her alone. Then it went quiet.

The cubicle was tiled and had an examination couch with various trays stacked on a trolley draped in white cloths. Within a short while I was joined by a nurse. She smiled and asked how I was. I told her I was confused. She asked me my name and I told her. Karen Lee.

"You are at a government facility." She began to explain. "This is where all abductees are brought. You do know you were abducted, don't you?" I nodded my reply. "Good, then atleast we don't need to explain that part. Someone will explain later. Right now I need to examine you." She told me to lie on the couch. I watched as she slipped on the sterile gloves. "Do you have any aches, pains or any other discomfort?" I told her my feet were injured during the escape from the ship. She checked. "Only minor abrasions and bruises. Nothing broken."

She checked everything. A visual inspection of my eyes, ears, nose and mouth. She felt every part of my body from head to toe. "I want to give you an internal examination and take some swabs. Please don't feel embarrassed. This is important." I didn't object. Afterwards I asked for a shower and some food and drink. I felt dirty and hungry.

I was taken to a bathroom with privacy and allowed to shower. Then given a sterile robe to wear and a tray of food waiting for me as I was returned to the cubicle. The nurse returned with me with a clipboard. She read out what seemed like a preliminary report, telling me I was basically fine, apart from my sore feet.

I ate the ham sandwiches and drank the warm coffee as the nurse began to explain what was going to happen next…

"You will be interviewed by a member of security staff. They will answer any of your questions. Please be direct with your answers in order to help. Tell them everything you know with as much detail as possible. Give dates and times if you know any."

I looked back and smiled. "How often do you do this?" I asked.

"Quite often. You are not the first."

*****

Chapter Fourteen

I was tired. The interview was more like an interrogation conducted by two men. One fat middle-aged guy who had never learned to smile and the other a young good-looking man who spoke in a calming and polite manner. The perfect combination. I answered every question they fired at me, careful not to give too much away. There were things I felt I needed to keep to myself amidst their doubts. They wanted to know everything. I asked questions of my own, but they chose to ignore them flatly.

"Miss Lee…" The young man sat facing me across the steel table. He smiled and I returned his glance. "Are you saying that you actually leap from one life to another? This is so incredible it's unbelievable." I sat back in my chair and I was still in the sterile gown the nurse gave me hours before. I could feel his eyes stripping me naked. The other stood against the wall clutching his coffee cup. "You say the aliens gave you this 'gift'?"

"A gift? I wouldn't call it a gift. This thing is causing havoc for me right now. It isn't fun you know."

"Explain it." The fat miserable one demanded. I turned and looked at him, longing for a taste of theat coffee, a meal and a rest somewhere quiet.

"Can I have a break? I've been in here for hours."

"Answer the question." The younger one asked. "Then you can have a break."

I began to explain how the leaps started. I told them everything they needed to know of every one that I had experienced so far. It wasn't easy. I got the feeling that they knew this was happening; not only to me but others they had grilled. I was not the only one, surely.

"Wait a minute. You know about these things." I looked at each of them in turn. "Why are you treating me like this? Can't you see I am a victim of these aliens? Why are you doing this?"

"Miss Lee…"

"No! Stop this!" I stood up quickly and threw the chair across the room. They both looked at me as if they expected my reaction. There was silence for a few seconds and the older man began to speak holding out his hand…