Reflections on Ice Ch. 07

"I went to get my coat earlier, and found Carol with Alex." She wrinkled her nose. "They were hooking up in the back of the room."

"And that bothered you?"

"Of course it did. Carol is my friend and Alex is a snake. I didn't want her to get hurt, especially since he was only using her, and she's still reeling from her break-up."

Dylan shrugged, unsure of what to say.

"So I told him to leave her alone and that she was being stupid to think he'd want anything to do with her for real." Cassia looked down at her hands, knotted in front of her. "But Carol didn't care, and said that I only cared because I'd brought you around to make Alex jealous."

"But you didn't."

She shot him a look. "Of course not. You know that wasn't why I first asked you to... you know."

"No, you asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend so I could go to this wedding with you. So you wouldn't be the only lonely bridesmaid down there."

Cassia opened her mouth to reply, but Dylan cut her off.

"It's fine. You said as much to me when we first met." He sighed and rubbed his neck. "I was the fool who thought things had changed."

"They did!" She reached for him again, her face falling when he moved out of range. "Dylan, believe me, I haven't been pretending for a long time."

"Then why didn't you tell Carol that? Why tell her anything at all about us and our deal? I thought you were keeping it a secret anyway."

"I was. I did! I just..." She lifted one hand and let out a heavy breath. "I was driving her home one day, a few weeks ago, before my birthday, and she was really drunk. I just said it in passing, and I thought she was passed out at that point."

"Obviously she wasn't."

"No." Cassia's expression was pained and Dylan wanted to hold her, but he didn't know if he could. "She remembered and threw it in my face earlier. You have to believe me, Dylan. I never meant to say anything to anyone."

"Then why did you?"

She held her hands out in front of her, palms up. "I didn't mean to. It just came out."

"Just like Alex offering to take you up to his room tonight?"

"What? No!" She shook her head, but her cheeks turned bright pink. "I would never--"

"But he did offer." Dylan crossed his arms over his chest, jealousy burning him from the inside out. "Did you consider it? After seeing the lengths he'd go to to get back in your good graces?"

"What are you talking about?" Cassia's expression changed. She was still flushed, but her eyes had narrowed in anger. "He hasn't done a thing to get back in my good graces, as you put it. And I would never consider doing anything with him while we're still together."

"But we're not really together, are we? It's all just pretend."

"Is that what you think?" Her tone sharpened. "You really think because I slipped and told one person a month ago that we were pretending, when we still were pretending, that I'd consider sleeping with the man who'd cheated on me?"

"I don't know. Maybe. You thought I could be the kind of guy who'd cheat, didn't you?"

"What?" She shook her head. "I never thought that."

"Come on. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you could see any guy cheating on you, after Alex did."

She clenched her fists at her sides. "Well, I didn't. You're not the kind of guy who would ever do that to a woman."

"Even in a pretend relationship."

"I'm not pretending, Dylan. Not anymore." She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin. "Is this your way of telling me that you're pretending?"

Dylan jerked back as if she'd slapped him. "Is that what you think?"

"Well, I did make the first move. If it was ever real for you, why didn't you ever try to kiss me or ask me out for real?"

"Don't be stupid. You know why." And the fact that she was throwing it in his face now really stung.

Cassia blinked a few times. "I understand now."

"You understand what?"

"Why you didn't. I'm not the right kind of woman for you."

"What?" Dylan glared. "When have I ever said that?"

She shrugged. "You never have, not in plain words. Do you think I'm so dim that I couldn't tell though? All your talk of college and your fancy degrees, and how you kept reassuring me that college doesn't matter."

Dylan's eyes opened wide. "Because it doesn't, not to me."

"Oh, please." She looked away, and Dylan saw her lower lip trembling. "I'm not stupid, Dylan. I know you'd much rather have someone who dresses like this all the time, and knows how to act for team obligations. Why else haven't you taken me to any other events?"

Dylan threw his hands in the air. "There haven't been any other events."

"You said there was some children's thing this month."

"It's next week." He pointed a finger at her. "And I have never once said you didn't belong at those things with me, and I've never said that your lack of college experience bothered me."

"My lack of experience? Well, thank you for being so magnanimous." Her voice was starting to shake now. "Not everyone gets two college degrees they don't even need."

Dylan shook his head. What were they doing? What were they even arguing about anymore? "I don't need this. Why do you care so much when you've just been faking it this whole time with me?"

She whirled on him, her eyes blazing. "Because I haven't been faking it! Why you don't believe me, I don't know."

"Maybe it's because I heard you tell your friend not fifteen minutes ago that you were."

Her mouth opened and closed, then opened again. She dropped her face into her hands and her shoulders shook. Dylan took a step towards her but she lifted her head and turned away from him.

"I was stupid."

"What?" Dylan frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I was stupid to ever think you would want to be with someone like me."

"I never said I didn't."

She shot him a look over her shoulder. "You just did."

Dylan shook his head but realized it was fruitless. They'd both said far too much tonight. And far too little. He felt the words welling up in his chest, wondering if it would change anything. Her back stayed to him, and he heard again the way she'd told Carol why it had all been an act.

His throat burned and he turned away, heading for the door.

"You're leaving?"

He stopped, his hand on the door handle, and looked over his shoulder. "I didn't think you'd want me to stay."

She met his gaze and his heart skipped around in his chest for a moment. Maybe she wasn't going to let him go. Maybe this whole stupid argument had been the mistake. Then she looked away.

"I don't have any way to get home."

Dylan clenched his jaw and pulled the door open. "You're a smart woman. You'll figure it out."

He didn't look back, didn't want to see the tears on her face, that he'd heard in her voice. He thought he heard her say his name but he didn't stop.

This had all been a big mistake. He was the idiot, for ever believing a woman like her could fall for him and his red ears and stumbling words.