Regaining My Life

"That is quite all right, my dear."

I removed our plates. In the kitchen I placed the raspberries into small bowls with a dollop of freshly whipped cream on top.

I placed the bowl in front of her, "Fresh berries and cream for her majesty."

"Oh, I love raspberries."

"I picked these this afternoon."

She took a dainty bite, "Oh, those are so sweet. I didn't know you had berry bushes."

"Blueberries too, but they're out of season now."

"Quinn, you are just more and more impressive each moment. Lean over here, I need to kiss you."

I leaned over and she softly pressed her lips to mine. She opened her mouth and I touched her tongue.

Zoë leaned back with her eyes closed.

She opened them slowly, "That may be the nicest part of this entire dinner."

I took my wine glass, "May I make a toast, my dear?"

She picked up her glass and smiled.

"Here's to a stunningly beautiful dinner companion and a treasured friend."

We clinked glasses and took a sip.

Zoë said, "If I may." She looked into my eyes, "Here's to the kindest, sweetest, and sexiest date a girl could ever have."

We clinked glasses again. I finished my berries and cream first and just looked at Zoë. I could feel a wide grin on my face.

She looked at me, "What?"

"This makes me very happy. Making you a nice dinner, spending some quality time with you. I can't remember when the last time I had such a delightful evening."

Zoë blushed and put her hand on my arm again, "You're the best."

_ _ _ _ _

We finished dinner. I put the leftovers in the fridge and left the dishes for later. We went into my living room. I turned on the end table lamps as the daylight was fading. I sat down on the couch. I expected Zoë to sit next to me with her back to the couch. Instead, she hiked up her dress and sat down next to me, but cross-legged facing me. The dress still covered her legs. She took my hand and held it in her lap. She looked serious and I could feel a serious conversation coming on.

Zoë began, "Yesterday, I went on a really long hike. I did a lot of thinking."

I opened my mouth to say something, but she placed her finger on my lips. "You'll get to talk Quinn, but you've got to let me say this. If you interrupt me, I'll lose my train of thought."

I nodded.

Zoë took a deep breath. "First, what you said in your toast goes for me too. I absolutely treasure your friendship. You are the sweetest and dearest man I know. I don't ever want to do anything that will hurt us or hurt you. You are such a dear, sweet man. I just said that." She laughed at herself, then took another breath. "The other day was magical. I have had sex with three men before you, but I don't think I would say that I made love to any of them. Wednesday was the first time I made love. It was so special."

I started to say something and she held up a finger, "Wait. There's more."

She took a deep breath and she seemed to struggle to find the words, "I love you Quinn McMullen more than you will ever know."

My mind started racing. She loves me. I barely know her.

Zoë continued, "Even though you probably love me too, I know your heart belongs to Chris. You can't deny this. I've seen the way you have looked at her ever since she came here. Your conversations look like your hearts are joined through your eyes."

She wiped her eyes, her voice started to break a little, "Quinn, I am so cool with that. When we were talking about being married the other day and you talked about finding the right person, I knew I could never be that person for you. I think Chris is that person. Chris and I talked about it for hours after Jackie went to bed last night."

She took another deep breath, "Wait there's more."

Another deep breath and Zoë continued, "I really like Chris' idea of a friend with benefits. Neither one of us are in a real relationship, but we can care for one another. I care for you so deeply. I love you so much. At times my heart aches for you. We can give each other pleasure. We can be so good for one another."

She took another deep breath, "Okay, I'm done for now."

"I can go for that."

"That's all you have to say?" She looked shocked.

"First, Zoë, please don't write yourself off. I don't want to give you false hope, but before this week I really didn't know you. I still don't know much about you. Yes, Chris and I have been eye flirting for years. Yes, I do love her so. Here's the thing. I don't know if I can be a father again. We talked about it earlier this week. She is a package deal. She comes with baggage called Jackie. Actually, she doesn't think I could be a step-dad again."

I took her hand, "Zoë, when you told me just now that you loved me, I never knew you cared for me like that. I probably have been too self-centered in my grief to realize it. Please don't write yourself off. You're a beautiful, brilliant woman with a heart of gold."

I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it. "After Chris put the idea in my head about friends with benefits, I had to go do some research. I think it is a good idea, but it sounds like we need to agree to rules."

"Oh, that's a good idea."

"Okay, so the first rule should involve dating others."

"We can absolutely date others. Should we have to tell each other about it?"

"I read where that's not such a good idea. Same thing if we have sex with someone else."

"I think we can have sex with others."

"So don't share when we have sex with someone else?"

Zoë thought about it, "No sharing. One of us might get jealous. I went with this one guy, Jared, and he would get very freaked out when I even talked to another guy."

"So no sharing when it comes to dates or sex. I think that should also extend to Chris, neither one of us should share with her what goes on between us. What do you think?"

"Quinn, she is my best friend. I'm going to have a hard time with that. For right now, I'm going to say 'no' to that one. I need to talk to Chris."

"Okay. Fair enough. One of the things I read is that we might need rules on cuddling or staying the night."

"Why?"

"Well one site said, that could lead to a more intimate relationship than we want."

"Quinn."

"Yes, dear."

"I've never really done that. Cuddle. For real. I've never really spent the night with anyone either. With Jared: it was get me wet, fuck me till he came, and see you tomorrow. Then he was out of there. I never felt like it was love. It was raw sex, raw lust. I don't think he ever slept in my bed, or I slept in his. Would it be so bad if you held me in your arms, like at the pond? If our bodies were touching while we slept?"

I kissed her hand again. "Those are definitely experiences you need to have, certainly before you reach old age. So, cuddling and sleeping with each other is in."

"Yes."

"So, how frequently do we have sex?"

"Oh. I hadn't considered that. I'm hoping that tonight would be one."

"So am I."

She smiled, "Okay, weekends are when you will probably want to go on dates, and there is always a chance that you might bring that person home."

"Could I go on a date with you?"

"Oh, I guess so. What's your class schedule look like?"

"Afternoon classes, Monday through Thursday."

"Okay, so how would you feel about Sundays and Thursdays? Is twice a week too much?"

I said, "That would be a good starting point. Any other rules?"

"You can't think I'm a slut."

"Zoë, I would never think you are a slut."

Even in the warm glow of the lamps, I could tell she was blushing. "I would like to learn about my body and your body. What makes us respond to different things? I would like to try some things." She placed her hand on mine. "Quinn, I'm 39 years old. I am afraid I will turn into an old maid, and I will never know what kind of pleasure is out there, what my body is capable of, what your body is capable of. I guess I mean men in general, but I really don't know a lot other than what I have read."

"So, you would like to experiment?"

She nodded, "Are you good with that?"

"If it's good for you, it's good for me. When we start experimenting, we might need more rules, but we'll decide those when we get there."

Zoë nodded, "Is there anything else?"

I dug in my pocket and handed her a house key, "Since I'm emotionally trusting you with a lot, I think you should also have access to my house."

"I'll get a key to my house so things are fair. Although I have to say, with Chris and Jackie at my house we should probably meet here for the time being."

"Agreed. Here's a question for you: Should we be brutally honest with each other when we aren't happy about something?"

She nodded, "I think so. Although we should try not to hurt the other person's feelings, so maybe honest, but not brutal. Anything else?"

I said, "So you need to know the situation with Chris since she seems to be in the middle of things. You need to know that she said that she and I can't be lovers."

"I know. She told me."

"Well, she has also been teasing me with some exhibitionism and some very explicit sexual descriptions. I think we may have agreed to be friends with shower benefits as long as we control ourselves."

"I have those too, right? Shower benefits?"

"You have all benefits. Tomorrow we should write these down. I am going to treat my relationship with Chris like any other and I am not going to talk to you about her." I stood up, "Well, my beautiful friend with benefits, I think I would like to show you some of the benefits you might enjoy."

She swung her legs around and stood up, "I think we should seal our agreement with a kiss."

I leaned down and kissed her, placing my hands on the small of her bare back. Her hands were on my shoulders.

I mumbled into her mouth, "If I was a younger man, I would carry you up the stairs."

She probed my mouth with her tongue and mumbled back, "You romantic."

"Let me button up the house and then we'll go upstairs."

I locked the doors and turned on the outside lights. Then I took her hand and led her up the stairs. "Do you know where everything is in this house?"

She shook her head, so I showed her where the bathroom and the towels were. I had a new toothbrush that I took out and placed next to the sink for her. I brought her into my bedroom, "I'll make room in that dresser so you can keep some things over here. Chris has a drawer for her work clothes."

The light was rapidly fading outside so I turned on the end table lamp. The windows were open and a gentle, warm breeze ruffled the curtains. I turned to Zoë.

She placed her hands behind my neck, "If you are thinking how to get this dress off me, you just need to loosen this band at my waist. Then you can lift it over my head."

I found where the band was clipped taut and loosened it. Zoë's hands were still behind my neck. I slowly lifted her dress over her head and lowered it, revealing her pert breasts. The light from the lamp casting one breast in shadow. I continued lowering the dress and knelt before her. I let the dress fall to the floor and I was not surprised to find she wore nothing underneath. Her pubic runway was golden in the lamplight.

I asked, "Is it proper for a mere moral to worship a sex goddess of the forest?"

"It is right and proper. Arise Sir Knight and allow me to disrobe you."

I picked up her dress, draped it over the back of the rocking chair, and then stood in front of Zoë. She was smiling broadly as she unbuttoned my shirt. I unbuttoned the cuffs behind her head. She didn't pull the shirt off me, but rather opened it and ran her fingers through my chest hair. Human touch is intoxicating. I savored the moment looking into her eyes.

After a minute or so, Zoë returned to the task at hand. She pulled off the shirt, then unbuckled my belt, unbuttoned the fly, and dropped the zipper. I had conveniently gone commando and when the trousers fell away, my tumescent cock was there in all its glory.

Zoë placed her hand on my shaft.

I said, "I think that tonight needs to be all about you."

She smiled, "How so?"

"I think I need to bring you to the heights of pleasure and keep you there as long as possible."

"How can a girl say 'no' to something like that?"

"Exactly." I removed a couple of the extra pillows from the head of the bed and tossed them in a chair. "You need to make yourself as comfortable as possible."

Zoë climbed up on top of the covers. She positioned herself in the middle of the bed with her legs flat, but spread slightly. She placed two pillows under her head. "Is this OK? I would like to watch you."

"Absolutely."

I knelt at the foot of the bed. Lifting her right foot, I gently massaged the sole with both thumbs. Zoë's eyes were fixed on me. I returned the gaze as I licked her toes, then began tracing my tongue up her silky calf. When I got to her knee, I pressed my erection against the sole of her foot. She smiled. Then I moved to her left foot. More massaging, but rather than licking, I began sucking on each toe. A soft moan came from her lips. I kissed my way up to her knee. Now I continued up the inside of her thigh, tender kisses on her delicate skin.

I stopped about four inches from her vulva. Even though it was in shadow, I could see the moisture on her labia. I'd barely begun stimulating her erogenous spots. I wanted to bring her to maximum anticipation, but her pussy would be last. I crawled up between her legs moving so we were face-to-face. My hands were on the pillow on either side of her face. My cock barely touched her pussy, and she began to reach for me.

I grabbed her hand before it got to me, "No, no. Not yet."

Zoë's smile oozed passion. I laid my hand on her cheek, and then leaned in and gently kissed her lips. Her hand came up to my face and our lips parted, tongues probing. I leaned forward slightly so that my cock brushed against her pussy again. I broke the kiss and worked toward her earlobe, softly taking it between my lips.

I slid my tongue behind her ear, then traced my tongue down to her neck. I kissed and tongued my way from one shoulder to the other, gliding my tongue along her collarbone. Now I returned to the side of her breast that I first encountered on the hike. I looked up and Zoë had her head back on a pillow, her eyes closed. I slowly circled her breast edging closer to her areola. My tongue was just above her nipple when she arched her back, dragging her nipple across my tongue.

I whispered, "No, not yet."

"Are you trying to tease me?"

"Tease you until every nerve is aching for release."

I moved to her other breast and repeated the circling strategy. I barely touched the tip of her erect nipple with my tongue. She let out a groan and put her hands on my head. I mouthed her and then sucked ever so slightly.

I traced my tongue over to her other breast and repeated the maneuver, this time sucking longer. I slowly moved back and forth between nipples spending time with each one. I lost count of how many times. By the last time, I thought I heard a small whimper from Zoë.

Deciding it was time to move lower, I traced my tongue across her stomach to her pussy. Her pubic landing strip atop her mons was my next focus. I got up on my elbows between her legs and traced my finger on the edge of her pubes, along the valley her leg created with her vulva, across her perineum, then back up the other side. Her perineum was a river of moisture flowing from her opening. The second time around I traced her labia majora, carefully avoiding her emerging clit.

I started repeating the pattern with my tongue and I heard Zoë's breath suck in. When I got to the river flowing from her vagina, I stopped to taste her sweetness. Her pheromones driving me to maximum hardness.

I continued the circuit of her pussy twice more, each time moving closer. On the last pass, I stopped at her perineum and parted her labia with my tongue; my tongue luxuriating in her juices. I stopped just before her clit. Zoë whimpered with anticipation. I touched her clit with my tongue, and she groaned. I moved lower, probing her opening with my tongue, lapping up her moisture. My tongue glided up her slit, and I finally took her clit into my mouth with a gentle suck.

Zoë's body shuddered to a degree I had rarely experienced before. Gooseflesh stood out on her arms, breast, and stomach. Her legs quivered and she reached out a shaking hand to the top of my head. Turning Zoë on was turning me on just as much, driving my mind to be that much more erotically creative. I slid both my arms under her legs, her silky thighs on either side of my face. I turned and kissed the inside of each leg, then traced my tongue toward her vulva. I reached for her breasts with both hands, taking her nipples between my thumb and forefinger, softly rubbing. I began slowly tracing my tongue the length of her vulva, stopping at her clit for a couple flicks. Then returning the way I came. I probed into her vagina with my tongue, then returning to her clit with a little suck. Vagina. Clit. Vagina. Clit.

Zoë placed her feet on my back, spreading her knees and maximizing her exposure to my stimulation. She entwined her fingers in my hair. Now I began to focus exclusively on her clit. Five licks and then a pause. Five licks and then a pause.

I brought my right arm back so I could finger her pussy. Her juices had drenched her ass and I rubbed my finger against her asshole. Another moan. My finger traced her pussy opening, and then slipped inside. I thought there was room for another. I probed with two fingers as I continued teasing her clit. I touched her g-spot on the roof of her vagina, but it wasn't quite ready. Another moment or two.

I pulled my fingers out and again rubbed her drenched anus. Zoë rotated her hips ever so slightly and I thought that was a signal to probe her.

Not wanting to bring any fecal matter to her pussy, I lubed my pinky in her pussy juice and slipped it into her ass. I made a slow fucking motion for a couple of minutes, her hips pushing her asshole against each subtle probe. I pulled my pinky out and wiped it on the sheet. I slipped my forefinger and middle finger into her pussy and found her g-spot. Its wrinkly texture told me she was ready. Time for a Zoë orgasm.

It was a triple assault: my left hand working her nipple; my mouth teasing her clit; and my right hand rubbing her g-spot.

Zoë whimpered again and pressed my face into her clit with both hands. Then I felt it start. Her vagina pulsating, quivering. Her back arched, and she pressed my face harder into her clit. I looked up and her head was thrown back, her mouth open, her breath in short pants. I held her nipple firm, gently squeezing, and continued rubbing her g-spot. Her feet came off my back to the bed and she pressed my face between her thighs.

I paused for a moment, then touched her clit again with my tongue. More g-spot rubbing. It was as if I had given her an electric shock. Her back arched, and a guttural sound escaped from her throat. Her hands pushed my face away from her clit as her vaginal contractions increased in intensity. I waited a moment until I felt her climax easing, but since she was forcibly holding my face away from her clit, I reached up and touched it with my index finger. Just an instant of rubbing and her orgasm exploded again.

I rubbed Zoë's g-spot for another 30 seconds or so, then pulled my fingers out of her pussy. Then she pressed my face into her clit. I pulled down to lap at her vagina, then slid up her labia to her clit again. Her back arched, head thrown back. Her mouth was open, but no sound came out, her breath in pants.

I wiped my chin wet with her fluids on the sheet. Then pulled my body up toward her face, rubbing her wet pussy across my chest. I couldn't resist sucking on her nipples and her body bucked as if I had placed a live wire on each one. She released my hair and moved her hands to my hips. My rock-hard cock found her opening without any guidance, and I slowly pressed into her warmth. Her contractions pulsing on my erection. I was now face-to-face with her and kissed her open mouth, probing with my tongue. She responded with her tongue, wrestling with mine.