Relighting A Fire

One of the rudest assaults on the senses is a phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. Through the fog of sleep, I was able to catch the phone on the last ring before the call went to voice mail. I looked at the screen briefly as I brought it up to my ear and had to do a double-take. 'Why was she calling me at 1:15 in the morning?' I quickly wondered.

"Hello?" I grunted into the phone, still trying to wake up. I could hear her crying on the other end.

"Kurt! Oh my god!" she sobbed loudly, choking as she spoke. "Thank you for answering!" she immediately started bawling again.

By the time that I got her calmed down enough to talk, Liz was able to tell me that she was driving through my area the next day, and she wanted to see me. I sensed a desperate urgency in the tone of her voice, so we arranged to meet. I knew better than to try to get any real information out of her in the condition she was in, so after getting her to promise to get some sleep I wished her a good night and tried to get back to sleep myself.

Liz and I went back thirty years. We started as friends when her best friend, then and today, Laura, was dating the guitar player in my band. We soon started dating, and then quickly became a couple. We were nearly inseparable as a couple, especially after she gave me her virginity.

We were together for three years, starting with her last couple of years in high school. A couple of years younger than me, we often teased each other about our age difference, with her still a school girl and me a working man.

In what I know is a rare case, we actually did remain friends after we broke up, due in large part to a large common circle of friends. Although the first few months were rough on me, we eventually had a long talk, a platonic kiss, and all was fine between us. My ex-wife, of course, hated all of those friends, and drove them all away. Soon after my divorce was final, I started reconnecting with some of these old friends, eventually finding Liz again.

The first time that I saw her after all those years, about a year after we caught up on line, I was immediately drawn back to her. Even thinner than I remember her being, thanks to her vegan lifestyle and still running almost daily and doing martial arts for her exercise, she looked exactly as I remembered, with her blonde hair now silver.

From our first reunion hug and kiss (a very surprising, to me, mashing of the lips as she hugged me tightly) to almost every hug and kiss after, I found, much to my enjoyment, that she apparently still avoided wearing a bra as often as possible. Being small-breasted, Liz could get away with that.

Over the few years since then, we talked on a regular basis and met for dinner and drinks as often as possible. While we did talk regularly, it was rarely a late-night call and never a sober late night call.

I was waiting for her when she pulled in to the parking lot of the nature preserve around 2:30. I got out of my truck as she parked her Jeep next to me and I waited at the back of my truck. Looking at her in her side-view mirror, I saw her look at me and then take a deep breath. Seconds later her door opened and her short, still lean legs swung out of her Jeep.

She was looking at me as she closed her door, and as soon as she started running the few steps toward me she burst out into tears. I quietly stepped up to her and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly.

We continued standing between our vehicles as I held her, her body shaking slightly as she sobbed in to my chest. A couple of minutes later, as she caught her breath, we separated and I gave her a kiss on the forehead.

We were soon walking down a boardwalk covering the wetlands that made up the nature preserve toward some pavilions with picnic tables. We walked side-by-side, our hands and arms occasionally brushing against each other as we walked in silence, taking in the setting.

We finally reached a pavilion and we sat at one of the tables. I wanted to be able to look at her, so I straddled the bench while she sat on it next to me with her back to the table. "This is nice," she said softly, looking around.

"It is," I replied. We sat next to each other in silence for a couple more minutes before I spoke again.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want," I told her softly as I reached out and placed my hand on her arm. "We can just sit here and listen to nature." At that point, a couple of little kids ran down the path, playing and screaming. "Well, they're little kids, so I guess that counts as nature," I added as we looked up to watch the kids.

Liz laughed softly for a second and then fell into my chest and started crying again. "Oh my god, Kurt," she cried. "I'm such an idiot!"

"Liz, you are hardly an idiot," I told her as I wrapped my arms around her. "You are one of the smartest, brightest people that I know."

"Then why did I do something so stupid?" she cried.

"We all do stupid crap," I said. "That doesn't make you stupid."

"No! I'm so stupid!" she cried. I knew better than to try to reason with her so I continued holding her and letting her cry it out.

A few minutes later, she stopped crying and I could feel her hand on my chest. "Why was I so stupid?" she asked quietly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked her, still holding her closely.

Liz sighed deeply and then started talking. She told me that an old neighborhood friend, who I barely knew and didn't like, had found her on a social media site and they had been talking ever since. They continued talking, and he started paying more attention to her. She had already realized that her relationship at home had been stagnant for the last couple of years, and she had started thinking that she needed a change for her sanity and well-being.

The more that she talked to this guy the deeper she started falling for him. When he came up to the city to visit his family, he spent almost as much time with her. After talking to her current boyfriend about her unhappiness with their relationship, and hearing his indifference to their situation, she decided to go south to see her new guy and to look in to work and living situations down there.

When she got there, it was the age-old story. It turns out that he was living with his girlfriend and their kids, and he had no intention of leaving them. He was drunk when she saw him, and cussed her out for driving all the way down there, even though Liz had confirmed everything with him before she did.

Stunned and heartbroken, Liz went back to her hotel, where she proceeded to spend the next few hours drinking and crying in her room. She drank herself to sleep, and when she woke she then called Laura, after which she called me.

I sat quietly listening to her and offering what words of support I could. "He's an asshole," I told her. "Both of them are. Neither of them deserve a woman like you."

"Thank you," she replied softly, sniffling, her crying done for now.

"I'm serious," I said. "They're both spineless, self-absorbed assholes who care more about themselves than they do anything else, including you."

"I'm sorry," I said softly a few seconds later as I kissed her head again. Liz just nodded her head and I continued holding her while we sat in silence once more.

A couple of minutes later, once she felt a little better, we started talking again, this time just catching up, since the last time that we got together or even talked had been a few months before that. It didn't take long before we were both laughing and I knew that at least for a little while, Liz's mind was off of her heartache.

The conversation soon migrated to the old days, and when we were dating, reminiscing about things that we, and some of our friends, had gotten into when we were younger. That conversation eventually morphed into one about our relationship.

"Ok, I have to ask you something," I said a few minutes later. "I apologize in advance, because I know that this is more ego-driven than anything, but if you were unhappy at home, did you think about talking to me? Trying to see if there was still anything there?"

"I did," she replied, looking down at the ground.

"And...?" I pressed when she didn't say anything more.

"I was afraid that you'd say no," she said softly a few seconds later.

Stunned, I sat there silent as I looked at her. I didn't know what to say. I had come to the realization a while ago that I still had feelings for Liz, and here she was telling me that she was afraid that I would reject her?

After a couple more moments of silence, my instincts kicked in and I leaned my shoulders and head back just a little. Then I placed my thumb and forefinger under Liz's chin and lifted it as I leaned my head back in and kissed her.

I felt her hesitate a second, her body stiffening, and then she opened her mouth and kissed me back, wrapping her arms around me and moaning softly. It was a matter of seconds before she turned on the bench, facing me better, our lips never separating as we wrapped our arms around each other.

Our kiss was tender, passionate, and deep, the first time that our lips had touched in over twenty-five years. Slowly, as the kiss progressed, our hands began sliding up and down each other's bodies. Thanks to the warm weather, there wasn't much covering Liz's body underneath my fingertips.

That kiss felt like it went on forever. When our lips finally separated, we lightly pressed our foreheads together and I heard her whisper, "Wow."

"Yeah," I replied. "Wow."

We soon started kissing again, this time a bit more intense and not as tender. Time must have slipped away as we continued kissing, talking, and then kissing some more, because at one point, as we were sitting quietly on the bench, Liz leaning into me, her head on my chest, both of our stomachs growled at the same time. We looked at each other and laughed, Liz looking down at the ground.

Looking at my watch, I realized that we had been sitting there for over four hours. We quickly decided to get some dinner, so she followed me to my house and dropped off her Jeep. When I opened the front gate, Muddy and Koko greeted us, running alongside our vehicles. As soon as Liz stepped out of her Jeep, she was buried under my dogs, laughing. That was the first real laugh that I heard from her that day. Ten minutes later, after she washed up and used the bathroom, we were at my favorite local Thai restaurant.

Throughout dinner, including the drive there and back, we talked about everything but the elephant in the room. The conversations were light-hearted, and I got her to smile and laugh a few times, but there was definitely a tension between us.

I watched her with conflicted emotions as we talked. Part of me looked at her and took in her mature beauty, her obvious intelligence and strength, and the fact that in my heart, I still loved Liz, and another part of me kept telling me that pursuing anything with her right now would be wrong. She was still hurt and heartbroken from her trip south, and she was very vulnerable. She needed time to get her head together. She needed time alone.

As we finished dinner, we realized that if she left now, she still wouldn't get home until after midnight. I told her that she would spend the night at my place. I had a spare bedroom for her, she could spend the night, and then head back home whenever she wanted.

Liz quickly agreed to the idea and we drove back to my house. As we were driving, she called Laura, who was still her best friend, to let her know about the change in her plans. As I pulled down my driveway, she finished her call and we got out of the truck.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed as she looked around. "All of this is yours from the insurance settlement?"

"Yep. A couple of months in the hospital, a completely rebuilt knee, another surgery to my shoulder, and then three months of pretty intense PT, all for six acres and a bunch of cash," I told her as we walked around the grounds. After we stood at the gazebo for a couple of minutes, we went back in to the house, where I showed Liz her room and the washroom. After making sure that she was all set, I went to my room and showered after I fed the dogs and cats.

While I was in the shower, I couldn't help but think about Liz, mere feet away from me, as naked and soapy as I was. I felt my cock start to rise as I thought about her, and her body, trying to remember what she looked like, what she felt and tasted like.

As tempted as I was to stroke my rising cock in the shower, I didn't want to spend too much time in there so I opted to wait and finished up. As I walked out of my room, I could hear the water still running in the other shower so I went in to the kitchen and opened a bottle of white wine. Walking through the house, I realized how dark it was, and it was then that I realized that it was almost 9:00.

A few minutes later Liz walked in to the kitchen wearing loose pants and a top. I handed her a glass of wine, and we went out onto the back deck.

We sat next to each other out there quietly for a while, and after we finished off the wine I went in and got another. As I neared the door to walk back outside, I saw her wipe a tear from her eye so I waited a couple of seconds. I saw her take a deep breath, and then she got up and walked to the railing, looking into the darkness. I then walked outside and handed her the glass.

As we stood at the railing, we talked a little more. At one point, I made a joke teasing her about something that had happened way back when, when she set the wine glass down on the railing and started crying.

I quietly slid over and put my arm around her, holding her close as she bawled. Feeling my arms around her, she turned and buried her face in my chest.

"Oh my god, Kurt," she cried as she grabbed on to my shirt and held me tight. "I'm so fucking stupid!"

"Stop it," I told her as I stroked the back of her head. "You are not stupid. Far from it! That asshole is the stupid one! He had a chance for a life with you, and he blew it. He played you." I knew that I was getting angry about her being hurt, so I tried to control it.

She continued crying and calling herself stupid, and an idiot, and I finally had enough. Grasping her shoulders, I stepped back a little and tightened my grip on her.

"Stop it!" I yelled at her. "You are NOT stupid! That mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, shit-for-brains asshole doesn't deserve you! HE'S the stupid one, for letting you get away!"

"I know he hurt you," I told her, softening my voice. "And you have no idea how much I want to hunt that asshole down and hurt him for doing that to you."

"But he's the stupid one. He hurt you, for no reason. You just followed your heart. That's never a bad thing."

Liz cried again for a few more minutes before she sobbed one more time, straightened her body, and nodded her head once.

"You're right," she told me softly as she straightened her body. "I just made a mistake. He's the stupid one. He DOESN'T deserve me! Fuck him!"

"Yeah!" I said, agreeing with her. "Say it loud, say it proud! Fuck him!"

"Yeah! Fuck him!" she said louder.

"Louder," I told her softly. "Let it all out!"

Liz yelled into the darkness, and then started laughing. A couple of minutes later, she stopped and sighed deeply and then turned to look at me. "Thank you," she said softly as she leaned in to my chest.

We quickly finished that bottle and Liz started yawning. I turned and offered her my arm, leading her into the house as I told her that she needed some sleep. I walked her through the house, making sure that she knew where everything was before I left her. As we stood in the doorway to her bedroom, Zappa, one of my cats, was doing his figure-eight around her ankles as he purred loudly.

"It looked like you're not sleeping alone tonight, whether you like it or not," I said, nodding at Zappa. On cue, he looked up at Liz and meowed loudly.

Liz laughed softly and looked at me. "Good night," she said. "Thank you for everything."

After she went to bed, I walked around the house making sure that everything was locked up. I quickly checked my email and a couple of other things on line, and then went for a walk around the perimeter of the clearing.

After picking a cigar and pouring a glass of Appleton Black Label, I decided that the events of the day called for some extra self-medication, so I found my old pipe and filled it before I walked outside.

After I dropped everything off at the gazebo, Muddy followed me on my walk while Koko stayed behind guarding my rum and smoking materials. After I chained and locked my front gate, we started walking around the edge of the tree line, Muddy leading the way as I was deep in thought.

During my walk, I decided to meditate for a few minutes before I medicated, hoping that would help me think out the situation that I was in. When I got to the gazebo, Muddy sniffed his woman and then laid down next to her. I settled onto one of the bench seats and slowly started my meditation.

A few minutes later, as I was coming out of my state, I heard Koko huff, then her tail started thumping. Opening my eyes, I saw Liz walking slowly toward the gazebo.

"Hi girl!" she said to Koko as the dog tried to stand. Liz, the object of my mental turmoil, was standing in front of me, her firm, thin, bare legs sticking out from under a football jersey. My old football jersey. My old game jersey. I watched as she knelt down and petted both of the dogs for a few minutes before she looked up at me.

"I can't sleep," she said softly. "It's a beautiful night. I thought I might find you out here."

I was speechless at seeing her in my old jersey. I had long forgotten about it, thinking that she had to have thrown it away by now.

Before I could say anything, she looked down at the bench. "Bourbon, cigar... and weed?" she asked, laughing. "You still smoke?"

"Not often," I told her. "I look at it more now as medication. Physical aches and pains, mental issues, insomnia... It helps."

"And this is rum, not bourbon," I added as I picked up the glass.

Liz smiled and looked at me as I sipped the dark amber liquid, and then I handed the glass to her. She took a drink and handed the glass back to me. "So, what is it tonight?" she asked. "Physical or mental?"

"Yes," I replied as I picked up the bowl. I lit it, and after taking a hit I passed it to Liz. She looked at it for a couple of seconds, and said, "What the hell. I could use some medication myself tonight."

There wasn't a lot of weed in the pipe, but what was there was very good. We didn't say anything else as we smoked. A couple of minutes later, as the buzz was floating through us, she picked up the glass and drank from it again. She handed the drink to me, and I drained it, setting it aside. She then reached down and moved the cigar, sliding closer to me.

Turning herself, she leaned against me and moved my arm over her shoulder, draping it on her chest. "I really don't want to sleep alone tonight, either," she whispered. "Zappa is nice, and cuddly, but I need more than a cat tonight."

She then turned her head and looked up at me. Turning her body more, she then kissed me, slipping her hand behind my head and holding me tightly.

We kissed for a couple of minutes before I slowly pulled my lips from hers. "Liz, what are you saying?" I asked her softly. It was game time, and I still didn't know what to do. The fact that I wanted her was evident by the rock hard bulge in my shorts. However, the knowledge that she had just had her heart broken kept popping into my head. I would not take advantage of her in a vulnerable state.

"I'm saying exactly what it sounds like I'm saying," she replied.

"But, what about..." I started to say.

"Kurt, shut up," she interrupted. "You still have the same problem that used to drive me nuts when we were together."