by AndyS_uk
Very good story, extremely hot. I know there's a second chapter, but should should continue even farther.
Well done. Great character development and love scene.
I thought the build-up was well done, and as some have said you could have strung out the bedroom scene a little more. But this was a very well written and very erotic story.
Loved your story. The build up was fantastic and your description of the events created the perfect picture. I hope you decide to write more.
a tad too quick into the sexual action. Good descriptions, good development, and a bit of emotion. I doubt that relationships build up this rapidly but - maybe they do. Good story; I would ask that you continue.
This is the first Mistress story I read through without cringing or wanting to puke. I was never fond of the word "slut". I find that word very degrading. I am so not into humiliation. But anyway, I liked the fact that the Mistress was kind, but still firm. Of course, overall, the story was very well written!
... this story but there was one thing which troubled me - the bedroom scene went much too quickly once Andrea knelt before her mistress.
For me she either had to have had already sensed that this would become a sexual d/s relationship or her misterss should have had to lead her step by step.
However, I'm still hoppeful that some day you'll publish a part 2.
R.
It is such a long time since I have felt so horny. My mouth is dry, my head in a spin and I need to cum.
An Excellent “Short” story, well structured and readable, I look forward to more, but the structure is wrong for “Chapter 1” of a Novel. I suggest that a publisher would want to see good evidence of a longer story arc, a hot sex scene in “Chapter 1” may be seen as too much too soon, and if I were looking at this as a novel length piece I’d expect to see a couple more characters and more character development. I would not expect to be at this point in the story untill about ”Chapter 6”. I would find it hard to imagine you could keep this intensity up for more than 3 or 4 chapters like this. It’s still a nice piece of work; don’t give up.
Getting a story published is notoriously difficult, and doubly so in this genre, to achieve that aim you need more than just a good story, you need a lot of luck and perseverance too. There are places where this tale could be polished a little and perhaps a review edit might help.
If you still want to get this in print, you might like to consider submitting it under a more obviously FEMALE pseudonym.
This was lovely. Very erotic, intelligent, well-written, and, above all, incredibly arousing. I can't wait to see how Andrea is teased and tormented in upcoming installments!
Extremely arousing and so well written! The detailed descriptions made this story truly beautiful and erotic. I can't wait for the next installment!
Very good. Please keep going. I hope that her Mistress will introduce her to the whip and to bondage. She wants to be a good girl.
excellent story and very erotic. i hope you continue your efforts.
Oh you must contine this elegantly decadent story of
D/s.
Charlene