Remembering My Past

I nodded. "Do you have time to talk? Or are you still working?"

She pulled a chair up to the bed and smiled. "It's been a long time. So many things happened since we were together. There's something I need to tell you. One of the interns here asked me to marry him. I really like Mark and told him I would let him know before the end of the month."

I told her about my service career and that I had been an MP. She asked me how I ended up in Lancaster, Ohio. I told her about Ann trying to blame me for her pregnancy but that I took the DNA test and wasn't the father. My job on the police force meant I was close enough that I could go home and see my family easily.

"Cindy, I really do love you. I loved you ever since we went to the prom. I've been on dates but they're not you."

"Charlie, I heard about you and Ann. She was always somewhat of a slut. I actually saw the case on TV. I got mad at you but I had no right to be. I went to the university in Ohio and studied nursing. I went for four years and became an RN. After my first year, I got on at the hospital here. I called mom and told her that I was planning to stay after graduation. Mom and dad decided to move here. Dad transferred to an auto plant here in Ohio. I actually live at home again to save on expenses."

"One question Cindy. Are you marrying Mark or do I have a chance? God put use together for a reason. Do I have a chance? I want to have a family with you. I may not be a doctor but I will protect you till death do us part."

"I don't know, Charlie. I need to think. You have to understand that you and I only dated for a month. A lot of things changed in the last four plus years. Do you really know me? Do I really know you?"

"All I know is that you are the only girl I have ever loved. Just give me the chance to prove it to you."

She got up and kissed me. I think we both felt it. With tears in her eyes, she left for the night.

I started therapy the next day and did everything they told me to do. Within a few days, I was feeling much better and was able to use my arm. My ribs still hurt whenever I moved. After a couple more days, I was able to use crutches but I have to admit it hurt.

Cindy came in and told me she heard I was going home later in the week. I changed the subject and asked her if I would be seeing her again.

She stared at me before answering. "Yes Charlie. I have your address and will be by to see you. I told Mark I needed more time before making a decision. I'm not in any rush to get married."

A couple of my police friends picked me up and took me home to my trailer. After they left I really felt lonely. I was able to get around but had to use the crutches. I left my front door unlocked in case I got company so I wouldn't have to keep getting up. My main visitors were people who lived in the trailer park and my police buddies.

My first day at home I received a call from Cindy. She asked me if I wanted her to pick up anything since it would be hard for me to get out and I wasn't suppose to drive since I had a cast on my right leg.

I gave Cindy a list of groceries I could use then asked if she would pick up a dinner. I told her I would pay for it when she got there. It was so good to see her. She had stopped by a burger joint and I was happy with that. I really did feel I loved her. The problem was she said she wasn't exactly sure how she felt about me. She wasn't sure if she really cared for me or felt sorry for me.

This went on for the next two weeks. She would call me or just stop by. I was able to cook and I did make us dinner some times. I still had neighbors stop by to help me out. Two trailers down belonged to a young divorcee who had an eight-year-old son. Pam was a good-looking woman who was a pleasure to talk to. She would sit and talk to me while her son, Billy, spent time on my play station. He didn't have one at his house.

She would actually cook me dinner when she came over. Sometimes we would order a pizza because her son loved them. We never did anything intimate because of the casts but I can't say I didn't think about her.

The following week I was to go to the therapist and have my leg looked at. My friend Joe offered to take me to the hospital and drop me off. He said to give him a call when I was finished and he would pick me up. My ribs still hurt a little. I still had to use crutches but it wasn't too bad. My therapy guy, Harold, said I was coming along great.

The doctor cut off my cast but wrapped my leg after he checked it over. I still had to use the crutches to keep the weight off my leg. My lacerations and scratches were gone. I thought I would visit Cindy while I was at the hospital. I hobbled to her floor but she was out to lunch. I decided to check the cafeteria. I hobbled on down and spotted her sitting with a doctor.

They were way off to the side and holding hands. I figured it must be Mark. I hobbled out of the cafeteria and called Joe to pick me up.

* * * *

After I got back to the trailer, Pam came over and asked me how my appointment went. I told her and then mentioned how I already knew one of the nurses at the hospital.

"We went to school together, and dated at the end of high school."

I didn't tell her that I had extremely strong feelings for Cindy. There was nothing to gain there. Pam asked me if I wanted her to bring dinner over later. She had to go home first to meet the bus when Billy got home from school.

We ate and Pam told me about her past while Billy played on the play station. She had met her ex-husband in high school. They went together their entire senior year. After graduation, they still dated. They got married after she got pregnant but she said they just weren't compatible. He got a job at the local factory and she worked at the local food store. Her husband had a tendency of not coming home after work.

She said she tried for two years but he wouldn't change his ways. They got a divorce and she got custody of Billy. Her husband picked up Billy every other weekend but spent most of the time with his grandmother.

Pam wasn't pushy or anything like that. She was just a good friend. When I first moved in, we did go out a couple of times but never got intimate. It might change if things didn't work out between Cindy and me. Time would tell.

The next day I got a call from Cindy. She asked if it would be all right to come over. I told her she was welcome over anytime. She did say she was picking up some Chinese food and asked me what I wanted.

She came in smiling and began setting the table. "Charlie, I heard you were at the hospital yesterday. Why didn't you stop and see me?"

"I did see you. One of the nurses said you were at the cafeteria having lunch. I went down there and you were with someone."

"That was Mark. We eat lunch together quite often."

"You weren't eating but holding hands. I didn't want to interrupt you."

"I'm sorry, Charlie. Mark and I are still a couple. I put off giving him an answer to his proposal but I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. He knows about you being from my hometown but not about us ever being anything but friends. Charlie, I really care for you. I really do. I'm so confused."

"Do you love him?"

"I thought I did but when I saw you in the hospital I almost fell apart. I never cried over anyone like that in my life. I prayed to God to help save you."

"Have you talked to anyone else about me? If so, what do they think?"

"My mom said to give it time. She likes Mark and thinks he is a great catch. Most people think he is because he's a doctor. I have a married sister and I talked to her. She said to follow my heart."

"What does your heart say? When we're together, like right now, what does your heart say?"

"The truth is I love being with you. When you were in the service, I thought about you for over a year. I'm a realist and figured I'd never see you again so I went on with my life. Then I walked into that room in the hospital and saw you. My love for you came back. Yes, I did love you. Now I don't know how I feel. When I'm with you I feel like I'm cheating on Mark. When I'm with Mark I feel I'm cheating on you. I'm so mixed up."

I held her hands and asked her if she wanted to go out with me this weekend. She had tears in her eyes and said she was going to a wedding with Mark on Saturday. One of the nurses was getting married.

"I'm sorry. Can we get together another time? I have to work the next weekend."

I had tears in my eyes. "Cindy, I don't know how to win you back. I thought if we made love that you would remember our time together. I never forgot you. Yes, we can go somewhere in two weeks but I'm not going to keep sharing you with Mark. You have to choose."

She gave me a kiss when she left but she was crying at the time.

Pam came over on Wednesday and I asked her if she could take me to the hospital on Thursday. I wasn't allowed to drive yet but I hoped the doctor would give me the OK at the appointment. She said she would love to if I took her to lunch.

She showed up right on time and took me to the hospital. I went in while she sat in the waiting room. I came out without my crutches but had a cane. The doctor told me to use it until I felt comfortable without it. Pam gave me a big smile and a hug. Right then Cindy came by and said she heard I was there.

Pam said she would go get the car. I was sure she wondered who Pam was but she didn't say anything.

"Cindy, enjoy the wedding. I hope to see you soon."

Pam drove to one of her favorite restaurants. Lunch was great and I enjoyed being with her but we had to get back before Billy got home from school. She had a whole lot of questions about Cindy. I tried to answer them honestly without saying anything about how I loved her. She asked if I would like to go out Saturday since Billy would be with his father. I accepted the date since Cindy was going to the wedding with Mark. We decided on dinner and a movie. I told Pam that I would drive--it would be the first time since the accident.

I thought about Cindy at a wedding with Mark. Then I realized I was doing the same thing to Pam. When she walked to my car, she looked beautiful dressed in a white blouse and black skirt a few inches above the knees. She had her hair done and looked quite sexy.

I asked her where she wanted to go and she said Red Lobster. Afterward she picked out a movie. I wanted to treat her good for all she had done for me since the accident. We didn't want to go to a bar because I was still on pain pills and knew better than to drink alcohol too. When we got home, I drove up to her trailer.

"Charlie, do you want to come in for a cup of coffee?"

She looked at me and knew I was struggling with something.

"Charlie, I know you have a crush on that nurse. I'm a woman and I can tell. Besides, I've seen her visiting you. Weren't you a little surprised that we were never there at the same time? I consider you a close friend but I know you don't love me. Just come in and we'll keep each other company."

I went in and she made coffee. She told me she had a crush on me ever since I moved in.

"Charlie, Cindy is in a really hard position. If she loves you--which I think she does--I believe she'll realize it and come to you. She knows that she can't hold on to both of you. I'll stay your friend as long as you need me."

She leaned over and kissed me and I have to admit that there was a little flutter there.

On Sunday, a few of my police friends came over to play cards. Joe and Allen were single and Bob was married. Actually, Allen was divorced going on two years. His wife couldn't stand being married to a cop. She thought she could cope with it and tried but it just didn't work out.

Pam stopped over with Billy. She was wondering if he could use the play station while she went to the store. He was a good kid and I liked the company. I asked her if we ordered a couple of pizzas could she pick them up for us.

"And you and Billy can eat with us," Allen yelled.

"I'm sorry Pam. These are my friends from work. The loud one is Allen and the other two are Joe and Bob. Guys, this is my neighbor and friend Pam and her son Billy."

They all said hi to each other and Billy went to play his games. I gave Pam some money for the pizzas and she said she wouldn't be gone long. She was quite a woman and I could tell that Allen was interested in her.

"Charlie, is she your woman?" Allen asked.

"No, but she's a very good friend and helped me out a lot. I'd hate to see anyone take advantage of her. As I said, she really is my friend."

I guess I was feeling a bit jealous. Yet I wasn't really sure if I had feelings for her or not. I told them how she helped me out and where she worked. When she came back, we all sat around, ate pizza, and talked. After the guys went home, Pam and Billy left too. I sat back in my easy chair and wondered where my life was going. I just wasn't sure of anything yet.

The following day I went to the hospital for my final therapy session. My ribs and leg had healed. The doctor gave me a release and told me I could go back to work the following week.

It was lunchtime so I headed to the cafeteria to see if Cindy was there. She was sitting with four other nurses. I didn't see Mark anywhere. I went down the food line and got myself some lunch. I went over and sat at the table that Cindy and Mark had been at when I saw her there before. As I started eating, Cindy noticed me. She came over and sat across from me. It did make me feel good.

"Charlie, what are you doing here?"

"I came in for my final checkup. I got my release to go back to work next week. Where is your friend Mark?"

"Never mind Mark right now. It's very important that I talk to you. Are we still on for our date Saturday?"

"Of course. Where do you want to go? I'll go anywhere you choose. I can even drive."

"I want to have dinner at a place inside the Ramada Inn. I'll meet you there at 7:00 pm. I'll make the reservations."

She reached over and squeezed my hands but had a worried look on her face. She smiled then got up to go back to work. That evening Pam came over with Billy. We talked and I told her all about my lunch with Cindy.

"Don't worry. People always think the worst. She went to the wedding with Mark but still is going out with you. Believe me, that's a good sign." She stopped talking a minute before saying more. "Your friend Allen called me today and asked me out this Saturday. He said he wanted to make sure that you and I weren't a couple."

"Allen is a really good guy. If I wasn't in love with Cindy, I know I would be chasing after you."

She thanked me for being so nice. Then she leaned over and gave me a kiss.

Saturday came and I was a nervous wreck. I felt as if the rest of my life depended on this date. I even stopped and picked up a small bouquet of flowers. I had on a suit and tie which was rare for me. I arrived at the Ramada Inn where I discovered she had put the reservation in my name. I showed up early and one of the staff brought me to our table. Soon I saw her come in and she looked beautiful. She came to our table and I stood up and handed her the bouquet. She smiled at me and thanked me.

"I'm so glad you're here. After you went to the wedding with Mark I figured it was all over between us."

"I'll tell you all about everything after we eat. I don't want to ruin the evening," she said.

It made me think that this might be our last night together. We ordered dinner and Cindy said we would have our talk during dessert. I remembered what Pam had told me that everyone thinks the worst. I tried to keep a clear mind but it wasn't easy to enjoy my dinner when I was worried about what she had on her mind. Finally, it was time for dessert. We had baked Alaska.

Cindy looked at me and said, "I'm ready to tell you everything and then you tell me what you want to do. Please try not and interrupt me. It's already hard enough to tell you. I was really happy to get the job at the hospital. It helped when my parents moved down here. I had a good job and my family was around me. I dated a couple of interns but never became close to them. Then I met Mark and he was a really sweet guy. Some of the other nurses said he was the best catch in the hospital so I dated him.

"After a few months he asked if I would marry him if he ever proposed. I asked him what kind of a question was that. He told me he believed he loved me but he wasn't sure how I felt about him. I explained to him that I wasn't sure exactly how I felt but I would answer honestly if he ever asked me."

I hadn't been sure of what she planned to tell me, but it certainly hadn't included Mark. I let her talk as she requested.

"It was about a month later that I came in and saw you in the ICU. My heart fell and I began to cry. I couldn't stop. I went to the restroom to get myself under control. Then I went back out and started taking care of you. I was there every day you were in that coma and cried while taking care of you."

"Cindy, I told you I saw everything from above. I wanted to hold you. I felt bad seeing you cry."

"It was during that time Mark actually proposed. I didn't know what to do. There I was with a boyfriend who wanted to get married and my old boyfriend in a coma. I tried to balance it the best I could. Then you woke up and told me that you loved me. I was a mess. I talked to my mom who I always confided in. She told me to just take my time and think of what I really wanted. She liked Mark and thought we were a good match. She also remembered you from our prom year.

"I told Mark about you and that I was trying to help you get well and back on your feet. He wasn't really happy about it and asked if I loved you. I told him I had feelings for you but didn't know much more. That's when I told him I needed more time before answering him. He was a bit aggravated. He knew I dropped off groceries for you a couple of times because you couldn't get around. When he invited me to the wedding, he said it was very important to him. I told him I would go. I wasn't sure where you and I stood."

"Cindy, this is killing me. What happened at the wedding?"

"Mark asked me again to be his wife. He said he got a residency offer at a hospital in Akron. That's what every intern wants. He said he is transferring there next month. That was where he was when you came in for lunch. He wants me to move there with him. He said he checked and I could be a nurse at the same hospital. He needs an answer by Monday."

"Would you be living with him till you get married? When will you get married and what does your mother think about this." I was trying to hold it all together as I talked.

"She said it's all up to me but that she and dad moved down here to be near me and dad probably won't move again. Also, dad wanted to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. He always said I was his little girl."

"So, what's your plan now?" I asked.

We had just finished our dessert and I still didn't know what she was saying.

"I'm leaving it up to you," she said as she set a key card for a motel room on the table. It was the same as my badge number--126. "Charlie, I have to know for sure my love for you is real. I want you to make love to me and see if we're meant to be."

I had tears in my eyes as we got up. She took her bouquet and we headed to the room. Cindy saw a made in the hall and ask her for a vase for her flowers.

We went into our room and I took off my jacket and tie, and then unzipped her dress. She let it fall to the floor as I took off my shirt and pants. We hadn't said a word. We kissed passionately and the sparks were all there. I undid her bra and she lay in the middle of the bed. I started at her lips and continued to kiss every inch of her body.

I spent quite a bit of time on her breasts kissing and sucking on each one. I raised my head and said, "I love you with all my heart and soul."