Remembering My Past

I'm an old guy now but have plenty of time to think about my past. Some things make me really sad while other bring a smile to my face. I know we all wish there were things we could change about our past but it's not possible. I'm going to tell you about a few things that happened in my life. To be honest I haven't even decided what I want to tell you. I'm thinking about things while I'm writing this.

Let's start at the beginning. I was born and raised in a big city. It was sort of a badass town so I had to be rather bad also. I had a temper and it came out quite often. Through grade school and junior high, I got in a number of fights. I got my ass kicked a number of times but also won my share of the fights. Even when I lost, I got the respect of the people I fought with. I hardly ever had a second fight with the same person.

Back in high school, all I did was attend required classes and do my homework. I neither loved nor hated it. I wasn't a jock even though I could play sports with the best of them. But I didn't want to give up all my evenings and weekends practicing or playing sports. I was still known as one of the guys not to mess with. I didn't really date. There were girls I liked but never asked out. I think I was afraid of rejection. My first date was the senior prom. I wasn't going to go but my sisters egged me on.

They told me it was something I would always remember. I thought about who to ask and it always came up Cindy. I liked her ever since grade school. The problem was she was one of the most popular girls in school. She dated quite a few of the seniors but I heard she didn't have a steady boyfriend. I wasn't even sure if she was asked yet. After school, I waited for her outside.

When she came out, I went over to her.

"Cindy, do you have a minute? There's something I would like to ask you."

"Charlie, what is it? You hardly ever talk to me."

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm kind of a bashful guy. Cindy, will you go to the prom with me? I know that I'm not the smartest guy or best looking..."

"Charlie stop! I've always liked you and wondered why you never asked me out. I've already been asked by four different guys if I would go to the prom with them."

"I'm sorry. I just thought I would ask..."

"I never answered them. Yes, I'll go with you."

She leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. "I have to go to practice but give me a call later or stop by so we can make plans."

I forgot to mention that Cindy is a cheerleader. Why she said yes to me I have no idea. I went home and told my mom I was going to the prom. A couple of hours later I drove over to Cindy's house to talk to her. I rang their doorbell and Cindy's mom answered it.

"Can I help you?" she asked."

"I would like to speak to Cindy."

About that time, Cindy came to the door.

"Oh, hi Charlie. Mom, this is Charlie Jones from school. He's come over to make plans. He's taking me to the prom."

Her mom looked a bit shocked. She asked me in and then asked who my parents were. After I said their names, I was surprised to hear she knew my mother. They actually went to school together and had been friends. Of course, she asked how my mom was and to tell her she said hi.

Cindy motioned for me to follow her into the living room. She told me how excited she was about the dress she bought then told me it was blue. We decided to go to the prom alone but join others for dinner.

When I got home, I told my sister about my date. She said she would help me get ready. Later that week I ordered a tuxedo--one to match Cindy's dress. Then my sister and I went and ordered light blue orchids corsage.

The prom was great. When I picked up Cindy, she looked so beautiful. I gave her the corsage and she smiled at me. As we got in the car, I mentioned to Cindy that she was my first date and if I did anything wrong not to be afraid to correct me.

At the restaurant there were six couples including us. We sat down and everyone was talking at once. I just listened. I knew everyone but wouldn't call them friends, just fellow students. A couple of the guys gave me dirty looks since Cindy chose to go with me. Some of Cindy's girlfriends were really nice to me. I knew them from different classes.

After dinner, we headed to the prom. We had our pictures taken and found a round table that seated six. Jake Roe was prom king. He was on the football and baseball team. Cindy was prom queen. Everyone cheered for them.

My only jealous spot was the king and queen dance. I found out later that Jake was one of the guys who asked Cindy to the prom. When we were dancing, I asked her why she chose me over Jake.

"Jake's a nice guy but only thinks about himself. You on the other hand left yourself in a vulnerable position. Besides, as I told you before, I liked you, we just never went out."

We danced a lot, mostly slow dances. As long as we were on the dance floor, she wasn't dancing with anyone else. When we got back to her house, I walked her to the door. She leaned over and kissed me. I mean a passionate kiss.

"Thank you Charlie. I had a wonderful evening and will always remember this night."

I waited until she was in the house and then went home. I felt as if I had started to fall in love with Cindy that night. We had three weeks of school left and she talked to me all the time. Even her friends talked to me. I guess I became popular because of Cindy. I asked her out and we dated the next three Saturdays. We went to an amusement park, the zoo, and to a movie theater. Once we even double dated with her best friend.

Graduation was coming up and I was feeling somewhat bad. Cindy was going to a college out of state and I was going to join the Army. I had some serious feelings for Cindy but I knew this would probably be the end of our relationship. Then I remembered the saying "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

At graduation, everyone seemed happy. I went to one party and that was Cindy's. My parents threw me one but just invited relatives and a few neighbors. Cindy came over and spent most of the time with me. After everyone left, Cindy and I went down to the basement where my bedroom was. I was glad to be away from my relatives. They all seemed to be so nosy about everything. They even kept asking if I had plans for a future with Cindy.

I shut the door and sighed. "I'm sorry my relatives--"

"It's OK, Charlie. I didn't mind."

She walked to me and gave me a big hug. We hadn't ever had sex but that didn't mean I hadn't wanted to. And feeling her so close to me made me want her even more.

"Charlie, after spending these last few weeks with you, you know that I really care about you."

We sat on the bed and I put my hands under her shirt. Her breasts felt so good. I think we were both caught up in the moment because she didn't stop me when I took off her clothes except her bra and panties. Then I removed my outer garments. We kissed as I removed her bra to play with her breasts. I worked my way down to her belly and removed her panties. She had a nice trimmed bush that I buried my face in and kissed lightly. Cindy shook a little when I went lower and licked her pussy. I then took off my briefs.

"Go ahead Charlie. Just be gentle."

I pushed it in a little bit and Cindy gasped. Since she had told me she was a virgin, I knew it must hurt so I went as slow as I could. I continued to push it in, using a back and forth motion. Cindy said it felt good and to keep going. Then she pushed at me to stop, telling me she wasn't sure she could take the pain. Even though it was my first time to have sex, I knew I was about to have an orgasm. But I loved Cindy and would do whatever she asked.

"Charlie, do it again."

"Are you sure? If we keep going, I'll have an orgasm, and we can't risk it."

"I've been on the pill for a few months already. I won't get pregnant."

I came so hard that I shoved Cindy into the headboard. We kept kissing, just laying there. Eventually we got up. I let her clean up in my bathroom first and then took her home.

It was a memory I would never forget.

* * * *

I went through basic training and was going home for a couple of weeks before going overseas. Ever since having sex with Cindy I became quite horny. I had sex with almost anything that moved. Was I proud of it? Looking back, I would say no but it was part of my life. I didn't find any woman I cared about the way I loved Cindy.

I stopped by Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch and seen a couple of the girls from my graduating class--Ann and Cheri-- working there. I asked Ann out and she accepted. I asked her if she had seen Cindy lately and she said not since graduation. We went to the movies and then to the restaurant at the Holiday Inn. After we finished our dinner, I asked her if she wanted to get a room.

We got up from the table and she walked over to the elevators while I registered for a room. She told me she always thought I was a good-looking guy and wondered how I would be in bed.

I have to tell you that I learned that you treat every woman with respect. And when having sex, make love to them. That's exactly what I did. I did learn to always carry and use condoms. Ann told me I didn't need them but I told her I always played it safe.

I stayed with my parents while I was home. I visited my sisters and other relatives. I called Ann and took her out again the following weekend. We ended the night at her sister's house who wouldn't be home until the next day. We had sex and I did have oral sex with her. She came so hard she was holding my head tight against her pussy. I then put on a condom and she guided me in. Ten minutes later, I came hard and Ann came again.

She told me she was having feelings for me. I explained to her that I was leaving for overseas the following week and I would think of her. The truth was I liked Ann but it was a long way from love.

A week from Sunday I would be heading back to base. On Saturday, I figured I might as well take Ann out one more time. I decided to surprise her and went back to Buffalo Wild Wings where she worked. I asked Cheri if Ann was working and she would hardly look at me.

"What is it, Cheri? She's not my girlfriend, just a friend."

"She went out with Roger, our boss. They went over to the Holiday Inn for dinner. She told me it was a business meeting."

"Thanks, Cheri. I should have taken you out."

Cheri smiled. I left the restaurant and went to the Holiday Inn. When I walked in Ann was waiting at the elevators. I saw Roger getting a room. Ann saw me and said, "Oh my God! Charlie, what are you doing here?"

"I just stopped to say goodbye. I'm leaving in the morning. I didn't know you had a business meeting with Roger here in the motel."

Roger came over to the elevator and saw me. I didn't say a word. I hit him once in the stomach and once in his face. I turned and walked out before security came over. I called my parents and told them I was heading back to base. I figured it would be best for me to get out of dodge.

I should tell you why I hit Roger. It was because he was a married man and taking advantage of his employee. It really wasn't about Ann.

* * * *

I'm not going to talk much about my service overseas. I was in Vietnam for over two years. I lost a lot of brothers and it really bothered me. It was one shitty war and I was glad to leave there. I spent another year in Germany and became an MP. After that, I was glad to be coming home. I was stationed in Kentucky for the remainder of my enlisted time.

When we got off the plane, there were a lot of people there protesting the war. Why were they blaming us? We put our lives on the line every day for our country. It was a hell of a lousy homecoming.

I came home to Detroit after getting back to visit my family. Mom handed me a personal letter she recently received. I couldn't believe it but I got a summons to appear in court the following week. To top it all off it was a paternity court. It said I was the father of a child born to Ann Miller three years ago. I knew this wasn't true. It was her way of getting even with me for punching Roger. She must have known I had come home and filed the charges against me.

I did go to court and told my side of the story. I had sex with Ann two different times and wore condoms. I'd been overseas for three years so someone else must be the father. I told the judge about her affair with her boss at the time and his name. Ann gave a bullshit story that we were in love and that I asked her to have my child. I totally denied everything and the court took a DNA sample from me and also from Roger.

A little back information here. After I hit Roger, he still went up to the room and had sex with Ann. It came out during the court case. When Roger went home, his wife asked him about his facial bruises. When she found out he received them at the Holiday Inn, she checked into it further and then divorced him. She took him to the cleaners and he lost his job for having sex with his employee.

The DNA results came back as I expected. I was not the father--Roger was. I felt relieved but also sorry for the baby who had Ann and Roger for parents.

I told my parents that when I got out of the service that I wasn't coming back to Detroit. There was really nothing there for me and I wanted a fresh start. I promised I would visit them regularly. I did go to visit Cindy to see if she was home. When I knocked on her door, a lady answered and said they had moved away two years ago. She didn't have a forwarding address but thought it might be somewhere in Ohio. I thanked her for the information and went back to my parents.

When I got back to Kentucky, I studied hard to be a good MP. I even took criminal law classes since the Army would pay for them. I had decided to work in law enforcement after I got out of the service.

I applied for a job in a medium size city in Ohio. I got the position and called my parents to tell them the good news. I hadn't planned to leave Kentucky but the job was a good fit for what I wanted. I found a nice trailer court and rented one that was semi-furnished. I didn't need much and it was really pretty nice.

It was about six months later that my partner and I were on patrol when a robbery call came in over the radio. On the way to it, he saw the get-a-way vehicle. We turned and chased after it. We had our lights flashing and sirens blaring when an SUV broadsided us, ramming my side of the vehicle. That was the last thing I remembered.

My head hurt when I woke up. A nurse in the room told me to take it easy and called for one of the doctors taking care of me. He walked in and checked my chart. Then he removed the tubes from my mouth so I could speak. My throat was extremely dry and he gave me some ice chips.

"Mr. Jones, do you remember why you're here?"

I had a brief image of the accident but not much more. I started to shake my head but stopped because of the pain.

"You've been in a coma for three days. You have a dislocated right arm, a cracked femur in your right leg, and a couple broken ribs. In addition, you have a concussion and assorted lacerations. From what I read about the accident, though, I would say you're lucky."

"Doc, I don't feel so lucky. The last thing I remember is seeing that vehicle ramming us. How is my partner, Bob?"

"He had some minor cuts and scrapes but he was released this morning. He'll be off for about a week. You on the other hand will be off longer, considering you'll need physical therapy. We notified your parents after the accident--you had them listed in your file as emergency contacts. However, they were on a cruise and won't be here until tomorrow. Your mother called every day to check on you, though. She's been very worried. Both of your parents have been."

I nodded. If the doctor said my parents were on a vacation, I wasn't going to question it, even if I couldn't remember them telling me.

"Doc, can you tell me if a person can dream or hear things while in a coma?"

"That has been a big discussion for years. Many coma patients have sworn they knew what was going on around them. Now, though, I suggest you lay back and get some rest. We will talk more next time. The day nurse will be in soon. She was here when you were brought in."

They gave me a shot and I was out like a light. You can believe this or not but I really believe I saw everything that went on around me. I was sure I saw Cindy checking the machines. She leaned over and kissed my forehead. I remember she was there each day talking to me. I wanted to tell her I could see and hear her but it wasn't possible.

I was going toward a bright white light but a voice told me "go back, it's not your time yet". I swore one of the nurses who had been in to check on me was Cindy. She was crying while taking care of me. I heard her say, "please God, help me to help him".

Of course, when I woke up it was another nurse. Hell, I didn't even know if Cindy went to college to be a nurse. What would the chances be that I moved to the same town in Ohio where she was anyway? It had to be a dream.

I slept off and on all day. The nurse reminded me my parents would be there in the morning. Each time I slept, though, I had the same sense that Cindy was there by me. The medicine they gave me made me sleep all night. When I opened my eyes, I saw a nurse walk in. It was Cindy. I know I had tears in my eyes.

"Charlie, I got a call from one of the other nurses that you woke up. I'm so happy for you. I didn't know you were out of the service or even on the police force. We need to talk later and catch up."

"Cindy, I dreamed about you taking care of me. I know most people won't believe me but I heard everything you said. I'm so sorry I made you cry."

"I don't know what to say, Charlie. We can talk about it later. You'll be transferred out of the ICU and into a regular room later this morning."

"Will you still be my nurse?" I asked.

"No, you'll be on another floor, but I'll come and see you every day." She smiled at me.

"Cindy, I have to tell you something. I've been carrying it around in my head for four years."

"What is it Charlie?"

"I love you. I just had to tell you."

She had tears in her eyes, said she would talk to me later, and quickly left. I probably shouldn't have said it but I wanted her to know. For all I knew she might be married and have a family. Yet I just had to tell her.

Later that day my parents came in to see me. I had good parents. My mom said my sisters sent their love and were praying for me. I explained what I remembered of the accident to mom and dad. They already knew about my injuries from the hospital staff. They said I didn't look so good but they knew it would all heal. They stayed all day, only leaving when the nurse gave me my night medicine, which made me really sleep. They were going out for dinner but would stop in and see me in the morning before heading back home. They only lived four hours away.

Amy, my new nurse, was a nice looking woman and had a pleasant personality. She would come in every couple of hours to check on me and give me medications. For peeing I was able to use a urinal but if I had to take a dump I used a portable potty that they set next to the bed. I needed help getting on and off, of course. Amy got a male assistant to help move me. It was embarrassing but there really wasn't much I could do about it.

Visiting hours were just about over. Some of my fellow officers had been in to see me, which made me feel good. After they left, Cindy showed up. I know I smiled.

"Charlie, I was so worried."

"Cindy, I thought I saw you here with me, when I was in the coma. I know the doctor said my injuries could have scrambled my thoughts, but I swear--"

"I was here a lot, Charlie. Whenever I had a break and then before I went home each day."