All Comments on 'Renaissance Faire Ch. 04'

not enough to score the chapter.

Hopefully the next part will be more substantive. I'll still be reading. Taken as a whole, the story is much better written than most of what we find here.

While I am enjoying the story, it is frustrating to read very short chapters. Two chapters are one page long. Several days elapsed between publishing chapters 3 and 4. Will it take a week to publish the last three chapters? Combine short chapters into one longer submission.

4 chapter, 2 could've been cut down. Losing hope that the ending will be worth the wait

I rarely anticipate new chapters in stories but for some reason this one has got to me. I only hope that it doesn't fizzle out with the usual dump the cheat and renew old friendship. I am hoping for a twist that sees the predator outed and disgraced before the marriage is wrecked. 5 stars

I'm getting bored with the little bits of info and progression. I tire of short spurts and then forgetting where we are. I'm going to wait until the end before reading the rest. Btw inm getting to dislike this stupid cow so I hope it ends in a BTB.

I don't understand why some authors do this when they already have the story completed.

But quality is great. I'm still very interested.

I thought they would have been released all at once also. Oh well. Live and learn. I won't do it this way again.

...What an absolutely ridiculous way to submit a story. Especially one that is supposedly already written. Kudos to those authors brave enough to submit a story in its entirety. More easily digestible be damned.

With the ad nauseum one page chapters dribbling out the tension of the story. jmmj5 is like Carmelo Anthony circa 2010 who was talented but took forever to take the shot and would not pass the ball. There's a THREE act dramatic arc used to tell the story . Learn it . Use it . The author needs to get out of the characters way and let them tell their story in this format.

This is shaping up to be one of those stories that set the tone in the first chapter, basically repeats in every chapter, and finally reaches it's obvious conclusion.

In this case, Richard is trying to seduce Debbie. Rob realizes it and warns Debbie. Debbie denies (lies about) it but really knows it is true. The only change over the chapters is that she is further justifying it in her mind and has come to accept and plan for her having sex with RIchard because it will give her a career boost.

Someone is always willing to pay a whore and that is what she has set herself up for since the beginning. All she has been doing for 4 chapters is haggling over the price.

One side story is Rob and Kate. I'm not sure if that is there to claim a moral equivalence or an example of how Debbie's interactions with Richard SHOULD have been handled.

Hopefully, Rob won't suffer to much over Debbie being a slut and will leave with all due haste once she is caught and let Kate salve his wounds. It would be nice for Richard to fall off a cliff, maybe holding hands with Debbie's mother. The final judgement of the story quality will hang on resolution and punishment of the obviously guilty parties.

I don't know why he didn't confront her about her clubbing with Richard after the Christmas Party. This chapter could have been extended to include the opera, and how she would finagle sitting with Richard in the box rather than with Rob! She's certainly delusional if she thinks she can spend a month with Richard in Italy and then come back to her marriage.

Do it your way. Its your story.

This segment didn't fit with the other chapters. Was it written by another writer?.

It must be nice to sit back and bitch about how long or shot a chapter is. To all you wonderful readers that have never written a story for Literotica, one lite page is the same as seven or eight typed pages. When writing it sometimes feels like you have written a novel and you find out it didn't even fill a whole page when published.

I once read a story where the author cut up their story like this and was ripped for some short chapters, the author justified it by saying that they wanted to control the 'Page Breaks'. Haven written a few stories (none more than one chapter) I have to say that sometimes you get to a spot and need to stop, not for the reader but for the writer. I read in the comments all the time, (and I' to am guilty) "You need to finish the story". Well jmmj5 has told us he has a finished story so either give him a chance or don't read the next chapter.

My New Years wish (which won't get fulfilled) is that every complainer write one story and submit it, take what ever comes your way in the form of comments and learn that it's not that easy to entertain the masses. Good luck in the future jmmj5.

That one statement is as apocalyptic as "Honey, we need to talk." That one statement or thought is at the highest level of disrespect towards Ron, oops, I meant Rob. The marriage is already over. She already let the deal to down. Contrary to what Slick Willy says, a blow job is full on sex. He had his todger down Debbie's throat and came inside her. Does not matter if it was vaginal, anal or oral. He was inside her and came! To think any other way is completely delusional. Debbie has solidly joined the ranks of all the other conniving, lying, cheating whores out there although she doesn't see it that way!

As for Sheila, as pointed out to me by a great writer on this site (sbrooks103x) she is far worse than Debbie. Sheila not only supports what Debbie is doing, but is also encouraging her.

ad-jec-tive /'ajektiv/ example; Sheila: manipulative bitch, conniving cunt, slag, whore, slut, etc....

A phrase from the song Kerosene by Miranda Lambert comes to mind. Light 'em up and watch them burn, teach them what they need to learn, ha!

These 1 page chapters get you interested,then die. The problem is you don't know when they will be published,and this one took 2 days to come out from the last one.

As far as the story goes, it is well written and the tension is being built up, Debbie is rationalizing her actions and is well on her way to cheating...the problem being it is following a well worn script. A weak plot point is going to be the month in Italy,does Debbie think that she can hide it,given Rob is at the school? He will know she went there with Richard,that she lied,and that will be it.It is a shame because this is really well written, and I was hoping it wouldn't involve a standard plot line. At this point it looks like my big hope is a good btb, if Debbie goes forward,as it seems, the marriage is dead. All you can hope is that shithead, Debbie and her bitch of a mom end up totally in the shutter,the professor bankrupt and unemployed,the mom divorced and left with nothing and Debbie not able to finish her degree or get into another program,her ambition dying with her cheating.

This chapter is too short

Then don’t ask for comments.

Dmann, my friend, as you know I AM a writer, and I often suffer from an inability to write, as my editor says, "more."

Having said that, I have no problem with the CHAPTER being short. My issue is with the POSTING being short. If a logical break comes after one page, fine! But then continue with the next chapter before posting. There's no reason that a seven chapter story can't be posted in say, five parts, with part one containing chapter 1 and 2, for example.

Sorry, I get the need to raise tension, etc., but this just drained it. You established a nice rhythm and jagged it here. I am guessing that a five part story would have worked better ...

Not sure about the whole plot complication about the fire. I doubt that someone like RIchard would be okay with damaging school property just to get his way, and there was nothing about the investigation into the fire (at least that would have made the chapter a bit longer). If this isn't addressed in the later chapters, it will be a lame plot device.

His not confronting her about what happened after the holiday party is not in character. He confronted her after the Halloween Party. All he had to do was to ask her about the party, and what happened after. When she denied that anything happened, he would tell her that everything she did was witnessed and that she had to explain herself or else they were done. Why wouldn't he confront her with the knowledge that he knew that she was lying?

And him not telling Carl was also not in character. He knows Carl could probably stop everything by simply telling both ladies that if anything happens to Rob and Debbie's marriage he will ask for a divorce, so Debbie would be responsible for two marriages failing. Why wouldn't he use that kind of help?

So this chapter was a little disappointing.

Otherwise, the story up to this chapter was well-written and a very nice read.

I agree with what dragonmann72 said. However the short chapters do piss off the readers, so….

Anyway, you may want to rethink this style on your next story.

Really, 1 page. You just lost me.

The story line is falling into typical LW cliches with the stereotypical overworked, wimpy, cucky husband and plotting ambitious wife plus evil mother in law. Predictable ending with couple getting divorced and Karen cleaning up. Move on, folks!

Debbie has already cheated with Richard. Hope it doesn't take four more chapters for Rob to dump her lying ass.

We all know where this is going. But its a good read.

It's sad to see it, because nothing happened until now she could have save her mariage but now ,after crossing the line, it's game over for her.

Worse! she is doing it because he promised her a job in the futurebut she has no proof that he will honor his promise.

I consulted my crystal ball and it showed me the alternate future of our story.

1. Rob (or one of the friends) catches her at the opera and gets the pictures needed.

2. He lets he go to Italy, but only if her mom goes along.

3. Carl hire's a PI to follow them in Italy to get the dirt on Shelia.

4. One week into the trip, with all the proof Rob and Carl need they serve both with divorce papers.

5. The only money they have to try and get back Richard is controlling and he won't give it up.

6. When they get back Debbie is disinherited from Carl, the post-nup that Carl and Shelia had leaves her almost penny-less so Shelia and Debbie have to move into a cheap apartment together.

7. Debbie is pregnant from her and Richard's encounter in February so he loses his job for having sex with a grad student under his teaching.

8. It comes to light how many married women around the campus Richard has been having sex with and they all including Debbie and Shelia have come down with an STD.

9. Dr. Aaron Finebaum looses his job as president due to the scandals.

10. Dean McVicar get's promoted to president.

And last but not least Rob gets McVicar's job.

Then the crystal broke so I hope that sates you all.

that there are two distinct lives for a chapter story on Lit.

The first is the immediate life that starts and ends shortly after posting. That's where most of the complaining comes from people who want longer chapters (such as myself).

The second is the perpetual life of the story. Anyone stumbling along later and finds your work won't be overly put out by the short chapters. They may be mildly annoyed, but it certainly won't be a big deal.

Once the story is complete, it will exist as a whole. If the negative comments are discouraging, learn from them but don't get overly bothered. The continuing audience will see the story in it's entirety and won't have to wait.

The writing is strong. Everything else is secondary. I look forward to the next chapter.

now that you tell us that the rest of the story was posted at the same time - I understand that you no longer have control of this Story. I like your writing and if you post another story as a long story i'm sure we'll enjoy it.

@FatStrat Re: No confrontation. - Exactly! Besides making more sense plot-wise, it would have added length to a very short chapter. Excellent point about investigating the fire. While it's unlikely that anything implicating Richard would be found soon enough to change anything, to simply throw it in there as a way to get our hero out of the way is kind of meh.

Kalimaxos is right. From the outset, Kate is the soul-mate and Debbie was a better age-mate, but pretty much different in commitment to anyone else, especially not an intellectual peer. But time went by quickly within the tale, and the age-mismatch is more irrelevant. Besides, some key female (in LW) has to be adventurous!

BTW ... ‘discreet’ and ‘discrete’ are NOT optional spellings of the same concept. Entirely distinct meanings. Look them up!

The fact that the author said he was doing a BTB story bothers me, since if any g

bitch deserves to burned it is Debbie.

Time to divorce Debbie and get some REVENGE on Dickless...

This is starting to get way to drawn out but I will stick with it for now⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The MC is a dumb as a post, no one would act like him in RL, how many warning does one person need for someone to act? Any rational persons emotions would have spilled over long before this. Just been drawn out for little purpose.⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I agree with Ocre53s comment below.

Given the Rick solid intell that his wife has progressively increased both her deception an lying, coupled with increasing physical intimacy pretty much puts paid to live, respect and trust. She had been serially warned, by several people, as to what she was doing and ignored it all. By now it's evident thst Debbie's primary concern is for what Debbie wants. She's just taken the first step in whoring her way up the academic power ladder and uses old whitewash of the end justifies the means;especially if know one knows what she's doing. It's sadly obvious she considers herself one of the intellectual elite and that her husband should recognize who gracious she is in staying with a man that is both socially and intellectually her inferior.

So, by this point, in he the real world, the Halloween kiss, and the lies and deception that went with it, would have resulted in divorce. If not that, after party "dancing" and observed make out session would have; he had to be told about this by others. In real life she'd have been kicked to the curb. No alimony-her dad would have made sure to provide money so she could claim the need; he'd cover is son-in-laws "6". The house is his so he can boot her and her mommy dearest would take her in. In short, she suffer zero financial deprivation. ALSO. ....remember the PRENUP?

His wife is nothing more than opportunist that she's no problem with whoring her way to the top.

His father-in-law is a stand up guy.HIS wife? No better, maybe even worse, than her daughter.

Still, this is a very good story. The story line is smoothly evolving and totally disagree that it is to drawn out.

DEBBIE is as dumb as a post, no one would that be dumb to cheat and still consider themself faithful in RL. How many warnings does this stupid cunt need before she stops her affair? Any rational persons emotions would have stopped the rat Richy advances a long time. Great Story with great characters ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️