All Comments on 'Renascence Ch. 03'

Will your story spin totally out of control? I hope not. I wait for more.

I am not a huge fan of the teacher student angle, but this story shows extreme talent. I don't make that call lightly. If you don't know who I am, go to the landing page of Literotica and click on the "Siren's Song" link there. I know talent, and I think you're dazzling. I didn't notice any run-on sentences, just complex ones. I edit for dozens of writers here, and you did well. If you want a better eval, drop me a line. I gave it a five. Thanks for writing, Randi.

Please keep this going, this is very good stuff

Need more to read it’s that good :)

So few authors here are able to show the reader how their characters' emotions are influencing what they are doing, that it is a delight to read stories written like this one. It's also wonderful to have a younger female author contributing a complex story.

Nora, apart from your mentioning an age range in your biog note, you tell us very little about yourself. You don't even have a range of favourite stories (which I feel tells a lot about an author). I find it helpful to know more about the more interesting authors and the sorts of things that influence their work. Maybe please a couple more notes in your biog?

Lue

Ps: People in North California 'wriggle' off somebody's lap?

The teacher student thing is not really a story I’m big on, but you have done such a great job of hooking me with grace’s character I can’t stop reading your story. I’m in for the ride no matter where you decide to take it.

Thank you, and please don’t stop, you have the potential to be very good writer on this site, or maybe,where ever your ambition takes you.

K.S.

Hey, she won't be a student for much longer!

I liked having Renascence as the title. You should continue to use obscure words whenever they fit. One of the reasons we read is to learn and expand our horizons. If we don't know a word, we should look it up and learn.

Thanks for the great writing.

GreenMGB

I've seen. It is so colloquial and natural. I think that is one of the toughest things for authors to replicate. Nora does it very well. She is also great at conveying emotions. In this chapter, she did it when Grace and Gabe crossed that forbidden line between teacher and student. Really great!

Love your writing and your storytelling. It feels so real!

As a small child about a hundred years ago my grandfather would always reach over at the dinner table and count my ribs making me giggle and then tell me to eat up I was too skinny! Others would tell be to put rocks in my pockets when going out play cause I was so skinny! Oh to be young again, a much simpler time, no television, no internet, no cell phones. There was only one telephone company and you could order in color phone you wanted as long as it was black! Life was black and white, right or wrong, no greys not partial wrongs or rights it was one or the other no doubts. Keep writing please and we need another chapter for Head Above Water, please?

The ribs were a perfect touch to make it all so relatable.

“ Please forgive me if some minor grammatical errors affect the flow of the story.” You are forgiven with special thanks for understanding the importance of minimizing grammatical errors to allow your reader to focus on your marvelous story and not on the distractions. I am sad that other authors complain about any attempt to have errors fixed to smooth the reader’s path. (I did not find any errors, so more thanks for your efforts which allowed me to enjoy your story even more.)

This series combines several elements one wouldn't expect together: Grace's assertiveness manifesting although she IS shy and fears normal conversation in regular situations...but with him, she's different; when she leaves him, then she does something to remind herself of her significant vulnerability (counting her ribs). I didn't see her kissing him as something she would try, although it may be the overreaction she displays to having held herself back in so many ways.

You are the author: if you wish to use a more "obscure" title, readers should avail themselves of one of many online dictionaries to expand their vocabulary. ;)

Great story, but I have a hard time believing that a girl who is about to have sex with a teacher in the school parking lot put a stop to it because her mother said she had to go. So much for taking risks.

I just can’t help but picture Gab as Louis Garrel in my mind haha

Second time rereading this <3

As lust would ahve it......................whatever. The counting of ribs brought back a memorie of long ago. My grandfather, the little I remember of him, used to count my ribs and kid me because I was so skinny as a very young child. He also tell me to put rocks in my pockets if I was going outside because he said I would just blow away If I didn't. Didn't see him much before he passed. A very emotional story by Nora znd very good.

Thank heavens the pedants have stopped picking fly shit out of black pepper. I don't share others' concerns about the teacher-student relationship--it's not even clear who's the teacher and who's the student. It is brilliantly clear, though, that they both desperately need healing but aren't sure how to grab it.

To think that this is your first story on this site--incredible! A talent from Day 1.

G

Your descriptive narrative is so good I can only feel empathy for the couple. Too bad the family and community have mores and expectations that don't follow the exceptions of individuals. She's trying to heal. (So is he...) Despite dancing on thin ice.