Repeat Performance

"She came to believe that any action taken to fulfill the assignment had been pre-blessed by God, so there was no way that it could be sinful. Anything that she had to do to complete the assignment was exempt from punishment. She was sure she had the ultimate 'get out of jail free' card.

"In one of our sessions, I asked a simple question. I asked her how many men she had given herself to sexually during her marriage. She replied that she didn't know. I asked her if she meant there had been a lot of them.

"She replied, 'Oh, no sir. It's just that I need to ponder the definition.'

"Well, Leslie, think it over and give me an answer next time."

"When we met again, I asked the question again. She answered: 'I've performed sexual acts with two men, but I've only given myself sexually to one man. That man is my husband, Gregg.' She went on to state that with the other man, Hector, she was just performing her 'God-given' duty.

"So, I must tell you, Gregg, that in her own mind, she didn't cheat at all. She says that when she had sex with Hector, she told herself it was with you. She even envisioned you during the act. I gave her a lie detector test, not so much for my benefit, as for yours. She passed the test repeatedly no matter how I worded the question. It's for sure that she believes what she's been saying. In her mind, it's the truth! In all of the sessions we had, she never once admitted that she'd betrayed you or committed adultery.

"She kept saying that God was directing her. I kept asking her if she could actually hear his voice. She kept saying that she 'sort-of' did. She claimed that she didn't hear him with her ears, but she heard him with her mind and heart.

"I determined that she must be experiencing something related to schizophrenia; but not a classic case. She wasn't hearing voices, but she was receiving messages somehow. Maybe it's a very questionable case, but it's too close for comfort. Knowing those things, I put her on a low dose of a medication I usually reserve for schizophrenia patients."

He said that after a few days on the medication, she came into a session looking awful. Before he had uttered a word to her, she said, "Doctor Henson, I'm feeling simply terrible today. I need to talk to my husband. I must talk to Gregg."

He asked her why she needed to do that. She explained, "I need to apologize to him. I must beg him to forgive me. I'm afraid that he'll divorce me if I don't talk to him as soon as humanly possible."

He asked her why Gregg would want a divorce. She answered, "Because I cheated on him and I did it repeatedly."

He responded, "What do you mean by repeatedly, Leslie? Did you have sex with lots of different men?"

"No, sir. I only did it with one man, but I did it many times. Too many times. Gregg will never forgive me. I've lost my husband!"

"Was the man that you cheated with Hector Greely?"

"Yes, it was. How did you know that?"

"But didn't you have God's permission to do those things with him?"

"What do you mean? God would never give me permission to commit adultery. You know that, Doctor Henson. Why would you say such a thing?"

At that point, Dr. Henson turned towards me and looked me in the eye as he spoke. "Because of that exchange, I must state that I believe Leslie had definitely been ill and that the treatment that she received caused her to improve dramatically. It could have been the medication, but there is another possibility. During the visit when I put her on the medication, something else transpired. I had asked her about her son, and she had recited a conversation that she had with him when she first got here. She had told him about the similarities between Hector's case and a case she had experienced in Kansas. She considered Hector's case to be a repeat performance of the Kansas case. I saw that as a possible breakthrough.

"I asked her to tell me all about those cases. She covered the cases in explicit detail. It was apparent to me that her guilt about the first case led to the overcompensation and inappropriate behavior that occurred during the second case. I took that opportunity to speak to her subconscious mind. With her permission, I hypnotized her into a deep state of relaxation. While in that state, I planted the thought that the outcome of her second case proved that she should have no guilt about the first case. Whatever she neglected to do during the first case was completely corrected by her actions in the second case. She needed to remember that the result in both cases was the same! In both cases, both the patient and the caregiver died. That proves that if she had approached the first case by doing everything possible like she did in the second case, the result would have been the same. So, why the guilt? There should be no guilt. There was no failure. She should just let loose and let go of any and all feelings of guilt. There should be none!"

He said she left his office in a mood very different from what she was experiencing when she arrived. He couldn't say for sure if it was the mental therapy or the medical therapy that was responsible for her almost miraculous improvement.

I thanked Dr. Henson for his insightful treatment of Leslie and for informing me about her remarkable improvement. I voiced my hope that she could be dismissed soon. He smiled and shook my hand.

Then came the day that David and his family attended a relationship-building seminar sponsored by the university. While they were gone, I went to a movie. When I turned my phone ringer on after the movie, I had a voice message from Leslie. She told me that she was being released. If someone would come to get her, she could leave tomorrow around noon. She asked me if I would do it. If not, she would call David. She said to give her a call whenever I could. They had returned her phone, so she would be able to receive my calls now. She hoped that I wasn't screening calls. She begged me to call her.

I immediately returned her call and told her that I would be there to pick her up. She thanked me over and over again. She said, "I just wish that we were going home. Where will I end up, Gregg? I know why you sold the house and I know that you must hate me. I'm glad I'm getting out of here, but I can't even let myself think about the future. Will I get an apartment or what? What can I afford?" she sobbed.

I tried to assure her that everything would be OK. After our conversation was over, I made some phone calls.

When I arrived at the hospital, they brought her down from the mental ward. She had one suitcase. Where was all of her stuff?

She started walking towards me. She didn't rush into my arms or even smile. Her demeanor reminded me of a cowering, fearful, little puppy.

She's was suffering. She's was waiting for me to berate her and then dump her someplace.

I all but ran toward her. I took her in my arms and just hugged her. There were tears from both of us. When we broke the hug, she smiled. When she smiled, I kissed her. I kissed her tenderly and told her: "I've missed you, Les. I've missed my wife."

"Oh, Gregg. I've longed for this moment for so long. I know that you must hate me, but you're here for me today, and I appreciate it so much. I've been so alone. You can't imagine how sorry I am or how much love I have for you."

"Les, I don't hate you. I hate what happened to us, but I don't hate you. I love you and I always will."

When I pulled into the parking lot of the Starlight Motel, Leslie laughed for the first time today. "I recognize this place. Oh, this is great. This is a happy place. Will I be staying here, Gregg?"

"We'll both be staying here tonight, Les. You wanted to go someplace familiar, and this place has good memories for both of us."

She sat in the lobby as I went to the desk and checked us in. I walked over and handed her the room card. It was for room 321.

"Oh, Gregg, you remembered."

"Les, we joked about finally having a room number we could remember. We remember lots of other things about this room too, don't we sweetheart?"

"Yes, such happy memories. Gregg, I remember that there's only one king-sized bed in the room. Are you alright with that?"

"I am, Les. I just want to hold you all night long."

I did hold her all night. It felt so right. When we checked out, I took her to the condo. She loved it at first sight. I mentioned that even when we had the house, we talked about needing to downsize. We talked about getting a condo so we would have less upkeep to worry about. We knew we were getting a little too old for keeping up a house.

We had barely settled in when there was a knock at the door. The kids had left their event early to join us. There were hugs and kisses all around. I've never seen Jane any happier. She wouldn't allow even an inch of separation between herself and her grandma. It was like they were connected at the hip.

So here we are, a reunited family. Things are not as awkward as I feared they might be. Some subjects are taboo. No one goes there.

What does the future look like for me and Leslie? I honestly don't know. I took her "for better or worse, sickness and health." As of now, the sickness seems to be gone and this seems like "better" rather than "worse." But who can say? We'll take it day by day. We'll have to talk through the taboo subjects at some point in time, but only when I know that Les is strong enough and ready to handle it.

The spare bedroom is not being used. We've become a husband and wife again in every sense of those words.

For now, I'm just enjoying every moment with Les and hoping that the medicine and/or therapy will keep working. I've learned that life can turn on a dime. I'm aware that happiness is very fragile. It must be nurtured and protected, however costly that might prove to be. Right this minute, love is all that matters. Maybe it's all that ever matters.

I kept putting it off, but I finally had to ask the question. "Les, there's no Welcome Wagon in this area. I'll help you get one started if you want to."

"Gregg, I'm officially retired. I don't have any desire to be associated with Welcome Wagon ever again, but thanks for asking. I'm so done that you can stick a fork in me."

I thought about saying I was up for "forking" her anytime, anyplace; but I decided to pass it up.

She said what she really wanted was to finally get an electronic keyboard. She wanted to brush-up on her piano skills.

What the hell, I should be able to write with piano accompaniment. If not, there's always earplugs!

The End