Return to Madness Pt. 01

***WARNING- This is a cum eating fetish story with incest and pregnancy. This is a 3 part story too.

I wish I could remember a time when my urges were not there. Even when I was young, I was told that I was compulsive and that it would be my undoing. My parents loved me dearly and did their best to control my impulses and urges even when I was young. I thought it was normal to act on feelings and urges. Like staying up all night to complete a jigsaw puzzle or finish an assignment. Not letting anything rest or acting upon urges that my body needed.

Therapy worked wonders for me when I was young, but once I got a little older it was not enough. I guess my female hormones kicked in and before I knew it, I was medicated and put on birth control. I did not even know what it was, but my mother insisted on making sure I was on it every night.

My sedated self was normal in all regards and when I meet Jim in college, he never knew that me without therapy and medication was a wild beast waiting to be unleashed. We had a healthy sex life in college, and I was exposed to porn for the first time. Jim loved to watch porn with me and soon we were replicating what we saw while watching it happen.

Although Jim was a stellar athlete and student, I could not keep up my grades to a level my parents set for me for them to continue paying. I left college early and Jim and I decided to marry while he was still in school. My parents were against it but I just knew Jim was the man for me. We did everything together and we loved to experiment sexually to the dismay of his roommates who wanted to sleep.

I wanted a child right away and decided to go off my medication and stop taking birth control so I could get pregnant. I was still going for therapy once a week, but Jim and I wanted a child. All I could dream of as a child was to have my own children, and now I had a chance. Jim was already promised a job and we both decided to take the chance and have children.

Being off my medication was a new experience for me. Even though the medication suppressed my impulses, it also did the same for my sex drive. I was still horny all the time and had no idea what I would be like off it. I assumed that the side effect of sex drive never worked on me and I never once brought it up to my doctors either. I loved sex and did not want to lose it as I knew no man would want to be with me if they couldn't fuck me.

Jim would come home from college to our little one bedroom apartment to me waiting naked for him to ravage me on a daily basis. I felt wild and free off my medication too as all I wanted was sex. It was like I was liberated and everything sexual was intensified too. All I could do all day was think about Jim's cock and how it was going to fuck me. When I would feel him explode deep inside of me, I would burst out moaning knowing that his warm seed was filling me up.

Now, I know some girls tell me they can't really feel the burst of warm sperm in their pussy, but I swear I felt it with Jim. To me it's a sensation of pulsing from the cock followed by a slight warmth. It was like a drug that I craved all the time. I let my mind focus on the moment when it happens and when it does, I get off like nothing else. I loved it more than anything else and would never let him cum in my mouth or anywhere else on my body. I told him that if he wanted to cum, it had to be deep inside of me every time.

Jim seemed to love my sexual appetite for awhile until he just couldn't keep up. I felt the urgent need and unrelenting desire to have him fuck me all the time. In the morning I would pounce on him and ride his morning erection to a wonderful explosion of his fertile cum being sent deep in my overly wet quivering pussy. I would keep my legs in the air as long as I could and masturbate as I thought about how I was full of his warm seed that was looking for the nestled egg in my body.

When he got home, I would be ready for another hefty dose of his fertile spunk far into my cunt again. This did not end either, as I would try and beg for him to fuck me before and after dinner too. I did not stop until he was sleeping in bed and could no longer get hard. Even when his dick was sore, I would have him fuck me with his fingers until his muscles ached in his hand and shoulders.

Thinking about how my body could get pregnant from feeling a man finish in me always got me wet and ready too. I loved the idea of a throbbing cock in my pussy was capable of giving me a baby. The idea that a man's sperm was able to impregnate was what I masturbated to almost all the time.

I thought it would stop when I was pregnant with Tom too. I think Jim was kind of relieved that I was with his child and that my sexual desire might be suppressed. My doctor told me that now that I was pregnant, I could no longer go on medication and that I would have to deal with my strong desires and compulsions for a little while. He tried to put me on a few other drugs, but nothing worked. I even resorted to going to therapy more, but nothing seemed to stop my desire to be fucked.

Pregnancy only made it worse as my sexual desires increased as did the pleasure I got from sex. At first, I would ride Jim hard, bouncing on him, letting my tits bounce in his face until I felt his cock throb and explode in me. The intensity of having sex would make me shake like a crazy woman and squirt like I was a porn star. I needed to be worked up to squirt before, but with pregnancy increasing my sensitivity levels, I was a squirter full-time. I swear it was like pissing my orgasms out all the time.

I lasted only two months before Jim was not enough and I needed more cock than he could give me. The neighbor Joe across the hall soon filled that role and would come over every day to fill me up with his warm sperm. I was already pregnant and there was nothing to fear about what could happen, so I was eager for him to give me that feeling I loved of being filled up. Joe just loved to fuck me and was willing to do anything I told him to do.

What I truly loved was when Jim would fuck me before work while I made sure he came really deep in me too. I would then get Joe to come over right after Jim left and rub my clit before we would even do anything. I knew a few of my girlfriends who could not get off from just a dick fucking them, but I loved that I was able to get off both ways and get off with amazing climaxes too.

Now Joe loved fucking me and was quite weak willed when it came to my sexual desires. He was sexually open to anything, and I always put him to the test. I found it powerful to have Joe do anything for me and would often tell him to lick my asshole or even sit in the tub while I urinated on him. Telling him that he was my property as I hovered over his body letting my piss cover him gave me this powerful feeling inside. I was not into dominatrix stuff much, but I tried it with him.

What I did have him do on a daily basis was eat my pussy out. My clit was so in need of attention after Jim would have sex with me that Joe would give my sex all the oral attention I needed. What was even more exciting was Joe always got a taste of Jim's seed as it oozed out while he ate me out. The sensation of being licked clean as my man's sperm was dripping out always sent me to an earth shattering orgasm each and every time. Joe was also okay with me squirting in his mouth too since it got me off so much too.

The warm sensation of sperm leaking out of my pussy was enough to get me going again too. Feeling a tongue lick and dig out that sperm was almost an instant orgasm for me. The thought of it alone was good enough to get off too and feeling it was like a perfect ending to a good fuck.

Jim was never supposed to catch me, and when he did, I knew he was devastated. I was nine months pregnant and due in a week when he walked in on Joe fucking me doggystyle. I cried when he wanted a divorce, and I knew that it was my fault. Even after Tom was born, Jim wanted nothing to do with me. He would not even speak to me and would send his mother in to get Tom for his weekly visitations.

Jim was a good man and proved that with his willingness to pay for anything Tom needed or wanted. He was even a better person by never talking bad about me to Tom or saying why we got divorced. I was grateful for him and told Tom how great of a father he had at all times. I guess Jim was pleased that I built him up so much to Tom that he never spoke ill of me to anyone.

I knew that my impulses and needs were out of control. I resumed my medication and went back for therapy on a bi-weekly basis. I asked to be put on a heavier dosage than before and then got another dose that I paid out of pocket for. I knew it would suppress my sex drive if not take it away. I still felt guilt about losing Jim and for years needed antidepressants to handle my guilt. Jim quickly moved on and found love and had a new family. Tom was still his son and was never turned away, but I was gone from his life forever.

Not letting my life slide any further downward, I focused myself into getting a decent job and keeping my body in shape. I was always thin, and my breasts stayed large after having Tom too. I never knew why women were so enthralled with having large tits until mine grew a little. I was always a healthy C Cup and when they grew to a nice DD, I loved it. They seemed to fill out every shirt and blouse I put on. My ass never lost its perfect bump either and with my workout, I had a figure that my girlfriends were always jealous about.

My jet black hair never turned gray or thinned out either. By my thirty-eighth birthday, the amount of wrinkles I had were still nothing to that of other women my age. I knew I looked fantastic and the amount of times I was asked out only made me think about how pretty I really was. I did not need money and Jim was still paying for Tom through college. When my parents died, I was able to move into my childhood home and never worry about money again.

Jim and I finally began speaking and I was finally able to apologize for what happened. I knew he was happily married but still felt peace from knowing that he forgave me. I could have flirted with him when he was going through tough times with his new wife, but I decided to be the better person and helped him through it. I wanted him back but knew I was broken and that I already broke his heart once.

I never dated and did not seem to care about men. It still didn't stop men from asking me out almost constantly though. With my medications lowering my sex drive, I was down to masturbating once every other month if I remembered to do it. Sometimes I forgot and would go six months or more without even thinking about it. I had a few toys but did not really care about sex or anything else a man could do for me.

Being called cold or heartless was common too. I got happy but not smiling happy where people would notice. I never got ecstatic or anxious about anything either. Things just happened and I felt with them without emotions. I was going to therapy every week, but more for the conversations and the pills than for actual help. I stopped listening years ago and would just yes them over and over. I took the pills because I still knew that my old self was dangerous if set free.

The thought of being alone became dug into my mind like a drill. I would stay up late at night and watch sad movies while wondering what it was like to be in love. I tried to cry but never seemed phased by anything I watched. I knew I was taking more medication than I should but knew what happened when I stopped.

It finally happened one night when Gina asked me to go to the movies with her. It was some sappy love story about a man who loved his wife until the very end; about how even through sickness he never stopped loving her. Gina was an emotional basket case, and I was stone-faced through the entire movie. I could hear the tears being poured out throughout the entire theater as my emotions were unmoved. Gina then turned to me and said that I was weird for not crying.

When I got home, I decided to go without my medications. I figured I would go a week and see if I could be normal again. I knew it was dangerous, but I also knew that I could not go through life without any emotions. I promised myself a week at a time, and if anything went wrong, I would go right back on them. I guess this is where I began my downward spiral again.

***

Tom was in the backyard playing basketball with his two friends, Chris and Ricky. All three were the same age and had just graduated high school. Their nineteen year old bodies were at the peak of physical perfection and glistened with sweat as they played. I knew Tom took after his father in the athletic area, but he looked even fitter than his father at the same age. Chris and Ricky were no slouch either as both of them could be male models if they pursued it.

It was five days since my last dose of medication when the slight urge to rub my clit came over me. The urge was not like I remembered, and I was even able to wait until Tom went to bed before handling my needs. I figured since it had been awhile, I would take out my seldom used toy. I thought a small toy and my fingers would do the trick and I could sleep right after I finished.

I let my mind drift to when I was begin fucked by Joe. I thought of a memory of a good orgasm I had of when my husband blew a good hot load of sperm deep in me right before he went to work. I remembered it because the night before we did not have sex and his balls were nice and full in the morning.

I could feel my pussy getting wetter and wetter as my memory became more vivid of that day. My husband was banging me hard and grunted as I felt multiple spurts of his warm delectable seed deep in me. I was three months pregnant at the time and he was still able to pound me hard then.

Oh, the toy was plunging fast now as I then recalled how my neighbor Joe came by right after and licked me clean right before he pounded me hard. I sat right on his face ordering him to please my pussy before he could fuck me. When he did fuck me, his balls banged against my clit giving me a few more hard orgasms right before I made him cum deep in me again. I finally felt my urge to cum and pushed my toy deep as I finally passed out from a good orgasm. I felt young again as I pulled the covers over me thinking about how I was going to masturbate again tomorrow.

On the tenth day, I finally felt the urge to rub my clit at work. It was not a strong urge, but it was still an urge. I let my mind drift at that moment to when my ex-husband would bang me right before his college class and I would have to walk out of his room with panties dripping with cum. To me, it was like a badge of honor to walk around with sperm soaked panties as if my pussy was worthy of being ejaculated in. I was wet at work for the first time and knew that I would be masturbating everyday now.

It was now a month since I last took my medication, and I felt the urge to rub my pussy daily. Somedays I would rub out an orgasm at work and then do it again when I got home. I purchased more toys and even bought lube that had the same consistency and look as real cum. On a few occasions, I brought toys into the shower so I could moan louder than normal without my son hearing me.

Every day before Tom got home from school, I would rub my twat hard while fucking myself with a dildo. I did this all while my mind raced back to being fucked hard right after I was filled up with cum. I loved how my body shook after and my clit was throbbing for more action. It was then that I knew I needed something else right after Tom got home to take the edge off.

I looked out the bottom window to see Ricky with his shirt off. Chris and Tom had theirs off as well as the July heat was baking them as they played. I quickly stripped down to nothing but my top as my mind raced with thoughts of what I could do with their rock hard bodies.

They were nineteen and at the height of their sexual prime. I just imagined what I could do with those strong bodies and what I would show them. I knew they had that young libido and could go all day long, as it was just what I needed. I imagined them fucking me all day and night and if they wanted to take turns, then that was alright too. I needed to own them as I did Joe and make them be my sex slaves.

I knew it was wrong thinking about my son in such a way, but Chris and Ricky were fair game in my mind. I moved the chair to the window and spread my legs wide open. I knew that if they looked, they would see me and my spread open gash. I watched as they bodies moved, and their muscles tightened while covered in their male sweat. I let my fingers rub furiously on my clit.

All three of them were playing basketball while I let my mind drift to thoughts of Ricky and what hung between his legs. I imagined he was plunging his eager cock into me like a machine with my legs open wide taking each glorious thrust with pride. I imagined how I would teach him how to ejaculate in a woman and please her, and how to eat her out after he was done filling her up with his spunk.

I was dripping wet now and went further as I imagined Chris fucking me next as he was slamming his hard dick into me as I was filled with Ricky's warm cum. I thought how I would force him to finish inside of me like his friend and know that he is pleasing a real woman and not some young dumb slut.

Shaking from my climax, I needed more. I went upstairs to my room to retrieve my toys and lost myself to the thought of two young men taking turns fucking me. In my day dream, I imagined them pounding me silly as I begged for more until they were passed out naked with me and my pussy was overloaded with their young virile sperm. The toy felt fake as I slammed it in and out of me and I felt that a real cock would do the trick my cunt needed.

I needed to shower after shoving my toy in my pussy to the point I was covered in my own girl slime. I was dripping wet and the shower was the only thing that would cool off my desire and clean me up. I heard the backdoor close and knew they were done with their game. I was still in the shower and stepped out when I heard them talk about girls. I felt jealous that they were not talking about me, but some other girl they wanted to fuck.

Their creamy male fertile seed needed a pussy to take it all in willingly and not to be wasted in some condom or on some other girl's face. I also did not want them wasting their male essence into a tissue or on their hand as it needed a warm loving cunt to massage it out and give it a chance to find something to inseminate.

I heard them move into the living room as the T.V. turned on. I walked back to my room and decided to change into something tighter. My body was still as firm as it was when I was younger, and I needed them to see it.

I was putting on my yoga pants feeling the desire to be wanted in me. I knew my mind was cloudy, but I just could not shake it. All I felt was this irresistible desire to be wanted and fucked hard while feeling each hard cock explode deep in me. My pussy was still wet needing more and with every step I took, I could feel it just calling out to me saying it needed to be fucked.

With overly tight yoga pants on, I searched for a bra I bought but never wore. It was a sheer black bra that showed off my nipples. It was a lace thing I bought from a store that had it on sale. I put it on quickly hoping they would not leave and then put on a white top that would highlight the bra underneath.

I walked downstairs to see Chris and Ricky in the living room while my son Tom was in the bathroom. I strutted out slowly making eyes contact with both of them. "Hi boys."

"Hi Ms. Williams," Chris and Ricky said in unison as I looked at their sweat covered shirts and how it clung to their muscular chests.