All Comments on 'Reunion'

One of your better works . It reminded me of real life , not some fantasy . 5*s

Was the dad in the mafia? How did he have people all over? The daughter should have moved away long ago. He controlled her life for 7 years? He maimed his daughter’s biological brother? He should have been locked up. The revenge made an okay story terrible. Why make the ill mother travel to see them? They should have gone to her.

I have been reading all the stories and this one felt real. It's ashame other folks can't write like. I do love reading about sex, but it's better when it has body to it. You did a excellent job. Hope to see more like this. You are getting 5 stars.

So, I still gave it 5 stars but your other two stories were definitely better. I really liked the characters and the story, but I felt like way too much happened with relatively little description. Beginning to end the story covers a decade unless I'm mistaken, to fit that into 3 pages made it feel rushed. Also, I'm all about revenge but making him an invalid was a bit much, visiting him every few months was beyond a bit much.

Great story line I love the revenge part and I loved how he stayed by her side in the shadows for 7 years great job

First half was really good. No comment on the rest.

I like the erotic story in a decent short story story. Please keep writing.

First half was really good.

The second half was one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent writing were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it.

Wouldn’t want a study diet of this but (second half) but for a one shot deal it was OK. If you are looking for coaching in feedback, be careful of extremes. Both the beating and the revenge were over the top. Remember we come here for enjoyment the blood and gore is on some other site.

All that considered I still give you 5* for style and talent. Content on this one not so much. Just ease it back a touch. The rest of your material I have read as of 2/21 is very enjoyable.

Looking forward to reading your future material.

Cheers

SAGE

Well, first of all, third cousins can marry in all fifty states. Not only that, so can second cousins. Even first cousins can marry in 25 states (yes, I looked all this up, because I thought the story was making too big a deal out of a very distant connection). I thought, that was such an easy thing to research, how could the author make such a glaringly obvious error?

Then, you hit us with the punchline, and you got me, at least, good. I didn’t see that coming.

However, that brings up another point, and this was covered in another story about siblings who did not grow up together (can’t remember if you or someone else was the author). They both have different last names on their birth certificates, and there is no legal reason any government authority should want to have them take a DNA test, so in the eyes of the law, they are only third cousins, and completely able to marry.

So, that was the first point I had trouble buying into.

The second credibility stretch was they were both over 21 at this point and could tell her father to go to Hell. Their lives were none of his business.

The third plot hole was why was her father never charged with assault and attempted murder? It didn’t matter his motivation. He was guilty of a vicious attack, and in the real world, he would never have gotten away with it.

The fourth incredible item is that we have a grown woman who is still being controlled by her father. If he didn’t back off when she told him to (and if she didn’t, why not?), she could have easily gotten the authorities involved to help him “see the light.”

The fifth, and last item was the viciousness of the revenge. If the authorities had been involved when they should have, it would have been unnecessary, but the fact that Dave would be responsible for something so violent would have called HIS character and integrity into question with Leigh; possibly to the point of ruining their relationship.

I loved the story, and the surprise (third cousins is NOT incest; siblings is), right up to the point of the attack by Leigh’s father. What had been wonderful pacing and storytelling went right off the cliff from there.

Now, I really hate it when reviewers tell an author what he should have done, but I’m going to break my rule about not doing that, and suggest that the author rewrite from the point of where Leigh and Dave are at school together, happy, and find a different approach to introduce conflict/tension, and then resolution into a happy ending. The reconciliation with the mother was nice. I’d just find a better way to get the father out of the picture (and if he was so evil, why didn’t Leigh already know about it, growing up with him?).

I think this story could be saved with a little work.

Great story with an ironic twist, from cousins to siblings in a blink of an eye. George got exactly what he deserved for what he did to Dave and then trying to control Vivians life to keep them apart. Well in the end it all turned out OK and they lived happily ever after. I am amazed how some readers can't just enjoy the story for what it is without picking it apart. 5/5

That went dark quick.

Fuck George. Great story.

GEORGE WAS A BASTARD.

Great story, but again the gap of seven years was just too long.

Two to three years would’ve been sufficient time apart for the story to work as well as it did.

But still a great story and a 5/5

7 years isn't unreasonable if you factor in reparative surgeries and recovery, as well as earning money to let them hide. It sucks, yes, at least it fits