Reverse Polygamy

Something like an hour north of the Golden Gate Bridge on US 101, I finally got past Santa Rosa and the countryside became more and more rural. It was early on a sunny Saturday morning in mid-May, the green foliage of the oaks was contrasting sharply with the grass that had already turned golden, the vineyards were showing lots of green -- a California scene that normally brought joy to my heart. Not that Saturday though. I hardly saw any of it.

I was too preoccupied with how I was going to handle the meeting with Clyde. More specifically, how was I going to break it to him that our relationship was over? Should I first tell him about Hal? Deep down, in spite of what Hal and I had, I really didn't want a complete break with Clyde. My fondest hope was that we could make the switch from being lovers to being just friends. Was that possible at all?

How would he take the news that I was having an affair with Hal? To be sure, when we had parted in April, we had agreed to date others and it was understood that dating might include sex. But maybe he'd imagined that we'd both have a few one night stands and then get back together in the fall when the job in Hayfork was done and he'd have moved back to Tahoe.

Then why break off with Clyde at all? Well, for one, I knew Hal was for me. He was Mr. Right and it was only a matter of time before he would propose. The other thing was that Clyde, 17 years my junior, was just too young for me. From my professional experience, I was convinced that our relationship had no pleasant no long term future for either of us. Actually, I had known that even before our first steamy session in my Tahoe condo, but my efforts to avoid starting the relationship had been woefully inadequate. Once we started, my intentions to break off were even more inadequate. Until Hal came along, there had been simply put, not enough incentive to make myself do it.

Was age the really big factor? What if Clyde were in his mid to late 30's instead of early 20's. I turned that over too. Half of the year he worked on construction jobs where he knew there'd be lots of overtime so he could earn enough to ski the rest of the year. Skiing we had in common but I was a tenured professor at UCSF and that lifestyle was a lot different from his. The words to one of his favorite country songs came back to me -- Take Me to Your World by Norma Jean Beasler.

All I want is just to be your girl

Please come and get me

And take me to your world

Maybe that was a bigger issue than the 17 year age gap. In Hal's world of coronary surgery, he not only gave people hope for longer and better lives, he was in the midst of developing new techniques and procedures so more people would have a chance at longer and better lives. Maybe Hal's world was more like my world.

Most of the drive up 101, I went over and over in my mind what I would say to break it to him. I even practiced some sentences out loud. Not only was I unable to enjoy what is a beautiful scenic drive, my concentration on driving was so bad that I almost missed the exit onto California 20 at Willits.

Clyde and I had agreed to meet in the parking lot of the Fort Bragg Safeway, which is directly along Highway 1. I saw him right away when I pulled in -- leaning against his pickup, big happy grin on his face. I felt like shit. I knew I should tell him right away but before I could get the words out, he suggested we pick up sandwiches and a bottle of wine at a deli and go up to Ten Mile Beach for a hike and picnic. Considering what I had to tell him, I sure as hell wasn't hungry but I agreed anyway. Maybe the wine would help. We left my car parked at the Safeway and drove to Ten Mile in his pickup. On the way he said that he hadn't reserved a room because he wanted to give me a choice in that matter. That made me feel even shittier than before. After what I would be telling him, I would be on my way back to San Francisco and we wouldn't need a room.

Ten Mile Beach is sandy and it's nice walking barefooted. Carrying our shoes, we walked hand-in-hand, sometimes skipping through the surf. Being with Clyde is just plain nice and my hands nestled in his big strong callused hands felt really good. My resolve to tell him goodbye gradually weakened. After the lunch and wine, my resolve weakened a lot more. Afterwards, lying on a blanket in the warm spring sunshine receiving his kisses and feeling his erection rubbing against my leg - my resolve folded completely. What could be so wrong with spending one last night with him?

We took a room with ocean view at a place called the Beachcomber. Inside the room, Clyde reached for me. I couldn't resist. As we kissed and rubbed bodies, I felt his erection against me and then remembered the hygiene agreement I had with Hal. Having left the City with plans to break off with Clyde, I hadn't taken any condoms along and even if I had, aasking Clyde to use one would have been awkward because we never had -- somehow there had just been trust right from the beginning. There was nothing I could do but go ahead with a bareback session - I would just have to have another STD test made the next week.

Clyde was the second man I'd barebacked inside of 24 hours. Conventional morals would have dictated that I feel like a slut. I felt anything but like a slut. After all, Hal had told me to go easy on Clyde. Was the wild romp with Clyde going easy? Depends on how you define going easy. Afterwards we had a sexy shower together and then went out for seafood at a place called Sea Pal Cove. I'd been curious about Clyde's life in Hayfork. Over dinner I asked.

"It's pretty much like I told you it'd be. The backwoods Barbies turn their backs on me. I been dating a virgin but it's tedious. They try to get you to go to church with them before the first kiss. Didn't you notice?"

"Notice what?"

"How horny I was."

I almost said that's how Hal is but caught myself in time and giggled instead. It did remind me that I needed to tell him about Hal - and soon.

Back at the Beachcomber, he let his horniness out on me again. Actually I was just as horny as he was, but for a reason that I only then suddenly recognized - fucking two very sexy men on two consecutive days is erotic as hell.

The next morning, Sunday, we had another go and as we lay cuddled together, basking in post-sex warmth, I broached the subject. "Clyde, remember when we talked the last time up at Tahoe? You know, about our future?"

"You mean about dating somebody else? Like I said before, I been out with this virgin a few times. Lana's her name. She's still a virgin as far as I can tell. How about you Kitty? Got anything going down there in San Francisco?"

I was really glad that I didn't have to open the subject. I swallowed hard and was conscious of needing to wet my lips. "Clyde, I met a guy at work. Hal is a visiting professor from Germany, a few years older than me, good skier. He was curious about spring skiing so I took him to Tahoe. We skied Twin Peaks. After the lifts closed at 12:30, we went to my condo, had lunch and then sunned ourselves in the chaises on the balcony."

Most about-to-be-dumped boyfriends would be devastated. Not Clyde. "And then?"

"The sun was strong. My balcony is secluded. We ended up sunbathing nude."

Clyde grinned. "And then?"

It was unbelievable. Most men would have cried, shouted or even slapped me. I opened up and related every nitty gritty detail that I could remember. Well before I was through with my narrative of my first sex with Hal, Clyde's erection had become very noticeable.

I reached down and took it in my hand. "So my baby likes hearing about me fucking somebody else." I stroked him slowly. "I'm so glad you're not mad at me."

"I don't know what you'd have to do to make me mad at you, Kitty. Certainly not fucking a nice guy like Hal. He does sound like a nice guy. Is he? Is he really nice to you Kitty?"

I couldn't resist throwing back the cover and going down on him. Up until then, oral sex with Clyde had been occasional, not long lasting and then mostly in the context of foreplay. What happened next was new for us. I not only fellated him to orgasm, I swallowed and afterwards licked his penis and scrotum clean.

We had brunch at a really nice oceanfront place in Arcata. I had a hard time having a good time. My mood was soured at the thought of the tearful goodbye to come. That didn't happen.

Standing next to my Saab in the Safeway parking lot, Clyde surprised me again. "Hey look, since Hal liked spring skiing so much, some weekend pretty soon, why don't the two of you meet me in Red Bluff and then we go to Lassen Park together. Say between now and the middle of June. I bet he's never skied a volcano before. You know, you hit the east face of Lassen the right time of morning -- corn snow skiing don't get any better than that."

I didn't say anything but my face must have radiated disbelief.

He just went on. "Park Service is gonna have the highway plowed out this coming week. I heard Manzanita Campground is open already. I'd rather camp at Summit Lake but in case it's not, we can always fall back on Manzanita. I'll bring Lana. Look I got two tents so you and Hal will have privacy to do what you want."

We kissed goodbye and I made a limp agreement to ask Hal. On the 3+ hour drive back to San Francisco, no surprise, my mind was fully occupied. Mostly with what and how I was going to tell Hal. How to explain how I'd broken our sexual hygiene agreement. How to tell him that not only had I not absolutely separated from Clyde, I'd also fucked him a number of times. Actually not only fucked him, I'd also fellated him and more. I knew I'd have to put off having sex with Hal until I got tested again.

Back in my apartment in late afternoon, my mood was really shitty. Just wanting to to be alone and cry, I called Hal with the intention of telling him I was tired and needed to take care of some stuff. My willpower started crumbling as soon as I heard his voice. When he said how eager he was to see me and hear how the weekend had gone, I couldn't say no. My sole remaining hope was that I would be able to tell him that I'd had sex with Clyde before our clothes came off.

I was trembling when I opened the door.

He was eager all right, I could feel his erection as we embraced and kissed. As soon as we broke off, he asked, "Was it hard for you to tell him about us?"

"In the end, no. I just casually brought up our agreement to date others and he took it from there by asking if I was dating anyone."

"So you told him about us. I hope not so much that it hurt him."

"As a matter of fact, it was Clyde who wanted to know more and more. Oh Hal, I'm sorry but I told him everything: skiing, sunbathing, nudity and yes -- the sex we had. And that we've been sleeping together here."

Hal was speechless at first. Then, "And he didn't get furiously mad, upset, cry or shout?"

"No. Just the opposite. To him, hearing my narrative was clearly erotic."

"Really? He enjoyed hearing you tell him you'd had sex with me? My God!" Then he thought a little more. "How did you know it was erotic for him?"

Now I really had to come clean. "Hal, this is not easy for me. Clyde and I had sex -- lots of sex. I didn't intend to. It just happened. I'm so sorry. If you don't want to see me anymore, I can understand. I know I need to break with Clyde, for my own good. And I will but it's going to take time. It's just so damn hard."

"Kitty, I understand your dilemma. It's just not so easy to break off from someone you like and care for. On the other hand, I remember telling you to go easy on him. I guess you took that pretty seriously."

I was sobbing, both with sadness over what I'd done with Clyde and with happiness that Hal wasn't spiteful. Now that it was looking like he wouldn't dump me, there was a point I had to bring up. "Clyde and I didn't use anything. Never did, all the time we dated. I'll get tested again tomorrow. If you still want me -- tonight I mean -- I have a few condoms."

"Has he been with someone suspicious?"

I sobbed a couple slurps. "He said he's been dating a virgin."

"That is suspicious. If this girl is a virgin, how does he know? Did he check her out and then upon finding an intact hymen, announce that they would not have sex?"

I found that a little funny and stopped sobbing. "Hayfork is a small town. Once a reputation is made, everybody knows. Up there, there's two kinds of girls: The virgins who go to church at every opportunity and the backwoods Barbies who screw at every opportunity. Clyde said he can't get near the Barbies even if he wanted to. That leaves him with a choice of virgins."

"Choice of virgins? Sounds like something the Jihadist assholes would like."

"Hal, we were talking about whether we need to use a condom tonight!"

"Only one? I always thought a condom should only be used once."

I started feeling better. A lot better, and even laughed at his joke that in a way wasn't a joke. He completely accepted my having had sex with Clyde. "So it's decided, we'll use condoms until I get the test results?"

"To be truthful, given the choice, I'd rather do it without. Do you believe him? You think he's still clean?"

"Absolutely. If I didn't, I would have insisted on going out and buying some rubbers."

A few minutes later I was barebacking with the second man that day. And not only that, his penis ended up being the second one that I fellated that day.

A few days later, Hal and I were having dinner together and he brought up the idea of another weekend of spring skiing. That reminded me of the limp promise I'd made to Clyde -- to invite Hal for a car camping/ski trip to Lassen Park. I had no qualms about broaching the idea to Hal because I was sure he would nix it. Wrong! He bubbled with enthusiasm. I wasn't enthusiastic but seeing Hal's enthusiasm, not checking back with Clyde was not an option.

Up until the time that I telephoned him, I still had hopes that Clyde might have changed his mind about the Lassen endeavor. Not Clyde! He had it all planned - tents, camping gear, where we'd meet in Red Bluff. We just needed to agree on a weekend.

Hal was overjoyed when I told him that we'd set a weekend for the Lassen trip. When I told him that Clyde had an extra sleeping bag that he could use, he was less enthusiastic. For him the two of us cuddling together in a tent was a romantic ingredient that he did not want to miss. I told him he could go out and buy a sleeping bag that would zip to mine. That turned out to be easier said than done so he just bought a double sleeping bag, very roomy but very heavy. Well, we were going car camping, not backpacking.

It turned out that Highway 89 didn't get plowed out until the first week of June. Clyde had been keeping close tabs on that situation and he called just as soon as the Park Service announced the opening. We arranged to make the trip the very next weekend.

On the drive up I-5 to Red Bluff, I still had misgivings about the whole enterprise. Not Hal. Although an experienced skier, he had never having skied a volcano. On the drive up, he was like a kid the night before Christmas.

As we pulled into the Raley's Supermarket parking lot, I spotted Clyde's pickup. Just like in Fort Bragg, there he was slouched against the hood, big grin, waving. But something wasn't right. Where was Lana the virgin?

That was the first thing Clyde explained. "You just would not fucking believe these people. She refused to go camping without a chaperone. See it's like this. Without a chaperone from Hayfork, people might get the idea that she'd leave her virginity in Lassen National Park. Can't have that. What the hell would she do if Hayforkers got the idea she wasn't a virgin?"

Hal's face was a picture of incredulousness. He was still speechless even after my lengthy explanation. Once he'd grasped the situation, I heard him mumbling in German, repeating something that sounded like 'verrueckte Amis.'

Summit Lake Campground, where Clyde had intended to camp, was still closed due to snow so we had to go on to Manzanita Lake, which being 1,100 feet lower, was open. We drove into the park through the south entrance where there were still traces of snow. As we drove closer to the summit, the snow banks along Highway 89 looked to be over 10 foot high. Again Hal was exclaiming his amazement in German. I heard 'unglaublich' over and over again.

At the Manzanita Lake campground, we picked a nice roomy site and Clyde and Hal, working nicely together with the aid of headlamps, had the tents up almost before I got out the sleeping bags and mats. Going camping with people you've never been camping with before always leads to lots of discussion about gear. The big new double sleeping bag that Hal had bought was a big topic. Clyde said he saw it as a terrific advantage in keeping warm. Then clowning a little, he paused as if in deep thought and then added, "Come to think of it, there might be another big advantage."

Clyde had brought two tents. One was a really big one that he called a 'McKinley' and a much smaller one. The McKinley was for Hal and I and the smaller one was for himself. Having put in a full day of work and a long drive, we were all pooped and sleep came quickly. So quickly that Hal and I never got to take full advantage of the privacy afforded by having our own tent.

The next morning Clyde got us up early and after a hearty breakfast of coffee and porridge, we were in his pickup heading back up the highway to the Lassen Peak Trailhead. There we shouldered our skis and headed up the southeast ridge trail, which was mostly clear of snow. It's a 2.5 mile, 2,000 feet vertical climb to Lassen's summit at 10,460 feet. By 9 AM we were sitting on top having a snack. The summit surprised Hal and I. From a distance, Lassen appears as a white cone. Close up the summit is a mess of gnarled rock and yellow-brown earth intermixed with patches of snow. Another thing we didn't expect was the pervasive sulfurous odor.

Clyde had told us beforehand that, if there wasn't too much haze, we'd be able to see Mt. Shasta from Lassen's summit. We were in luck! The haze wasn't too thick and we had a marvelous view of Shasta, its summit sticking out 4,000 feet above us and 70 miles away. The view of Shasta got my two men started talking about climbing Shasta.

After the summit snack, we put on our skis and began descending the southeast face. Clyde had timed things exactly right. The sun had thawed the surface just enough that our skis bit in perfectly -- in other words, we enjoyed dreamlike corn snow skiing. I can't begin to repeat all of Hal's German exclamations.

Back at the parking lot, Clyde unlocked his pickup and got out a cooler with beer and a can of cashews. The roadhead is also a designated picnic area and we were fortunate to find an empty picnic table. And there the three of us sat lounging - bare footed and stripped down to short sleeves. I had the feeling that the only thing that kept us from stripping to our birthday suits was the presence of other people.

At first, we all jabbered about how great the ski run had been. Hal couldn't seem to express enough gratitude towards Clyde for arranging it all. When the conversation settled into Clyde and Hal having an in depth discussion about snow characteristics and ski touring equipment, I stretched out on the table top and started daydreaming and reminiscing. Then it really hit me how well these two men got along. Two men, almost 20 years apart in age, both of whom were intimately acquainted with every square inch of my body -- and I with theirs. I realized how much it pleased me that they got along so well -- like a confirmation of my true feelings for them. The feeling of discomfort at being in the presence with my new flame and a guy I'd been fucking was gone. In its place was something completely different. I didn't know exactly what the warm cozy feeling was or what I should do about it, I just knew that for me, something had changed and the effect on my life would be big time.