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Click hereI borrowed the motif of the hero avenging the murder of his father, from ancient Egyptian mythology, pre Christian Germanic legend, The Volsunga Saga, and a Chinese fairy tale, Old Tales Retold, "Forging the Swords." The story was retold in the twentieth century by Lu Hsun.
In Egyptian mythology Seth kills Osiris. Osiris' son Horus defeats Seth. In The Volsunga Saga Sigurd kills King Lyngi, who killed Sigurd's father Sigmund before Sigurd was born. In Lu Hsun's retelling of the fairly tale "Forging the Swords" Mei Chien Chih, with the help of a wise old man, kills the evil king who had killed his father before Mei Chin Chih was born.
- COMMENTS
Smuttyandfunabout 2 years agoInteresting story. I have to agree with SouthernCrossfire. Though you've done your research, and it shows, the reader needs to know more of what's going on in the Hero's head as each scene plays out, and dialogue would really help. As it stands, it sort of reads like a re-cap, instead of and action-filled struggle for life and death. You are a gifted writer, so keep writing. I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
Whitewaterbumabout 2 years agoNice little story. You could have flushed it out some. You ever really describe what Cythnia looked klike. Thes size of the estate with tenant farmers and shop owners of what.trades. I did personally enjoy your the historical, emotional and period setting wrapup
SouthernCrossfireabout 2 years agoNice story with some excitement but it felt rushed in the telling (as in narrative) rather than the reader feeling as if they are experiencing it as it happened. For instance, we read what is essentially a summary of the battle with the brigands rather than living the thrill of it. With some expansion, possibly some creative flashbacks, and some additional dialogue to add interest, this could have been improved. Keep working on your writing and your techniques and you'll improve over time. Best wishes, SC.
