All Comments on 'Rick and Julie - Brother and Sister Pt. 01'

Enjoyed the overall plot of the story but I'm afraid not much else worked for me. Notice you said that you usually write technical documents and that is very apparent because the writing in this story was unfortunately very dry and stilted. It needed personality, the prose itself I mean, and the whole story needs to flow a bit better. There is certainly something here though so I hope you keep writing and improving.

As in the description, an essay. Perhaps first person narrating with dialog will suit better in following submissions.

Pretty good, respectful without crude language - like a breath of fresh air.

Some may say too clinical, but indications are this author is aiming to convey emotions of deep love and not just unadulterated lust. Hopefully this author will not ever steer towards anal - a definite low 1* to the left!.

Ignore any negative or crass comments, should there be any. Carry on, looking forward to more stories.

FWW

I didn't have a sister growing up, but this story makes me wish I had! I liked the story very much and wait to see what else you have to give. Thanks for your time and imagination. 5*

Very well done. You turned this story into love story and not just another sex story. I found myself drawn as being the brother who found real love.

... if you'd actually included dialog - actual quoted conversation - between Rick and Julie. Don't be the narrator, and tell us all about what they said to each other. Let the readers "hear" the actual conversations. Stories need dialog, and your failure to give us any, in this, turned a potential 5-star story into one worth only 2 stars, in my humble opinion.

I though this was a really good story, but could have been great. There were some weird plot points that threw me off, though. Rick's best friend is marrying Julie's best friend and neither main character was in the wedding party? They then leave their best friends' reception early because they're hungry? Who doesn't serve food at a reception? Every wedding is different, but this was non-traditional enough that is should have been noted. So they then go home in Julie's car, and Carlos stops them in fear of rustler's? How did he not recognize the vehicle, it's her ranch? Tons have found corn chips, they are not nachos until the cheese is on. Never mind the repetitive descriptions. I don't mean this to troll, but to offer constructive criticism too what should have been a five-star story.

You had an idea for a story but it needs a lot of work done on it. Apart from repetitions of sentences and the peculiar points such as the section of Carlos at the gates, the writing style needs more flow so it doesn't read as though it was a series of individual sentences plonked together without connection.

Perhaps it is your history in technical writing which makes it difficult for you to produce a story with warmth and feel within it. I understand this difficulty as I was trained in science which requires a style which is not conducive to story telling. Plot good but work is needed on style.

This felt like reading a journal. Couldn't careless about either character

A different writing style I found refreshing to read. A good story of romantic love and loving sexiness. Thank you. More please

One m6

Great story. Loved it. So Hot. Maybe do an additional chapter of when the babies are grown up and maybe have them join their parents in a family orgy.

I know you don't want them here, but those are what make an incest story hot. That last sex scene where he was eating her out felt more like an anatomy lesson and less like a fantastical sex scene.

First: let me thank all of those who took the time to read my work and leave their comments on my first fictional errotic story.

Second: I am disappointed to know that there are those that think that all erotic stories rigidly require the use of nasty, raunchy language. Judging from the number of comments that have been posted for this work that opinion is not unanimous. I am certain that those who do require that type of language in their errotica they are likely to find many more stories that do appeal to that concept.

Third: i have noted the comments from those who have pointed out that they would rather see stories written in the first person with quoted dialog. Point well taken. Most, if not all technical writers are required to write in the third person. I guess that is one big danger in trying to make the crossover to fiction - specifically - erotic fiction. With that in mind I have new work in process that will adhere to that admonition. I guess that is what is called getting experience, learning and progressing in your amateur prodession. The comments that the readers leave serve a valuable purpose.

Again thanks to all who have read my work and commented on it. I had a real blast writing it with the idea that the reader would have a real blast reading it. I am working on what i consider to be a couple of “real duzies” in the works that will be out in the near future. And i hope that you will really enjoy reading them as much as i have had writing them.

I enjoyed this, it was a romantic, incest love story that was well written, it was a warm, cosy story that had a nice ending that can be left alone or at a later date continued ...

Thankyou 5*

Ps ... i'm not one for scanky talk ect ... i prefer softer dialogue so nice one 👍🏾

Very good. Finally a story going somewhere telling about a couple's life. I grow up on a farm and the ranch scene brought back memories. It sure did keep my interest. I could tell this couple was really in love. Great job. Continue writing.

I honestly had a very difficult time finishing this story. It is just so so dense. Like one massive information dump after another. The story is just lacking a narrative flow. For instance, on page one you have almost an entire paragraph describing why he chose to fly to DFW instead of driving? Why? Why does that need to be in the story? It serves no purpose whatsoever. It's just dry fluff that hurts the flow. There is absolutely some potential here, but you just need to cut that fat, because as is there is just way too much.

You're still writing in too much description at the start with too little action.

give the bare bones of a background at the start and add in the hows, whys etc as you go along. The next chapter wasn't half bad either, but you'd gotten all the exposition out of the way. Therefore you did not make your usual error.

The flowery prose and descriptive dumping was just too much. I lost it after the first love scene.

Improper use of personal pronouns, tense changes, etc made this a very difficult read. The story is good, but learn to write with continuity, please.

Sorry, but this was just too cloying to continue.

Nobody speaks in the way you have written the conversations, especially those between the two protagonists.

Debated whether to give it 2** or 3***

Erred on the generous side, so 3*** it is.

Will not be reading Part 2

Wonderful incest love story, but it would have been an interesting twist if they would have discovered that they were actually one or both adopted and they found out after the the parents had passed. At any rate it was a good read.

Actually a sweet story. Joy to read….

So poorly written as to be unreadable. Couldn't get past the first 2 section. Redundant, cloying with such bad writing. Hope you've got a day job!!!

I liked your story.

I was surprised that Julie freely admitted to her OB/GYN that her brother was the father of her babies. Why didn't Rick and Julie move some place where no one knew them so they could live together as man and wife? Texas is a big place. Maybe Austin, San Antonio, El Paso or Amarillo?

I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this love story.

Basic story was nice. Execution not so much. You REALLY need a good editor here. As a retired writing professor at least 50 percent of this story is what I used to call "fluff." This fluff is just additional words, sentences, and paragraphs that are really non essential and do not contribute to the core story line. In fact there is so very much of this that the core storyline which is quite nice, gets lost in the excess fluff. Your flow in the erotic sex scenes needs to be severely edited to restore flow. I would guess, when you rewrite this one it would actually run about 3 tersely worded pages filled with actual action.

Give it a 3.

good story idea, but as its said, you need to learn when to us pronouns and toss the extra phrases. One paragraph had the line we both knew that our mom and dad would both..... should have been written we knew our mom and dad ..... instead.

So much unnecessary exposition, so much fluff, so much bad conversation … and as a professional writer I would think you would know how to use a comma. But, sadly, you don’t.

Reads like it was written by an engineer.

Beautiful story, it now has a place in my Uber-favorites list.