Riss

He rolled her and laid her down when she finished, then moved behind her again to hold her tight against him as he finished.

He held her tight for as long as she allowed it, just basking in the feel of her hands on his arms, her cheek against his arm. These were moments he wanted to capture again and again.

When she got up, her sigh sounded regretful. "Amie leaves in the morning," she said sadly, pulling on her robe. "It was nice having her and I will miss her, but it is probably good that she is going home. She will be needed there now that spring is coming."

"After we see her off, you should go over and get some new material for another dress or two. You'll need more than just two gowns to wear for the duration of your pregnancy. Clara's has new fabric coming in on the coach, she told me. A lovely red that would bring out your glow even more," he teased as he got up.

"Glow," she snorted. "Glow is such a lie, a word used to make a ponderous, waddling woman feel better about herself."

"Oh, no my beauty. Look in the mirror. Look at the way your face lights up, the way you smile that small secret smile when you hold your hand over our child and feel him kick."

"You don't know that it's a boy!"

"Liam said it was and Liam is never wrong," he teased again, going to get dressed.

She laughed as she got up, then went still. He was teasing her, and laughing, and she was laughing too. And she had made love to him. Willingly.

"Are you going to dress or stand there? Don't you want breakfast? You've been so hungry these past weeks I've taken to having Lorra make extra so I can eat too."

"You have not!" she laughed, throwing her gown at him as she went to get into her awful dress. When she pulled it on, he caught her up from behind and hugged her against him, pressing his face to her neck and she could feel emotion in him. She put her hands on his arms and held them there patiently until he let her go, then held her hair away so he could tie it in the back. She normally did it herself, but he was obviously feeling especially needy today, so she let him. He seemed pleased to do it.

She spent her last day with Amie laughing and crying in turns as she wrote out letters to everyone back home, even the new twins. Jacob teased her about that as well and she found herself laughing with him and Amie. The next morning was harder as they stood in front of the livery by the coach, hugging and sobbing in each other's arms. She broke down again as the coach pulled away, crying in Jacobs arms as he held her close.

"Ms Thayer, it is lovely to see you," he said kindly, though Alta was never kind to him. "As you know, Miss Amelia just left and I had suggested to my wife that she might step over and get some of the new fabric Clara just got in for more dresses. Perhaps you could walk with her? I know she needs a friend now more than she needs me hovering and getting in her way. My love, I will be at the inn having coffee," he said, then brushed her cheek softly with his knuckle.

He left and Riss turned away, taking Alta's arm as they crossed the street. "A blush! And a smile. If I did not know better, Mrs Miller, I might think..."

"Oh, you know I hate it when you call me that!" Riss chided, smiling sadly.

"It is a hard thing to watch someone you love ride away when there is so little left for you here. I know it is. But just think. In a few months you will have a little one to keep you busy and love on! And you'll be bringing her by to see her Auntie. Often!"

Riss laughed as they went into Clara's. Clara smiled widely and waved, but she was with a woman at the counter, so Riss and Alta moved down the rows to see the new fabric. Two women were already at the table and they saw Riss coming. One of them was Lillianna Shepherd, one of the women who'd had her hooks in Jacob, or so she thought. The other was Melinda Harper, her best friend and the very well known town gossip. They moved behind the bolts of fabric where they could not be seen, but were very easily heard.

"Can you even imagine the gall of her traipsing around, showing off to everyone that she trapped that poor man into a wedding he didn't want?"

"Everyone knows it isn't his. It was that fellow he sent away at the dance."

"I heard she doesn't even know whose it is!"

Riss flinched and turned to leave, but Alta bulled up and marched around the bolts of fabric. Riss heard two squeals and then saw Alta marching both girls, an ear twisted in each hand, to a back room. She clapped a hand to her mouth to stop a shocked laugh as Clara hurried over.

"Mrs Miller? Is everything alright? I thought I heard..."

"Ms Thayer is just having a word with two of the local women," Riss said with a small smile, but what the girls said still cut her to the bone. Did people really think that about her? That she had trapped him and not the other way around?

"Well..." Clara said doubtfully, eyeing the back room. "I have that red fabric I told Jake about, it's right here. And here is a lovely Spring green as well that I thought you might like. This pink will match your complexion and this blue is one of Jake's favorites."

"The red and blue will be fine, thank you," Riss said worriedly, watching the back door. Alta finally came back in, looking furious. Of the girls there was no sign.

"They suddenly remembered they had things to do at home," Alta told Clara.

"I see. Just the red and blue? The pink would really be lovely?"

"Yes, for today just the red and blue," she said quickly, gripping Alta's hand. She knew she was about to start crying and she wanted to go. Those hateful women and their hateful gossip! Tears escaped and she turned to her friend to hide her face in shame.

"That's alright then, don't you even worry. I set them straight and they'll not speak another word about it. Spiteful little wretches they are, that's all. They don't deserve your tears, You look at me now Rissy. They do not deserve your tears. You are better than that."

"Did something happen?" Clara asked, unsure and concerned.

"Do... do people really think that?" Riss asked Alta.

"No one with a lick 'a sense. Anyone important in town knows exactly what happened, and those two won't be spreading any more tall tales. They only said what they wanted to be true, not what was true. I think they even knew what he did to you and they didn't care! They just wanted to hurt you for having what they wanted. Why any woman could still look at that evil man and still see a human being is beyond me! After what he did... and then forcing you to marry him against your will on top of it! All I know is I wish you had gotten away the day you ran. Got you and that babe as far from his as you could!"

"You are not talking about Jake," Clara said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I am!" Alta said angrily, her ire up now. "The man is a monster! Raping a girl, holding her here against her will, forcing himself on her, beating her, then forcing her to marry him! All the while girls like them two go around blaming Riss! As if she hasn't had enough horror in her life these past months!"

"Jake... Jake is a kind man and he adores her! He is always coming in looking for things for her, anything that might make her happy."

"Tryin to make her forgive him! Won't work now, honey is out of the comb no matter how hard he tried to scrape it back in. That man is a monster, I seen first hand what he done to her. You remember John Hawkins? Why do ya think he left so sudden like? He stood up for the girl and Jake sent him packin. Some of the other boys tried to help her run and Jake sent the law to bring her back to him, then forced the preacher to say the words then and there even though she said no! The preacher didn't want to, but Jake made him! I was there! Kind man. You just don't know what a snake he really is! You didn't tend her cuts and bruises! You didn't..."

"Alta please!" Riss begged, her heart pounding as every word pressed in on her until her knees gave way.

"Oh! Now here girl, you're just fine now. Those girls won't open their mouths again with any such lies! And if they do, they know I will come straight to them and bounce their heads off each other till they caint see nothing but stars!"

"Alta!" Riss cried. "Alta! Ohh, nooo, please! Clara, get Jake! At.. at the Inn. and then Doc Strate! Ohhh, hurry," she wailed as she went to her hands and knees, the pain in her belly tightening like a vice until she couldn't breathe.

She was screaming and on her back when Jake came in, his face white. "Oh my love, my little love, what is it, what's wrong? Is it the baby? Is it you? Are you hurt? I am here my love, hold on tight, I have you!"

"Somethings wrong somethings wrong somethings wrong!" she screamed as pain tore through her again.

"Easy Riss, now just calm down and take big breaths like I said. It's way too soon, you have to calm down and slow your breathing," Alta said soothingly, her hand on Riss's belly. "You'll be right as rain soon. Just breathe big and calm down."

"It hurts it hurts! Ooooooohhhh nooooooo PLEASE!" she screamed as another wracking pain tore through her.

"Oh, my beauty, what can I do?" Jacob pleaded.

"Go get her a cool cloth and wipe her face," Alta snapped.

Jacob ran and did as he was told and he returned as Clara did with Doc Strate. The Doctor took one look at her and shook his head. "Mr Miller, can you carry her to the back there? Clara, clear a table for her. Alta, help her. Clara... I need clean linens. Mr Miller, you should step out."

"No! I won't leave her side! She needs me and I will not leave her!"

Alta started to say something, but Clara put a hand on her arm and shook her head. "Now is not the time!" she hissed.

Jacob stood at the head of the table, holding both of her hands in one of his and smoothing her hair back, whispering to her. Riss was crying and screaming in turns and the Doctor sent Clara running for things while Alta stood close by and helped him with towels as he worked.

Riss let out another wail as her face went deathly pale, then her eyes fluttered shut for just a moment. She was drowsy when she opened her eyes and she hurt so badly, her throat was hoarse and she made a croaking noise when she tried to speak.

She was rocking. She was locked in a tight grip and rocking back and forth. She heard crying and through a triangle in her vision that wasn't being blocked by arms, she saw Alta. Alta looked heartbroken as she stood and watched something out of Riss's sight, tears streaming down her lined face. She reached out and took something very small, wrapped in white and held it tenderly for a moment before turning and leaving, her shoulders shaking with her sobs.

She heard Clara's voice, quiet and soothing. "... can try again. You are both young, you can have another. Ten if you want."

"Doc," Jake said, his voice thick with anguish. "Is she going to be alright?"

"She'll be fine Mr Miller, but you need to let her lay down."

"I don't want to let her go!"

"You need to let me finish up here Jake," the doctor said more sternly. "Go see to the boy. He'll need a name if you mean to bury him."

"I am staying with her! Ms Thayer can handle the... body. What do I tell her when she wakes up? How do I tell her?"

"I know," Riss said, her fingers trying to clutch him closer.

"Oh. Oh my sweet little love!" he cried, crushing her against him. "I am sorry. I am so sorry. It will be ok, I promise you. I will take care of you until you are better and we can try again if you want. And if you don't we don't have to. Please, just be alright? We can go see your family, I will take you myself. You can see your niece and nephew and your brothers and sisters!"

"Liam was right," she said hollowly. "It was a boy?"

"It was," he choked.

"Am I going to die?" she asked, still numb.

"No," Doc Strate told her gently. "You will be just fine. Lost a bit more blood than you should have, but a week, two, will see you just fine."

"Can I go home?" she asked, laying her head on Jacobs chest tiredly.

"Best thing for ya. Get you into your own bed and let you rest."

Riss only nodded slightly and closed her eyes sleepily.

She stayed in bed for three days, refusing to eat or drink or get up. Her heart was broken. Shattered.

Jake stayed close to her the entire time, holding her hand, laying next to her, pacing as he watched her. He talked to her, though she didn't listen. He was background noise.

On the fourth day, she finally made herself sit up. "John," she said softly. "Jonathan Gilbert. That is his name. That was his name."

"A perfect name," Jake said softly, sitting next to her and putting his arm around her. "Do you still hurt? Do you need anything?"

"My heart hurts."

"I know my love. I know. I wish I could help in some way, but I feel useless. Ms Thayer has come to see you every day, and Lydia as well. I... I sent a telegram to your mother and money for her to come straight away. I have not gotten word back yet, I can only think she is on her way?"

"Thank You Jake. Are you upset at me? That I lost our child?"

"What? No! No my sweet little love, no. It was no one's fault. Ms Thayer told me what happened and if anyone is to blame, it is those girls, but even so. The doctor said the slightest amount of stress would have done it. It happened to be them, but if it had not been, it would have been something else. No my love, I do not blame you. And I am sad to have lost the child, I am, but I hurt more for you. I know how badly you wanted him, and I was so afraid for you. Afraid you would be... but you are fine. You are fine and we will be able to get through this. I will be here for you until you are ready."

"Are you... are you going to start hurting me again?"

He went still and rigid, then his breathing became ragged. "Is... is that what you have been so afraid of? You thought... You thought..."

He pulled his hand away and stood up, pacing again. He ran his hands through his hair, looking half crazed. "This is my fault," he said, finally stopping in front of her. "This is all my fault. I... I thought I could show you, but I should have told you too. I... I can't even explain! The man. The man you met, the angry petty man...

I changed when I fell in love with you. It didn't happen right away, but when I realized! I knew I was never hurting you because I was angry at you. It was because I didn't understand my attraction to someone so... who I THOUGHT was so sour and bitter. I was punishing you... but when I saw you with that other man... and when you left! I knew. I knew then that I could not and would not live without you. And then you were pregnant... and I thought... I thought I could make you see! I could make you see how much I do care and that I am not that man! I am not that man who did those things!"

"But you are that man... you are that man and you did do those things."

"And I still don't know why. Arrogance. Anger. Pride. None of it matters. All that matters is that I make you see that you changed me. I worked so hard to please you, to see you happy... and you thought... you thought what? That I would go back to that man once the child was born? I should have told you! I should have said something, but words! They mean nothing without action and I thought I was proving it."

"You did," she answered, laying back down to stare through the wall.

"So this is my fault. You were so stressed because of me. Worrying about what I might do to you... to the baby."

She lay staring, unseeing, trying to make his words make sense.

It didn't matter. Not really. She was trapped here now. Married to him. She had to make a choice. Stay here and try to be happy, or let herself be miserable for the rest of her life.

She turned to her side and curled up, feeling lost.

It was not her mother who showed up the next day, it was Elizabeth and her little sister Lily and the twins. Elizabeth was still pale and sickly looking, but she took care of Riss as if she were strong as ever. Lily tried as well, but she was only eight. Riss held the twins, kissing them and loving on them and when she would begin crying, Elizabeth would lay them down and hold her little sister.

Jake kept his distance of a day, but held her close at night. He put no pressure on her.

Two weeks passed and Riss felt better though her heart was still broken. Jake came in to the sitting room, looking at Riss rocking her sleeping nephew and Elizabeth sitting close to her as they talked quietly.

"Miss Elizabeth," he began, coming in and perching on the edge of the couch. "As you know, I prepared a nursery for... Jonathan. I have extra rooms and a fine nursery and a lady here who cooks and cleans. I would like it if you and George and Josephine would stay on here. Keep My Love company. Keep joy in our house."

Riss sat up and stared at him wide eyed, then turned to Elizabeth, who looked shocked. Riss smiled and stood, laying George in Lily's lap before going to Jacob and hugging him as he stood. She broke down crying all over again. "Thank you! Thank you."

"Do not thank me," he teased. "I need you back in the office! The man I have filling in is completely inept. He may be able to help you with some of the simpler things, but I need you back."

"You should have said something. Work would have distracted me. Elizabeth, please say you will stay?"

"What about me?" Lily asked in her quiet way.

Riss laughed. "I am sure Mama is already missing you! You can come visit though. Maybe next winter when Amelia comes back?"

Elizabeth stayed and Riss was happy to get back to work. Between work and Elizabthe and the twins, along with her friends, she was able to start healing. Even Jake helped her heal. He was gentle with her, joked with her, talked to her, teased her. She finally began warming to him.

It was getting well into fall and the days were finally beginning to cool again. Lydia had married a mill worker and a new teacher had come. A man this time. Lydia still visited quite a bit and Riss was happy for her, even if she wasn't sure what to think of Delmont, her husband. He was quiet and seemed terse, but Lydia assured her that he was gentle and loving even if he didn't speak very much.

Riss was scribbling away in a ledger when a large box arrived. Jake stood up, beaming at her. "Open it!" he said excitedly.

"Jake! I asked you to stop getting me presents! I have more fabric than I can ever use and you have..."

"It's not just for you my love! Open it!" he said laughing.

She opened it and stared at the odd little machine. "What is it?" she asked, confused.

"It's a typewriter. You can type documents and things on it just by pressing those buttons! You feed paper in here and roll it here, then you push the letters to make words."

"I have heard of these but never seen one!"

"Mostly it's for the office, but I thought you might like it. You might like to learn to use one. Keep us up to date here."

"It is beautiful! I will learn right away! But I do mean it Jacob. No more presents?"

He chuckled. "No promises dear heart. Any fabric you are not fond of you may send along to your mother. Tell me what you would prefer instead."

"It has been a year now Jake, do you not know me well enough yet? I do not need gifts."

"I wish to spoil you, let me!"

"I like that you spoil the twins," she said wistfully. "The new beds you had made are lovely, even if they are too small to use them yet."

"You already thanked me, as did your sister. She seems to like it here. The man she is seeing, do you know him well?"

"No. He seems nice enough, even if he does joke too much. His sense of humor is..."

"Crass. Yes. I had noticed as well. Do you think she cares for him or do you think she feels pressured to leave? I do not want her to think she cannot stay as long as she wishes, or as long as you wish."