All Comments on 'Road-X-Trip Ch. 05'

May I suggest that an opening paragraph containing a long list of camping supplies is not the best way to hook a reader's attention and interest? "Camping supplies" would have sufficed.

Hey! If you want to get hooked in the story, I suggest you read it from the beginning to get to know the two main characters (Every chapters are available on my author page). Also, what are you talking about ? "A long list" would be something like I've written in my notes maybe:

Équipement Pilote Pacific:

Plat pour le four/

assiettes et bols/couverts/

ustensiles de cuisine/

casseroles et poêles et cafetière/

chaises de camping/

table de camping/

lampe de camping

savon/

produits d'entretien

cartes/

adaptateur/Misc

draps/

coussins/

couverture/

plantes/

rideaux/

tapis

Ce qu'ils avaient amené avec eux dans les sacs:

vêtements/

torchons/

serviettes de bain

ordinateur portable

Not a few words important to introduce our characters environnment and context.

Wow, a great read. Very sexy, and humorous! I've no doubt it dawned on the older man what they were interrupting ;) Thanks for sharing!