Rodeo Girl

"Pizza!" Mom chimed, "Can you get it honey while I sort out some plates." She grabbed some bills from the jar on the side and thrust them in my hand. "Here's his tip," she said.

I froze, but Mom had already left me alone with the door expecting attention. Heel, toe, swing, place, heel, toe. I loved the clacking sound of my strides on the tiled floor and could feel the natural feminine sway of my hips as I walked. I could see a shadow behind the glass of the door and I opened it. Petrified, but thrilled.

A boy stared at me, his face turning pink.

"Oh, err, hello miss, your pizza," he gulped, holding out the box with both his outstretched arms as if it were a silver platter of expensive continental hors d'oeuvre.

I took it and smiled at him. He just stood there looking at me until suddenly it dawned on him that his hands were empty. I remembered the tip.

"This is for you." I whispered, pushing my right hand forward so he could pull the proffered note from between my fingers. He looked up at me and smiled. It was a sweet, sweet smile, not like any smile I had seen before.

"Oh, thanks miss, thank you, enjoy your pizza!"

"Thank you!" I said watching him turn and leave, but then furtively glance back at me.

I smiled and waved at him. He turned and ran to his bike and I closed the door and took the pizza into the kitchen. We sat at the table and the smell of the pizza was making me ravenous. I was hungry, I loved pizza, I was really looking forward to that familiar savoury cheesy tomato taste, but everything else felt so different. I cut it carefully and eat small pieces. It was the best pizza I had ever had. Mom smiled at me as I ate.

"Well, for years I've been trying to get you to improve your table manners and all of a sudden you're eating like royalty!" Mom always made me laugh, but it made me realise that it was so different being a girl! You did not want to mess up your clothes or your lipstick while you ate or drank so you ate in small bites. Your long hair could so easily end up being part of a mouthful that you had to sit up straight and bring the food to your lips or you'd end up eating your own hair. You had to do everything with so much more thought and care. Here I was cutting my pizza up into bite-size pieces and carefully placing them in my mouth, my back perfectly straight.

When we had finished, I helped Mom clean up in the kitchen. I was managing the heels well and getting used to them. We moved back to the sitting room, cleared up the gift box and wrapping paper and started watching a movie with a bottle of wine, but it was really dreadful and we both agreed that we were wasting our time. Mom switched the TV off and looked at me! I was staring at my legs, loving the nylon encasing them, adjusting to all the amazing new feelings.

"How are you feeling baby? How does it feel?" She asked.

"Nice Mom, really nice. I thought you'd be so mad with me if you ever found out and I never thought..." I couldn't finish speaking as I was choking up a bit.

"Honey, I love you so much. I just want you to be happy!" She said, grasping my hand and looking into my eyes. "I confess that I was a bit puzzled when I first noticed things, but I've always known you were not like most boys, so I was not shocked. The most important thing is that I can see how happy it makes you, and that makes me happy. To be honest I always secretly missed having a daughter and now I don't have to, as I have one."

"I suppose so." I replied, not entirely sure if I could be a real daughter for my Mom. She reigned things in a little.

"Well, a lovely son and a beautiful daughter," she said. I smiled at her, it was so wonderful the way she could read my mind.

"As you are my daughter now, we could pretend that we were two girls having a slumber party. I'd love that, I used to love them when I was younger! It was so brilliant being girls together."

I was so relaxed by the alcohol, and so excited at the thought of a slumber party, that I agreed immediately with a girlish giggle and, before I knew it, I had changed out of my lovely dress and hung it up before slipping into one of her night dresses. She was in a night dress too. We were both looking and acting like teenagers and, to be honest, Mom was a little more hyper than I. She asked me about the pizza delivery guy. She had seen some of the action on the security camera in the kitchen and reckoned he had been completely taken by me. We laughed so hard, but for me this was a massive revelation. No one had ever fancied me before, not in a nice way! We played around with make-up and talked about girly things for hours. It was like we were new best friends!

It was getting late and she turned me to face her and hugged me. Then she looked at me again and pushed my hair back off my cheeks. There was a look of loving in her eyes and I trembled as she planted a big kiss right on my lips, before holding me so tight that I felt she would crush me. I felt so emotionally weak and drained that I needed to feel her strength. I needed to feel embraced by her acceptance. Her warm body pressed against mine through the thin gossamer of our night dresses, her shallow breathing in my ear, her scent filing my nose. Later, when she took off both our faces and drunkenly showed me how to moisturise, she said I should sleep in the night dress.

That night we were particularly close in bed, both of us hot and carefree from the alcohol. We cuddled each other as girlfriends might. It did not feel wrong at all, it just felt loving, and instead of breaking what we had, it seemed to make it stronger than ever.

There will never be a day more memorable or joyous for me than that. However, it did result in a happy but serious conversation the following morning and we agreed that it was no longer appropriate for us to sleep in the same bed. It was the right thing to do.

~~~***~~~

3 Women

I got a part time job in the library and enjoyed the college course even though I was still getting some grief from a few testosterone filled jocks. I had learnt to avoid bad situations and most of the boys were far too interested in girls to be bothering me. I kept my head in my books and felt content with who I was as I knew that when I was at home I could escape to my other world. Every so often Mom would suggest we had another slumber party and let me dress up. I lived for those days.

Mom provided all the love I needed, but by the end of the first term I was somewhat surprised that one or two girls had begun to take an interest in me. It seemed that my avant-garde style, bookishness and unassuming intelligence were an attractive quality to some girls, or perhaps it was simply that I was like them and not a threat, but I liked to think that it was because I always looked smart and my hair, which I had really grown out and had in a ponytail, always shone. I also enjoyed the same activities as them and had enrolled in cookery and the make-and-mend sewing classes. With hindsight I think the main attraction was that I was not threatening in any way.

With guidance from Mom and dozens of video tutorials on-line, I gradually mastered the art of makeup and could brush out my ponytail, transforming myself into that attractive girl I had first met after the day at the spa. I even had a new name, Cristina, and I loved all the different looks I could achieve, especially the more sultry ones with smokey eyes.

Mom, who liked me to call her Jane when I was presenting myself as Cristina, could not help but notice that I had grown up and we had a very serious discussion about me which was initially quite awkward, but was exactly what was required. It was a little like therapy, but it set everything on a level playing field between us. I was happy being me. I did not feel I was gay, but then neither was I completely straight. If I had to have a label, then I saw myself as pansexual, or perhaps asexual. I loved being a girl, but was also quite happy being a boy. It was complicated, but I think she understood, and wanted to help me work out what was best for me.

Mom encouraged me to explore my feminine side more and more. One amazing weekend she told me to spend the entire two days as a girl and I loved every minute of it. She had dug out some of her old party clothes from when she was younger for me to wear which were the height of retro fashion and the whole experience was fantastic. Despite our new rule, I did spend the night with her, but we were mature enough to accept that what had happened had happened. We had both simply let our feelings flow and things had evolved slowly, naturally and gently as we enjoyed being so close to each other. It really did bring us closer. When I was a girl, it was as if I was no longer her little boy, it was as if I was her new sassy best friend with benefits. It did make me wonder a bit about her sexuality.

My Mom had started going out socially after work and I was happy for her as she needed to get her life back and enjoy the company of her friends more than she had been. One Saturday evening when Mom came home quite late she found me in the living room watching a romcom. I had spent the day as Cristina and my long blonde hair was laying across my chest, looking golden against my black satin nightdress. She had been drinking and wanted to tell me that she had met someone and was going to start dating them. I was really pleased for her, almost as if she really was my bestie, and we hugged tightly. I was only mildly surprised to find out that her boyfriend was actually a girlfriend and failed hopelessly to conceal my pleasure at that discovery. I was not sure that I wanted a new man in my life so we drank and talked as the film played out to an empty house.

One of the girls I was friends with suggested we go see a film together. Just me and her. I held her hand, bought the tickets and the shakes, but enjoyed a goodnight kiss for taking care of her. She was from a devout Christian family and she would go no further than kissing and touching through clothes. Although this was somewhat frustrating, she was the most incredibly talented kisser and I learnt so much about the beautiful pleasure our mouths and tongues can create when they touch that I have to thank her for that. After one session of especially passionate kissing and touching I asked if she wanted to suck me, not because I wanted her to, but because I wondered if she wanted to. I was a bit relieved when she said it was too much for her, but she did ask me to get it out and she touched it. I think it was the first cock she had touched and could see that it freaked her out a bit as it grew under her caresses. She made up for it with a final kiss that almost suffocated me. Frustrating as it was that we went no further, it did have some important benefits because I became a very accomplished kisser.

My secret was also a barrier because I knew that there was no way she would understand my desire to dress as a girl, let alone accept it, so it was a very convenient relationship in many ways and we both enjoyed it. We had a lot of fun when we went out and I'd even join in with some of the things she did with her girlfriends. I especially loved clothes shopping with her which she couldn't believe and I'm sure she thought I was a bit odd, especially the amount I knew about girl's fashion. She did not know that I would find things I liked and then order them for myself on-line later.

As for my Mom, her girlfriend, Maureen, was really lovely. She was a natural and unaffected woman, just like Mom, even though she was quite well off and ran her own business. As she began to stay over more and I got to know her it was literally like having two moms. Maureen was from England and had not lost her accent even slightly, in fact, I'm sure she cultivated it as it seemed very popular with her clients. I loved listening to her and noticed that I had begun to subconsciously copy her.

She had been a successful show jumper and narrowly failed to get to the Olympics. Now she owned a ranch business a few miles out of town at Bluestones where they provided stabling, riding lessons and day tours into the hills. She had taken Mom and I out there quite a few times and the very first time I got on a horse I realised that this was something I wanted to do again and the three of us spent a lot of time riding. I got a stash of riding gear for Christmas including boots, jodhpurs and a helmet and loved the fact that it was all so unisex.

I took my girlfriend one weekend thinking she would enjoy it as much as me, but she hated it. She was frightened of the horses, could not stand the smell and, when she fell off, then I knew that was the end of us. I had also noticed the way she looked at me in my riding gear. It was bad enough with my tight jodhpurs, riding boots and close fitting top, but riding the horse messed up my hair and it fell down into a fringe and began to look very feminine. I noticed her giving me funny looks, but it was not until I went to the wash rooms that I saw what had happened and just how much my glowing face and the bangs made me look like a girl! It was not a difficult break-up as it had reached a natural end. We still saw each other socially. I think it was best for both of us.

Much as I loved Maureen she did not know about my alter-ego and I had to keep Cristina in the closet when she was at our house. She was spending more and more time with us and Mom asked me if it was OK to tell her about Cristina. By then I trusted Maureen completely and was more than happy that she knew, it would actually be a huge relief. Mom and I planned a big reveal. She bought me a pair of silicone breasts and a beautiful new dress and lingerie set to go with them. I loved the shape they gave me and it made me realise that it was time for me to take my own next step. I had a shower and shaved off the last remaining body hair I could find which was under my arms and even cleaned up my pubes creating a landing strip just as I had seen on the internet. As I applied my Mom's body lotion afterwards the smell reminded me of our spa day and I loved how soft and smooth my skin felt afterwards.

Mom told Maureen that I had a surprise for her, but I am sure she had either already worked it out, or Mom had already told her. When she turned up that evening she was greeted at the door by Mom and a fresh faced angelic looking girl. She did look puzzled at first, and then she understood as Mom and I were holding hands and she could see the family resemblance. What she said next was so lovely.

"Hello darlings! Now what's this surprise you've got for me sweetheart," she said, kissing me on both cheeks. Maureen made such a fuss of me, complementing my make-up and my strappy summer dress, that I felt on top of the world. My moms were so kind to me that day, and Maureen offered to cut my hair as she had been a coiffeur many years ago. I was a little doubtful, but she assured me that she could give me a cut that would look stylish as a boy with a ponytail, but cute as a girl when I wore it down, all with some deft use of tongs and hair spray. She was right. I absolutely loved it and so did Mom. I admired myself in the mirror and my hair made me feel complete in a way I had never felt before.

Then Mom threw me a curve ball, bundling us into the car and taking us to a swish out-of-town restaurant to celebrate. I really was a bag of nerves despite all the reassuring words as the only time I had ever been out in public was at the spa, and that did not really count. Maureen joked that I was as nervous as any debutante and that was exactly what I felt like. I did recognise that despite all this I was extremely excited and with my two guardian angels I knew I had nothing to fear. By the end of the evening I was feeling completely confident in who I was. Mom escorted me to the ladies washroom and I noticed several guys giving me the eye. I even encouraged one with a sweet smile and he smiled back. I blushed terribly!

The following weekend Maureen offered to pierce my ears and I decided I had to do it as earrings were so important and clip-ons so limited, unfashionable and ridiculously easy to lose. She gave me some small silver stud earrings as sleepers and by now I no longer cared what people thought. There were quite a few guys at college with pierced ears so what was the problem! I was going to see a movie with my ex-girlfriend that evening and was sure she would not be impressed, but then it no longer really mattered as we were not a couple. To make the point I wanted to show off my legs too and wore shorts. Short shorts. Any one of shaved legs, pierced ears and my new hair style would have caused some reaction, but all three! I was surprised when she complimented me and, after beating around the bush for a while, just came out and asked if I was gay. I told her I didn't think so, as I still fancied girls, and still fancied her, but I just loved fashion. That was not strictly a lie as my foundation course had got me really interested in designer clothing and she took it well, giving me a really tender kiss when we said goodbye. At home I had begun to dress as a girl nearly all the time, encouraged by my moms, and as a boy I began to dress quite androgynously in skinny jeans and tight tops. I didn't feel straight or gay, I just felt like a girl.

Having completed my foundation year I had decided to apply to an art and fashion school in New York and just had to wait for my assessment results and confirmation of a place. Mom respected my choice, but she didn't like the East Coast one bit and definitely did not like how far away I would be. She had asked whether I intended to attend as transgender and I was not sure as it seemed a big step, so we just left it hanging as there were a couple of months to wait and no rush. The same day Maureen asked me if I wanted a summer job at the ranch. I would be looking after the horses and helping out on the tours over the busy summer period. Of course I jumped at the opportunity. Then it was Maureen's turn to pitch me another curve-ball, asking if I would like to do it as Cristina. I remember gulping and feeling really flushed. I was so confused. Part of me was really excited at the idea, but another part was so afraid. I did not want people to know about Cristina. Maureen took hold of my hand while they explained that they had it all worked out.

I would be officially away for the summer staying with a relative of Maureen's on the coast. In reality I would be at the ranch where I would be Cristina, my imaginary cousin. I had only really met two people at the ranch who would recognise me and they were the young attractive and slightly alternative couple that looked after the business side of things for Maureen. She reassured me that she would tell them, and only them, but they were both very liberal and would look after me. As for the day workers and customers, since I was so natural as Cristina, no one would suspect anything and it would give me a chance to really see how I felt living as a girl. Their arguments in favour were far more persuasive than they needed to be. I think I had made up my mind the moment they had suggested the idea that this was something I simply had to do. I loved horses and I really wanted to know what it would be like to live as a girl full-time and this was an unbelievable opportunity.

I was grateful that I did not have too much time to think about it as it was so daunting with so many unknowns. I would be starting next week so all my thoughts and energy had to be on getting things sorted out, not least a proper wardrobe. My moms treated it like a project and set aside a day to buy me a suitcase full of staple everyday wear including lots of sensible panties, a pair of jeans, some leggings, some cotton tops and two simple dresses. My voice was already fairly girly, but Mom taught me how to speak in a more feminine way, especially with intonation, and forced me to speak that way all the time, saying 'err sorry honey, I didn't quite catch that' every time I let things slip.