All Comments on 'Ron's Redemption'

Trite, cliched nonsense. Filling plot holes with unbelievable coincidences is not good storytelling.

Good story!

5

Good story. Thanks for sharing.

Nice fantasy. I guess. Would be nice to know more about why the wife strayed, and in his bed. D

This, was an overly cliched, trope filled story. Those contrivances took away from any enjoyment of the story. Though I must commend you on Ron not getting away away with his beating Randy up. That is one trope you evaded well.

I have no complaint about how you structured the story. Of you had not mentioned it, I would not have occurred to me you re dyslexic.

I think you have ability, its, IMHO, just that improvement on how you layout the story is needed.

Do not stop writing.

Pasqual

Unless they have a kid right away, he will never have his own. That is still Carly’s fault.

good story. Keep on writing

Fun read, JTP!

I hope he is not seriously entertaining the idea of marrying Ester, a known cheater, who could easily rationalize her cheating because of Randy’s. Once she allows herself to feel justified in cheating, she will have no trouble finding an excuse to do it again.

So lets see wife cheats on him so he divorces her. Has no forgiveness He cheats with a married women and its ok as it 'revenge' Both are slime and there is no moral highground What a worthless story

Then after a time for feelings to soften the happy couple took in his ex wife as live in namny/maid/ and sub sex slave. Darn if the ex and current wife to be werent bi

Aside from the switch from first person to third person I liked it; 5*.

Started okay but it became very cliché

Would have been better if all three meeting were Carly were as hostile as the first one. Also should have kept his word about cutting people out of his life if they defended Carly and called the guard to end the meeting with his mother. Surely a mother would understand keeping your promises.

As for the future with Esther, he already knows she is a cheating slut, getting into an emotional relationship with her is just trading one slut for another. No way you can trust her to be faithful, he is just setting himself up for more heartbreak in the future.

"You are at least as big as he is" - How does she know? She hasn't seen him naked yet.

\

Try to break up those big blocks of dialog, and when one character speaks across paragraphs, only the last paragraph gets a close quote.

A very silly fairy tale...

You DO entertain!

.

Glad you didn’t get him back with Carly. She was just not worth it. But might have been nice to hear that she managed to find someone else as he did.

.

But he permanently hooks up with the wife of the guy who seduced Carly? And of course she was filthy rich? As much as it’s fun to imagine such a thing….that ending actually stole some cred from an otherwise good plot. That said….the way that Randy got served was priceless!

.

4 very strong ****

On page two now, but I just had to make a remark. You are like 90 percent plus of LW writers, misusing discrete, when what you intend is discreet. Discrete is entirely different. Back to the story...

JPB

Four stars for a good tale well told

..

JPB

Bullshit

Two wrongs don't make it right.

For me, best revenge is to live a good life.

I had fun reading your story. Very entertaining tale and it flowed well. Thanks for this tale. Keep writing.

I enjoyed it. It has the bones of a really good story, but could use a fair bit of polishing to get there.

I was totally onboard with him having revenge sex with Esther, but a permanent relationship? That was ridiculous.

-

Ron was 29 and Esther was 37. Who cares about her being rich? He just made a million from the law suit. Esther was getting too old to have more kids, and she already had a big family, so it's highly unlikely she'd want more.

That means Ron gave up having his own children, to help raise the kids of the asshole that destroyed his marriage! What a moron...

-

Getting seriously involved with a significantly older single-mother of three was a massive fail. 1*

This started out with a man who wanted to be able to look at himself in the mirror and see the face of a man with honor and principles.

It ended up with a man who, although now having a million dollars, was the same type of man as his nemesis.

So much for honor! So much for principles!

Oh, well! At least he had his revenge. But I have the feeling he won't respect the face he sees in the mirror very much.

This man's parents raised a fool.

Not only has Ron become the man that he hates, but his judgment in women has also become even worse.

Great, fun story…. Thanks for writing it.

Whoa, what a "turnabout!" Great Writing, Great Story, Fantastic Burn on the Cheaters. Tho, if it was me I'd probably have gone back to the Ex, LOL but he hooks up with the Wife of the fucker that ruined his marriage. The ultimate Burn. LOL Excellent 5 big Shinning Stars for Jimmy. Thank You my man, what a perfect "BTB" story. Perfect! Thank You! I just wish that I could do, evn half as good as yourself. Thanks, Buster2U

Having both Ron and Esther only start cheating in reaction to others cheating is a thin fig leaf at best; a relationship born out of cheating seems doomed to fail. Nonetheless, it was a really good story, so thanks!

Solid story with good narrative but a little too fast on the plot progression. Still, fun read! 4*

I liked this tale but I wonder if a combining of cheaters can make a lasting relationship.

Each person is different. Try to match their dialogue to their personality. They all sound like the same person in your story.

Did Esther break up with Ryan or did she continue to fuck with him on Wednesday mornings, in parallel with Ron and her husband? What do they say about leopard spots? Is Ron really counting on a serial adulteress to cure him of the pain of betrayal and restore his faith in female fidelity? Judge for yourself, she said that the length of Ron's penis is about the same as that of her husband and lovers, but Ron is much thicker, so sex with him is unusual and exciting. What will happen in the future if she meets a penis of the same satisfactory thickness, but now she wants to experiment with a longer length? Also, do not miss the fact that it was solely her idea to make her husband a cuckold and humiliate her husband in front of her lover. Given her obscenely large, but absolutely undeserved wealth, if I were Ron, I wouldn't really count on her commitment to monogamy...

Total cliche'-fest. Ron trades one cheating slut wife for another cheating slut wife?

All he got was a fuck buddy. So what kind of life is that. She wouldn’t marry him and the kids probably would never see or be his to hold. If you call this moving on , at best it’s one sick ending!

OK British English, biter bit, conflating, Ilike them. I may never use them properly, but they were fun to discover. By the way, good story only one sentence seemed out of character.

Great idea but he should have taken Carley back instead of running with his tail between his legs lick a cowardly wimp.

I honestly feel pretty bad for Carly, she was the most sympathetic of the entire lot, despite her cheating. Esther, I’ll give leeway bc. She was living with a serial adulterer, and just hadn’t found the impetus to leave. Both husbands were assholes though.

Well, a very good story but the ending soured it for me. Ron gets his revenge but really Randy was humiliated and degraded at the end. Another ending would have Carly hired as their maid and helped with raising Esther's children. I loved the last part where Ron remembers Carly giving him the advice to find another woman and don't let her stupidity ruin his life; and that she fucked up. A good revenge story and still giving Carly a pat on the back at the end.

The fly in the ointment though is that Esther is a cheater. Now a serial cheater and a wealthy one at that. Sure things are all flowers and chocolates now but after the bloom is off the rose? With the 100s of millions and a history of impropriety? I couldn't take that bet.

Gotta' love a happy ending. 😁

There was no serious case for aggravated assault. Almost all was self defense.

A nice bit of fantasy. I enjoyed it.

I have an issue.... Why didn't they nail Randy for child-support plus Randy must be current to visit his kids (he is a dead-beat lawyer)?

\

Sure she was rich but not yet and Randy has 3 responsibilities uless Ron can adopt?!?

\

In LW/Court isn't it the husband/father that always get nailed to the financial wall being forced to live in a box under a bridge eating Roman-noodles? But not here???

\

4.7*****, Hooyah, but too predictable

Purely as a constructive criticism, you need to be less reliant on your Grammarly account when writing dialogue. Real people, especially ones under stress, don’t speak that formally. It detracted from the tension the reader should have felt under the circumstances. Not a bad effort!

I'd engaged a lawyer and he came to me with an offer from the DA.

we are in a state that allows alienation of affection lawsuits

a few inches and around 200 pounds

I accepted the proffered offer from the DA.

Dear Mom & Dad

Sorry mate - did I miss something?

Where was the UK English?

So he divorces the wife he loves because she cheats but us okay with becoming a cheater himself by sleeping with a woman he knows is married and is busy banging multiple other men at the same time?

This: >>Written in UK English by a dyslexic, deal with it.<<

.

This kind of eff-you to your readers does very little to encourage anyone to invest their time in reading your work. Even worse, it essentially says that you don't care to improve, change, learn or accept feedback concerning the aforementioned. Sure, we all make mistakes when writing, but to revel in it? I also get it that the nitpickers are the same kind of pissant on the other side of the line. However, understand that 99.9% of the readers have the same negative reaction to fools like that as you. There's no need to alienate the vast majority in your haste to preempt the nitpickers. Don't stoop to their level; at some point, being any kind of writer requires you to some level of heat for your mistakes, errors, and omissions. This is unbecoming of someone who's, at worst, trying valiantly and, at best, a good storyteller.

.

It's hilarious that the only places on earth where the word 'cuckold' is used are in fetish pr0n, online gamers insulting each other, and in LW cheating wife stories. Is this intentional, or are you playing to the usual suspects in the comments section? I also have to wonder why a jury of his peers didn't contain at least one, possibly a half dozen citizens, who wouldn't essentially nullify the law with a not-guilty finding. That's why no prosecutor attorney worth his salt would bring this to trial. Yeah, if MC had gone caveman on Weisman, that may - note: may - have been a different story, but in the dystopian LW world where wayward spouses and their lovers routinely engage in grievous insults ref the betrayed spouse, that's red meat to a jury who already HATE cheaters.

.

Using the letter to Mom and Dad as a dynamic plot device got confusing, because it seemed to combine flashback and the text of an actual letter. Decide which one it's to be. If you combine the two, italicize the letter and break out the flashback. There's a whole Literotica 'How To' on creating italics, bold, centered, underlined text, etc. (Think HTML).

.

Plot-wise, the husband, that's angry, petulant, and insulting to a hyperbolic degree, as MC is, wears out the reader. Yeah, emotion is good, but this guy (and many on LW) feel like getting a drink from a firehose. The dialogue is flat and one-dimensional because there is no place to go. Your character has a single emotion, anger, and a single volume, loud, and a single mood, dark. Even a skillful novelist can't maintain that because no human can keep that rage for very long.

.

Overall, it was a decent tale, but you do yourself a disservice by writing like this unless your objective is to be adored by the BTB crowd, who only demand white bread and blood sport. The upside is that you managed to incorporate every cliché to be found in this cliché-rich forum.

Stopped reading when it became apparent that the author knows nothing about how the legal system and laws work. This is just silly.

Nicely done. I would have appreciated one additional item however. A little more that perhaps the “Love Birds” did end up together, or not. 4*s

Once cheater was changed with a serial cheater who is almost 10 years older woman. If he fucks her for 1 moth or half an year (because he was in prison without woman) it will be undesstanable, but to live with her and her children is stupid life future.

Write ok the story could be possible. I do so hate it when the aggrieved husband thinks its ok to do the same to the other husband after he beat him up.

@sbrooks103x

"You are at least as big as he is" - How does she know? She hasn't seen him naked yet.

She was talking about his body size, but goes on to say that there was "probably" not much difference in cock size.

Leon Russel famously asked; "Are we really happy with these lonely games we play?" Apparently, sometimes one CAN start out lonely and become happy.

THANK YOU for a very interesting tangent on the cheating wife story line.

Excellent revenge story! Loved it, thanks. Worthy of 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

"You are like 90 percent plus of LW writers, misusing discrete, when what you intend is discreet. Discrete is entirely different."

You are 100% correct, my only defence other than my natural stupidity is my dyslexia, bizarrely in real life I often use "no" when I intend "know." It's a cross we must bare or should that be bear? I must be like those true American heroes in Missouri who uphold the right to bear arms, just not to bare arms if you are female. I get confused.

Thanks to all, be the comments kind or unkind, and remember, it never happened, nobody was cuckolded in the making of this great/crap story, it's just not very good fiction.

SO sophomoric and the usual, nothing to get excited about. By the way, how did the wife know he was as big as her husband, she didn't see his cock yet.

Another wild fantasy of a revenge story. Probably well liked by older, and bitter divorced men. Sex was not particularly good either. Overall as far as stories go this is white bread with plain sugar on it. Sweet and terrible for consumption.

Nice fantasy

Thanks for writing

Good story, with a bit of depth

Including a bit more of Esther and our hero as they romance more would make this a more complete story of Ron's Redemption.

Keep it up...

So he turns thr guys wife who cheats on her husband and had thr money but now wants a divorce anyone else see some red flags?

“I don’t care if she kills herself, that’s her choice. I’m not responsible for her decisions. However, for YOUR attempt at manipulation, CUNT, you are no longer my mother. Now GET OUT!!!”

ZK

I liked it! 5 stars’

Four stars. BTW, you make the same error as 90% of LW authors, using discrete when the correct word is discreet. Discrete has an entirely different meaning.

JPB

I apologize. I see that I had already made the post on this thread. I have made the post to other authors, and did not recognize my repetition here. Good tale, well told. Again, a solid four stars.

JPB

Jeeesh that was terrible.

Loved it! Great story!!

This was one of your better stories. 4*

Actually, it was a fine tale! CINCO ESTRELLAS.

Not a bad story. But, it was so formulaic.

Unfortunately the tying up at the end felt a little trite and rushed. Ironically if he ended up having a relationship with Ester he'd be bringing up another's kids, which is kind of cucky, in this situation, and I'd wonder if she'd want further kids as she already has 3. I think he should go back to Carly, who has learnt her lesson and will remain faithful.

Thank goodness you didn't send him back to Carly now that Randy was done with her.

Nice one 5*****

nice. only "wish" was for Carly to find out and get her reaction to his future.

cant go back to carly cant alow that in a marrage maybe one more kid with ester maybe

Second read and still 5 stars from Xluckylee

great story.

The best story I've read so far by JimmyThePlunger.

Great story!

Should have left off with "and Esther wound up pregnant the month after her divorce was final".

So Carly doesn't get fired, an STD or even a slap. What happened to equal rights for men and women?

I don't understand some commenters thinking that raising another man's children is cucky. If you raise a child unknowingly you can be a cuck, especially if your wife cheated on you, but if you marry a woman with children that's not being a cuck. That's being a good loving person. Even if your wife cheated and you found out and still loved the children you have raised, because you loved them from birth, as long as you are not on board with still being cheated on.

Decent story with good revenge on Randy, but not nearly enough on Carly.

Does two wrongs make a right?

Desperate actions or motives... whatever, this one did not move me. Sorry.

good story but ex wife got away virtually un punished

It was a good story and well witten but I still feel alittle bad about Carly. Her regret and apologies wee sincere and she did love her husband. His total rejection of her was a bit too much.

Hmmm, still putting his tongue and other parts where Randy has been? See!

People that think Carly wasnt punished enough need to look up the term, "alpha widowed". That's her fate.

Men and women are just different. Men just want love. They are the romancers after all. Women receive romance rather than give it.

Women want the best. Her ex husband is still alive, but he's proven to be an alpha. Ironic considering how she treated him. He beat up her lover with ease, stuck to his values, and never touched her again. He even got to cuck her lover. She will forever see him as the best possible mate. Of course she'll easily remarry or date. But she'll always regret losing him. She'll compare all men to him. Her mind will never let him go. Obviously he's moving on and starting to forget her existence.

If Carly was 100% sincere it never would have happened.

More so her laying an assault charge she later dropped.

She may have had some deep feelings but they were not as deep as her want for perceived higher class sausage.