by tedsgirl
Anonymous, thanks for your comment, this was written almost six years ago. I have gotten better over time. I have 67 stories on the site now, so I must have gotten better.
There was zero character development, it just jumped straight to sex. I had no idea of the character dynamic between anyone or why they were acting the way they did. I'd try flesh out the characters a bit before getting to the good part so the reader has some context, else it comes off as sexual while not very erotic. Additionally, some proof reading might be necessary. A lot of grammatical and punctuation errors, and the use of elipses is extremely excessive and broke the flow of character dialogue reguarly.
To the one who said I need to learn how to write, I'm doing pretty damn good I have six people who have favorited my story. Looks like people do "Like" the "Drivel" I write.
Thanks for the comment, I just write for my own enjoyment. I'm glad other people like what I write.
Tot the person who told me to learn to write, let me ask you a question, do you have anything published on Literotica???? I have 13 stories here, guess your afraid to say who you really are hmmmm.... you may not like what I write but other people do.
Great stuff, and EXACTLY what I'd like to see more of on this site. I got myself off three times. Thanks!