Rose Faded

"I hope you can appreciate that when you proposed, I took time -- this time two weeks of mostly lying on a towel by the pool -- and decided I chose you over cheerleading and pursuing any modeling career. I never told you, but I was building my portfolio looking to sign with an agency. I might have had some leads after the swimsuit calendar, but considering how you reacted to that, I knew you wouldn't handle me being a fulltime model.

"Now, you know how Dan had me thinking you were deliberately avoiding the night where I was being named the agent of the year. You always fussed every year, it seemed like something you might do -- it's just that one was so special for me. Well, Cam was right there when I arrived. He'd just broken up with his wife -- probably why he snapped on the field -- and had me feeling sorry for him. We caught up, we drank, we danced and... Sorry, but after six months, he knew how to read my frame of mind and rev me up. He was a perfect gentleman, not making a move all night, until the right moment when he started to kiss me and I gave in. It was stupid -- a drunken heat of the moment sex just for the selfish reason of having it. When I came home, still hammered, I was trying so hard to be mad at you so I wouldn't hate myself so much. Once alone, I cried all night till I fell asleep, praying you'd never find out. At one point, I was going to wake you and tell you, but decided I couldn't hurt you like that and decided I would try to bury the guilt and make sure nothing like that ever happened again. Of course, the morning after, it occurred to me that there was a small chance some pre-cum could get me knocked up; it was the fertile time of my cycle. It took those pills just to be certain I wouldn't get pregnant, and well, you know the rest."

Troy was silent for a moment. Taking in everything she said, deciding from what he knew of Rose after almost a decade together, she was being honest and contrite. Also the time he had to cool down made all those potential affairs he was worried about a lot less likely.

"Rose, I have some questions for you, but first I need to tell you something." Troy looked down at his gloves. "You now know, the week after, I was again set away on assignment not by choice by Dan -- again messing with our marriage to throw me off..."

"Or so he could have me," Rose said coldly.

"What?" Troy said.

"I knew that weasel from when he'd cover the Packers -- before you did -- and he was kinda friends with Baxter. Not fishing trip buddies, but they'd party together," Rose said, "Even back then, he'd flirt with me if Baxter wasn't around. A few times at your work functions, or parties, he'd be a little too friendly with me. I thought he was harmless, but after what he pulled, I bet he figured after we split he could make a move."

Troy looked down. "Anyway, I'm sure you knew I wasn't in a good place since that morning. The last day of the festival was this big dance party, I was upset about us and really started drinking..."

Rose held up her hand and had a really cold, emotionless look. "I don't need to hear it. Mom called your work and found out where you were. She called your hotel room late that night and told me a girl answered. She told mom you were sleeping. I told her I deserved it, but I think you know how she feels about you now. I know you didn't deliberately do that to hurt me, so please don't say anything more about it, okay?"

Troy nodded. "Okay, but I want to ask you some things. I guess you don't need to answer, but I hope you will."

Rose took a breath and nodded, looking away from him towards the snow covered trees.

"Look, this might seem petty, but it's obvious you and Baxter did anal -- a lot. Why did you tell me you never did it before and never wanted to try it with me? Was it this special thing between you two?"

Rose looked surprised. "Okay, I never said I've never done anal. I said I didn't do anal -- and that was true. You knew I wasn't a virgin and didn't think I needed to add 'anally' to that statement. What you saw is me agreeing to a sexual act that I get more discomfort than pleasure from, and pretending to enjoy it just so it ended faster. Sorry, but I really don't want to discuss any more about sex with Cam."

Troy nodded. "Fine. When did you stop wearing your wedding ring and why have you waited this long to talk to me?"

Rose was silent for a moment, gesturing with her hand that had a pale line were a ring had been. "They removed it for my surgery and I guess I didn't see the point in putting back on. I guess it's been longer than I intended, but some important decisions needed to be made. I didn't want to face you until I knew what I wanted to do."

"So, it's true. You've met with a divorce lawyer?" Rose nodded and Troy's face got tight. "So, this delay was just like after I proposed. You took time to decide what you really wanted."

"Yes, back then I knew there was no way we'd work if I kept cheering or modeling. I decided I couldn't risk losing you and gave those up."

Troy stood up. "So, after one good fuck -- or I guess great fuck from Baxter, you've decided you can't give up taking big black cock in the ass and now are divorcing me. I should've known." He started heading back to his car.

"What?" shrieked Rose, "Don't you walk away after saying that to me."

Troy ignored her and walked, not even checking if she was following him. Not really caring at that point -- she'd made her choice.

Troy was about ten feet from his car, when someone grabbed and tugged on his arm hard. He turned to see Rose there, looking as mad as he's ever seen her.

She shoved him hard and said through gritted teeth, "See, just as I thought. This is why I'm getting a divorce. You and your fucking insecurities. Bravest and most confident man I know, but after all these fucking years, you think you don't deserve me."

"Bullshit, you're not giving us a chance because you were reminded how much better fucks are out there and you're still hot enough to get them." Troy yelled back.

"So, I'm just a slut to you now? Thanks for making this decision so the much fucking easier," Rose replied just as loudly, "And for your information, I'm doing this for our son and not to get some big cock. Oh, I'm sure I'll get it, but not until Brady has recovered from this fucking mess."

"Quit making this about Brady."

"How stupid are you? Of course, this is about Brady. Can't you see how hard this has been on him? Imagine if we start living together again, only for it to blow up weeks or months later because you can't get over me fucking someone you think is so better than you? I'm not putting my son through that roller coaster." Rose started crying and pointed at Troy. "Fuck you for thinking I'm doing this for sex. I'd think you of all people would know I'm not like that."

"Yeah, because you settled for me? And now reminded what you could've had, you have regrets."

"Settled... Again, there you go Troy. Not that it matters, but part of me felt less special once I quit cheerleading and stopped pursuing modeling. I felt a little plain, and here you are with your bigger than life personality. There's been plenty of times during our relationship I felt I didn't deserve you.

"Want to discuss sex? Let's discuss sex. You are twice the lover Baxter was -- I was quickly reminded of that as soon as he had me in that bedroom. Even drunk, even though I was going through with it, I was thinking, 'why are you putting yourself through this again?' and just bent over to get it over with. You couldn't tell that I put no effort or intimacy in it at all, and basically lay still like a fuck doll so he'd come and just leave me. I moaned and squealed to try and finish him fast, just dreading he would want anal again-- which I told you I don't like."

"Bullshit, think I couldn't tell you came."

"Of course I came," Rose said eyes flashing, "If any one fucked me like that, I'd orgasm. That's a physical response that I couldn't help. You think he had a miracle dick that gives out orgasms like rainbows? If you popped a blue pill like he did, you could slam into me till I came a few times too. But, I don't like that -- at least for that long. I like how we have sex. If and when I have a new lover, I'd want him to do the things you do to me, not Baxter."

"But, you do want a new lover. How the fuck am I not supposed to take that as an insult? I want to try and work things out and you..."

"Yes, Troy. Try," Rose said, "I'm not risking putting our boy through hell again to try. If I thought you could let this go, not get so hung up on your insecurities, I'd go home with you right now. I'm sorry, but I don't see that ever happening."

"So you've given up on us?" Troy said bitterly.

Rose's eyes narrowed. "Troy Picker can you tell me with one hundred percent certainty that you'll get past seeing me like that? A slut who fucked a star athlete. Guarantee I will be forgiven and we will be back to the happy couple that we were and be together until Brady grows up?"

"Well no, but..." Troy thought it was a stupid question. No one can guarantee any marriage will last.

"See, there it is." She began crying again. "I love you and probably always will, but as much as I want to be with you till I grow old, I don't see that happening now. Best thing for everyone is just to rip the band aide off and move on. Please just know, I don't blame you at all. I accept full responsibility for cheating and ending our marriage. Goodbye, Troy. Get a lawyer and we'll discuss arrangements later. I can see you're not ready to do that now as I'd hoped."

Troy didn't reply and headed to his truck. He expected that Brady was waiting at Jason's. Originally, Rose was going to have him starting that night, but Troy thought she's be coming home. Thank goodness he didn't tell Brady that -- part of what Rose said did make sense. He didn't want to get his son's hopes up for nothing. He wasn't surprised to find out when he got to his brother's that Lily had already picked up Brady. Rose had no hope and there was nothing he could've said that day to change her mind. His marriage was over.

"That good, huh?" Jason said when Troy went down to the basement alone after supper, which Lisa insisted he stay for.

"If it went any better, she'd have been fucking him right in front of me," Troy said, "They were an item. Dated for half a year. It did sound like Baxter still had feelings for her when he apologized. Rose didn't admit it, but I know she still has feelings for him. Probably that's how she was willing to have one last roll in the hay with him. She doesn't even want to try even though I want to get past this."

"Tell me what did she say?" Lisa said joining the two men downstairs.

Troy recounted their conversation as well as he could remember.

"Well, you guys got your emotions out and had the yelling match. That's actually a good thing," Lisa said, "And you both recognize you both hurt each other."

"Yeah, well it makes no difference, does it," Troy said bitterly.

"Have either of you remarried? Started dating again? No, it's barely been a month," Lisa said, "There is still hope. This was only your first real talk since you both cheated on each other."

"And she definitely isn't thinking about reconnecting with Baxter," Jason said, "You remember my bud, Wesley, the cop? Rumor is that Cameron Baxter is being charged with voyeurism and being forced to retire from the league. It's being kept hush-hush for now, but probably will come out eventually."

"Yeah, I heard from nurses that Rose and him had words when he dropped by to see her. I think her sister showing up with Brady when she did prevented an all out yelling match," Lisa added, "Rose blames herself for cheating, but blames him for hurting you with that video."

"She told you that?" Troy said.

Lisa shrugged. "Women's intuition. The same one that's saying you two aren't done yet. You just have to show her that you can get past watching what she did."

"And you better. You're a mess without her," Jason said.

"A mess? Thanks," Troy said sourly.

"Bro, I think I'm probably the only one alive who knows you nearly as good as your wife. Thing is, I knew the you before Rose a lot better," Jason said, "You were this big, awkward, shy guy until you learned to bluff everyone with your joking around. In sports, yes, you were always an arrogant beast, but you put on an act off the field when you really just wanted to run off and be alone. You were an introvert pretending to be an extravert."

"Keep it up and you'll make me blush," Troy said rolling his eyes.

"See, there. This is making you uncomfortable so the jokes come out," Jason said, "However, after you started seeing Rose, you didn't make so many jokes anymore. You weren't bluffing about being comfortable speaking, you were comfortable. The Troy from on the football field started to be the Troy off the field too. Now look at you: doing radio spots, television, emceeing..."

"Yeah, I just got comfortable after doing it so long. That's all."

"No, Jay's right. You became way more confident -- at least to those who really knew you -- once you and Rose became serious," Lisa said, "I don't think she knows that, when you feel a little jealous, I think you're just reverting a little to the 'before Rose' Troy -- at least around her. Since this incident happened, that's certainly been the case."

"So, you're saying she's right. I'm not getting over this," Troy said sarcastically and clapped, "Nice pep talk, guys."

"No, I'm saying she doesn't get how better a man she makes you. If you try to work things out, I'm sure she'll see the Troy she married again," Lisa said and touched his shoulder lightly, "It will be hard and things will be rough at times, but with your history and how great you two have always been..."

"Sorry, Lisa, I don't think you get it," Troy shook his head angrily, trying to not raise his voice, "Hypothetically, Jay, let's say you had to watch Lisa having sex with someone else and knew, just knew, how much she was enjoying it by her body language. After, if she decided to not work things out -- even though you wanted to -- you can't tell me you wouldn't think lackluster sex was a factor."

"Come on," Lisa said, "A quickie under the effect of alcohol never compares to making love."

Jason shrugged and nodded. "I guess, when you put it that way, you're right. I'd probably think it was something I was doing -- I'd probably think that sex was lacking just with the fact she had an affair in the first place. But, I think I could get over it -- if it was a one-time thing that wasn't planned."

"Well, if she wouldn't give you a chance, you'd feel like shit and even more certain it was you that was the problem. That's what this is. Sorry, you can't convince me part of Rose willing to just walk away has something to do with me. She doesn't play games, but she will lie to spare feelings." Troy let out a big sigh. "Why are we even discussing this? She won't change her mind. I wish I would've just told Dan to fuck himself and gone that night." Troy threw his hands up in defeat.

"Troy, she just had life changing surgery. Her uterus is gone -- do you really think her motivation is having better sex with someone other than you after that?" Lisa insisted, "And don't think knowing you cheated as well isn't weighing on her -- especially the timing of it. Maybe, she's thinking her sex life will never be the same and blaming herself? Frigidity isn't uncommon after that procedure. She could be thinking of sparing you being stuck being celibate because of her betraying you? Hurting you by having sex, and then she might have to doom you to a sexless marriage? It could be so many things -- all of which are nothing to you not being good enough for her. Like I said, everything's still fresh. If you really want to work things out, I'm certain counseling will work. We have wonderful ones at work and I can get you in right away."

Troy rolled his eyes and sent a text to Rose that said, I don't want to give up on us. Please, can we still talk about this? I want to go to counseling.

The response was almost immediate. Please Troy. Stop making this harder than it needs to be. Unless it's about Brady or divorce arrangements, do not contact me anymore.

Troy did a 'ta-da' gesture and showed the exchange to Lisa and Jason.

"Troy, I told you things are still fresh," Lisa said smiling sympathetically, "I still don't think she means that. I'm going to talk to her -- with what she's going through as a woman now -- counseling wouldn't be bad for her either way."

"Do whatever, I should be getting back. Thanks for supper. Guess, tomorrow I go find a lawyer. Probably have to look at getting the house assessed."

"Troy, don't do any thing rash yet," Jason said, "That's all we're saying."

"Rash? She fucks around on me and now she won't even give us a chance. She's the one being rash; I'm just accepting it. Bye." Troy got up and walked away.

It was a rough night for Troy. He couldn't help but think Rose had it easier being at her mothers, while he was at the house they shared for years full of pictures and memories. He then remembered, things were switched for the first week of their separation. Perhaps, that's why she wanted him to stay at the house?

Being the new sports editor put a lot more work on his plate, so Troy immersed himself in reading potential articles to distract him from the loneliness of the empty house. When he had no more to read, he watched television until he fell asleep.

That night he had an erotic dream of fucking Rose, just like Baxter was doing her in the video, except she was laughing at him. He got mad and fucked her even harder, instead of laughing, Rose started to cry as blood poured out of her pussy, nose, and mouth. Troy jerked away and needed a moment to catch his breath. For the first time in a long time, he just started crying and couldn't stop. What if Jason was right, he was a mess without Rose? He fell back asleep and had a restless night, not being able to get that dream out of his head.

Brady was due back the following night; Lily would be dropping him off as the agreement. Troy was pacing most of the morning as he tried to get the dream out of his head. For moments, he thought it was a sign that he should listen to Lisa and try harder to convince Rose to make things work. At other times, he thought it meant that he'd never have sex with Rose ever again and needed to accept that.

Shortly before lunchtime, Troy picked up his phone and texted Rose. How are you doing?

The immediate reply was, Troy, I told you don't do this.

Troy was going to set his phone down, but the dream bugged him enough that he responded, Please, can we just talk about you -- not us? Not trying anything. I am worried about you as a friend. The last three words were a stretch and desperation.

After five minutes there was no reply, and Troy frowned and went to the kitchen. He was eating leftover pizza when he received a call from Rose's mother's landline. He expected a stern warning from Petunia to stay away from her daughter.

Troy took a breath and answered, "Hello."

"Troy, what do you want?" said Rose in a weird tone.

"Rose, yesterday everything was a blur. I really wanted to know things, but I never asked how you are doing -- after the surgery or anything."

"Fantastic," said Rose coldly, "In fact, I just had a bunch of black cock in all my holes last night. Expecting to get quite a bit more later, because that's all I want now. Getting fucked by big black cock."

"Okay, I deserve that. Please, no matter what happens, I will always care a lot about you," Troy said calmly, "How are you doing, really?"