Rosemary for Remembrance

I have hemmed and hawed about writing a LW story. From glancing at many LW stories there is a large male audience here and I hope that perhaps a female voice might be welcomed by some. Each Winter, a group of old girlfriends get together in a country cottage to escape our families. We drink too much red wine, eat too much chocolate and laugh around an open fire. We also share many stories from our lives. This comes from one friend, who shared that she has only ever been with her husband and admitted she was bored in the bedroom and wondered what would happen if she was tempted. This story is for her.

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So many friends told me life begins at 40, however having reached the grand age I was beginning to doubt this. I grew up in a very traditional family in the country. I was sent to boarding school before my twelfth birthday and I did not take well to it. The oldest girl of four children with an older and younger brother at least saw that I would not be left in a life on the farm. Instead I trained as a teacher.

I was quiet through my university days choosing to focus on study. I shared a flat with a friend from boarding school and she was as conservative as I was. We both had a couple of boyfriends, but I was determined to wait until I was married to engage in any sexual activity. Even 20 years ago this was rare, but it was important to me.

My first teaching job was in a small country town a few hours from home. I had spent ten years in the city and was so happy to be back to a slower pace. In my first weeks there I met Rob. He was an accountant in town and had also recently graduated from university. To me, he was the most sophisticated, handsome man I had ever met. I swooned at his foppish hair and deep green eyes. His smile sent shivers down my spine.

We first met in a pub one Friday afternoon. Some colleagues insisted I join them. It was a warm February day and I remember being dressed in a long skirt and blouse with every button done up to the collar. I had belted the skirt and this did show my small waist. Although the blouse was not at all fitted, it did bellow above the waist to show a little of my ample bosom.

Rob was with colleagues too, including the husband of one of my colleagues and soon the two groups were sitting together downing beers as if they were going out of fashion. I had never really drunk beer before and I had learnt that to avoid the bitter taste I needed to drink it quickly. Rob came over and introduced himself. I actually don't remember what he said, and I doubt it was at all smooth, but my body melted at the sight of him. He tells everyone he knew as soon as he saw me I was going to be his wife.

We dated a bit, well as much as you can do in a country town. I lived in a small cottage that came with the job and I would cook meals for the two of us. I was always wary about entertaining Rob alone though because I worried that I might not be able to stop myself in his presence. On our first alone date, Rob drove me to a town over 100km away for a succulent Chinese meal, I told him that I wanted to save my virginity until marriage. Rob told me he found that incredibly sexy. I believed him and although he would often try and feel my breasts through my clothes as we sat and kissed on the couch, I never let him near my underwear or attempted to feel him at all.

In the first term school holidays I took Rob home to meet my family. Of course, we had separate rooms and I remember my younger sister quizzing me on what sex was like. I told her honestly that I was waiting, and she told me I was being foolish. Rob was a great hit with my parents and Basil, my older brother told me I had scored myself a keeper. An engagement soon followed, and we were married on a cold July day in the school holidays.

My mother had taken me to the town doctors when I came home for a long weekend several weeks before the wedding and I had gone on the pill. I remember our old country GP telling me how proud he was that I had saved myself for marriage, "Rosemary," he said being one of the few people to use my full name, "if only the world was full of other young ladies as sensible as you."

Our wedding was beautiful. The local church had flowers everywhere and ribbons tied to the ends of the pews. Rob was not overly religious but had attended boarding school like me and we both assumed we would simply get married in a church. Our reception was held in the town hall and catered for by the ladies of the town. It was lovely and to a 22-year-old me it was perfect. I felt I was finally an adult.

Rob drank a little too much at the reception and as soon as we were delivered to the bed and breakfast that we had arranged to spend a few days at after our wedding he fell asleep. I cried. I had imagined this night for so long and now my husband could have me and he was asleep. Fortunately, I had changed at the hall into a going away outfit, so I did not have to try and get myself out of my dress by myself. I left Rob sleeping on the couch where he had passed out and changed into my nighty for bed. To me, I thought it was the epitome of sexiness- wide lace straps and a satin like body. It was several sizes too big,

I remember waking and it was still dark. Rob had come to bed and was feeling my breasts through my nightgown.

"Oh Rose, I'm so sorry I fell asleep. I have been waiting to have you for months."

Rob kissed me and I melted looking into his eyes. I could feel his hand travelling up under my nightgown and I knew my heart was beating as though I had just sprinted across the oval at school. Rob had told me he had a few girlfriends at uni and I knew he wasn't a virgin. Rob was totally naked. He guided my hand to his erect cock. I will never forget stroking it for the first time. To me it was amazing. Fully erect, it fit in the palm of my hand. Rob eased my underwear down my legs and climbed on top of me. He had not even bothered to fully remove my nightgown.

I remember him asking if I was ready and before I knew it, he was in me. It didn't hurt as I thought it might, however I also suspect my hymen was long gone after riding horses from such a young age. It felt nice enough. I simply lay there, and Rob was on top of me pumping away like a piston. In a few minutes he grunted and froze. I could feel increased dampness between my legs. Rob climbed off and kissed me and told me how wonderful I was. I remember wondering if that was all sex was about then why do people make so much of it.

The following morning though, Rob encouraged me to climb on top of him. He suggested I rock gently. He had removed my nightgown this time and was playing with my breasts. I remember apologising because to me they are too big, but he told me they were simply perfect like the rest of me. This time I felt different to my first time. I could feel sensations I had never experienced. Rob pulled me to him and kissed me deeply. I remember feeling an almost burning sensation building between my legs and was astounded when my vagina started convulsing and I started groaning and moaning.

I had never heard of orgasms before and this time I realised that there was more to sex than our middle of the night romp.

I received notice of a transfer at the end of the year which we both knew was coming and I was thrilled when I discovered it was to my hometown. This would also mean we were closer to Rob's family who were only a few hours away. After twelve months of marriage we agreed that I would stop taking the pill. We were still having sex two to three times per week, but my period would arrive month after month as if like clockwork. I was too embarrassed to see our old family GP and I was only 23, so Rob agreed that we should just practice.

Our sex life was satisfactory. It was not that varied- one of us would be on top. Rob thought the idea of licking me between the legs unsavoury, but I would give the occasional blow job. We both felt guilty after this and Rob told me one he wondered if we had just wasted our first child. Rob had a thriving business and I loved teaching at the school.

Things changed a few years later when Rob's father and older brother were killed in a farm accident. We were both distraught, but not as upset as Rob's mother, Millie who was heartbroken. She could not cope being in the farmhouse that she had lived in for over 30 years and decided to sell up. Rob suggested moving to be closer to his mother and I agreed. We had had five lovely years with my family and this seemed only fair.

Rob came from a larger town and this had more services. I received a transfer with the education department, but Rob suggested that perhaps I needed to take time off and focus on becoming a mother. I agreed and by now this was what I most wanted in life. I saw a new doctor in town, and she undertook many tests on both of us. Although Rob had a high sperm quantity, she was concerned that perhaps they were not the fittest swimmers. We overhauled our lifestyle but still nothing after a further six months. IVF was suggested and we agreed. It cost a lot of money, however it gave us Robert Jr who we called Robbie and Elizabeth who we called Lizzie. Rob and I were both just 30 and we thought life was perfect.

After the birth of the twins I was exhausted for many years. I was not very interested in sex and was happy for Rob to climb on top and pump away. He would comment that I did not seem into it, but I was happy to see him satisfied. We tried further IVF cycles however nothing stuck and after 5 years when the twins started school we decided our family was complete.

For our fifteenth anniversary, Rob took me to a tropical island for a week. I spent the first few days sleeping. I was still exhausted running the house and running after Robbie and Lizzie. I soon relaxed however and we had several amazing love making sessions.

At the end of this break I confided in my husband that I felt lost as a wife and mother and missed teaching. Rob agreed that I would offer myself as a relief teacher only as that way I would not be bringing any work home.

I received plenty of shifts, in fact I had to turn many down. I loved being back in the classroom. At the end of the third term, the principal at my children's school, Lachlan Brown, approached me with a proposition- I would become the teacher-librarian the following year. This was a part-time position four days per week and would not involve any marking or assessments. I could spend part of the final term learning from Alice, the lady I was going to replace.

"Rose, you are a first-rate teacher and the children suffer not having you around," Lachlan had told me.

I discussed it with Rob and he was not that keen, however when I told him how much extra we would have and that we could afford a family holiday easily twice the following year he agreed.

Rob would go to accountancy conferences once or twice a year. These usually went for a week, however he would often argue to spend the weekend before or after away. This made sense as he had friends all around the state and he would catch up with them. The thing that always surprised me though was Rob would be super passionate with me when he returned home from a conference. I had learnt that these were the nights Rob really made an attempt to please me.

He came home from a conference a few weeks after Lachlan suggested my new position. I had already decided to use it to my advantage. I shopped online and ordered a fur trimmed red lace teddy and matching knickers. I cooked him his favourite meal and cracked open an expensive bottle of wine. Rob was more subdued than usual, however I figured he had had a busy day travelling. We both read to Robbie and Lizzie and tucked them into bed before Rob turned to me and told me it was time he tucked me into bed.

I had left my new purchases in the ensuite and changed in there. I tried to be different for me and poked my leg through the ensuite door suggestively.

"Well hello!" I heard Rob's voice giving me the encouragement I needed. I stepped out in my new purchases. Rob was beside himself. He kissed me passionately, pulling at the ties that held the top up. It was soon undone floating to the sides as Rob played with my breasts. I removed the panties but kept the teddy on. I lay Rob on the bed and took control. I placed my legs either side of him and slowly lowered myself onto his shaft. What Rob lacked in length, he made up for in girth and I set out to satisfy myself. I ticked Rob with the furry trim on the teddy.

I had never been so forthcoming in all our years of marriage. We both ended up climaxing at the same time. Rob asked me where that had come from and asked to have this Rose appear again sometime. I told him I had taken the job. I knew he was disappointed as he wanted me to stay at home, but I also knew I needed fulfilment in a professional capacity. The following morning Rob fucked me. There was no other way to describe it. He was like an animal. It was a new side of Rob too. I actually managed to climax in the missionary position, and I could not remember ever having done that before.

The twins had sport and we both needed to get them to different venues, but as I dressed after my shower Rob told me we needed to talk. It sounded ominous. Rob arranged for the kids to spend the night with their grandma and booked a table at our favourite restaurant. I knew there was something on his mind. We talked generally over dinner and he told me he was pleased I had accepted the job. I knew I was driving, and Rob had a few glasses of wine and a brandy after dinner.

Driving home Rob started to cry. I had never seen this before and had no idea where it had come from. I pulled over and Rob suggested we go for a walk. He had calmed down a bit but was still upset. I held his hand and we walked through the town park. We sat down on a bench overlooking the duckpond. Rob started crying again.

Rob explained there had been a mix-up at the conference and not enough rooms had been booked. As he had booked a suite, he was asked if one of the junior attendees could stay on the fold-out couch in the lounge.

"I was told on check-in and said that it would be fine. I was told Ashley would be checking in after dinner and would make their way to the room. I agreed." Rob explained through tears.

By this stage my mind was racing. I had already figured something had happened at the conference. And I was numb.

"I was expecting a bloke to knock on my door, but Ashley was definitely a woman and she looked a lot like you. She had dark wavy hair a little longer than yours, but she had the same deep brown eyes and the tiny waist and full hips and large breasts. I knew I should have stopped things there and then, but she simply strode in and asked where we were sleeping."

Rob was again in tears. He went on to explain that he showed her the foldout couch and told her that he was a happily married man with two children and a beautiful wife.

"For the first four days Ashley was bearable. She flirted a bit, but I took none of it. It was after the dinner..." Rob's voice trailed and he started sobbing.

I wanted to comfort him, but I also wanted to slap him.

"After the dinner, we returned to the room. Ashley wore an emerald gown and accentuated her every curve. She knew she was sexy. She avoided me throughout dinner and tried to attract the attention of several other attendees. I felt jealous. I mean, we were only sharing a room, but she was grinding away on the dance floor. I started drinking. I drank far too much and I remember Ashley and a few others helping me back to my room."

Rob then told me that he woke to find her riding him. He was still a little drunk and told me he thought it was me.

I felt sick. I could taste the bile rising from my stomach. I leant over and the contents of my meal came back up. My husband had just told me he had screwed another woman and despite him thinking it was me, it wasn't me. Rob telling me he cried out Rose when he came did not help.

"Did you use protection?" I finally asked. The look on Rob's face told me he hadn't. I slapped him. I could not help it. Here was the only man I had ever had sex with having a drunken romp at a conference. It didn't matter to me about the room mix up. It didn't matter that he woke up and she was already riding him. He didn't push her off and he finished in her.

"If it means anything, she told me I was too small to give her any pleasure and I was a dud root." Rob offered.

I started laughing at this. We made our way back to the car and drove home. Rob slept in the spare room. I did not sleep a wink. I knew should not tolerate this and it should be a deal breaker in our marriage. I also knew deep down I adored my husband and he had been an amazing provider for me and our children. I had a few friends, but none I felt close enough to talk about this. Instead I created a fake account and went to the knitting forums I frequented. I had always been a knitter and took great pleasure in it. I knew some of the people there might be able to help.

In a post I explained what had happened. I said how hurt I was and still thought I loved my husband despite what he had done. Lots of people put their two cents in. The majority told me to cut my losses and leave. One lady told me to cut off his cock and shove it down his throat as he watched me fuck another man. I had no desire to fuck anyone else and unlike most of the women my age I suspected, I had only ever been with him. I received a message in my inbox from someone I have since grown close to and is one of my best friends. She told me that something similar had happened to her and she and her husband had been to therapy and were slowly putting it behind them.

Rob had knocked on our bedroom door and offered to bring me a cup of tea, but I had told him to go away. He had gone out and I did not know or care where. He came home early in the afternoon when I was sitting at the kitchen bench knitting. He stood there not knowing what to say. I decided it was up to me.

"Rob," I started focussing on the intricate cable stitches I was knitting, "I cannot say that I forgive you and yet I cannot say that I never want to see you again. I took my wedding vows seriously and believe in the institution of marriage. I cannot imagine what separating our family would do to our children. We are going to live in our home in separate beds for a while. You are going to get a full STD screen from the doctor, and we are both going to attend marriage counselling. I should not have had to seduce to you get you to agree to my working. My career is just as important as yours."

Rob dissolved again in a pool of tears. I also told him to quit telling me he was sorry and to show me. He agreed to my terms. I'm not sure what Robbie and Lizzie noticed, but I told them Dad was sleeping in the spare room as I was sick of his snoring. I'm sure the kids noticed their father no longer held my hips as he brushed past me washing dishes or kissed me when he got home, but they never said anything.

What surprised me most was Rob took the Monday off and went straight to the GP. She told him that he might need to wait several months to be completely in the clear. He also asked her for the name of a marriage therapist and asked me if Thursday evening would be an ok time for our first appointment.

"I thought I'd tell Mum that we are doing a parenting course together each Thursday for a while and see if she could babysit on a Thursday night," Rob said.

I agreed and we met with Karen that week. Karen explained the process of counselling and asked us what we wanted to get out of it. I told Karen I no longer trusted my husband. I also told her that I was sick of being so subservient in my marriage and I wanted to be able to live my own life.

Rob told Karen he felt sick still over his infidelity and he realised that he was being selfish keeping me at home as a wife and mother.