All Comments on 'Rose's Promotion'

Your shift key clearly works, as does your apostrophe key. So why isn't there a single quotation mark in this story, let alone a pair? It's certainly not for want of dialogue. It made the story rather unreadable for me at least, you might want to have it edited again.

You really need an editor. I was able to get the full gist of what you were trying to say, but really you need some help writing.

The story worked for me on many levels. But if you continue this, you might want to include the divorce of Bill and Shari.

But for God's sake, as FullCircle56 said, get an editor. The lack of quotation marks really hampered the storytelling.

Still gave it 4 Stars, but yeah. Definitely needs an editor.

Zero editing, poor grammar, and way too many word choice errors make this story extremely difficult to enjoy. That said, the plot outline, and the ideas for the revenge were more than satisfactory. If this story had been edited even just a little bit, then you probably would have received some high marks. I do not want to discourage you from writing, but you really need to avail yourself of the services of an unbiased editor. It is interesting to me that few other authors seem to write about the other wife taking revenge with physical violence. Poor Rose, with her busted clitty, will never get the chance to enjoy her promotion, her husband, or her future children. But did she learn anything? If you rewrite this (which I suggest - as the errors in it are too substantial to leave alone), consider adding just a little more to the ending. How does the divorce go? What of the law suits? Was Rose able to sue the bosses wife, or at very least press charges for assault, and send her to jail? Does hubby get any strange for himself down in Mexico? I'm sure you don't need to add another chapter, but a few more paragraphs would surely help build a better conclusion. Your story has good potential, but you needed to have crafted it much better. This is what I mean when I say "It isn't finished". Thanks, but you need to try again.

Do all Mustang fans go to the same writing school?

You need an editor. It might be a good story, but it is just to painful to wade through. You can have one of the Literotica editors go through it, then repost it. You don't want to be remembered for this one in its current state.

and new paragraphs for each new speaker. I couldn't get past the first so-called paragraph of this story.

I couldn't read this because I couldn't follow the dialogue, like others have mentioned. I like revenge stories where the husband gets some sort of revenge.

If you choose to continue this story, for instance have Rose and Steve get back together, that's fine. I don't really care one way or another if that happens... I like good stories. To hell with all the bitter assholes out there that don't like when the husband, who is wronged, gets revenge and then takes the wife back at some point. If they think they can do better then how come we don't see stories by them on here or any other site.

However, if you do continue this story, when you have one of your characters speak... use quotation marks.

Booby award for poorest Word Mechanics of the year!

Saga is understood, but getting there was PAINFUL!

Follow title directions AND find a good editor!

I enjoyed the story and look forward to you adding more to it.

The last sentence!!!!

Thanks anyway.

StangStar06 is a long-time excellent writer on this site, whose specialty is Loving Wives revenge stories. To submit this hopelessly flawed writing in the same genre under a similar name is grotesque. An editor could not salvage this story.

Honestly, how can you even get beyond the first paragraph with so many distracting errors? I hope this writer finds a proofreader.

This is half finished, good plot and story, poorly written. Hopefully part 2 will be better.

i for one am not looking for ernest hemmingway just a story where the couples are not sickosand the good person wins.

Shari needs to pull her head out her ass before Bill starts asking hard questions about her.

Rough writing, it read more like notes for a story than a story. That said, it is a good story. Rework it and tune it up. Get an editor if nothing else. You have potential. Change your name, to close to that really good writer, the comparison only hurts you.

Great potential.

A good editor will be able to guide you.

Nice storyline for a first time author.

Keep writing, it will get better.

If it is finished you should rewrite and add an epilogue.

Too many loose strings: Rose & her boss getting fired?, boss's divorce, pending law suits?, etc.

I don't understand why a person would waste their time getting revenge in this manner. Just divorce their ass and move on. The person may feel some kind of satisfaction with the revenge but it won't erase being cheated on and they will still feel hurt.

This was a decent attempt once you put in your own puncuation. It was like reading one long, insufferable sentence; so please find yourself some kindly editor to help you.

Get an editor... Your scores will improve.

pure Krap

But not half bad after you slog through it. If you get an editor for the next chapter things will improve. Of course it's clear you're heading the reconciliation route so you're going to get some pissed off readers.

Not a bad story that I would like to see finished. I like the trend of rough revenge on the boss and some tuff love before getting back with the wife. as for the grammar....practice makes perfect so keep trying.

it said part 1 I would have said a 4. Instead it is just an unfinished story. 2 stars.

Those keys he was looking for go to a mustang

and love still hurts. TK U MLJ LV NV

Almost as bad as anything he's ever written.

Another fucking Stang lover. How about finishing the fucking story. Will Finish the story write a ending.

STOP writing! This gave me a fucking headache!

It showed some unintended consequences of Revenge. That's something we rarely see on here, to be honest.

Don't give up hope, Author, but you may wish to change your moniker. StangStar06 is very well-respected around here, and your own pen name almost looks like you're attempting to play off of his name. If not, then ok. If so, not cool. Either way, I'd recommend changing your name and deleting this one and re-post it (AFTER EDITING) under your new name.

What I said before still stands. You are in dire need of an editor. There are plenty of good ones on here. Use the "Find An Editor" function to get one.

When you invent your own punctuation conventions by refusing to use quotation marks it pisses off readers who've all their lives learned to use them. Either use conventional punctuation or accept the negative feedback.

I like what you hves done so far with the story. Hey, maybe not a pulitzer, but it kept moving and entertained me. Keep on writting and dont let anyone that is too critical discourage you. Thanks.

I personally liked the storyline, and read it regardless of any grammar issues. Compared to some stories here the grammar was not all that bad. Yes it will improve the aesthetic quality of a finished story. If the critics refuse to read it, their loss.

As for the story itself, I almost felt sorry for the kick to the pussy myself. Although I can only imagine it from a male perspective.

I am interested to see the next installment.

This is a good start. Like others have said please get an editor it will make a good read into something even better.

Good luck

Snakey Jake

I know the intention was not for any violence but it's kind of funny that the asshole's bosses wife kicked the job oriented cheating whore wife so hard in the cunt that she probably will no longer be able to achieve an orgasm.

Ha Ha Ha

Excellent

PS: Change your name

Any relation to Stangstar

Cantbuymy, you are wrong the husband won't feel like shit and have a heartbreak because he's gonna get millions from the company, her boss, and his ex-wife.

too thin a plot which fail to evoke emotions and total lack of grammar as so many of others have already said.

Try and get an editor and make use of " ".

Its not a bad story line, but..( theres always a but.)..but even though I do know how bloody hard it is to write something, this was as hard to read as it was to write I fancy.

Punctuation IS important, it allows the reader to establish dialogue, it allows the reader to get involved with the story and its character. I have yet to read a book by a professional which doesnt have punctuation, proper grammar and decent spelling..

Reading a story is sposed to be entertaining, not hard work.

Please, read your story as if you are someone who is seeing it for the first time, then you will know what everyone else is having a problem with.

What happened to your editor, and why didn't you finish the story?

Is JohnDoenut back?

Now, get get a proofreader and let the story end here...

Because I don't like 'kick the cheating bitch out' type stories in the erotic section LW cause basically its a non-erotic type story, I must say I like to see what fully happens to the boss. I feel like this story is incomplete in that regard.

Because of my disdain for this type story in this section and because of its incompleteness I have to give it a 2 out of 5.

most commentors already covered the high and low points, but i can't stress dialog enough. The lack of real dialogue (quotation marks and all) really made the story feel it was being told in one breath! Very rushed. Good plot, but editing would help immensely.

P.S. Her clit exploded? Really??

This is his only story. You must be thinking of StangStar06

Pretty good for a first story... Enjoyed the exposure plot, the exploded clit was a new one to me .... A bit violent but hey, when you mess with spouses anything can happen given spur of the moment anger. Most of all the husband didn't become some wimp assed dick smoking cuck ... Bravo! Albeit fiction i enjoy fiction like this that remains fairly plausible, thank you for that. I wish the cuck wannabees would post in another category, gay would be a good one for them cause i suspect thats what they' re repressing.

now she did not deserve the beating she took from the cheating husbands wife. so part 2 does she get some settlement and is the other wife charged and what closure does he get.. life goes on..

@ anon

How is it ok for a husband to kick the crap out of the guy his wife cheats with (in general not this particular story) but it's out of order when a wife kicks the crap out of the woman her husband is sleeping with?

Comment's like the one you made were mentioned in one of FinishTheDamnStory's stories where the wives of the men the wife of the story had a gangbang with as revenge on hubby, gave said wife a beating and readers were giving the author a hard time over it.

Next time -hopefully there will be a next time- please use quotation marks to differentiate speech in your story.

very good for a first story. An editor will fix up the grammer, but you have a nice tale here and looking at the 50+ comments posted so far-have been able to touch the emotions of quite a few readers.

Thanks for the tale, looking forward to more.

But please get an editor and proof read your story before posting it. If you did you may have noticed that Sheri becomes Shari at the start of pg2.

Also " " are your friend don't be afraid to use them

Well done, author.

An open ended story leaving the eventual ending open for whatever ending the reader may come up with.

I for one, would like to see what the author had in mind for an ending, and perhaps a second chapter...

Again nicely done, but the story could use some "quotation marks," to let the reader know when there is dialogue.

Learn. To. Write.

I liked it, but I couldn't score it as high as I would have liked to. I won't harp on you, because I don't have anything new to add that hasn't been said already. Get an editor, read a few books on grammar and writing, you'll pick up on a lot of what needd to be done here. Keep trying.

I really enjoyed your story and I hope is a follow up and possibly happy ending. the way you left it I hope there is some closure .I hope that Rose and Steven do get back together

" " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : " " , . ; : ah yes, That's what was missing.

I with some others agree this story needs at least 1 more chapter to finish.

Great Story!!

finish this please

please finish this story it needs a good ending.

Rose had a fling and her future is bleak. Her husband and her will heal. Sometimes, as in this case, love causes amnesia and forgiveness! Good luck!

The story line was OK. Too many spelling mistakes and sentence structure was screwed up in places. *** Cheers!

Find an editor.

But your writing skills need the aid of an editor to make this story readable. And you should come up with an ending.

this should be s easy finish , but finish it . you left your readers empty.

so finish the dame story.. thank you if you do

I gave this story five stars because it had a great flow and high entertainment value. As a reader, I would love to see this story completed.

Keep them coming. Lol

You need to add at least two things, another chapter and an editor ("I know you better than you know your shelf" for example), to properly finish this out. Thanks for sharing, don't stop now.

One difference between a great story and a mediocre one, is that the writer of the great story usually spends more time editing, correcting and completing than in writing the original.

What was a potentially great story was badly marred by poor writing. It was difficult to get through with all the mental 'hitching' going on in nearly every sentence. By that, I mean that you must use complete sentences with all the necessary elements, to express a complete thought. If not the result is like badly stuttering....hard to get through.

When you leave out things or badly form the thought, it fails to convey what you intended and makes us, the readers, work much, much harder to get through it.

I'd suggest you try again, but commit yourself first, to doing the whole job.....write, edit, rewrite, edit re rewrite and edit again, until it is smooth, polished and complete.

You may be completely sick of the thing by then, but at least you will have given it the effort it (and we, the audience) deserves.

It was a four until the absurd last paragraph.

I'm afraid the story had no chance -- the writing is so atrocious that the story simply got lost in execrable prose. With a decent editor it could have been a tolerably readable tale.

Who kicked her so hard in the crotch she may never enjoy sex again. Too bad. But she can sue and collect.

I did wish for her to suffer for cheating, although I wouldn't wish her injury on anyone. I'm a guy and cringed when I read what the diagnosis was...*shudder*

For the read.

stay tuned for letters from Montezuma land, TK U MLJ LV NV

Why can't these writers finish a story?

where's the property punctuation? you can't tell where the dialog is, who's along what, and what's really going on. before attempting to post another story, you should get an editor.

...is part two?

I didn't mind the lack of proper punctuation much, but the last sentence ruined the whole story far as I'm concerned.

If a man can be charged for assult, Why can,t a Women...?

but the last sentence makes it sound like he will take her back. Wrong move.

Enquiring minds want to know. How much did he sting the Boss's company for? Will he wimp out and take his wife (and her bunged up pussy) back. Will you give us another chapter or just ignore us. Thank you for writing.

Bad grammar, a lack of punctuation, and no freaking ending.

A really CRAPPY story!!!!

Verb tense, punctuation, grammar, and a dangling ending. Nope, not very good at all

lovely senoritas and beaches. TK U MLJ LV NV

The revenge was over the top. The bosses wife should have been arrested on the spot. That was felony assault. Bodily harm and permeant physically damage. That women should gone after her husband. Now this is one sorry mess. Sure see sold herself for a job promotion.divorce was inevitable. But his plan back fired. So now both should have good layers for all damages incurred .

The story had promise. The grammar and punctuation are terrible, bordering on illiteracy. You obviously have intelligence, but you are short changing yourself. You need to study the English language regardless of whether or not you get an editor. You're holding yourself back in both your personal and professional life, despite the merits of the story.

I’ve read comments about poor grammar and punctuation in a story before, but never have they as true as in this story. Go to the “Volunteer Editors” list and pick an editor. Clean up this mess and then re-submit it.

Don’t let this comment and all the others like it discourage you. If you want to write, find an editor to help you. If nothing else your scores should go up because it’s at least readable.

....you knew there was a 'but' coming didn't you??

I can only add my plea that you get an editor and possibly even take a Community College Writing Class. I know that is pretty harsh from someone who hasn't posted anything but comments but it is really meant well.

You had a good concept although the characters could do with a little more flesh on their bones. I did make it all the way through but it was labourious to say the least. I'm willing to bet that if you got this edited and whipped into shape, virtually everyone that slammed you in the comments or voted you a 1 (because Literotica doesn't allow negative values) would reverse their stances and comments.

Obviously you have imagination and can get the plot down (well - after a fashion) but you need help to get the message across. No shame in that - I think we all need help from time to time in something and I'll bet most if not all of the highly-rated writers on this site will admit to getting guidance and assistance in their early days.

All-in-all, even considering it was a first effort, it was pretty awful BUT (there it is again!) there is a very real kernel here - it just needs some weeding and fertilizer to grow. I for one hope you try again. In any event it was both gutsy AND generous to put yourself out here like this; I thank you for doing that.

That was painful to read.

"Bill laughed and replied because you dumb ass you know as well as I do you still love her." If that's not one o,f if not the, wimpiest, cuckold loving, creampie eating statements ever written then I don't want to see/hear the worst.

Cheating, whatever the reason, is the end of any marriage between any self respecting spouses.

a happy ending. Gave you a 4 star rating. Only reason it didn't get a 5 was because of the way you had his friends wife acting like a bitch and his friend making that dumb assed statement about him still loving her. Of course he still loved her, what's not to love. Cold hearted bitch lied about birth control, lied about how she got her promotion and fucked her boss for 3 months.

The ending wasn't that bad, It could definitely lead to another chapter though....bill

doit

use an editor next time.

I was once a junior high teacher and if one of my students ever submitted a paper written like this I'd stuff it down their throat. Didn't you ever learn about quotation marks--you know, those little things that show when someone is speaking?

I agree that you need an editor. I pray you don't write again so you don't waste people's time. The story was okay although not very original, but the writing was just awful.

Story is unreadable.

The reason I gave three stars is the story line is ok, but you need an editor badly.