Rough Hands

"Of course I would, but..."

"And every time you look at her you'll see Tristan in her features and then your mind will wander and see her mom spread eagled on the bed making that baby."

"Holy crap, Mom. No, I..."

"So, tell me, Coop. Why are you here?"

"I guess I just had to see Elle and make sure, you know, that there was nothing there."

"So she's back to Elle? And if there is something there?"

"I don't know."

"And if there isn't?"

"Well then I'll know for sure Crys is the one and I'll likely ask her to marry me."

"Great plan. What if she's not there? What if she doesn't want to be your second choice?"

"WHAT?"

"Do you have any idea what you've done to that poor girl? How badly you've hurt her? You've done the exact same thing that her husband did to her. You left her for your first love. All the pain and heartache she felt before...all over again. Good job, Coop. I hope you're proud of yourself. I'll bet you broke her.

"I'll bet your only chance is make your decision quick and if it's Crys, get home fast as you can and YOU get on your knees and beg forgiveness. If you wait too long she won't be there. Not if she's the kind of girl I know she is. You realize, Nathaniel Bartholomew, that you could easily end up with neither, right?"

"That's kind of what she said. But..."

"Enough. Welcome home, son. Good to see you. Dinner will be about 5:30, if you're here. I'm making one of your favorites. Good luck with Elle and your decision making. I don't ever want to discuss it again."

"Mom, I'm supposed to pick her up at the airport at five. Then I'll take them to the hotel and help them get settled."

"And spend the night, I suppose."

"Maybe. I don't know. So we can go to her folks' first thing Saturday morning."

"Alright. So I'll just see you when I see you. Coop? You are one of the smartest and most gifted people I have ever known. You excelled at high school, college, vet school, sports, you name it. But I swear you've been eating cow brains and have that mad cow disease or something.

This little adventure of yours could cost you all the happiness that could have been yours. Happiness for the rest of your life. Don't you realize what you have?"

"But Elle is smart, she's been all over....she has a PhD.

"Are you shitting me, Coop? You're honestly comparing a PhD in French Literature from a no name college which I didn't think even had doctoral programs, with an MBA from Wharton's? I guarantee you Cry's had to bust her hump for two years. Did you ever see Elle studying? Never mind.

"The point is, Crys is everything Elle is, but so much more. Everything Elle isn't.

"I have to go, Coop. Keep in touch." She walked out without touching him and drove down the street, parked, and cried.

A week went by, two weeks went by. I guess that's the end of it. At least I'm not crying all day every day. I refused to look at anything from Coop. He was blocked on everything. I didn't respond to his mom either. I felt kinda bad about that, but a clean break. That's what I wanted.

"Crys? I've really wanted some of your fried catfish. What if we have dinner then go to the lake and fish for a bit?"

"Sure, Dad. That'd be fun. It's been a while since we've had any." And I'm afraid to get it at the diner, what with Mattie and her condiments.

"OK. All cleaned up. Ready to go, Pops?"

"I don't know, Hon. Something didn't sit right and I think I'm gonna be spending a fair amount of time on the porcelain throne."

"Are you implying that my cooking poisoned you, Daddy?"

"Oh, uh...no, Crys. It was great, as always. You know. Sometimes I get dammed up and all of a sudden, undammed. But I sure would like some catfish. Why don't you go without me? Get some good ones, OK?"

"Alright. See ya." What's up with him? Actin' all squirrelly and stuff. I drove to the lake, got out a couple poles and the worms and when I turned back, Coop was standing there.

"Where the hell did you come from? Where's your truck? Where the hell is your beard?"

"Over around the bend. Crys, I..."

"My dad set this up?" He nodded. "Well that old goat is gonna get a lecture and a half when I get home."

He pulled me into a hug. And tried to kiss me. I turned my head and he got my cheek. I had my hands on his chest and pushed back. What? I grabbed his hands and tears sprang to my eyes. Then they were overwhelmed by anger.

"Well, Nathaniel. You don't mind me calling you that, do you? Because that's who you are. Eléa's little pet. Why aren't you wearing your little tutu and tights? Your wire rim spectacles. So left bank. No beard. What did you do soak your hands in Vaseline for two weeks so you wouldn't scratch her? And, shit! Your arms are shaved.

"How do you know all this?"

"Because your mom and I friggin' talk. And you shaved your chest. Did she shave you down there?" A look of guilt filled his face and he looked away briefly. "She did! SHE shaved you! She must have cut your nuts off too while she was at it because you sure as hell ain't the man who left here a couple weeks ago. You look like a fucking pussy."

"Crys. I'm sorry. So sorry, I..."

"Save it. So you go off for two weeks, fuck the hell out of your ex-fiancée and then come back like it's no big fucking deal. WELL IT IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL! I am not Tammy Wynette who'd stand by her guy while he cheats and runs around on her. Boys will be boys. Bullshit!

"I know I told you our first night we spent together that you didn't have to love me. And obviously you don't."

"But, Crys..."

"Don't 'but Crys' me. Did you ever say you loved me? No! Did you ever say you liked me? No! Did you ever even say I was the best piece of split tail you ever got? NO! No you didn't. You never said shit for three months. You fucked me and then fell asleep dreaming of her. Did you wish it were her when I sucked on your cock? Did I wear her face?

"Well, that's not enough for me. I deserve better. The guy for me is gonna tell me a hundred times a day how much he loves me. He's gonna walk in the door with a friggin' hardon because he can't keep his hands off me.

"You have given me no indication whatsoever of being that man, Nathaniel.

"You did 'what if' scenarios in vet school right?" He nodded. "Well, my ex-husband just called. I'm flying out tomorrow to Chicago and I'm going to fuck the hell out of him for two weeks and suck his cock several times a day with gusto and have him cum in me a thousand times. You know, just to see if we can rekindle things.

"Picture me with my legs spread wide and him bouncing up and down on top of me. Cum leaking out from everywhere. If it doesn't work out, I'll be back in a couple of weeks and we can pick up where we left off. You'll be my second choice, but oh, well. That's life.

"What would YOU do, Nathaniel? I'll tell you what you would fucking do. Even if you didn't beat the shit out of me, it would be over. We'd be done and you would never be with me again. You'd never forgive me. Every time you saw me all you'd be able to see were images of my ex- with his dick in me and me enjoying it. Right?

"Well, it works both ways. That's all I've been able to think of. Those visions have haunted me all night every night for two weeks. Every time you touched me I would be fearful that you were comparing me to her. All I could see is your dick in her mouth. I can't do it!

"So tell me, Nathaniel, why the fuck should I forgive you? Why should I just forget it ever happened? I was happy about the great things about me. I was okay with the not so great things about me. I had happiness, contentment, joy. And then you come along and make me the happiest girl on the planet. And then a quick 'we have to talk' and you sucked all the joy and happiness out of my life. All I have to show for it is a dog.

"Why don't you go to Doc Carly and get some testosterone or something and look me up in three to six months when your hair grows back. But I don't know if I'll even give a shit by then. Damn, Coop, you even smell like her.

"Thanks for breaking my heart. And I'm keeping the dog. Just like your mom, he likes me better than you. See ya."

"But, Crys..."

"Doggie! In the truck." The dog ran and jumped in the truck. "See? Have a good fucking life, Coop. I can only hope that you feel a smidgeon of the pain I feel. But you've never given me any indication, any indication at all, that I was anything else but a friend to fuck whenever you wanted. So if you want a fuck buddy...go see Mattie. She'll fuck anything that moves. Hell, they don't even have to move."

Way to keep it under control Crys. Nice, rational discussion of the issues at hand. SHIIIIIIT! All I see is her shaving him. His chest, back, grabbing his cock and shaving all around. Then blowing what I thought was my dick.

God! I'll never get over it. How could he do this? I'm pulling over. I need to cry for about an hour before I go home. "Come here, Doggie. Momma needs you."

"Crys. How'd..."

"Stop right there, Dad. It's a good thing you and Mom raised a respectful daughter or you'd be hearing strings of four letter words out my mouth that'd make the rest of your hair fall out.

"I know you think you were trying to help, but you have no idea what the good Doctor has done to me or how badly he has hurt me. So please. Please! Stay out of my love life. I've blocked him on everything. If he calls or stops in, I'm not here. If he stops in the store, I'm out on deliveries. I don't even want to think about him or hear his name for three to six months. Got it?"

"Sure, Crys. I'm sorry. I.."

I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I know, Dad. It's OK. Lesson learned. By both of us. Come on, Doggie. Let's go to bed. Sorry, Dad. No catfish."

"Bob! Are you sure that Bobcat can handle that crate of corn? Maybe you should use the bucket loader."

"It's alright, Crys. I've done it before. I'll go slow."

"OK. If you say so....Raise it up so you can put on top of that one." Shit the back end is raising up!

"Bob! Bob! Stop! It's going." Darn. That whole crate just crashed to the floor and broke open. Kernels everywhere.

"Crys! I'm sorry. You were right."

"It's alright, Bob. Let's get a wheelbarrow and some shovels and start cleaning this mess up. We have that old, empty crate over there we can put it in. No harm done." Just another pain in my ass. "Well, let's start shoveling."

"Crys! Crys! It's Doggie. She's under all the grain."

"Noooooo! Hurry! It's already been a couple of minutes. We have to get her out. I'll pull her leg. You scoop stuff off her as I pull."

"Oh, Crys. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know she was in here."

"We can worry about it later. We have to get her out." I pulled for all I was worth and she finally slid out of the pile of corn kernels and broken crate.

"Doggie! Doggie! Oh, shit, Bob! She's not breathing. What do I do?" I shook her. Pushed on her chest. Nothing. OK. ABC's like in people, I guess. I cleaned off her nose and scooped all the crap out of her mouth as fast as I could. No breathing, still. Yes, heart beat.

"Bob? How do I breathe for her?"

"I don't know, Crys."

Her muzzle is too big to get it all in. The air would leak out. I pulled her tongue out. Closed her mouth, and started giving her breaths through her nose. Good! Her chest is moving. How fast do dogs breathe? I don't know, but I think she needs lots of air. Big breath in blowing on her nose. Then her ribs pushed it out. Another. Another. Then....

She coughed. Right into my mouth, of course. But I didn't care. She sneezed. Sneezed again, then coughed. "She's breathing, Bob!

"Quick! Help me get her in the truck. Let's put her on the front seat so I can watch her. You call Coop's and tell Carly that I'm on my way."

"Crys...I'm...I love that dog too."

"It's alright, Bob. Make the call. Clean this up, please, while I'm gone. I'll let you know how she's doing."

Damn. Coop's seems so far away. I parked in front of the entrance, scooped Doggie up and ran into the waiting room with her. Not easy to do with a Golden.

"Crys. Here. Take her right into this exam room. I'll let Dr. Logan know you're here. How's she doing?"

"Still breathing, but hasn't opened her eyes yet. God, Carly. I'm so scared."

"It's alright. Here he comes now."

"Coop! Coop! You have to save her. You have to! Since you left three months ago, she's all I have left of you. I can't lose her too. Please!" I was nearly incoherent at this point I was crying so hard. Get it together, Crys. Nope. No way.

"I should never have taken her. I should have left her with you. This wouldn't have happened. Oh, God. But if I can't have you...I have to have Doggie. I just ache so much inside. Even in my bones. I feel so empty. She has to be OK. Please!"

"Becky. Get some oxygen going and then get the x-ray machine ready. Crys, why don't you wait in the waiting room and we'll work on her." He ran his hands around her body. Probing, feeling. "Hey, Doggie. How are you doing?" She weakly wagged her tail.

"Oh, Doggie!" I ran forward and hugged her. She wagged again. I started walking away, then turned and grabbed Coop's back. "Coop. Coop. I am so sorry. Do what you can. I'll understand." I let him go and started walking towards the door.

"87 days."

"What?"

"87 days since you told me to check back with you in three to six months when my hair grew back. And I'm the one that is so, so sorry for what I did to you. We'll talk after. If you want."

I burst into tears again. "I'd love that, Coop. Good luck."

Becky was staring. Open mouthed. I heard her say as I closed the door, "Jesus, Doc. What'd you do to that poor girl? I've never seen Crystal like that. She usually has all her shit together. Pretty obvious she's fallen for you hook, line, and sinker. You better do something to fix the dog and her."

I couldn't sit still. I swear I was wearing a track in the waiting room floor. Two hours. TWO DAMN HOURS! Can't be good. Please! Please! Please! Let her be OK. The door opened. "Coop!" I ran forward and hugged him. I didn't want to let go and I started crying into his shoulder. He wrapped me up.

"Crys. She's going to be alright. She's going to get better. Sorry it took so long, but she had some internal bleeding so I had to open her up to stop it. She has a broken leg which I set in place and casted. And a concussion. Although it's a little hard to tell in dogs. She's resting now.

"But you saved her, Crys. You got her breathing again. How did you know how to do that?"

Between sniffles, " I didn't. I tried her whole muzzle, but the air leaked out. So I closed her mouth and just blew into her nose."

"Well, you did exactly right."

"Coop? I'm sorry. I never should have gone off on you like that. I told you you should go. I told you you didn't have to love me or anything....It's just that....God, Coop! I love you so much, and you were gone two weeks, and all I could think about is what you two must be doing. I had nightmares.

"I didn't think you were coming back. I thought it would be just like my marriage. But then you came back, and...and you were shaved and the images, the thoughts. I had no right to feel that way..."

"Yes you did, Crys. We shared everything for three months. Yes, I needed to go. That was the right thing to do. But I never should have stayed two weeks. I knew by the second day it wouldn't work, but I still felt like I had to try.

"But the shaving...and then she wanted me to go to Paris and see how wonderful it was...To move to a bigger city...And I knew how much I missed you and how badly I must be hurting you. And I felt awful every day about it, but you wouldn't answer my texts or my calls and I figured I'd screwed it up forever. Like my mom said.

"Your 'what if' really struck home. If you had done that it would have ripped me to shreds. But you're right. I never would have gotten it out of my mind and I would have had to end it. I can only imagine all the pain I must have caused you.

"I wanted to see if you could forgive me, so I talked to your dad. Had flowers and candy. And then you read me the riot act, just like I deserved.

"My hair is just about all back as best as I can tell. I never really looked at it much. And I was waiting until day 90..."

"Coop, I've missed you so much. I ache inside so much. I was about to find you and beg you to take me back. Something I promised myself I would never do. At this point, I'd forgive almost anything. But if something like this ever happens again, I will shave your dick and nuts off and leave the hair."

He smiled, "Ouch! Rest assured, Crys. That it will never, ever, happen again. You're the girl I love. You're the girl I want to raise a family with. You're the girl I want to grow old with."

"Really?" I kissed him. Moth man enveloped me. Home. "Coop, my Coop. You better buckle up 'cause you're about to get the ride of your life.."

"Uh...Becky's still here."

"Oh. Well, can I see Doggie, then?"

"Sure." I walked into the room, then ran forward, opened the door to the cage and buried my face in her neck. And you guessed it. I started crying again. "Oh, Doggie, Doggie, Doggie. I am so sorry. Please get better. I'll take such good care of you."

Doggie opened her eyes and her tail wagged. "My Doggie, you are never going into the warehouse again. You can stay out front and make friends with the customers."

"Do you want me to stay with Doggie tonight?"

"No, Becky. I'll do it."

"Is it alright if I head home then, Dr. Logan?"

"Sure, Beck. Thanks for staying and thanks for your great help. As always."

"What next, Coop?"

"Doggie needs to stay here over night. I'll check on her every hour or so to make sure there are no problems."

"Then show me your hands."

"What? Oh." There we're some callouses. They were getting tougher, but not like before. I still kissed his palms. Just like before.

"They still have a way to go. You better start shoeing the hell out of those horses to toughen them up. Now, off with the shirt." I couldn't help it. Just like the first day my hands had a mind of their own and I reached out and touched his chest, his arm, his back. I swear I sighed.

"Looking good, Coop. Now the pants." He slid his pants down and I walked around him. He blushed and at the same time his penis started growing. "How cute. You're blushing. And looks like Willie One Eye missed me.

"Coop isn't there a bed back there somewhere or am I just going to have to bend over this exam table and have you taste my wares? My wares sure as hell want to taste yours."

"There's a cot."

"Let's go!" I shed my clothes as he led the way and jumped onto my back. "Damn, Coop. That exam table might be better. How do you sleep on this? Well, never mind. Just put that thing in there and let's get busy. Kiss me, but no other preliminaries. I just need to feel you inside me." Shit, I'm starting to cry again. "But set an alarm so we can check Doggie."

"Done.

"Oh, Coop. That was wonderful. I love you, I love you, I love you. Thank you for loving me. You do, right? Or did I imagine that?"

"Yes, I love you. And, again, I'm sorry for what I did to you. It wasn't right."

"Well, it's going to take a lot more of this to forgive you. Coop, I know that was a quickie, but you're so damn good at it. I hope I'm OK for you. You'd tell me if I wasn't, wouldn't you? So I could get better? Just you and my husband. That's the total of my experience. And no one else but you, ever."

"Yes, I'd tell you. But based on my vast experience, not really. I was was pretty shy. How did someone so eloquently put it? Oh, yes. You're the best piece of split tail I've ever had. And I love you."

LATER

"Coop! What the heck are you doing? You're already on my shit list for putting that many candles on the cake. Don't you know that when a lady is over 21 you only put one candle on it? Do you realize how hard it was to blow out that many candles with one breath so my wish would come true?"