Run Away Pt. 02

No One under the age of eighteen is being depicted as having sex

I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD and so I've written the symptoms as the condition affects me; Unreasonable anger and crippling depression.

I made Megan supper and discussed travel with Sioux, We were at least two days hard travel from the ferry at Bilbao another night on the ferry then at least three hours to the city.

I left a message with Elroy's phone that I'd be taking some time off work

While Sioux ate with Megan I rode out to the bus station and got her bag.

Megan slept in my room that night and I crashed on the sofa. Sleep eluded me but that wasn't unusual.

I'd ended up renting a room from Sioux and Malcolm kind of by accident, they'd let me crash in the spare room one night and I somehow ended up moving in and renting it from them. Sioux had experience with people with mental health problems. Her father was ex forces and returned from conflict a changed man. She could see that I needed a place with people who understood when I needed to be left alone and when I needed to talk.

Malcolm got me a job at Elroy's shop, where I'd found a knack for painting. Focusing on preparing and painting allowed me some peace of mind.

The next morning after breakfast I got the number of the consultant in charge of Becky's treatment and arranged to be there for testing as soon as possible.

Sioux had found an old set of leathers that just about fitted Megan. She also dug out from somewhere an intercom system to link mine and Megan's helmets together so we could talk easily on route.

As I was packing the panniers I heard the engines long before they rode into view, luggage strapped across their bikes for a long trip.

Elroy pushed up his visor and grinned at my expression; Malcolm just sat astride and looked at me.

"Did you really think we'd let you go alone?"

Sioux kicked the door of the trailer open with her luggage across her arms

"Really Jerry, who else is going to watch your skinny arse?"

Once she got used to pillion travel, Megan loved it and chattered on the away over the intercom about her life and everything including how it was after I left them.

Because she couldn't see my face she couldn't see my reactions to her story.

She told me about that they couldn't afford the rent to stay in the apartment after I left; money was so tight so they'd had to move in with Karen's parents.

Karen had fought against moving as long as she could, hoping that I'd return.

She had to go back to work to support them. Got a job as a filing clerk for a government department and then another at a GP surgery in the evenings.

Megan hadn't liked having to share a room with Becky.

They'd had to change from a private school to a public one.

Dance classes and clubs were now at the youth club.

Clothes were from bargain shops no longer fashion stores,

My parents did what they could to help out.

They hadn't starved but it'd been close a couple of times.

I was feeling pretty shit about this, I honestly hadn't thought how it'd effect them like this.

Even worse, they didn't blame me, they blamed themselves.

I had to pull over at that, my eyes were watering and it wasn't the wind, told Megan that it was cramp and I walked a little way from the others.

She was right all those years ago, I was an arsehole. What kind of prick of a father abandons his children? I didn't think just run the fuck away.

Finally Sioux came up and put an arm around mine, helped me get my head back together to face my daughter.

I'd got myself back in control by the time we stopped for the night. I still felt ashamed and resolved to be a father again to my daughters.

. On the ferry, we were sat as a group in the bar and she was laughing at the banter that followed between me, Malcolm, Sioux and Elroy. The sort that happens between friends where alcohol is involved I realized some of how much I'd missed. I'd missed my daughter grow up from a teenager into the young woman she was.

By common understanding she didn't talk much about Karen, but I learnt while we travelled that she hadn't divorced me and hadn't been seeing anyone, that she didn't do much else but work and look after them.

Megan did let slip that she'd and Becky sometimes heard their mother cry when the house was quiet and once they'd heard her tell their grandmother how much she missed me.

We had the usual problems with disembarking from a ferry on motorcycles. Fortunately customs weren't interested in us and we were off getting used to riding on the other side of the road.

We got to the hospital a little before lunch, met the consultant and was taken away to be tested straight away. While we waited for the results we went and found the three bed roomed apartment Jimmy had arranged for us. On the top floor of a block in a mostly residential area, furnished with a balcony off the master bed room.

They didn't mess us around at the hospital. By that afternoon I found out I was a suitable match, they'd do the procedure straight away. I'd have to possibly stay overnight to recover from the anesthesia.

Afterwards I wanted to see Becky but didn't want to see Karen so we hid round the corner waiting until Karen left Becky's room for work. Childish I know but I really didn't want to risk losing control again.

Hidden behind the others I caught only the briefest glimpse of her profile as she passed us.

Megan hugged me tightly afraid I would run.

Megan slipped in front of me.

"Hi Becks" she called "Guess who I found?"

"Hello Pumpkin!" hiding my expression at Becky's appearance, she was all skin and bone attached to machines and fluids. She was lying propped up in the middle of a bed. Looking so small and frail.

"Daddy!" even her excited voice had no strength, barely a whisper. I hurried over and hugged her, hiding my face in her shoulder as she wrapped her arms complete with tubes and needles around me.

"Love you Daddy" she whispered in a hoarse voice "I'm so sorry Daddy"

"I love you too Pumpkin, I'm sorry I went away" I hugged her as tightly as I dared; she was like a fragile doll.

"The doctors say I'm a good match, we're the same blood type as well, so we'll have you better in no time."

Wiping away her tears

"You just missed mum,"

Her smile faded when I nodded "I know princess"

"Are you ever going to speak to her again?

"I don't know Princess, maybe one day"

Becky hesitated before speaking, "Please Dad, she's hurting and has been for a long time,"

We stayed with her until they called for me.

Sioux ran Megan home, despite her prostrations.

When I came round after the procedure, there was some noise from the corridor outside the recovery suite.

Elroy was telling someone she couldn't come in, and someone was arguing with him saying she had to speak.

Malc was stood looking out the door when I called him. "What's going on?"

"How're you doing Bud?" he looked over at me but didn't leave the doorway, blocking it I realized.

I could hear Sioux now, talking as well now, but couldn't make out the words, someone was crying somewhere.

Sioux continued to talk with a firm tone of voice.

I struggled to clear my head and sit up

"Malc, Tell me what's going on"

"Relax brother, its okay,"

Sioux said something else along the lines of he doesn't want to see you and this isn't a good time.

The tiredness left me in a rush.

I threw back the sheet and looked for my clothes.

"Shit! Let's get out of here"

Finally Elroy and Sioux came back in agitated but refusing to tell me why.

"It was her wasn't it?" I asked trying to get my sleeve over the drip in my arm.

Sioux placed her hand on my arm, "We'll talk about it later"

Back at the apartment, I started stuffing my kit back into the panniers.

"What are you doing Jerry?" Sioux sat facing me; "Don't you want to wait to see how Becky does?"

"I'll phone later!"

"Jerry!" Sioux was really quite angry.

"What do you expect, I can't bare being near her, you've seen what happens, I can't lose control like that...I just can't."

Elroy stood in front of me, "So you're gonna run away again?" Hand on top of the pannier stopping me. "Jerry?"

"Sounds good, you coming?"

"What about your kids man, they're hurting, hell dude you're hurting!"

"They'll get over it".

"Fuck man that's cold!"

They watched me angrily struggle with the bags for a long moment, Before Sioux spoke

"I spoke with her, when I dropped Megan off"

I froze I didn't want to hear this.

"She told me what happened".

Through gritted teeth I said, "I know what happened,"

Sioux: "Do you really? The asshole lied to her, told her you were missing possibly dead, got her streaming drunk, and then got in bed with her.

She was vulnerable, and mourning you and that fucking asshole abused her trust and his position.

She thought you were dead, you moron! Do you understand at all where she was emotionally?"

Sioux came up behind me to hug me, "Jerry! She been hurting for six years over what that prick did to her. Did to you both, you've been carrying this rage and pain around too long. Isn't it time you forgave her, and yourself?"

In the silence that followed.

I heard the front door open and turned to see

"Hello Gerald"

Karen!

FUCK!

Looking like she did on that day all those years ago,

perhaps a little thinner, perhaps a few more lines on her face. But I couldn't see anything but her.

Dressed in a work blouse and skirt, black heeled shoes she stood nervously in the centre of the room

Sioux gathered Malc and Elroy with her eyes, and at her look they turned and left the apartment Sioux looking at the two of us standing facing each other as she shut the door behind them.

Looking at Karen's face I felt tremendous rage, a coarse and almost uncontrollable need to break something hurt something, hurt her.

But she just stood there a pleading expression on her face, arms by her sides trembling slightly perhaps in fear or resisting the need to reach out and hold me?

She opened her mouth but I didn't want to hear her apologize again, I didn't want to hear that she loved me.

I held up my hand. She stopped mouth open, tears in her eyes as I paced the room in front of her.

How dare that treacherous bitch come anywhere near me!

There was no air, the pressure in my chest; my head was incredible, the edges of my vision whitened out.

I took a deep inhalation through my nostrils ready to speak. To scream, to yell, bellow my rage in her face.

To make her understand my pain.

When a familiar aroma caught my attention, halted me, like a hard slap to my face.

I knew that perfume. I'd bought her that for our anniversary; we'd had such a day celebrating our marriage, our love for each other.

It was her scent!

Hers!

Her scent assailed my nostrils. It triggered a different instant reaction in me.

Mine!

The memories of our life together flashed through me, we had been so in love.

The roaring anger inside my head changed with this new awareness, the beast that was my rage wanted this more.

Before the darkness inside could overwhelm me again I lunged forward fast and close to her, startling her. I grabbed a handful of her blouse and as it tore, it shredded it in my fingers.

She stumbled forward into my arms making a surprised noise in her mouth but didn't stop me as I ripped and tore at the material, flung the rags of it away from me.

Karen made no attempt to prevent me as I ripped the material holding the zip on her skirt. Letting it fall to the ground.

She inhaled sharply as I unclipped her brassier clasp, breaking it in my haste, exposing her breasts, but did not attempt to conceal them from me.

Neither did she hide herself as I tore her briefs from her, leaving her naked but for her shoes.

She just stood and watched me shred the material and hurl the remnants away from me.

Karen gasped as I lifted her up and carried her in my arms into the bedroom, throwing her easily onto the bed.

She leant up on her elbows and watched me as I pulled my own clothes off; her eyes ate my new shape as I revealed myself to her.

I dropped my clothes at the foot of the bed, her eyes now on mine.

I was as hard as I'd ever been, steel hard.

I took her leg and flipped her over on to her front, lifted her hips and without waiting thrust myself into her.

Violently, brutally!

She was sopping scolding wet and ready for my entry.

I thrust angrily into her letting the beast inside me set the pace. This was fucking with no restraint on my part and she let me.

Eagerly, hungrily!

Hard and savage sex, pulling her hips towards mine, plunging deeply into her.

I grabbed hold of her hair in my fist and pulled her head back.

She was making guttural noises on each thrust deep in her throat rising in pitch and sound, raw and animal.

Meeting my thrusts with her own powerful pushes back onto mine.

Urgently, intensely!

Passionately!

She came, loudly, suddenly, her vaginal muscles, contracting, clutching on me in spasm bringing me shuddering into mine.

Then as I collapsed heavily onto the bed next to her. It hit me.

What was I doing? What the fu..!

Before I could answer myself. She rose up and taking hold of my phallus with her hand she straddled me and guided it back into her entrance and lowered herself, impaling herself on it.

She was looking at me with an indescribable expression as she rode me. As the tempo of the pace increased I sat up grabbing at her hips to aid her movement.

As she came this time she moaned and shuddered grabbing me and clutching me against her, crushing her breasts against my chest as she cried out my name her nails raking my back, pausing for a long moment and then continued in her efforts to show me she was mine and I hers.

Panting hard her mouth open. Perspiration poured over her heaving breasts down her smooth belly to her groin. Lifting her sweat heavy hair off her face as she came again.

Lord in heaven she was an amazing sight. She positively glowed in the light from outside.

Sometime later we collapsed gasping for air back onto the bed.

As I lay on my back one arm above my head, staring up at the ceiling, Thoughts for once were not racing around my head. She hesitantly approached and when I didn't dissuade her laid her head on my shoulder, an arm across my chest, her eyes closed. She sighed.

I gently started to stroke her back and listened as her breathing slowed then settled and knew that she slept.

I thought long and hard about what had just happened and how I felt about it.

Eventually I had an epiphany.

After which I dragged a sheet over us both and slept well for the first time in a very long while.

I woke alone in the morning light from open door to the balcony.

Getting up I walked out to find Karen wearing my black Roadrunner T-shirt, drinking coffee, and leaning on the railing. Crossed ankles, bare legged and beautiful. Looking out at the city skyline. The t-shirt barely covering her backside.

"Morning" She turned eyes opened wide as I stepped out uncaring in the cool morning light.

"Gerald. People will see you!" she hissed in a low amused voice gesturing over the balcony with her free hand at the buildings around.

I took the mug out of her hand and emptied it in a deep draught, grimacing because she took it with sugar, and then placed the mug on the rail, moving up real close I pulled my shirt up and off her, over her head.

She resisted only briefly and watched open mouthed as I tossed the shirt through into the bedroom.

One arm quickly placed over her bust in a pointless attempt to conceal, the other hand cupping her groin.

"Gerald!" she gasped.

I took her wrists and gently but firmly pulled her hands down to her sides. Then I leant in and kissed her for the first time since I'd left, firmly on her open mouth.

She was surprised but responded warmly, looking up at me with some confusion. I slipped my hands around her waist and pulled her against me.

"This is difficult for me to explain to you. But I need you to understand"

"I've been having anger issues for some time now," I told her hands squeezing her butt cheeks.

"It's been making me ill."

"I really don't like being angry all the time, but I've found myself less noticeably less angry when you're naked with me."

She searched my face for some sign that I was joking, but I was completely serious,

"In fact I find that I can control it much better right now, than I have in years". I kissed her again but passionately.

She smiled, "I guess we'll have to work on that", and kissed me back as eagerly.

She didn't resist at all when I slid myself into her.

This time she came screaming like a banshee with my arms wrapped as tight around her as hers were around me.

I have neither idea nor care if anyone saw or heard us as we worked for some time on my anger issues.

Fortunately by the time Megan and the others decided to bring coffee and bagels, we were back in bed and mostly under the covers, resting between rounds when they arrived.

Megan squealed and leapt on the bed to kiss us both when she saw how we were, causing Karen to snatch at the covers to prevent being exposed to everyone.

"Jerry!" you're looking happy", Elroy laughed at me.

"Elroy, Please feel free to fuck off" I said without malice.

"No, seriously dude, I don't think that I've ever seen you smile," That big ass grin nearly split his face.

Sioux sat on a corner of the bed and studied my face, "Honestly Jerry, you do look much better,"

"Thank you Sioux, now if you'd all sod off we'd like to get washed and dressed"

Karen whispered to me with a smile, "I haven't got a thing to wear" at which Megan covered her laughter with both hands.

Epilogue:

Becky got better with the treatment including regular infusions from my blood donations.

Megan went to university and made us all proud.

Elroy, Malcolm and Sioux went home.

There should be a happy ending here, the hero back in the arms of his loving family.

But!

Some months later

My PTSD wasn't a good fit for the city. It was too crowded, too loud, and unpredictable.

I tried therapy and counseling but refused drugs.

I felt claustrophobic staying at Karen's parents.

Karen could see I wasn't happy. I was trying hard but becoming more uncomfortable daily.

Her face fell one day as I walked in wearing my leathers carrying a helmet. She was sat alone at the kitchen table.

"You're leaving," she stated not a question.

"Yes," I answered softly, sitting across from her. I placed the helmet in front of me on the table between us.

"I can't stay here, sooner or later I'm going to flip out at someone and end up sectioned or in prison."

"I've spoken with Elroy and my job is still open for me at his place, I earn a decent wage there and painting helps my control."

"I've decided to move out of Sioux's trailer, I have enough saved up for a small two bedroom place near the shop so the girls will have somewhere to stay if they visit."

"So I'm running away again," I pushed the helmet I'd bought for her across the table.

"Would you consider coming with me?"

And I'm ending it there; this took on a life of its own.

PTSD= Post traumatic Stress Disorder; you don't get better from it you just learn how to live with it.

Originally Gerald unable to deal with his feelings was going to run away alone again.

But I couldn't have him leave his kids.

Anyway yes this is my first attempt and yes I know I'm shit at writing dialogue.