All Comments on 'Run Away Pt. 02'

She's fucking the handler two weeks after she thinks he Might be dead? And her excuse it was Only sex? But then he really is gone and maybe dead, for six years, and she's celibate as a nun? And the only way anyone finds out she's fucking the handler is because he's bragging about fucking her? Her daughters living and sleeping in the same house know nothing? Oh, right, she told his mother she was fucking around? Why?

It was such a contrived and contradictory roller coaster that it wasn't realistic or believable. Not a badly told story, just too incredible to appreciate. But thanks for the effort.

C'mon dude. No need to run, man. There's soooooo much peer-to-peer help out there. It's not 1969 any more. 5/5.

I see you do understand long term PTSD .Hold on brother.

The reconciliation was rushed and made no sense at all.

Behind all the feeble excuses for her affair, here's the blunt truth behind it: Karen thought he was dead, so she let herself be seduced by another man. She barely spent a few weeks grieving for him before she was getting screwed by her husband's replacement.

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Jerry "abandoned" his family because they all took her side. His parents helped her try to hide the affair and the daughters got abusive with him when he wouldn't reconcile. Fuck all of them.

Sad ending.

No, you are not shit at dialog. Writing like a great wine takes time to mature, so keep scribing away, practice will eventually make it almost perfect...that unobtainable benchmark in human life.

The reconciliation ruined a great first chapter,

Just another pathetic cuckold story.

So, is there to be a part 3? I liked the story overall, but not the ending being undetermined.

Disappointing end I’m sorry. No enough dialogue or drama just to much self indulgence to the PTSD aspect.

I enjoyed part 2. Would like to see a part 3 where we see Clay's life destroyed and see Gerald and Karen get some professional help. Is Becky recovered enough to have both parents leave her? Also the agency should be held accountable for putting a predator in the family of one of its agents. Perhaps a little public exposure is due.

It was a little too quick of a wrap but thanks.

If you're able to muster more, thrashing out a painful conversation between Karen and Gerald seems warranted.

His PTSD was only part of the problem. Her infidelity, regardless of excuses, was an issue all on its own.

This is the first story on L (about PTSD) I have read. I have seen my brothers in arms suffer the symptoms. I think this is a good first effort. I hope it was therapeutic for you. If you decide to develop additional stories and characters, try enhancing the details and feelings. Also I have given this to a friend and they have some experience they agree it is a subject to develop ... Appreciate your efforts and good luck balancing your feelings. God bless. BTRH.

Sigh. Another unacceptable RAAC.

I believe you should have set this in Canada instead of U.S. and Gerald been seconded to MI6 vice CIA simply because the intrusion of "Britisms" is very distracting!

Decent enough story. Some really bad places where the incorrect word was used and really disrupted the flow of the story.

I'm ok with most of the story but, for there to be absolutely no conversation with Karen about what happened with Clay leaves a huge hole in the story from my perspective.

1*. Another good story ruined. God damn it. Can you authors spend more than 2 minutes on the endings? And how many plot holes do you need to leave open? Utter bollocks.

i enjoyed it,,, please continue.

Yeah.

I am not really nit-picky. I can understand mistakes like these since I am not an english-speaking native. But "prostrated" (protestations) and "bare" (bear) yes, I saw them.

/

To the story, it was ok.

I can understand his rage. I mean I think Karen did the dirty more than once.

But man, I do feel for the children to be abandoned by their father not sending any financial support making the kids life a hard one. The were the victims here. Karen was a victim but she did it more than once.

Part one was so wonderful and part 2 ruined it all. 1 star.

Great job! The PTSD aspect of your story was the kind of powerful and realistic attribute of stories here that are not seen very often. Kudos for having both the talent AND initiative to get this written.

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As much as I was tempted to bestow 5 stars, I just couldn’t. Reasons as follows:

Firstly — the storyline was not original. Yes, your adaptation of Randi’s story was very good, but still…

Secondly — did not like how the reconciliation went. Too abrupt, and basically almost via rape. Yes…partly because working thru that PSTD issue, but still….

Thirdly — lack of conversation between him and Karen, that made the all too rapid decline of his ability to stay in England hard to understand. You got them back together…but failed to show us how they managed to make it work.

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That all said…4 very strong **** — and a plea to continue to share your talents with us!

PTSD sucks to deal with

even though she thought he was dead I can't believe that the first hing on her mind was sex with that guy. Even if she was drunk. Seriously, had he raped her and she called the cops that is totally different. He did seduce her and take advantage of her but she was willing. I say he keeps in touch with the kids but stay away from the wife.

An excellent first story. I look forward to reading more from you. I believe that you have given us a glimmer of what PTSD is. A small insight into some of the pain and suffering of those afflicted by this. Thank you

Not bad for a first attempt. This short chapter could have easily been added to the other part for a single story, but overall was an okay epilogue. The clothing tearing part was amusing to me in that normal clothes don't usually rip very easy. Try it sometime :)

Good effort and I look forward to more. Also, you could try to find another human to proof your work before submitting, just to help catch things that could help making your story even better.

A definayly an improvement on PT 1. My only negative is it wasn't left with a definite ending other than that it was great.

Liked the first installment.

Didn't care for this one at all.

Just felt rushed. Guy decides to go back to donate to his daughter. But has no plan on how to emotionally deal with his ex?

Even tho he knows they will have to interact in the confines of a hospital. The procedures. His daughter's recovery. He will have to be in the same room with her at some point. And he hasn't prepared for that at all?

And the answer is when left alone with her? His PTSD causes him to essentially rape her...even when it appears she is fine with it.

But that's it? She betrays him a few weeks after he is missing...even if presumed dead...she is fucking some random CIA agent immediately? And it was an ongoing thing. Not just a one time "I was drunk" thing from what I remember.

So he takes off. Disappears. Walks away. Starts another life.

Kid ends up him. Telling him about the need for the donation. Other kid is sick. He decides to help.

OK. Story's been done before. But the PTSD angle is new. Makes it interesting.

But then the reconciliation was just shit. Felt rushed. Didn't flow right. Just didn't get enough to justify reconciliation to me. So he fucks her. Why would he take her back? Why would he want to take her back? What happens the next time he's gone for a few days...and she's around a bunch of his biker friends? She gonna get drunk and fall on someone else's dick again?

Sorry. I don't buy it.

5 both parts. Not bad, a bit too speedy but overall enjoyable especially for a first time authors. Have to reiterate the breakneck speed complaint, the story especially the reconciliation happens I felt too fast. Years spent apart from his wife and daughters but manages to first reconcile with his daughter very fast and then his wife with no words spoken. Still, very good story, look forward to more from the author.

You nailed it. Enough said!

We’ll done except for the non-ending ending. It would only take a few more paragraphs to end it properly. 4*

Great first attempt, BUT ... you should not end it where you did. It would be good to get closure, either good or bad, but your story is heading toward a RAAC. There should be at least one more chapter, PLEASE!

Also, in the first chapter it appeared like she was having an ongoing affair, but in this one it appears like it was a one time thing with her being drunk, depressed, lonely and scared.

The whole sex scene/reclaiming my wife at the hospital made sense except he was still recovering from surgery .and yet he was ripping up clothes and having very vigorous sex with her.

Lastly, I get the PTSD and wanting to leave again, but I don't understand not discussing it before packing up. Kinda absurd to be wearing his leathers and all packed up before asking if she would come with him. He made all those plans to leave without sharing them with her.

A good first attempt. I had thought of a lot of ways this story could have gone. This really wasn't the ending I was expecting. However I am looking forward to more of your stories.

Damn, the raac ruined it for me. Not really the raac part, but how he rushed into it when he saw her.

The thing about first publishing efforts is that by the time you accomplish that you've usually written quite a few other tales to some degree or other. So technically speaking (at least in my limited experience) this story probably was not your "first". Which is essentially irrelevant except in your knowing that incredible feeling of elation at having "done it". So congratulations and kudos on doing a pretty good job of putting it all together and holding the reader's interest whatever quibbles one might make about one facet or incident of the tale.

Good work. More please...

Hard to feel any sympathy with a complete asshole. They were all much better off without him.

Liked the first chapter. This one not so much. I thought everything was tied up too quickly and then he's set to run again with no ending to the story.

I Liked It. For a first attempt it was not bad. It's hard for a Brit to write about "The Agency". Several misconceptions of the way they work, mainly because they only have stories written by others that take a lot of liberty or just don't care to know how it works. My biggest problem though is the ending without an ending. It never addressed Clay White properly. He really needed to be addressed. Of course, in real life the minder would have had a minder to keep things from becoming a problem like this. I could point out other things, but if it makes the story work, then that is the way it is. Maybe if you continue to write you can come back to revisit the characters or incorporate them into a new story. Some writers will write new story lines but reuse old characters, something to think on.

-A long guilt trip aimed at the aggrieved party, and being a big part of Pt02, is not the best idea when it's such a short story

-The reason her "cheating" wasn't an issue... if I'm not mistaken, you yourself wrote in PT01 that she's a bit too quick and easy on riding on an strangers' dicks, and while emotionally fragile, the ease and willingness is still alarming.

(btw: ignorance is no excuse for punishment).

-The kids as a plot device.... too rushed to have any real meaning or impact, in PT01 they insulted him +6 years apart and in PT02 it took.... what... 1 day +1 several hour trip for child one to be best friends again and for the second a hello and a transplant (important but impersonal in many ways)?

(I didn't feel like learning about them, nor did I really care about either of them because too few words were used to first connect with them, then hange/disconnect, then reconnect)

-because of the rushed ending, I'm afraid this PT won't be nearly as well rated as PT01!

You story line was good in part 1. Actually, minus the epilogue, parts 1 and 2 should have been combined for part 1. Finding a compatible ending for part 2 then would be difficult even for a seasoned writer. But I believe you could have pulled it off. Like you said about the story having a life of its own, let it fly, let your imagination soar; it might even help alleviate your own battle with PTSD, brother!

first try? not bad, keep at it

Good writing. Being drunk is not an excuse to cheat, even with the "possible death" of your spouse.

He wasn't even "gone" for a few weeks.

Should never have run out on kids, but wife yes.

Him and his crew should have gone after her boss

Good story!

4

well written chapter and i enjoyed the first half but then it just turned into bullshit. sleeping with the wife (WTF) and everything's hunky-dory. she still slept with someone after finding out he supposedly died. is that what every women does after 13 years of marriage and 2 kids. don't get me started on the unilateral decision to leave again because the city is to much. PTSD is a terrible affliction but can't be used as an excuse to abandon everyone and everything in your life (my opinion but have experience).

Nice little story. He acted like a pussy with his little running away thing, after finding the circumstances of her cheating.

I liked this, a great deal!

I enjoyed the syory on spite of the inconsistencies others have pointed out. Keep writing.

Yeah, total crap. Written by a woman who has a hard time with men. Of course nothing is the wife's fault, it was all on her lover: he has a penis, so it's his fault, not the poor baby wife. The husband, also having a penis, treated all the women in his life like crap, no forgiveness in his soul, still, he, of course, overcome by the chance to have sex, charged her and ripped all her clothes and plunged in.

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Typical man: only sex on the brain, nothing else. And once he had sex, the caveman was completely within her spell and she once more took over running the family. Everyone with a penis sucks, right? Women cannot be held responsible for their actions. That's the moral of this story. 2 stars for crap.

Keep going, this is a very good start but you need to continue to write for your own satisfaction. I loved this series and look forward to seeing further stories from you

Good. The dialogue was honest

Okay story, interesting in parts with a lousy ending that felt rushed. Dialogue simply takes practice.

I liked it but it shouldn't have been 2 parts and the RAAC was silly. no conversation just sniff sniff that my woman aroooooooo

The ending is good. Not every story needs to go on about the rest of their lives.

to the guys talking shit on the kids go touch grass. like a 13 yo and 10 yo girl could make that kind of decision. they're kids. and the MC just says cmon we're leaving and they say no you need to forgive her cause she said shes sorry which is what you fucking tell kids is how the world works.

For a first-time submission, I think you did very well. Keep at it; don't be discouraged by negative comments; you will improve with each submission.

Good story. Even for a partial RAC. Felt a little incomplete. And a little rushed. What happened to the scum? I think he needed some enhanced interrogation in Syria. How long had he been working for the Taliban to ruin the morale of agency contractors? How long had he been working for Putin? Questions like that. And don’t stop til he confesses. And then execute him.

And yes, women can get so drunk they don’t know who they are much less who you are. And it’s easy for someone they trust to easily add enough alcohol to get them there. Hence, my desire for protracted enhanced interrogation for the scum seducer. Followed by death.

And leaving a guy with severe PTSD to his own devices? Pretty low as well. What happened to the families new agency liaison? They caused the problem with insufficient force protection and assigning a dirtbag for a family liaison.

5 stars - mental health issues are a way of life for the majority of ex-military/first responder/police/medical personnel - pretty much everyone who has dealt with dead or severely injured people. My experience with PTSD is no where near as bad as depicted in this story. However, the images and dreams fade after a few decades. Maybe old age helps, as the bad images have been getting fewer and farther apart.

As difficult as it is for a person of one gender to write a main character of the opposite gender and do it from that character perspective is very hard to do , but you did it very well there was a couple spots that the character came off as a bit feminine , but all in all , a good job ! Hope you keep writing you are definitely talented enough!

People won't like this, but I love it. A little threadbare, but it felt real.

A bit rushed but damn good first story.

RACC sucks.

Well im guessing the answer would and should be yes the wife will go with him. Good story thanks for writing.

Difficult to read, but that was largely due to the subject matter.

But it was also difficult because of the way you did sentences and paragraphs. In English, a paragraph is a unit that can describe an event or action. You finish one event, description, or part of a conversation before going on to the next. As a reader, it’s almost as if the end of a paragraph is like the story teller pausing for a breath, and the reader does, too. When every sentence (almost) is it’s own paragraph, the story-telling becomes disjointed, tiring, and hard(er) to follow. Try to find some information online about writing good paragraphs. It would help your writing a lot.

For a first attempt I think you did very well.

Keep trying

Thank you.

Good finish to a very good start. This was not a bad RAAC as she was lied to and played by the asshole who was supposed to be helping her. My only quibble is that he didn’t take time to hunt down that asshole and thank him. Really good first post.

Amazing story. Thank you. Helped me deal with some of my issues as well.

Good story, I can understand what the guy was going thru. LW stories have many instances of the hurt husbands going bonkers and doing stupid things. All of their (and mine) actions have been documented and explained by experts in real life. Some like me experience a kind of PTSD when your woman cheats and divorces and takes the kids. Not all of are the macho types that can just walk away from a marriage and live a normal life, things happen, shit happens and most of us are ill prepared to deal with trauma associated with a divorce

With a bit more time and work put into it i think it can be better but it was still amazing. Maybe also quite a bit longer, it felt a tad too short.

Good story

Thanks for a very enjoyable story. I'm looking forward to your next submission.

Good first story. Could be a lot longer. Looking forward too the next one. Keep writing!

Carry on from my last post. PTSD affects different persons in different ways. When I came out of mine a lot of persons that did not know me from 28 years ago asked me "Who are you, we don't know you" Since I have let go of my wife I am reverting back to my old personality. Patched, battered, far better understanding of mental health issues for both at work and for other persons. For those that cannot get released it is as said, one lives with it. This problem is is the triggers. In this storey it was his wife's as it was with mine. Had he divorced her it may have helped. Every person is different. Note how he reacted to her perfume, that was a mini release. What may have worked is, if he divorced her and then remarried her. Finished with the old marriage, start a new one. For those that suffer from mental health I now fully understand some of how it affects persons and I would no wish that on anyone.

Amazing 1st story. Thank you. I 'felt' the emotions of your protagonist. PTSD became such a focus that it made it hard to deal with the relationship issues. That may be a challenge in your future stories... ... unless you choose to stick with a theme of LW relationship dramas related to people (e.g., veterans) suffering from PTSD. That's just a thought... not really a recommendation.

Reconciliation (and/or forgiveness) is always hard to motivate. Should you keep writing I would suggest specific authors/stories to read. Let me know if you're interested.

Thanks again.

Still pretty damn good for a first story! Hope you publish more soon!

Solid story l liked it. Great for a first story. Keep writing you’re not bad at it at all.

Scores 5/5 and l hope to see more from you.

Instead of just handing Gerald a report, they should have had someone explain that Clay had raped Karen and provided Gerald and Karen with counseling. Because Karen probably ended up with her own form of PTSD.

And instead of just transferring Clay to Kuwait they should have given Gerald a totally off-the books hour or two alone with him in a windowless basement room.

I enjoyed it. Even the dialog five

could have been a 5 if you asholes would just finish a story

Intense story! I enjoyed it.

5 stars

Ending? Also Clay basically used alcohol and grief to rape Karen. She thought her husband was dead. What was the Agency thinking? Guys like that don't make it to being handlers. And why did Clay think he would get away with it. Karen should have reported the rape/ manipulated seduction to the Agency via James. Seriously this was a crazy one time slip. MC flipped out. Never got full story from anyone. Abandoned his kids. Harsh. Six years lost.

Was a short, fun read, pretty over the top as far as believability, but I think it was kind of meant too, it didn't need a ton of depth because it was a quick roll in the mud, so to speak.

Quite well done.

I liked it the first time I read it, still look for more from this writer.

Interesting with the PTSD angle. But wow a huge overreaction. That should have bee a forgivable one time slip. The asshole lied about him being dead and got her drunk. It isn't clear how long this continued. They leaned a month ago that he was being inappropriate and a confidante and yet didn't transfer him out until three days before he talked to James? What a dumbass agency. And why was an agent taking care of them anyways. Thr husband is overseas. Why would the family be a target? Why do they need a handler? Huh? So yeah maybe she did it several times over that month? They called it an affair. However Clay mind fucked her with lulling her emotional strings by making her believe her husband was lost and almost certainly dead and not coming back and got her drunk and she sought comfort. She was duped and made a mistake. What she did is tough to swallow but forgivable. His reaction was extremely outsized but clearly out of his control. How woukd he even be working for thr agency if he had such psych issues? Maybe never came to the fore before? Sad story. Six waste years and his demonst still pursue him but at least the author ended it with them reconciling with baby steps and then the move. He really did screw up as he ditched his kids. Ghost is a much better story. But than you to those author for sharing. 4 stars.

Don't do yourself down, the storey read well. PTSD is a term we are all familliar with, but I for one had little idea of its reality. Thankyou for showing it to me. It has been a while since you published anything here, and having read this I would encourage you to publish more, particularly as this is your first attempt. I give you 4 stars if that has any value to you - I very rarely give 5.

Thankyou for the time and effort you put into this, it was well worth reading.

Where does this take place? Spain and the UK?

Rushed ending, or not ending at all. Sems you got tired of your own story. You need a good editor asap.

You left A LOT unresolved. Show some respect for your readers.

No, no, no, no, no, I had PTSD for just over 20 years. When he met his wife he would have had a melt down and gone berserk. One of his triggers was his wife, he would not have been able to control himself. My trigger was my wife and she and other gave me PTSD living with her I was bonkers but she did and then she did it again. He also would not have had sex with her due to the trigger, he would have remained celibate and not touched her. Further my PTSD took hours after the meltdown. It was like my brain split into two. My external mind was the shouting and screening and hands out of control and feet and some times teeth. My inner brain was like the eye of the storm and I could see in absolute serenity what was happing out side my body. That is why I could say in clarity what I had done or destroyed in a meltdown. I went sleepy after I stopped and during that quite period my brain joined up again. Autistic persons that meltdown get very sleepy after meltdown. Whilst every PTSD may be different, I am fairly sure he would not have held it in when he met his so called wife. PTSD can be/is nasty and vicious never underestimate what power it has over a person. We can be calm one moment then totally bonkers in milliseconds. One thing I never read but may have missed it. They said have the wife succumbed to sex the first time, but the way I read it they had continual sex. If she was not into it how many times did she have sex because I read it as ongoing until the Officer was moved out.

As to the editor malarkey, it read good to me. Academic idiots have no idea of the real world.

Actually it did end quite well. He asked if Karen if she wanted to go with him. That was after getting accommodation so the girls could visit. Personally I would not have gone near the wife. Then again we are all different.

So what happened to the ass that "seduced" the wife? Too much left unwritten about her affair.

I like the story. My only issue with it is that I cannot envision the company allowing a former field officer who comes home under those circumstances to go off grid. More likely they'd have him locked up on a secure hospital upon return, and at the very least a bit of involuntary counseling.