by MissPrimrose222
ughhh, so much exposition. I was starting to think this was gonna end up being a story about Ryan's parents. Really not sure why we needed his family history laid out in such detail. Or why you didn't wait to do it all until they were talking at the coffee shop. That way it would be like these characters are actually getting to know each other. Ya know, instead of how their relationship seems to keep growing despite them not knowing a damn thing about each other.
First chapter was a good introduction in need of a good editing. This chapter went off the rails; and it still needs a good editing.
i remember why i didnt continue reading this story...it moved toooooo fast
lol@your fashion critique. My assumption was that fawn was a different color than I thought it was. Things like that really highlights the need to verify if you're not sure. Anyway, thanks for the comment. :-)
Love the story...However. .fawn pants and a tan top..NO.
its trivial but it threw me
Lit authors keep making mistakes with this idiomatic expression...
Good story tho..
but it's cart before the horse not the other way around. Other than that it is an amazing story so far.
Girl, you are the best author I have experienced on this cite - and I have read some fantastic stories here, but you are definitely ahead of the pack! Hour initial introduction of lead charters superb, the background info brilliant! Your sexual attraction build up without match. You knocked the intimate self pleasuring scenes out the park! Those 2 individual scenes have surpassed any I have read by my favorite authors in this genre. You put them to shame and I love me some Love Belvin and SK Hardy to death!!! You need to get published ASAP - too talented not to progress beyond this site.
First off I'm loving this story.. and I'm loving the mention of my hometown.. JACKSONVILLE, FL
I so want a guy to make me feel like THAT. Wow so hot. I love how hes sweet and funny. I love how he stops himself just for her. I think there less and less of them out there but hopefully I can get one. Everyone has a soulmate.
After reading a few reviews it is interesting that others found the describing of his house a bit much as I did as we'll, especially considering the whole story is only two pages. The talk of his house actually had me put the book down for a min. I felt disconnected from his character, he just did not feel real to me. It was a bit much.
Sometimes a gal ......and a guy got to do a little 'home
entertaining' to get through and to the next
level. Thank God for self sufficiency!!!!
I tend to agree with the unnecessary details of Ryan's house. It felt a little like we were listening to a realtor explain a model home... that we're probably never going to buy. But that little flub wasn't enough to turn me off of the story. It's just something to think about when proofing your chapters. Yes, there is such a thing as over-explaining things; you don't want your story to become stale. Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter and the main characters are very likeable.
Perfect story. To the comment below, the description of Ryan's house was necessary. It spoke upon his wealth.
PRAISE YOU! PRAISE THE LORD JESUS! PRAISE THIS STORY! PRAISE ERRTHING! HALLAUHAH ! don't know if I spelt that rite but PRAISE YOUR SOUL!
Cool characters, but less time describing unnecessary scenery in unnecessary detail ( aka Ryan's house)
Are you sure you're really a first time writer? This story was written very well. I looooooove the characters, storyline and attention to detail! Can't wait for more chapters :~D
Gorgeous characters and a very well written story. I can't wait for more!1
Loving the progress of the story. Its not rushed like the ones I usually come across. Its not all abwt sex but getting 2knw the characters too. Witch I definitely applaud u on. Can't wait 4the next chapter.
I have to say, you write better than some of the authors that have been writing on here for years. Not only have you opened up the story to the audience's view, but you set stage for a beautiful story to take place. Please update as soon as you can!! I love it!!!!!
Ryan and Dani are really each other. I know that there will be some hot, butt, naked sex soon! I love Ryan!!
Loved it. The chapter flowed smoothly with great detail. I hope Dani's sister don't be too much of a mother hen. It's good she is looking out for Dani but she has to learn for herself to get her own experiences.
This some HOT ISH! Next chapter soon please, don't let the fire die....LOL
This is beautiful, can't wait to read more and see where this goes.
Just found this and love it. Read both chapters and it is a great story. Cannot wait for the update and see where this goes!!!
its so great to have more black woman – white man stories, i love them. your doing gods work my dear!
liking the story just wish I was reading it after all the chapters were out :( keep up the great work