Sadie's Healing Touch

**Everyone in this story is 18+**

Lately, my life has unraveled into something I hardly recognize. I moved out of my parent's house the week I turned eighteen. As the only son and the youngest in my family; I feel the need to make something of myself. Dad always put a lot of responsibility on me. My sister's got second chances and let off the hook. Dad never put up with anything from me.

"Irresponsible men end up dead or in jail," he'd always say.

Florence, my oldest sister had far too many fender benders in high school. It got to the point that our dad kicked her off of his insurance plan. He paid for the repairs every time. My middle sister, Sadie, was always more reserved than Florence but she had her moments. She stumbled home drunk a few times during her senior year. She went out clubbing with a fake ID a few weekends. Florence on the other hand was a troublemaker. She had all the boys wrapped around her finger. She burned through boys quicker than the cigarettes she smoked. She doesn't smoke anymore to set an example for her daughter. I thought she'd have a steady rotation of boys for the rest of her life. But Mr. Right came along and she was married at twenty-seven and had my niece a few months ago. Pearl was born shortly after my sister's twenty-ninth birthday.

Sadie and Florence got along better because they were closer in age. They also had a sisterly connection along with Sadie being twenty-seven years old. I consider Sadie my best friend the mother figure because of how she has been there for me. Mom's mental health was always a battle but it got critical when I started middle school. When she was driving me to school she'd zone out and go somewhere else. At times she'd forget I was in the backseat and pull into the grocery store parking lot. Her condition wasn't detrimental at the start and I was too young to realize anything more. I'd say "mom this isn't school" and she'd laugh and rush us there. But when she started having conversations with people that weren't there I got scared. As her condition declined she worked less and less. She went from full-time to part-time to qualifying for government assistance.

When mom received her official schizophrenia diagnosis, Sadie paused her life and moved back home. Sadie is a smart, beautiful, and college-educated woman. She left her corporate job with a promising future to look after mom. Mom really needs someone there to keep her in reality. Mom loses it if she is cooped up for too long so they go on drives and outings together frequently. Luckily, dad does well and they manage on his income and her government assistance.

It's hard to spend time with mom because she is a shell of what she was. She is a new person wearing my mother's body. Sadie insists that she is still in there but I haven't found her. I haven't spent enough time digging. Sadie resembles my mother in both appearance and personality. They both have dark curly hair and olive skin. Their foreheads wrinkle up when they are shocked and they have the same smile and facial structure. Sadie has the same body my mom had before her mental health took over. My sister's legs are long and her butt is round and shapely. Her stomach is flat and her breasts are small. Florence has the typical body all the guys want. She has an hourglass figure with a large ass and tits. She's gorgeous in that perfect porn star way. I will admit that I have jerked off to the thought of her plenty of times in my life.

Sadie is beautiful as well but she doesn't show it off. Florence wears low-cut tops and tight pants while Sadie wears jeans and sweaters. Even after the baby, Florence is still stunning and desired by everyone. I've seen a few uncles and cousins checking her out at family gatherings before. Florence has dyed crimson-red hair and a striking face. If 'hot chick' was ever defined in the dictionary; they'd just include a photo of Florence. I've always had a small but consistent crush on Sadie. It never got in the way of my life. I have dated, bedded women, and been in relationships. I just can't help but look at Sadie and feel a little mushy inside.

Sadie stepped up in a lot of ways when mom stepped down. Sadie made sure I got to school on time. She packed my lunches every night before she went to bed. Sadie taught me to drive and even parallel park. She showed me how to properly make a job resume and a cover letter. Looking back, I wonder where she learned all of this from. Dad was too busy carrying the financial load of the family. Sadie and Florence had opposite reactions to mom's condition. Sadie leaned heavily into her organized and caring side. Florence leaned into her 'party girl' side. Both are coping mechanisms and both are valid.

I mirrored my dad and became a workhorse. I started making my own money when I was twelve and never stopped since. From paper routes to managing three restaurants at the age of twenty-four. Knowing that the rug can be pulled out from under me at any time is a scary feeling. So I always worked hard. I skipped college because I wanted to get right into making money. I didn't visit mom enough but I see her all the time now and for a while. Sadie was twenty-four when mom got really sick and now she's twenty-seven. My sweet sister gave up her twenties to be a good daughter.

A couple of months before my twenty-fourth birthday I received positive Covid-19 test results. I did what every good person should do and stayed home for two weeks. I felt normal in the early stages but my health declined and I became one with my mattress. Breathing was difficult and taking a few steps was equivalent to running a marathon. I never got better but Covid-19 left my body so I went back to work. My feet and ankles swelled up and restricted me from wearing certain shoes. I could only sleep in an upright position or risk suffocation. Eventually, I admitted defeat and checked myself into the emergency room. From there I was stripped, pumped full of medicine, and transferred to the hospital for an extended stay.

The next morning I received the life-changing diagnosis of congestive heart failure.

I've been living in my childhood home with my parents and Sadie for the past year. I used to need help walking to the bathroom in the morning. Sometimes I need assistance getting my legs into the shower and Sadie is always moments away. Dad offered to buy me a wheelchair or a walker but my pride gets the better of me. I'd rather take an afternoon getting up the stairs than ask Sadie for help. Sadie has another set of prescriptions to pick up from the pharmacy now. Sadie brings up two plates for dinner. My plate is salt-free and heart-healthy of course.

I used to be responsible for so many employees and customer satisfaction. These days I've reverted to my teen years. I'm in my childhood bedroom playing Red Dead Redemption 2. I wear only a robe and boxers while Coheed & Cambria music blasts from my laptop. Video Games lately are a power fantasy for me. The majority of the time I just explore the scenery and greet strangers. Reminds me of the time I could just get up and walk without having to pump myself up for it.

Sadie takes me on daily walks around the neighborhood and holds my hand. I know it's just to keep balance but I enjoy it more than I should. Sadie's hands are soft. Her positive attitude and way of finding the good in any situation keep me here. Whenever I'm down about not being able to go out when I want she tells me that I get to see her more now. Even though it hurts I spend time with mom every day. Physically mom is fine.

Sadie always held onto her faith but she hasn't missed church since my diagnosis. Mom was a devout Christian before her decline. Somewhere in that maze of brain she still is. Sometimes I think the belief in supernatural beings is not good for someone in her condition. My sister would never shove religion down your throat but after one conversation, you'd know she was Christian. She believes people should come to their faith in their own time, and on their own journey if it leads them there.

"Frank," Sadie announces through my door, followed by a few soft knocks.

"Hey," I say back and set down my controller.

"Are you decent?"

"What?"

"Do you have clothes on?"

"I'm not naked."

My poster-covered bedroom door opens and Sadie smiles at me. She's holding a plate of baked chicken and roasted vegetables. She's wearing blue sweatpants and a thin white tank top. She's always dressed comfortably around the house. Her nipples slightly poke through the fabric. My sister crouches and picks up a glass of water on the floor by her feet. She needed a free hand to open the door. I assume.

"How's your blood pressure?" Sadie asks handing me the plate and setting the glass on my nightstand

"It's good," I answer and dig into my meal.

Sadie tried to get me to use hospital trays to eat in bed but I wasn't having it. I'm getting better every day and holding a plate up used to be exhausting. My normal appetite and sexual appetite are way lower than usual. I used to jerk off at least once a day and eat enough for two people. Now I am lucky to get hard once a week; if that. I pick at meals for a couple of hours until the plate is empty. I could eat less but I don't want a meal to beat me.

Before the illness, I was in great shape. I went to the gym frequently and had a full head of hair. I was muscular, six feet tall, and had healthy skin. Now I am scrawny, six feet tall, and have pale skin. The hair all over my body is thin and frail. My once full beard is patchy and uneven.

"How are you doing today, Frank?" Sadie asks, sitting down at the end of my bed.

"I'm feeling better every single day," I say and put my plate on the nightstand. "Thanks to you."

"Oh, shush," Sadie says with a blush.

"How's mom today?"

"Same as yesterday."

I take a sip from the glass and set it back down. Sadie reaches over my legs and grabs the controller next to me. She unpauses the game and sees Arthur Morgan fishing by the pond.

"You and dad used to fish when the weather allowed it," Sadie reminisces.

"You came with us a few times but it wasn't your thing," I add.

"Remember when dad had time to fish?"

"He's a busy man now."

Sadie pauses the game and sets the controller down on the bed. She scoots up closer to me and swings her left leg over my lap. She sits down on my thighs and runs her fingers through my hair. She frowns slightly because she's used to feeling more hair. My hair is slowly getting healthy again but it's nowhere near its former glory. Sadie leans forward and kisses me on the forehead. I put my hands on her hips and caress her sides. Moments like these don't cause me to lose control. My sex drive is dead and buried right now anyway. I've had a crush on my sister for most of my life so I can handle things like this.

"Frank," Sadie says softly.

"Sadie," I say back.

"Do you think dad is faithful to mom?"

"I think so."

"I know he loves mom and all but I don't think dad gets much action. I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with someone in her condition."

"It's not our business, Sadie. If he is sleeping around he's being real private about it. He takes care of mom financially. He offered to take care of me if unemployment fell through."

Sadie scoots in a little closer and our groins are almost touching. I haven't been hard in a while but I feel something stirring within me. My sister has a bothered expression on her face.

"Besides," I say in a humorous tone. "What do you know about sex? You're devoted to Christ, right?"

"Frank," Sadie says with a smile and pushes my head back gently. "I am twenty-seven years old. Yah know any virgins my age?"

"Nuns and priests."

"I'm not them."

"Steve Carrell in that one movie."

"Hush."

I slide my hands up my sister's sides and the tips of my fingers go underneath her tank top. It is understood as a society that incest is wrong. Incest in many cases is the result of manipulation. But Sadie didn't manipulate her way into my heart. I don't specifically have an incest fetish or seek out that kind of porn. Florence is hot so I jerk off to her sometimes. She posed for nude photography a few times in college and I had a great time with those pictures. The fact that she's my sister doesn't get me off. She's a beautiful woman. Sadie is a beautiful woman with a soul that matches the exterior.

"I never assumed you were a virgin," I say as Sadie runs her fingers through my patchy beard.

"Are you saying you think I'm a slut?" Sadie asks with a fake offended Tone.

"Oh yeah, big-time slut."

"I didn't even masturbate until I was twenty-one, Frank."

"Wait..is this part of the bit or are you serious?"

"Serious."

Sadie talking about masturbating so liberally is throwing me off. We've talked about sex before but this is new for me. I know everyone masturbates but hearing her say this on my lap feels intimate.

"Ew," I jokingly exclaim. "Girls don't masturbate."

"Florence masturbated all the time when she lived here," Sadie says, her eyes distant in a memory.

"I'm surprised she didn't just call her boyfriend-of-the-week."

"She did a lot of times. Florence was about her phone sex."

"How do you know this?"

"You know how we shared a room when she went to college."

Dad turned Florence's room into an office when she went off to college. So whenever she came back during school breaks or holidays she shared a room with Sadie. I'm guessing Florence's horniness knows no boundaries.

"So, what she'd just-" I begin but Sadie cuts me off.

"Soon as she thought I was asleep she'd go to town on herself," Sadie says, shaking her head.

"Crazy," I say because it's all that comes to mind.

"Oh, hush, I know you wanted her too. I think every man did."

"That's my sister. You're disgusting."

"So you weren't jerking off to her artsy nude photos?"

"I wasn't!"

"Frank, it's okay. Florence is attractive and you're a man. Hell, I check her out from time to time too."

Sadie is letting me in on a lot of personal details I never knew before. In this one conversation, I got verification that she masturbates and details on Florence's masturbatory habits. She may be joking but she might be into women.

"You think Florence is hot?" I ask, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

"Duhhh," Sadie answers and taps my forehead.

"I know she is objectively an attractive woman. But do YOU find her attractive?"

"Yeah, I can't lie, yeah."

"Do you like other girls or just her?"

"Whoa, whoa, 'like' is a strong word. She's model pretty and has a perfect body so yeah, I like to look. It's like appreciating fine art in a museum. I don't want to bang the Mona Lisa."

"You're reaching with that metaphor."

"Look, did I find it exciting hearing her masturbate only a few feet from me? Yes. But do I get butterflies over her? No."

I can't help but mentally visualize Sadie in bed while Florence masturbates on a mattress on the floor. Sadie tries to deny it and tells herself it's wrong but ultimately enjoys it. I just picture Sadie's soft hands that I get to hold going inside her panties. Fuck, this is the first time in weeks I've been turned on. I take about seven different medications and all the listed side effects include loss of sexual desire. My weakened heart means weakened blood flow so erections are hard to come by.

"So do you like girls?" I ask nervously.

"I've kissed my friends a few times but nothing serious," Sadie answers. "Sandra went down on me a couple of times in the past."

"Wow."

Sadie only talks like this with me. She doesn't dare tell Florence about these things even. I've always been the only one that gets to see Sadie the human. Sadie is very pure and sweet but realistically so. Sadie asked me to buy her condoms in the past when she was too shy to get them herself. Now she just orders them online as needed. This conversation is turning me on. Sadie looks at me quizzically and puts her hand on my cheek. Then she feels my forehead.

"You're getting warm," she says worriedly. "How's your heart feeling?"

"I'm okay," I reassure, mentally trying to calm down. I don't get excited often but when I do it takes over. It's more intense this way. I used to jerk off once or twice a day but now when I do jerk off, I have full-body orgasms.

"Oh," Sadie looks down at my raging erection. "Oh!"

She swings her leg over me and stands up next to my bed. I feel horrible for getting excited at a time like this. I have been able to separate my desires from reality up until now. I close my robe over my lap and look away from my sister.

"Frank, it's okay," Sadie says, putting her hand on my shoulder. "We were talking about spicy topics and, and, it just happened."

"I'm so fucking sorry for being weird," I say shamefully.

"How is your heart handling this? I know these medicines are supposed to kill the sex drive."

"I'm fine, Sadie. The Doc says it's a good thing to get my blood flowing without doing anything strenuous."

"So boners are good! I mean boners are never bad unless you're at church or in class-"

"Can you give me some time alone?"

"SURE!"

Sadie turns around and exits my room.

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The only way I can lie down and breathe is through the use of a wedge pillow. I still have trouble sometimes but the medicine knocks me out regardless. Some days I sleep for fourteen hours and still wake up tired. Things have gone back to normal with Sadie since that last talk. It's been a few days and everything fell back into place. It was hard to look my sister in the eyes after what happened. The conversation still rings in my head. Whenever she checks on me before bed I can't help but imagine Sadie going into her room to touch herself. The same hand she touches my face with is the hand she touches her intimate parts with.

It's not that I didn't think she masturbated or had sex. It was just one of those things you never think about. But now that the cat is out of the bag it's all I can think about. I imagine her at twenty-one touching her body for the first time. Maybe she felt ashamed about it because of the religious guilt. My mind wanders a lot lately. Thoughts that would only occupy my head for a second on a normal day last for hours. I have nothing to do or think about. I've become a master philosopher in the last year. Why do we spend money? Who decided this green paper is worth killing for? What is the point of having children if they'll die in the future? Having a child is essentially pre-meditated murder.

It's 2 AM and I'm thinking about my friends. When news spread about my condition I received calls from everyone I've ever known. Friends I drifted apart from and high school teachers contacted me to show support. That only lasted a few months. Once you're no longer the 'guy who almost died' they move on from you. Or maybe I moved on from them. I have all the free time in the world and I could call them if I wanted. My close friends consistently talk to me but it's not the same. I can't go out and get wasted anymore. Alcohol is bad for the heart. I can't even take a sip of coffee because caffeine is bad for the heart. I'm in no state to be out and about anyway. We have zoom calls and virtual movie-watch parties. They have heart-healthy snacks delivered to me.

Really the only person I consistently see is Sadie. Florence stops by from time to time with her husband and child. I talk to my dad on weekends but he naps through those. I talk to my mom a lot but those conversations are confusing and scattered. They can depress me more than heart failure already does. Sadie drives me to my checkups. I see a special doctor a few towns over so it's a bit of a drive. I sleep through most of it. She takes mom with her whenever we need to stock up on groceries. Mom still enjoys reading books so they frequently visit the bookstore.